What We Saved

WHAT WE SAVED

M y body sags against the doorjamb, arms across my chest, as I watch Leo undress himself on autopilot. With his back to me, he drags his navy-blue t-shirt over his head before unbuckling his belt and undoing the button on his jeans. He pushes the denim down to his knees before sitting on the edge of our bed and dragging the rest of the material off his body.

He sits there in nothing but his black boxers, elbows on his knees, threading his fingers through his beautiful curls, and I feel my body thrum in awareness. My eyes dance over his tanned skin, appreciating every curve and muscle and the subtle flex and stretch of his every movement; my fingers itching to touch, my mouth desperate to taste.

But my need runs deeper than the endless want and desire I have for my husband, this is more than the physical reaction my body always has to his. It's the sight of him, happy and healthy and content, that makes me want to sink to my knees in gratitude and worship the man in front of me.

I had lived and breathed many moments opposite to this very one. A time where the two of us being in the same room together was impossible, where the possibility of overcoming our hurdles was inconceivable. And the possibility that I would lose my husband as well as the loss of my daughter was very much a reality.

But now, this version of us, is the one I love the most, the one I longed and prayed for. The bruised and beaten but still very much beautiful.

We are strong, we are survivors.

And today was proof of that.

Unable to handle the distance between us, I stride into our bedroom. My movements mustn't be quiet because Leo lifts his head, his spine straightening as I move in closer.

I find myself kneeling between his spread legs.

"Hey," Leo says softly, hands reaching for my face. "What are you doing?"

These days there are more lines around the corners of his eyes, showing off the hardship and the happiness, but the light and life inside them burns brighter than ever. We try not to focus on the hard stuff, but rather focus on moving forward as often as we can.

The pain and loss will always be a branded scar on our hearts, but having one another is like a salve that makes everything better.

I slide my hands up his outer thighs, settling on his lower back.

"Nothing yet."

Staring into my eyes, Leo runs his thumb across my bottom lip, wordlessly having a conversation with me, silently checking in.

Are you okay? How do you feel? Tell me how to help.

"I love you," he says.

Bringing an arm back between us, I grab one of his hands and bring it to my lips, kissing the center of his palm.

"I love you too."

I reply with the only words that ever offer a sliver of an insight into how we really feel about one another. Words that encompass so much and yet they'll never really be enough.

Because how do you not only say you're the love of my life , but you're my only love in all lifetimes ? How do you say that the good days are some of the best but the bad days are how I know what we have is real and everlasting?

"It was nice having everyone here, together," Leo says as I continue to press kisses along his hand and up and down his forearms. "Always bittersweet, but still beautiful."

My mind involuntarily goes back to a time when a day much like this one looked very different for us. When there was no talking, no touching. When the love was tired and the sadness was suffocating.

"It feels strange to feel at peace, to feel her presence, even though she isn't here," he says, halting my kisses. I straighten, my eyes meeting his. "I didn't think I would get here."

"I did," I lie.

He raises a brow, catching me out, but we both play along anyway.

"Or maybe you weren't going to rest until we landed here."

"I can't live without you, Leo." His eyes fill with unshed tears, and I continue, "I don't care about anything else but being by your side."

"Even when I'm standing in hell?"

I'm used to the back and forth, the questioning and the reassurance. And it's to be expected today, being the anniversary of Lola's birth and death.

My hand returns to his lower back and I drag him closer to the edge of the bed, spreading his legs wide and settling myself farther between them.

"I would endure every flame for you, Leo."

Emotion fills his eyes as his hands cradle my face. "I don't need you to burn for me anymore."

His words land on my skin, like a soft, warm, much-needed caress, and a small sob tries to escape me, but I bury my head in the crease of his thigh and hip, trying to stifle it.

I knew we were here, at this turning point. Every year since the first year getting a little easier, but it's the first time I could truly see and feel the peace he was talking about.

That settled feeling in my chest, that he was no longer a floating balloon that I so desperately had to hold on to, to keep grounded and keep safe.

He is full of life now and weighted down by all the reasons he wants to stay—by my side, and more importantly, here at all.

But hearing and knowing are very different feelings. The reassurance is greater, the security essential, my body sighing in relief for the first time in so, so long.

I feel Leo kiss the back of my head, repeatedly, his body contorting, his mouth moving down my neck. Our emotions are high, both of us filled with the need to touch and feel and be connected.

I breathe him in and hold him tighter to me.

"Jesse." I raise my head and meet his eyes. "I need you."

Deft fingers begin to unbutton my shirt. "I need you," he repeats.

He pushes the material off my shoulders, his mouth moving like a magnet to my skin, grazing his teeth along my collarbone, kissing the side of my neck. When his lips find mine, I push him back onto the bed and sink my fingers into the waistband of his briefs. I drag them down his legs, and take in the way his cock rests long and hard against his lower stomach.

He is beautiful. Inside and out. He's like a fine wine, ageing beautifully. Every part of him a reminder of what I almost lost and what I am so lucky to have. My heart beats wildly in my chest while my own cock aches with the same need that he only moments ago voiced.

Returning to my knees, I resume my position before him, kneeling and nuzzling his groin before licking the underside of his shaft.

"Jesse," he breathes out. "Jesse. Jesse. Jesse."

