Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Rae

I closed my eyes and did my best to clear my mind as my body sank deeper into the clawfoot tub. I drew my knees up and slid down the warmed porcelain until my ears sank beneath the surface of the hot water, muting all sound.

I'd done it. I'd managed to cook my first dinner for the ranch and lodge staff, and it had been a glowing success. Well... that might have been giving myself a bit too much credit, but it hadn't sucked. As far as I was concerned, that was a win. The food was eaten without a single grimace, and I didn't catch anyone gagging or trying to sneak food into the trash or down the garbage disposal when they thought I wasn't looking.

My German pancakes had turned out exactly how they were supposed to. I hadn't accidentally mixed up the salt and sugar or mistaken the cornstarch for flour—something I'd done during my many practices—or cooked them until they resembled circular charcoal disks.

I couldn't go so far as to say they were the best pancakes ever made, but I'd followed the recipe and hadn't screwed up any of the steps. I was damn proud of myself and already thinking about what I wanted to try to make next time.

Everyone had been kind, telling me they'd enjoyed it and thanking me for taking the time to cook for them, and as I sat at the long wooden table, surrounded by all the people I was getting to know better with each passing day, I let the stress of my earlier confrontation with Zach slide off my shoulders like water off a duck's back.

Sure, I might have watched the door closer than I should have, and I might have felt the smallest niggling of disappointment when he didn't show up to eat with everyone, but I managed to push it out of my mind and concentrate the best I could on the million different conversations that had been taking place around the table.

Ivy and Lennix had come to eat with us—and to provide me with moral support—so I enjoyed my time with them, refusing to let thoughts of Zach filter into my head. It became easier to stay in the moment when I caught Ivy's attention drifting down the table to where a certain cocky bull rider sat.

Lennix had spotted our friend's moony-eyed expression as well, and from the giddy way she'd smiled, I had a sneaking suspicion she was going to try and play matchmaker. I wasn't quite sure yet if Ivy and Connor would be a good fit. Ivy was sweet and bubbly and funny as hell. And Connor was... well, he was a playboy, no doubt about it. I was sure he'd left a string of broken hearts from town to town as he traveled, doing his rodeo thing. But given my shitty track record, I didn't feel it was my place to voice my concerns.

I breathed in deeply, filling my lungs with the scent of jasmine from the essential oils I'd put in the water to help loosen the knots in my back and neck after a hard day's work. There wasn't much I missed from my old life in L.A., but after hours spent in the sun, hauling heavy bales of hay and checking miles of fence line on an old ATV with shitty suspension, I missed the hell out of Olga, the masseuse I used to see once a week. Her hands had been instruments of magic, and she would have worked those knots out in no time.

A dull, muted thump pulled me from my fantasy of flying Olga all the way to Virginia, plopping me back to reality. My eyes popped open and I pushed myself up to sitting, the water sloshing around me in gentle waves as I listened for the sound again. Sure enough, there was a knock on the door of the cabin a few seconds later.

I let out a sigh of disappointment that my relaxing bath had been cut short as I climbed out of the tub and squeezed the excess water from my hair. "Just a second," I called out as I wrapped myself in my favorite silk robe. It was unusual to have a visitor after nine. Back in California, I would have only just started getting ready for a night out on the town, but things were a lot different here. Work usually started as the sun came up, so if you wanted to ensure a full night's sleep, most people were either already in bed or gearing up for it.

I padded to the door and lifted up on the tips of my toes to reach the tiny peephole. I'd forgotten to turn on the porch light when I got home earlier, so all I could make out was a large figure standing on the front porch. I squinted, trying to see better, but it was no use.

"I know you're there," the shadow figure said in a voice that sounded exactly like Zach. "You blocked out the light from the peephole when you looked through it."

I quickly crouched down, slapping a hand over my mouth to muffle my gasp.

"Now the light's back."

Damn it . Well, it looked like I wouldn't be adding stealthy to my list of special skills any time soon .

"Open the door, Hollywood. We need to talk."

I squeezed my eyes closed, desperately trying to calm my breathing. The peace I'd found in the bathtub only a handful of minutes ago disappeared with the sound of his voice. I wasn't sure I could handle another talk with him today.

"Please, sweetheart," he said, his voice much softer and lower this time. It was almost enough to make me soften to him. Almost.

Steeling my spine, I pulled in a fortifying breath and reached for the knob.

Zach

Fuck me .

All the air expelled from my lungs the moment she pulled the door open, and the carefully crafted speech I'd spent the past few hours rehearsing disappeared from my brain like a puff of smoke caught on a breeze.

All rational thought left me and the blood in my body traveled straight to my dick as my gaze slowly skated down her body. The glow from the lights inside the cabin created a backlight that looked almost like a halo, making her look ethereal. The robe she had cinched around her barely came to mid-thigh, the silky material clinging to her damp skin and putting all her curves on display.

