15. C H E L S I E

FIFTEEN

C H E L S I E

“How much farther?” Gary groans as I guide him up the hill behind Ruby’s house. It’s a serene spot that I discovered shortly after moving to Crawley and one that I’ve marked my claim over.

“Aren’t you supposed to be an athlete?” I protest. “Shouldn’t you be used to some physical activity?”

“You got me there.”

“So, stop complaining,” I show not an ounce of restraint when it comes to scolding him. “It’ll be worth it, I promise!”

“Can you at least just explain to me where we are?” Gary asks as I’m paces ahead of him, weaving my way through the tall grass that tickles along the bare of my calves.

“I thought you said at dinner you knew everything about this town?” I retort, peering back down at him with a cheeky look in my eyes. “Looks like somebody spoke too soon.”

Gary shakes his head softly, his hair bouncing along his forehead as he picks up his pace. “Well, it so happens...” He takes a seat beside me on the bench, not-so-subtly resting his arm in a position so that I have to lean back against it. I don’t mind. “That there’s this girl that I met, who’s proving to me that I’ve still got a lot more to learn…”

For a moment, I’m unsure if his sly comment is a referral back to the town or me, but when I look into his eyes, I know what he’s really trying to say. He wants to follow suit on his earlier desire—he wants to get to know me…

I need to let him.

I want to let him.

I suck in a breath, pondering where to even begin. There’s so much to share. So much for him to know, but maybe I should start with the basics for now.

The basics are good.

“Hi.” I extend my hand out to shake his. “Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Chelsie Anne Windsor. I was born in the port city of Hull on April sixteenth, which apparently means that I'm an Aries, but…” I lean in slightly, dropping my voice to a whisper. “If I’m being honest with you, Gary. I have absolutely no clue what that means.”

Rather than a response, Gary flashes me a questionable look—one I can't seem to decipher.

I pull back.

“What?” I shrug. “We’re trying to get to know one another, am I right? This is me telling you about me, isn’t it?”

It only takes a split second for the look on Gary’s face to seamlessly translate into that of an encouraging smile, prompting me to go on.

I clear my throat. “What else… what else?” I think out loud, rubbing along my temples as I do. “Oh!” I light up. “I’m currently in my final year of study at Oxford. It’s always been a dream of mine to become a primary school teacher. Both of my parents are, and needless to say, I’m definitely their daughter.”

“Oxford?” Gary’s voice inflates with surprise. “Really? Wow, that’s… that’s amazing, Chelsie,” he praises. “But Oxford is far. What are you doing living all the way out here?”

Nervously, I peer down at the ground, toying with my fingers to soothe my anxiety. They say the truth always has a way of coming out, but this truth? I desperately want to avoid it, but now that we’ve gotten this close, I suppose I have no other choice but to confess.

“Well…” I clear my throat. “I’m actually on a temporary break from school at the minute. One that my parents don't exactly know about.”

“What?” Gary questions. “How come?”

“How come I’m on a break? Or, how come they don’t know?”

At this point, I’m stalling.

Gary furrows his brows. “ Both .”

I sigh, leaning my head back towards the evening sky. Dark clouds are now beginning to roll in, and maybe, just maybe, the rain will save me from this explanation.

“It’s a long story, Gary,” my voice trails off as I meet his inquisitive stare. “But the main reason? Well, let’s just say that the other day... you met him.”

Gary’s face falls flat as I clench the fabric of my dress beneath my palm.

“No,” he speaks, a troubled look in his eyes as he shakes his head in disbelief. “Are you serious, Chelsie? You… you dropped out of school because of him ?”

“I didn’t drop out, Gary!” I’m quick to object. “I’m just on a break. I’m going to go back, I swear. I just need things to settle first. To cool down. I need to find myself.”

Our conversation comes to a momentary standstill. I hadn’t realized just how frantic his rebuttal had left me until he’d clutched onto my hands and gently squeezed it between his grasp. The gesture dissipates all of my tension in an instant.

