49. Chapter Forty-Nine

Chapter Forty-Nine

Indy — Now

“ C an’t you give me some sort of clue as to what we’re doing?” I leaned against the doorway to Nolan’s room. “Otherwise, I might embarrass you and just wear this.”

His gaze swept to mine from where he stood in the bathroom, a towel hung low on his waist. “What’s wrong with what you’re wearing now?” he asked, apparently blind to the paint smeared on my arms and the old T-shirt I’d borrowed from him. “I like it.”

I crossed my eyes and joined him in the bathroom, arms aching as I untied the knot atop my head. I’d spent the entire day at the high school in preparation for the fundraiser this weekend. Everything was coming together. I’d pick Calder up at the airport on Friday, and Nolan had graciously offered to let the star center fielder stay at his house. Evelyn had reached out to local news stations, so we were expecting crowds to come in from all over the state. The town was brimming with excitement, especially when Heath had announced he’d be holding one last country swing dancing competition at the fundraiser.

“Are we going dancing? Karaoke?” I asked as I stepped out of the shower, grabbing the towel on the hook beside his. I brushed my teeth as Nolan put on a white button-down. When was the last time I’d seen him in anything but a T-shirt? “Ooo. Are we going to a fancy restaurant with a bunch of menu items we can’t pronounce? If so, I’m changing my name to something more sophisticated. You may call me Anastasia.”

He snorted, buttoning his last button. “Get dressed and you’ll find out.”

I hummed under my breath, my heart racing at the idea of not knowing. You’re coming with me was all he’d said when he’d gotten home. “Should I wear these?” I held up my red boots. I was being a tease, but I was having too much fun to stop.

“If you’re taking requests, I might ask you to save those for later tonight.”

I raised my brows, my blood heating at his little wink. Fighting temptation, I slipped into his closet and sorted through my side of clothes on the rack. I hadn’t unpacked at my parents’, seeing no need since I was leaving. I’d thought it would be the same at Nolan’s, but when I’d officially—temporarily—moved in, half the closet was empty and there were drawers free. It had been almost natural to move in. Natural to fill his empty spaces.

Following the tone Nolan was setting, I slipped on a dress. It was soft pink and floral, the sleeves tied in a bow on my shoulders and the hem fell past my feet. Applying my makeup light enough that my freckles popped, I left my hair down, damp curls falling down my back.

My phone vibrated on the bathroom counter, and I scooped it up to find a text from Auburn. It was a picture of my nephews. Her two older boys, Grey and Kai, sat on a coach, wearing wide grins as their baby brother, Jude, lay across their laps. I smiled, surprised with the ease I felt as I responded, telling Auburn I hoped to see that cuteness in person soon. Setting my phone aside, I blew out a breath and met Nolan in the living room.

“What are we doing?” I asked and wiped my palms against my dress, my body pulsing with nerves.

He smiled as he looked me over. His hands were tucked in the pockets of his black slacks, the sleeves of his button-down rolled up to his forearms. We’d never dressed up like this before, not even for our wedding. We’d gotten married in blue jeans and ball caps, swearing our vows in the courthouse. It hadn’t been a shotgun wedding, but it sure felt like one. I didn’t mind. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world to marry Nolan Graham.

“You’re beautiful, Indy.”

My pulse fluttered, and before I could return the compliment, he held out his hand. His fingers shook, and I slid my hand into his, silently easing his nerves.

But perhaps he’d been soothing mine, because once he drove through town and I realized where we were going, I became a jittery mess again. No matter, I didn’t protest when he pulled off onto the side of the main road, nor did I run away when he asked me to take a walk with him.

He hadn’t said a word as to where we were going, but I knew.

I’d run through this meadow at least a hundred times. Tasted the monsoon rain on my tongue, watched the wildflowers bloom and die back every year. It was a core part of my childhood. I braced myself for what I was about to face, fearing it wouldn’t be the same.

But as Nolan and I walked through the meadow and past the tree line, it wasn’t as different as I expected. Didn’t hurt as badly as I thought it would to see our tree as nothing more than a stump.

Maybe it had never been about the tree at all.

Nolan let out a heavy breath. “I cut it down the day I got the divorce papers back in the mail. I know I’m the one who asked for the divorce, but when I saw your signature . . . it did something to me. I was angry, and I was desperate to forget everything we had. To forget you.”

He shifted to face me. “I regretted it as soon as I did it. Once the tree fell, I was begging God to put it back together again.” His throat bobbed, his fingers tightly gripping mine. “It was here Dad told me I could make something out of myself, out of what I’d lost . . . so I held on to that wood. There were a few times I came close to burning it and calling it quits, but I couldn’t do it. So for years, it’s sat in my shed, untouched. Occasionally a few ideas have come to mind, but I just can’t seem to get it right. And I realized I can’t do it alone. I need you.”

I furrowed my brows, but before I could ask what I could possibly do, Nolan led me closer to the stump. Not the stump, I realized, but the seedling beside it. It was a pine tree, no more than six inches, and it sat in a burlap bag, unplanted .

Warmth pulsed through me when he said, “I can’t bring back our tree. I know this isn’t the same. But I want to plant a new one, and if it’s okay with you, I’d like us to do it in honor of our baby.”

I turned to face him, and it occurred to me that I hadn’t said a single word. I was speechless, overwhelmed with a feeling I had not felt in a long while. But Nolan must’ve interpreted my silence wrongly, as he added, “I’ve been reading up on miscarriages, namely what couples do to find peace. Some make a garden, but I liked the idea of a tree. Sort of thought when it’s grown and strong, I could make a swing for it. Make one out of our aspen.” His fingers brushed mine, nothing but genuine love in his eyes. “I promise I’ll take care of it. And someday in the future, when you come home, you can see how much it’s grown. See how real, how loved our baby is.”

I nodded, a sob slipping past my lips. I wrapped my arms around him, leaning into him as the weight of what we’d lost crashed into me. For years, I’d felt nothing but shame for miscarrying. Believed it was my fault and kept our loss in the dark.

But Nolan . . . he was bringing it to the light.

He was showing me it was okay to grieve. To be angry and sad. To love and honor the life that should’ve been. As he held me, I was reminded I wasn’t alone. He was with me. He remembered our baby as much as I did. They would not be forgotten.

After we finished digging the hole and carefully planting the pine tree seedling, we knelt together on the forest floor. My voice was a rasp. “I want to name it.”

Nolan’s hand found mine. “It’s your turn.”

I smiled, remembering when he’d told me that after he’d named Eugene. Never would I have imagined we’d be here. Leaning my head against his shoulder, I gave our tree a name, in honor of the life that should’ve been. The name would stay between us, a beacon on even the darkest of days. And as I stared at our tree, I easily envisioned what it would grow into. Someday, it would thrive. It would be healthy. Full of life. I knew with everything in me, Nolan would see to it.