Rae's hair hung down her shoulders, the water dripping from it and soaking the robe at her chest. The wet fabric formed perfectly to her breasts and accentuated her puckered nipples. Christ, all I could think about was leaning forward and pulling those stiff peaks into my mouth, sucking until I made her moan. I wondered what color they were. Were they a dusky pink like the blush on her cheeks, or would they be peachier? If I sucked them hard enough, would they turn the same rosy shade as her lips?

"Zach?"

Her voice pulled me from my lustful musings. I'd come here to apologize, now all I wanted to do was maul her, show her how I really felt about her. Put that need on display so she'd know what I felt was the furthest thing from shame.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm not ashamed of you." I blurted the words out with a lot less finesse than I'd hoped for.

Her chin jerked back in surprise, the center of her brows dipping in a V as she frowned. "What? "

Determination coursed through me, heating my blood and making my heart pump harder. "In the barn you said I felt shame and regret. You were wrong."

"Zach, you don't?—"

"I said I regretted the kiss because I was afraid you'd feel like I was taking advantage of you. That's the only reason I felt that way."

She blinked slowly, those big, beautiful doe eyes full of awe. "Really?"

"Absolutely. I feel like I've been walkin' around on eggshells since you got here, tryin' not to freak you out. I'd been trying to hide how I really felt from you, but I lost control that night. I hated the idea that I might have forced myself on you or put you in an uncomfortable position. I'm your boss and I'm a lot older than you?—"

"Not that much older," she interrupted, her tongue peeking out to sweep across her plump bottom lip.

Her words caught me off guard. "What?"

"You aren't that much older than I am," she said in a quiet, throaty voice, her chest rising as her breaths came faster.

"Twelve years is a pretty big gap, sweetheart."

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and bit down, drawing all my focus to her mouth. Christ, I wanted my lips on hers again. "Not to me," she whispered. I could have sworn my heart stopped beating at her words.

My dick was doing its best to bust through my zipper. I couldn't remember a time in my life when I'd been this hard. It was painful , the way I wanted her. The kind of deep, throbbing ache that no amount of fucking my own fist would ever alleviate. The only thing that would take the pain away was sinking deep inside this woman, getting lost in her.

My throat worked on a swallow, the cords in my neck straining as the muscles in my entire body tensed. "You don't think so?"

She shook her head. "No. And I never once felt like you were taking advantage when you kissed me. I... I liked it," she admitted, her barely-there voice a whisp on the breeze that fluttered her silky robe around her smooth thighs. Hearing that made my dick pulse. "I wanted you to kiss me. I'd been wanting it for a while, actually, and I was excited when you finally did. Then you said it was a mistake." She blinked, casting her gaze down to her bare feet. Her toes were the prettiest shade of pink. "That hurt."

Oh, fuck me . Hearing that was a punch straight to the gut. I was desperate to take away the sadness I saw on her face.

I reached out, unable to keep from touching her another second. I took her chin between my fingers and lifted her face, giving her no choice but to look at me. "You weren't a mistake. I wanted to kiss you too," I confessed, the truth of those words pulling from the deepest recesses of my chest and making my voice rough and craggy. "Fuck, I wanted to kiss you so bad. Still do. It's all I've been able to think about since that night."

"Zach." When she said my name in her beautiful voice it made me feel things I'd never felt before. She was the only woman who made me feel so out of control, and I was done fighting it. I was done trying to pretend I wasn't attracted to her, that there wasn't a single hour of the day where I didn't think of her.

"Tell me I can kiss you again, Rae. Because if I don't, I swear to Christ, I think I might die."

Her lashes fluttered, her cheeks blushing that gorgeous pink I loved so damn much. "I don't know if that's a good idea," she said quietly. "You're still my boss. That hasn't changed." She gave her head a tiny shake, her expression turning sad. "I've made so many mistakes in my life. When I came here I swore I'd be different. I swore I'd be smarter, and a hookup with my boss is the furthest thing from smart."

My grip on her chin tightened as I took a step closer, closing in on her. "That's not what this is," I gritted out. Her words stung, I was man enough to admit that .

Her lips parted on an exhale as she tipped her head back farther to look up at me. "I—I don't understand."

"This wouldn't just be a hookup. I can't tell you what this is, but it's not that ."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I know myself. I know the moment I kiss you, I'll be wondering when I'll get to do it again. I know the moment I sink my cock deep inside your perfect body, I'll be planning ways to get back in there. I know one time with you isn't going to be enough, because I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. You consume my thoughts. It's been that way since you first got here. Every time you smile or laugh at one of the other men, I want to knock their goddamn teeth down their throats. I've never been a jealous man, but I want those smiles to only be for me. And I know deep down that once I have you, there isn't anything I won't do to make you mine."

She let out a stuttered breath, her gaze growing hazy as the seconds ticked by. Finally, she spoke.

"Zach?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"You can kiss me again."