“Hey,” Gary’s tender voice soothes me. “I didn’t mean to push, Chelsie. I’m sorry. I just…” He tucks a stray strand of hair away from my face and places it behind my ear. “Didn’t realize that you were lost…”

I meet his eyes. Since fleeing to Crawley, I’ve convinced myself of this narrative of being lost. But now, being here, not just in this town, but with Gary, I don’t feel like I am anymore. In some oddly comforting way, at this moment, I feel… found .

“So, tell me, do you have any idea when you might perhaps go back?” Gary treads lightly with his words in an attempt to keep what has been an awful start to a get-to-know-me rolling.

I shake my head, trying to be as honest and authentic as possible. “I really don’t know. I guess when the time is right?” I throw it out there. “But I suppose that’s not something you ever really know. It’s something you have to feel, and right now… I don’t think I’m ready just yet. I need more time.”

“And why is that?” Gary probes. “Simon,” he says his name through gritted teeth. “What exactly did he do?”

When I focus on the look of concern in his eyes, my anxiety pumps through my chest—even thinking about Simon has the power to raise my blood pressure, not to mention the fact that Gary actually remembered his name.

I’m disheveled as I pull my hand back and out of his. “Can we, uh—talk about something else?” I meet his face with a look of urgency. “ Please ?”

I can see that it’s killing him to let this go. He wants to know. He wants to know badly. But I can’t do this right now. Talking about what happened with Simon isn’t what I want to define me.

Why?

Because it doesn’t define me.

I hope he gets that. I hope he understands that?—

“Hi, my name is Gary Edward Wilkinson,” Gary mimics my introductory line as he reaches out to shake my hand once more.

I’m taken aback. Thrown off. A look he visibly picks up on.

“What?” he questions me with a smile. “This is me talking about something else. Is it not?”

I’m left running my tongue along the inside of my cheek to suppress a smirk. He always has a way to break me free from my mind.

“Go on then.” I willingly shake his hand. “Let’s hear it.”

“Well, where do I begin?” He looks up. “Oh, I was born in Crawley on September thirteenth. It’s part of the reason why I chose that as my jersey number. And as for being born in September, well, if I’m not mistaken, I think that means that I’m a vegan. ”

I immediately burst into a fit of laughter. “Gary!” I squeal. “You did not just say that … ”

A doubtful look washes over his innocent face. “What? What did I say?”

“A vegan?” I repeat back to him. “ Seriously? ”

“Yeah?” he scoffs, so unaware. “That’s what I am, right? That’s my zodiac sign.”

I shake my head. “No, Gary, no,” I manage to choke out. “That’s so not right.” I laugh. “So not right at all. You’re a Virgo, Gary. Not a vegan. Those are two completely different things. ”

Creases form around his eyes as he breaks into a smile. “Sorry, love, my mistake. But what do you want me to say? I’m a footballer, not a meteorologist…”

“ Gary! ” I shout once more, only this time I’m brought to my feet, clutching onto my stomach to suppress the laughter—it hurts so badly—truly, it’s the only kind of pain I’d love to endure for the rest of my life. “Oh my.” I wipe away the tears in an attempt to settle myself. “You’re one of a kind, Gary Wilkinson. You know that? One of a kind.”

With a shameless smile on his lips, Gary joins me in rising to his feet. “Chelsie Windsor.” He takes a subtle step forward. “Was that a compliment I just heard?” He raises a suspicious brow before reaching for my hand and pulling me in close.

I gulp.

“Hm?” His free hand carefully brushes along the apple of my cheek. “Was it?”

My heartbeat intensifies and suddenly, with his careful touch, I lose the ability to speak.

“‘Cause if it was…” he speaks for me, twirling me around before pulling me back in tightly, yet gracefully into his chest. “Then that…” He dips me back, his face now hovering just centimeters above mine. “Is the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

With starstruck eyes, I’m left wondering how in the world we’ve just started to dance, but now that we are, I refuse to question it. No one is around. No one can see us, but hell, even if they could, for some reason a part of me wouldn’t care…

He makes me feel this way.

