Vermilion

VERMILION

I fucking hated it here. Not so long ago this was my place, my home, my family, my peace, until he fucking ruined it. Until he tore my heart out of my chest and fed it to the wolves, pretending what we had meant jack shit to him. I couldn't erase the taste of his lips on mine, or that little moan he made when I gripped his hair, driving him crazy with lust, making him feel everything I have felt for so many years.

I wished it was anyone else, any other person that held the keys to my heart, but it was him. It was fucking Indigo.

"Are you okay?" I slowly turned, seeing Ophelia's bright eyes trained on the man who fucked me over more times than once. She probably hated him more than I did some days.

"I'm fine," I murmured, downing the rest of my drink and letting it burn down my throat. "I think I'll slip out and leave tonight. Storm already knows, but I just wanted to let you know."

She looked up at me, her blue eyes filled with sadness and anger, but she knew that this was coming. No one else but her and Storm knew that I was leaving our chapter to go to Seattle to help set up a new one. Storm asked me and I said yes before he could even explain what was going on.

I'd be a vice president for Kalen, an old friend of Storm's, who took it upon himself to create a new chapter once Storm brought it up. But that meant leaving Santa Monica.

That meant leaving my family behind, and that also meant leaving Indigo behind. Ophelia, more than anyone, understood why I needed to leave. She didn't like it, but she understood.

"Are you sure about this, Atlas?"

No . "Yes." I nodded as my eyes found Indigo's across the room. "I need to leave. I can't watch him like this. I can't love him from a distance, Phee. I can't dream of the future I would never have. We both know he would never change, and I can't keep on pining for a man who would never see me as anything more than a warm body and the biggest mistake of his life."

"I hate him," she spat out. "I hate him for doing this to you. I hate him for driving you away."

"You have to promise me you won't kill him." She was a ruthless assassin, and two kids and a married life did nothing to soften that side of her. She was one of the best people I knew, but that love she felt for those she considered family was what made her ruthless.

"I'll try not to maim him," Ophelia said. "But if he tries something," she shrugged, "I will do what I have to."

God, I was going to miss her. I was going to miss both her and Storm and their kids. I loved being their uncle. I loved spending time with them, but there were some things I had to do for myself, and I was lucky enough to have such a family that would allow me to do this without trying to hold me back.

"I'll miss you, Phee," I said, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and pulling her to me. "Promise me you'll visit." She sniffed, hiding her face from me, hiding her emotions, but I knew better. When Ophelia Aster loved, she loved with her whole heart and there was nothing she wouldn't do to make you happy.

"I'll miss you too, you big oaf," she mumbled, turning her face toward my chest. "You need to call me once you arrive there. It's a long ride, and the situation still isn't the best, so you have to—"

"I know, Mom." I chuckled, wrapped my arm around her again, and held her close. I pressed my cheek to the top of her head, and whispered, "I'm only a phone call away."

"I need to go, Phee," I said, stepping back from her. She wiped her face, nodding slowly.

"Call me," she said one more time. "And don't be a stranger. I know Storm would want to go there once you guys set everything up, but if you need me, I'll come. You know that, right?" I did.

"I will. I'll call so much you'll become tired of me."

"Never."

I held her hand for longer than necessary when I saw Indigo getting up and slowly moving toward us. "Don't tell him," I warned her. "I don't want him to know."

She shook her head. "I won't. He deserves to suffer once he realizes that he pushed away the best person alive."

I nodded once to Phee, and without further explanations, I slipped away from the common room and headed straight to my room. My bags were already packed, with the exception of the two boxes Ophelia and Storm would ship to me, and my room was pretty much cleaned up. Almost completely empty.

My heart pitter-pattered once I opened the door, seeing the bare nightstand, the lack of pictures and the missing cacti that used to cover the windowsill. Gone were the photos I hung on the wall opposite of my bed once we moved into this new house. Gone were the mementos I'd kept over the years, neatly packed in the box in the corner, ready to be shipped out.

The door clicked shut behind me as I took it all in, hating this tightness in my chest because I knew nothing would ever be the same.

It was time to move on from things which could only hurt me. I was done living my life for other people, and I was ready for something new.

Crossing the room, I took my keys from the nightstand and turned toward the two bags on top of my bed, when the door of my room slammed open, revealing the very person I didn't want to see.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I straightened up, dropping the keys back on the nightstand.