I repeat the movement, over and over, tracing the veins with my tongue. I want nothing more than to worship him right now, to love and praise and be who he needs. Wrapping my fingers around him, I position his tip right at my lips.

"Fuck, baby, put me in your mouth."

His crown is a purplish hue and glistens with pre-cum. I cover him with my mouth, groaning at the weight of him on my tongue. His hand rests on my head, guiding me down till I'm swallowing him whole and the head of his dick hits the back of my throat.

In and out, I let him use me. Thrusting in and out of my mouth, taking the emotions of the day out on me. I continue to suck him until he's nothing more than incoherent ramblings and euphoria is only one touch away.

"Jesse, baby, I'm going to come," he cries out, but his force and speed don't relent. He jackhammers in and out of my mouth until I hear a loud groan and feel the first splash of cum hit the back of my throat.

His orgasm is endless, his arousal filling up my mouth. I suck and slurp on him as his body comes down from the high.

He tastes like salt, and man, and mine.

When I finally let myself slide off his length, Leo grabs my head and drags my mouth up to his, sucking the taste of himself off my tongue. The move only makes me harder, makes me want him more, makes me hungrier and more desperate.

"I love you," he murmurs against my lips as he reaches for my jeans and undoes the button. "But I need more."

We both do.

Moving his hands away, I rise to my feet and push my pants and briefs down to my thighs. Leo's hands drag them farther down till they're pooled around my ankles and I'm toeing myself out of them.

My cock is directly in Leo's line of sight, and when he opens his mouth to take me in, I tug at his hair, stopping him.

"Baby, there's only one hole I want to sink into right now," I tell him. "I want you to ride me. Fast or slow, I don't fucking care, just take everything you need."

I raise a knee to the bed, and Leo scoots himself to the top of the mattress, leaning over to our bedside table to grab the tube of lube we keep there. I crawl on all fours till I'm looking down at my husband, splayed out like my favorite meal in front of me.

"Get yourself ready for me," I instruct.

Coating his fingers with lube, he brings his knees to his chest, opening himself up, making himself vulnerable for me. It's a sight to behold, a reminder of just how much I love and lust over this man.

When he slips one finger in, my breath catches in my throat and heat races through my veins. When he adds a second finger, I'm enamored by the delectable stretch.

"Add another," I demand, my voice husky and needy.

He does as I say, and I grab my own aching length to try and diffuse the throb as I watch—three digits, knuckle deep, making room for me .

He moans and mewls as he fucks himself on his fingers, his dick stirring to life, ready for a second round.

"You're so fucking pretty," I praise, meeting his gaze. "You're my every desire and dream brought to life. I almost want to watch you make yourself come."

His skin flushes at my words, but he whines in protest, desperate and wanting.

"Fingers out," I command, my voice steady. I watch them slip out, and tighten the grip I have on my dick. "Now, come and make yourself comfortable on my cock."

We maneuver ourselves on the bed till Leo is straddling me. I grab my shaft and groan as he slowly lowers himself down my length.

"Just like that, baby."

Inch by inch, it feels like slowly coming home. Like the world has finally righted itself and we're no longer spinning.

Hands on my chest, Leo moves himself up and down, alternating between fast and slow and long and languid, taking what he needs, and giving me exactly what I need.

Him.

"Jesse," Leo cries, and I hear every single ounce of love he has for me in my name.

My hips raise and lower off the bed, matching his strokes, hitting his prostate and pushing us both closer to the edge.

I would never tire of this feeling with him; my love would never wane. I am his and he is mine, and it doesn't matter who gives and who takes. It doesn't matter if the days are not an even fifty-fifty split, it only matters that one of us shows up when we need it.

And he is showing up. Over and over, day in and day out, sunrise to sunset, Leo is showing up. For me and for us.

He would tell you otherwise, but he doesn't know the weight of his smile or the strength his daily presence gives me. He doesn't know that having him by my side, in this life and any other we may gifted after, is all I've ever wanted. All I'll ever need.

Electricity races through my nerve endings, and the need to come almost becomes uncontrollable.

"How close are you, baby? Because I'm about to blow," I tell him.

He grips his cock and starts stroking.

"That's it," I coax, pistoning my hips, taking control. "Come all over me."

Leo rapidly strokes himself as I fuck him relentlessly. Every thrust is full of so much yearning and longing, I wonder if we'll ever have enough of one another.

Will we ever get our fill?

Will the love ever stop growing?

Will he ever know just how much I love him?

"I love you, Jesse," he says, reading my mind. "I will grow old and die loving you."

It doesn't matter that we're in the middle of sex, our bodies sweaty and his words choppy and his breath ragged.

I hear his words.

I feel them

And I see them.

Him and me. Jesse and Leo. Gray and old. Happy and together.

The thought of us in the future is what wrenches my orgasm out of me, quick and hard.

"Ah fuck," I groan as my cock pulses inside him, and that seems to be all Leo needs as ropes of his cum decorate my chest.

"You're mine," he breathes.

He reaches for my left hand and runs a finger over my wedding ring as he rubs his cum into my chest with the other hand.

"In all the ways," I respond. "Only always been you. "

About What We Saved

Writing more of Jesse and Leo is something I always wanted to do. Giving them more time to be happy after what they endured is never a hard task. I hope you enjoy the small sneak peek into their lives. And thank you so much for supporting a good cause.