Reckless.

Careless.

Fearless .

WILKS

There’s a saying that in times of uncertainty, one may carry the weight of the world on one's shoulders.

I’d beg to differ.

Who’s to say that the weight of the world is necessarily a bad thing? For what if the weight of the world simply felt like a girl beneath your grasp, staring up at the sky with a sparkle in her eyes and the ability to make you question everything you ever possibly knew?

What if the weight was actually love?

What if the world was actually Chelsie?

The racing thoughts consume my mind as I dip her back, doting on the magnificence she is.

She’s got a body that’ll haunt me for a lifetime.

A voice that will sing me to sleep.

A laugh that will echo throughout my soul and a face that will blissfully torture me for the rest of my days.

As I straighten her back onto her feet and into my chest, we sway back and forth. For a while, I can't help but wonder if she can feel the way my heart is beating out of control.

Christ. I don’t know how or why I decided to start dancing with her. I can’t dance to save my life, but at this moment, I want to dance with her, sing with her, and do whatever it takes to never let this night end.

“You know, all night long...” I finally break the silence between us. “I’ve been staring down at that face of yours, thinking to myself...” I cautiously drag my thumb along her lower lip. “How you’ve got the most perfect lips I’ve ever seen.”

I watch her swallow. The once-fresh air of the fields has since become tainted with desire as I rest my forehead against hers.

“All the while…” I lose track of my hands as they intertwine within her softly waved hair. “I’ve been dying to resolve a simple question. Mind if I ask you, Chelsie?”

With some reluctance she nods, shying away, but somehow, I can still see this wonderstruck look in her eyes, it compels me to continue.

As I lean in, just about ready to open my mouth to ask her the question I’ve been desperate to know, a loud clap of thunder echoes throughout the sky, and not a second later, large droplets of rain come pelting down on us.

Fucking England.

“We should get back.” Chelsie decides, breaking free from my grasp as she reaches for her purse and uses it as a shield to block out the rain. “We should get back before it gets any worse!”

She speaks too soon. By now, the rain is absolutely pissing down, so much so that I can hardly see her face as she stands in front of me.

“C’mon, Gary,” she shouts, waving her hand for me to follow as she begins her decline down the hill. “Let’s go!”

I’m left frozen in time, basking in the way the water splashes beneath her legs, soaking her dress within a matter of seconds until finally, I come to my senses and race after her through the grass.

“Chelsie!” I shout, struggling to stay upright as I tread along the slippery dirt beneath my feet. “Slow down! You’re… you’re going to fall, love.” Worry consumes me. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, Gary.” She briefly turns around to face me, using her hands to project her voice. “Now c’mon, slow poke! How am I faster than the captain of Crawfield?”

I shake my head in laughter, droplets of rain flying everywhere as I steady my footing until finally, I watch Chelsie reach the bottom of the hill and make her way back onto the street.

By the time I catch up with her, Chelsie’s managed to reach Ruby’s, where she’s taken shelter beneath a small nook underneath the window ledge.

“Come, quick,” she instructs, resting her head back against the brick. “Take cover.”

“What’s the point?” I cry out with the faintest bit of laughter. “We’re both already soaked. Just embrace it.”

“I’d rather not embrace pneumonia, Gary.” She wraps her exposed arms around her chest, attempting to warm herself. “I’m freezing…” Her teeth chatter. “Aren’t you… cold?”

The look of distress on Chelsie’s face compels me to join her beneath the shelter, and within a matter of seconds, I immediately clutch onto either side of her trembling frame.

Without a jacket, I’m left with no other choice but to use my body as a source of warmth. I lean into her, guiding her so that her back is up against the brick of the house, hopeful that the heat that she’s completely electrified inside of me will find its way to warm her.

“Better?” I ask once the sound of her teeth chattering comes to a stop. I can feel her swallow as I rest my forehead against hers.

“ Better .”