Indigo stood at the threshold, breathing heavily as if he just ran to get here. His eyes blazed with an emotion I couldn't quite decipher, but I didn't miss the fear swirling in them. I also didn't miss his shaking hands or the stiffness in his shoulders.

"You're leaving," he said matter-of-factly. It was not a question, nor a doubt. It was a fact he knew all too well, probably after being reamed by Ophelia. And even if she didn't tell him, one look at my bags would give him his answer.

"I am," I confirmed. There was no point in beating around the bush. There was nothing he could do right now to make me stay. "I am about to head out, actually, so if you need anything you need to—"

"You can't leave," he sputtered out, stepping inside the room. "You… Uh, you can't leave, Atlas." His voice trembled while his eyes kept drilling into mine as if that could make me stay. "Please. I…" He cleared his throat. "You didn't clear this with me. You can't leave."

My eyes narrowed at him, that anger I'd been trying to suppress coming to life. "I cleared it with Storm. I had no idea I had to tell you about the missions I'm doing."

"No, well," he crossed his arms over his chest, "you can't leave. You… You can't leave the club."

"I'm not leaving the club," I said. "I'm moving to a different chapter, not that it's any of your business."

"It is. It is my—"

"Why are you really here, Indigo?" I cut him off before he could go deeper into an unnecessary tirade. I took a step closer to him and then another one. "Why do you care if I stay or if I leave?"

"I-I…"

"No more lies, Indigo. Why?" I was in front of him now, with mere inches between us. "I thought it would've been easier for you if I simply left." His eyes closed as our breaths mingled, and as his lips parted I couldn't help myself. I pressed my forehead to his, wrapping my hand around the side of his neck, feeling his heartbeat under my thumb. "Tell me, baby. Tell me why I should stay. Tell me why I should listen to anything you have to say, when you did everything to push me away."

His dark eyes opened as he wrapped his hand around my arm, and in that moment it didn't matter that this man would never be able to love me in the open. It didn't matter that my heart kept breaking piece by piece when he stared at me as if the sun rose and set with me. It didn't matter that my soul wept for him, while he was deaf to my pleas.

"Tell me, Indigo," I whispered, lowering my head until our lips almost touched. "Tell me again how much you hate me. Tell me how much you wish I were never born. Tell me how much—" But I never got to say the last part.

Indigo slammed his lips against mine, tightening the hold he already had on me as he devoured and took and took and took, until he pushed me toward the bed, hovering over me. I wrapped my arms around his middle pulling him on top of me, and he went without a struggle.

It was as if we were both deprived of oxygen for far too long with the way we kissed.

My hand dragged over his chest, over his stomach and down toward his pants, hearing the hitch in his breathing. Turning us around, I slid down on the floor and between his thighs, dragging my palm over his hard cock. I looked at him, at those dilated pupils, feeling as if I would burst from the need for him.

I needed to touch him. Nothing else existed but the two of us.

I adjusted my hard cock, feeling the pressure of the zipper on my pants to the point where I worried if a permanent mark would stay on my skin. But I didn't care.

All I cared about was bringing him pleasure.

My hands trembled as I unbuckled his belt, working on the button on his pants until the sound of the zipper going down filled the room, mingling with our heavy breathing. He looked down at me with every single emotion I wanted to hear. I wanted to feel it outside this room, but that would have to wait.

His cock jumped free from his pants and Indigo shimmied them down, letting the fabric pool on top of his knees, leaving me salivating over the sight in front of me.

He was magnificent. I trailed little kisses over his thighs until I reached the place I wanted my lips on the most. Our eyes connected as I opened my mouth, taking him in, swirling my tongue around his head. His moans echoed around us, music to my ears, but I wanted more.

My right hand wrapped around his base, pumping up and down in rhythm with my mouth. I lapped at him, taking him deep.

"Fuuuuuck!" he bellowed, throwing his head back. His knees jumped up as I squeezed harder, increasing the pace.

I pushed his pants farther down, leaving them around his ankles, and just as his balls started pulling up, ready to burst, I released him, leaving him gasping for air. I chuckled at the confused look on his face, the flushed cheeks and the bruised lips, and stood up, heading toward the nightstand.

I picked up a small bottle of lube we used before and headed back to him. Understanding dawned on him when he saw an object in my hand, and before I could even say anything, he kicked his boots off, along with his pants, and pulled himself higher on the bed, bending his knees.

