35. Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Five

Indy — No w

H and in hand, Nolan and I ran out of the community center, struggling to contain our laughter. “Keep on giggling, Indy.” He opened the passenger door of his truck, his hand on the small of my back as I climbed in. “I’m not going to protect you from those ladies when they come at you with their crochet hooks.”

“Protect me? Worry about yourself. Those women will eat you alive.” I buckled myself in as Nolan climbed into the driver’s seat. “Maybe we should go back inside. You might enjoy an older woman—”

“An older woman? Every single one of them in there was old enough to be my grandma. One asked me if I’d had my first colon screen—”

I laughed, so hard my stomach hurt as he pulled out of the parking lot like he couldn’t get away fast enough. It served him right. “Wow, how risqué of her. That’s at least a second date question—” I squealed, batting his hand as he tried to pinch me. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you have a pinching kink. You probably dream about little ol’ ladies dragging you by your ear.”

He groaned. “Never say that again.”

I chuckled, satisfied with myself. It was his own fault for thinking speed dating at the senior center was a good idea—as though the first time hadn’t been experience enough. “You missed our turn,” I said, realizing he’d taken a left and not a right out of the parking lot. “Wallowpine is the other direction.”

“I know. We’re not going home yet.”

“We’re not?”

He shook his head, making a popping noise with his lips as he said, “Nope. We’ve still got our date.”

“What?” I twisted in my seat to face him. “What exactly do you think the past hour was?”

He shot me a glance. “You think that was a date?”

“Um—yeah?”

“Let me get this straight. I haven’t been on a date with you in ages, yet you truly thought speed dating at the Hillshire Community Center was my first choice?”

No. When Nolan pulled up to the community center this morning, I should’ve been relieved we were spending our date there. I’d mustered up a smile and had a genuinely good time, but I’d expected more. Hoped for more with him. “Then what the hell was that?”

“Well, since my point didn’t seem to get across the first time, I thought we should give the speed dating another go. That was you and me going on at least ten dates with the people you think we’re missing out on.” He shrugged, adjusting his ball cap. “I don’t know about you, but it confirmed what I already knew. I’m not missing out on anything.”

I scoffed, somehow not surprised. That was not what I’d had in mind when I suggested we date other people, and if his smug grin meant anything, Nolan knew it too. A small part of me was annoyed I’d spent the past hour being heckled by eighty-year-old women staking their claim on him, but most of me was amused.

I didn’t want to be anywhere else, with anyone else.

Shifting in my seat to face the front, I crossed my arms over my chest. “You don’t play fair.”

“Never said I would, Indy. I’m playing to win.”

Nolan wasn’t playing to win.

He was playing to annihilate me.

I’d expected our date to go one of two ways. Either he’d pull out all the stops and try to woo me. Maybe he’d take me to a fancy restaurant, wear a suit and tie. Or he’d play it cool. Probably take me to a baseball game or out dancing. Something safe, familiar.

I should’ve known after the whole speed-dating debacle anything was on the table.

“Okay, class—take a deep breath in and out.” Following the instructor, I sucked in a breath and blew it out, willing the calmness in her voice to seep into me. “Good. Now we’re going to extend into a cobra pose. Feel free to stay in your current position if you have a goat on you.”

I shifted into cobra as giggles drifted through the class. Lying on my front, I tilted my head toward the clear sky, my toes pointed behind me. I lay in a field atop a yoga mat, the sun rays a warm balm against my skin. The women and men surrounding me worked their way into cobra position, and a gentle breeze stirred the smell of grass and soil through the fall air. Heeding the instructor once more, I inhaled a breath, just as something climbed on my back. I froze, nails digging into the thick grass at the edge of my mat.

Relax, it’s a kitten. It’s definitely a kitten and not a goat with hooves of doom stomping on me. Kitten, kitten—

“Look at you, Indy. You’re a natural.” Nolan’s voice came from beside me, and from the corner of my eye I could see he was holding a downward dog position. “Alright. Your turn, little fella,” he crooned to one of the kid goats perched on his back. “Go on, now. She smells real nice. I bet her clothes are delicious—”

“Nolan, please,” I begged in a whisper, heart racing as the one lying on Nolan’s yoga mat shifted. They’d flocked to him since the beginning of class, but instead of hoarding them, he seemed determined to torture me. “Stop trying to sic your friends on me.”

He chuckled as the woman leading the class instructed us to move into child pose. Cautiously, I glanced his way and choked on a laugh. He lay on his stomach, his body curled together with his arms extended behind him. It was a ridiculous sight already with how large he was—but even more so surrounded by goats.

We were only an hour outside Phoenix, so I’d been surprised when Nolan pulled up to a field, expecting him to take us further into the city. Before I could ask what we were doing, more and more people showed up, and soon goats of all sizes were being ushered out of a barn. Next thing I knew, I was doing yoga with goats.