With a single glance downwards, I swim in the ocean that is her blue eyes—that is, until my attention is drawn even lower, onto the once-point of conversation… her lips.

“Hey.” I peel away at the damp strands of blonde hair that have stuck to her cheeks. “You know, I never got the chance to finish what I was saying to you earlier.”

Chelsie’s eyes light up. “Right.” She seems to remember. “And uh—what exactly were you going to ask me?” she hums.

The vibration of her mouth sends a sudden, unnatural wave of mixed emotions through me as I start to question: do I continue with my original thought, or do I steer off course? Yet, as I watch her tug down on her bottom lip beneath with her teeth, the answer becomes clear as day.

I can no longer contain myself.

“That all night long, I’ve been wondering…” I nestle in close, my lips hovering over top of hers. “What your lips…” I’m millimeters away from making contact. “Taste like.”

Chelsie parts her mouth before she speaks, a sense of nerves masking her face—she fights it as she peers up at me. “I guess there’s only one way to find out. Isn’t there?”

The tension builds between us as I start to think, this is it. That moment, that feeling of anticipation that everyone talks about before a first kiss. I’ll admit, I’ve never been one to understand the big fuss of it all, but now that I’m this close to the one place that I’ve dreamt about being all night long, I don’t just understand. I know.

I finally know.

“What are you waiting for then?” Chelsie toys with the strings of my jumper. “You gonna answer the question, or not?—”

I close my eyes, embrace the moment, and crash my lips into hers before she can mutter another word of that sentence and fuck, it’s euphoric.

At first, it’s slow, but almost instantly, we move in sync. I’ve never had a kiss like this. A kiss that leaves my stomach churning from the inside out.

A kiss that forces my knees to buckle beneath my weight.

A kiss that leaves me aching, begging for more.

More.

I need more.

With her arms by her side I waste no time in grasping onto the fabric of her dress and tugging her that much closer. The action prompts an almost immediate response from Chelsie as she wraps her arms around my neck and intertwines her hands within the base of my hair. I relish in the way her fingertips, thinking to myself: she’s perfect .

So perfect.

How can she get any more perfect?

“Figure out an answer?” Chelsie’s alluring voice snaps me out of it as she murmurs into my ear. “What do they taste like?”

Before I can answer, I can’t help but look down at her, noticing the way droplets of rain glide down her face and highlight the high points of her cheeks. With that visual, I realize the only rational response to her question: "Heaven,” I hum softly. “You taste like heaven.”

Chelsie’s cheeks swell into a smile when our lips fall back as one. I never believed it when people would say that angels walked amongst us, but now I know it to be true. Chelsie is an angel in my grasp, yet here I am with the most hellish of thoughts—thoughts that I can’t stop from magnifying as I grasp onto her face with a heightened sense of passion.

As things start to escalate, I fall victim to the sound of the faint moans that escape her lips, and Christ, it's enough to leave my mind racing as I gravitate towards the nape of her neck and kiss down on her with such an urgency that it’s almost difficult to describe…

Chelsie’s like an itch—one that I’ll never be able to scratch, yet somehow, I’m okay with it. She seems to make everything okay. It’s like she holds the power to turn my deepest annoyances into the greatest of pleasures, and fuck, I’m hooked. Addicted.

“ Gary .”

The sound of my name has never been all that enticing to me, but when she says it, suddenly, it becomes a drug.

Say it again , I beg in my mind. Please, say it again.

“ Gary .” She complies without even realizing it and I grow even more enthralled. Now, as my lips tread along the sacred territory that is the sweet skin of her collarbone, I can’t seem to let up, lifting her into the air and pinning her back in the process.

“ Uh… Gary ?”

I can barely hear her by now. All I can hear is the word “ heaven ”, as it repeatedly falls from my lips, and my hands explore every square inch of her skin.

“Fuck baby,” I groan into her neck. “You’re like heaven to me?—”

“ GARY !”

The way she says my name with a sudden sense of urgency forces me to stop, freeze, and jerk my head back as I’m caught completely off guard and stumble backward.