I didn't wait a second before going to kneel back again in front of him, squirting a hefty amount of liquid onto my palm, dragging it over my hands. My fingers wrapped around his cock, working him up again, going slower than he wanted, and as he opened his mouth to complain, to urge me to go faster, I slipped my other hand between his butt cheeks, dragging my forefinger over the rim of his hole.

"Please," he whimpered. "I need—"

"I know what you need," I mumbled, kissing his knee. "But the question is, do you deserve it?"

"Please, baby. Please. I… Fuck!" he shouted as I pushed one finger in, feeling his muscles tensing around me. "Oh, fuck, baby!" His hips buckled, chasing his orgasm. My hand on his cock started moving faster along with my finger in his ass, and as I added a second digit, Indigo lost it.

He moaned, begged, pleaded with me, and instead of driving him insane, I dragged my fingers over that little spot in his ass that always had him seeing stars.

"Jesus motherfucking fuck!" he thundered.

His balls pulled up, and even without him saying it, I knew he was close. "Atlas," he moaned. "I'm going to… I… Fuck!" He erupted like a supernova, covering my hand in spurts, breathing as if he just ran a marathon. I was ready to burst like a fucking teenager in my pants. This is what he did to me.

My heart was full, ready to talk to him, to actually hear him say those words, but when I stood up, about to sit on the bed next to him, I saw him covering his face with his arm.

Gone was the man begging me to come, wanting more, and in his place laid a stranger, ready to break my heart all over again.

I rushed to the bathroom, washing my hands, and as I came out, he was already putting his pants on, his back to me.

"Look at me, Indigo," I said, unable to bear this anymore. Unable to keep my mouth shut. "I said fucking look at me!" I roared when he stood there, unmoving. Slowly, he turned around, his eyes betraying what his words couldn't describe.

This was our final goodbye.

This was the last time I would ever allow him to use me like this.

This was never going to happen again.

"I don't ever want to see you again," I said, hating the crack in my voice on that last word. "Unless it is life or death, or involving Storm, Ophelia or the kids, I don't want to hear your voice."

"Atlas." He stepped closer to me, but I took a step back.

"I want you to forget I ever existed, Indigo, and trust me," I sneered. "I'm going to do the same. One day I'll forget the sound of your voice. One day your name won't feel like a thousand knives dragged over my skin. They say it takes up to ten years for all of our cells to be replaced, and one day my body won't remember the way your hands felt on me. One day my body will forget the feel of your lips on mine. One fucking day you will just be a miserable reminder of all the wrong choices I've made over the years."

His eyes widened, panic setting in, but I was done trying to fix the broken parts of him.

"This is not why I came, Atlas. I just… I don't want you to go. I don't want you to leave."

"Why? So that you could torture me a little bit more, huh? So that I would spend days and nights thinking of you with all the girls I know you feel nothing for? Is that why? Well, forgive me for not giving a fuck, Indigo, but I am done being your punching bag."

"Atlas." He came closer, lifting his arm as if to touch me. "Please. I—"

"You need to leave."

"Atlas—"

"Right. Fucking. Now!" He flinched at the thunderous sound of my voice, but I needed him gone. I wanted to forget this night ever happened and disappear into the abyss.

He nodded once he finally realized I wasn't playing, but when he stepped closer to the door, I both hated and appreciated the fact that he listened to me. Mainly because it showed he would never fight for me, and that's all I needed.

"I am really sorry, Atlas. I… Give me time, please. I just need—"

"I gave you all the time before," I stopped him. He had his chance. He had thousands of chances and he fucked them all up. "I meant what I said, Indigo," I uttered. "I don't ever want to see you again. Because trust me," I took two steps toward him and stopped before I could reach him, "my demons know your name, and they hate you as much as I do. Now, get out of my room and get the fuck out of my life. You've lost the privilege of having me in yours."

And like the coward he always was, he practically ran away from my room, slamming the door as he exited, leaving me alone with my thoughts and my heart lying in shards at my feet.

I picked up my bags in seconds and started for the door with one last look at the room that held way too many memories. Memories I could handle, but I could no longer handle the hot-and-cold game we were playing.

Shaking my head, I exited the place and headed toward the front door, leaving it all behind.

Most of all—leaving my heart behind.