“What did you do, rub yourself in milk before we came?” I asked once another goat approached Nolan.

“Butter.”

I laughed, and one of the women beside me must’ve heard him, because she laughed too. I hadn’t attended yoga before, but I figured—despite the addition of goats—that class would be quiet and focused on finding our zen. I’d barely rolled out a mat before the instructor turned on music— Taylor Swift, bless you —and told us as long as we respected the animals, the only purpose was to have a good time and relax.

Apparently I’d missed the memo.

“Hey, Indy? I think the goat wants to eat your hair.”

I pressed my lips together, resisting the urge to buck the goat off my back. I’d grown up with chickens, even had a milk cow for a time. As a teenager, I would’ve loved this. I should be loving it now. But now that I was in the thick of it, I was a bundle of anxiety and I didn’t know why.

“Indy.” Nolan’s voice seemed to change, but that could’ve been because I was holding my breath. “Just change positions—the goat will hop off.” It would. I’d seen it happen with every other classmate. Every time Nolan had moved, his goats had jumped off.

But I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed .

“Peaches?”

My chest squeezed, and something dropped onto my mat. It happened a second time, and I realized the bead of moisture was a tear. Good hell. I was crying at goat yoga. Get a grip on yourself, Indy. You’re embarrassing. But no matter how I fought, the tears fell. Deep down, I knew it was because I was terrified.

Terrified because I was on a date with Nolan, and I could literally feel my control slipping. I was unraveling, coming undone. What scared me most of all: I didn’t know what would be left of me once I was entirely unspooled.

I’d been running, running, running, but now I wasn’t. And everything was catching up, pressing in—

The weight on my back disappeared, and before I could fully register the goat had hopped off me, Nolan was in front of me. He lifted my hands to his chest, and I sat back, his knees encasing mine. We knelt together, and if anyone saw us, I didn’t know.

I only saw him.

He gave me a tender smile, and it was the kindness in his eyes, the rhythm of his heart beating beneath my palm that had me whisper, “I was so excited to do this . . . and I’m ruining it. I’m supposed to be having fun, and I’m crying instead.”

“Can I tell you something? Something you might not like?” he asked, and I sniffled, my insides clenching at what he might have to say. But I missed our honesty. Hell, I missed him.

Nodding, I prepared myself as Nolan raised his hand to my face. “I don’t know what’s going through that mind of yours, but I can see you’re panicking and wanting to run away.” He stroked his thumb over my cheek. “But all I’m thinking is . . . you’ve never looked more like yourself than you do right now. And nothing in me wants to run from you.”

A tear slid past my lashes, warm and full on my skin, a mirror to the emotion in my heart. I had no idea why, but every part of me believed Nolan. He must’ve seen that, felt that trust, as he then settled himself onto the grass, bringing me with him. His legs were stretched out, enveloping me as I sat between them. I leaned back against his chest, and somewhere in the movement, our hands wove together.

Glancing around the field, I was surprised to see at least half of the class no longer doing yoga. Some cuddled the goats, laughing as they took pictures, and others simply lay beside them, relaxing. I looked to the instructor, but there wasn’t annoyance or judgment in her eyes, not even when she met my gaze.

No one cared what I was doing. No one cared. And that . . . that was a wonderful feeling.

Eventually, some of Nolan’s furry friends approached us, and I pressed back into him. “You’ll protect my hair?” I whispered, struggling to mask my nerves as one of the goats crawled onto my lap.

He wrapped his free arm around my stomach, pulling me in tight. “Indy, believe me, no one is as obsessed with your hair as I am.”

I chuckled, and soon I found myself relaxing, even running my fingers through the goat’s coat. It was quiet for a long while, and while I sensed class was about to end, I didn’t want to get up, unwilling to disturb the five goats nuzzled against us. “They love you,” Nolan murmured. “I don’t think they want you to leave.”

“It’s because of you. There’s something about you, your energy, that invites people in. It’s one of the best things about you. Why everyone loves you.”

I’d always known and loved that about him. There was something about him, something bright and beautiful, and people were drawn to it. Even now, I was drawn to it. Drawn to him.

I was so tired of staying away.

He hummed under his breath, then leaned down, his lips brushing the shell of my ear. “Funny. I always thought the best thing about me was my ass.”

Startled, I let out a laugh. Out of all the things he could’ve said, I hadn’t expected that. But I should’ve—it was the most on-brand comment. It was clear Nolan knew exactly what he was doing, as it wasn’t until we were halfway home that I realized he was still holding my hand.

I was right. Nolan wasn’t playing fair.

But I wasn’t sure I cared.