I want to speak, but I can’t… she beats me to it.

“Can you uh—put me down?” she asks, her voice quiet… desperate . “Please?”

I immediately comply with her request, placing her so that she's back down onto the ground before my eyes scan over her flush, almost flustered face…

“Chelsie, I—” My stomach plummets to my feet as I come to terms with the moment, the situation at hand, the fact that shit, I think I’d just taken things too far. “Are you okay?” I immediately start to fret. “Are you?—”

“I’m okay. I’m alright...” Her answers are short yet somehow not so sweet as she peers down towards the ground. It’s a subtle gesture, proving her unease, yet the confirmation I need of that is when she eventually peers back up, and I notice the tears fill her eyes.

“ Chelsie ,” I say her name with the utmost remorse this time. “Hey, Chels,” I call her by her nickname. “Look at me, love, please.”

She can’t. Instead, she uses the backside of her palm to brush along her eyes before she makes a beeline towards the door. “I… I’m gonna go,” she tells me. “I’m sorry.”

“Go?” I quickly react, gently clutching a hold of her hand and bringing her to a stop. “No, don’t go. Stay,” I tell her. “Talk to me. I—I didn’t mean to take things too far, Chelsie,” I plead. “I guess I just got lost in the moment and?—”

“It’s okay.” Chelsie attempts to appease me with a shake of her head. “Really, Gary. It’s okay. It is.”

I don’t let up; her words might say one thing, but the look on her face says another.

“It’s not okay when you’re crying, love,” I attempt once more, softening my voice. “Please, Chels, talk to me. Tell me what I did wrong, and I promise you that I’ll never do it again…”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Gary.” Chelsie runs her hand along her forehead. “It’s just… I’m feeling…” She sighs, accepting defeat. “You know what, never mind. I don’t even know what I’m saying right now.” She ushers her way forward once more. “I’m so sorry?—”

“Sorry?” In dire need of some clarity, I stop her once more. “Chelsie, what on Earth are you apologizing for? You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.” I place my hands on either side of her shoulders. “Do you hear me?” I look her square in the eyes. “Absolutely nothing, darling .”

Before I can think twice, the word unconsciously escapes my lips, and by the time I think to redact it, it’s too late.

“Shit, Chelsie, I didn’t mean to call you that.” I fret, rushing to her aid as she winces. “I should be the one apologizing here. Not you. I?—”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for this, Gary,” Chelsie blurts out as she tucks her hair behind her ear. “I—I thought that maybe I was, but now I don’t know. Maybe this was too soon. Too soon to jump into another relationship… I…” She can hardly formulate a coherent sentence at this point. “I just feel really overwhelmed. Like I led you on without really thinking this through...”

“Hey.” I make another attempt to ease her as I brush away a single tear that runs down her cheek. “Don’t say things like that, Chelsie. Things were going so well earlier. Don’t you agree? We were having fun. A nice night!”

Chelsie’s blue eyes sink in as she turns over my words. “Yes, we were. We were having fun, but…” She slumps her shoulders with a shake of her head. “What if I can’t be the girl you want me to be right now, Gary? The one you’re looking for. I’m already dealing with so much that getting you involved in this mess is unfair. Like the other day, for example, you shouldn’t have had to step in for me with Simon. It’s not your battle to fight.”

I disagree. “You think I cared if it was my battle or not, Chelsie? I wanted to be there for you at that moment. I want to be there for you now. You and me. We can make this work. Can’t we ?”

There’s an utter sense of defeat that washes along Chelsie’s face as I finish my sentence, and it's a look that I can’t help but feel completely helpless to, followed by this rush of emotion that tells me to pull her in close but at the same time to let her go.

I don’t know what the right thing to do is.

I don’t. I want her to tell me. I need her to tell me.

“I think I just need some time...” Absolution takes over as Chelsie reaches for the front door and steps inside. “Get home safe, Gary,” she tells me, biting down on her lip. “And thank you for tonight. Thank you for… everything.”