17. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

Nolan — Now

“ C ome on, ump! Get your head out of your ass!”

A wave of fans clapped and shouted within the stadium, voicing their agreement with the disgruntled man standing in the row in front of mine. Sweat rimmed his hat, dripping onto the collar of his New York Hawk’s shirt as though he was one of the professionals playing on the field. Chugging his cup of beer, he staggered back into his seat, his frame tight as he continued to watch the game.

Coming here was a mistake.

The moment I invited myself on Indy’s trip, I knew I’d messed up. But seeing her leaving town had triggered something in me. Had me practically diving out of my truck and into the road to stop her. Even if she was just leaving temporarily for work, I knew better than to let her out of my sight.

Not until we’d finished what we set out to do.

Indy didn’t want me here. Didn’t particularly trust me around her. I’d told myself that beyond getting beneath her skin and seeing her squirm a little, my intentions for being here were innocent. I was here to watch baseball.

But that was before I’d spent any real time alone with her. Before I sat beside her, felt the nerves radiating off her as sure as the freckles on her skin. She’d been silent most of the drive and flight. It was obvious from how she kept her earbuds in and avoided my gaze she was pretending she was anywhere else. With anyone else. Halfway through the flight, I regretted coming and planned to tell her I’d catch the next flight home and leave, but then . . . then Indy laughed.

Hell, that sounded dumb. But it was true. There was a wall between us, one she insisted on keeping in place. But when I’d given her shit over Eugene and she’d laughed, it felt like I finally breathed for the first time in years.

That was how I knew I’d screwed up.

I was an addict slowly coming undone. One taste of Indy’s laugh, and I was a man drawn in. One smile, and all I could think of was what I needed to do to earn another one. Even now, as I sat beside her in a noisy stadium, surrounded by fans, I struggled to notice anyone but her.

She wore blue jeans and a Boston Falcons T-shirt, something she’d changed into after stopping by her apartment—she’d insisted I stay in the hall—needing to drop Eugene off before the game. To my surprise, she’d let her hair out of its bun, confirming her curls still existed.

Beyond her hair, there was no other sign of her letting loose. Part of me suspected—even hoped—the timidness and hesitation she’d shown the past few days had been because she was in Wallowpine. But even states away, she remained the same.

She fidgeted in her seat, crossing and uncrossing her legs like she couldn’t get comfortable. The Falcons were up five runs, and she hadn’t clapped once tonight. It was unfair to compare, but before, she’d holler and cheer all nine innings—whether I was playing or not. Were her nerves because of me? I didn’t think so. Indy might have bitten her tongue and played nice with the crowd back in Wallowpine the past few days, but she hadn’t done that with me. I could tell she was still holding back, but she’d called me out on my shit.

Maybe it made me a masochist . . . but I loved it.

“Nolan?”

I shook my head, pushing away those thoughts, and lifted my gaze to hers. When had I turned to face her and not the game? “Yeah?”

“Is something wrong? ”

I might’ve told her no, reminded her I wasn’t the one who looked like I had ants crawling over me, but I lost my train of thought when she wound a curl around her finger. My hand twitched on my thigh. Was her hair as soft as I remembered? I should find out. One little touch wouldn’t be so bad . . .

“Why are you looking at me funny?” She blinked slowly. “Is there a bug in my hair?”

I sat up and cleared my throat. I probably looked like a creep. I was about to fib and claim there had been a bug, except then I caught a glimpse of Indy’s smile. Saw the coyness in those brown eyes. Damn girl knew what she was doing.

She must’ve forgotten I liked playing games too.

I leaned over the armrest separating us, close enough the heat of her skin teased mine. A small bit of pride raced through me at the red blooming on her skin, her freckles darkening. Her eyes were wide, and she was holding her breath, like she didn’t know what the hell I was doing but she was too afraid to ask.

I licked the seam of my lips, tasting the little white lie there. It would be easy to say I had seen something in her hair. To make up an excuse to slip my fingers through her curls. Easy to convince myself I lived in a world where I had any right to exist alongside Indy, let alone touch her.

Before I could make a move, life was quick to put me back where I belonged. A familiar voice asked, “Why are you looking at Indy like you want to eat her?”

She jolted, her knees hitting mine, and I didn’t have to look up to confirm whose voice that belonged to. I’d heard it my entire life. “Levi!” Indy squealed, jumping out of her seat. “I was afraid you weren’t going to make it.”

“Traffic was terrible. I should’ve taken the subway.” He wrapped his arms around Indy’s waist, lifting her off her feet. “Thanks for inviting me.”

She invited him?

“Of course.” She beamed up at him, her hands on his chest as he set her down. “I figured you and Nolan would have fun. If I’d planned better, I would’ve tried to invite Brooks so the three of you could hang out.”

“Next time,” my younger brother said with his stupid smile, and I mumbled something along the lines of agreeing with him .

I wasn’t mad he was here. There might be five years between us, but he’d become my partner in crime—namely when we’d team up against Brooks together. I missed him. But when Indy was doing everything to keep her walls up with me, I struggled to see him as my little brother.

He was the man between me and my girl.

Shit, no. Not my girl.

Pushing aside the crazed caveman inside me, I stood and hugged him. “Do you want me to leave?” he whispered, making me feel like even more of a jackass.

“No, I’m glad you’re here.” I didn’t want him to think for a second that I didn’t want to be around him. We’d dealt enough with that growing up. “Momma Brooks is going to pitch a fit when I tell him about this.” I stepped back, putting my hands on his shoulders as I looked him over. He wore a black tee, dark jeans tucked in his biker boots. His hair was long enough to touch his shoulders, and despite being the youngest, he was the tallest by at least an inch now. “Geez—how many more tattoos did you get?”

Levi rolled his eyes, and I tugged on the end of his hair—he knew I didn’t give a shit about how many tattoos he had. But Indy must’ve thought I was serious. “I like them.” She waved a hand at him, as though trying to find the words. “You look very . . . mysterious and badass.”

He laughed, no doubt preening under the compliment. “Thanks. Do you have any ink?”

“No.” She shook her head, her gaze lingering on the tattoos coating his arms and edging onto his neck. “I can’t think of anything I want to put on me permanently.”

“Makes sense.” He bumped his elbow against mine. “I’ve been trying to convince Nolan and Brooks to get matching ones with me, but no one will do it. Nolan says one is enough for him.”

“Maybe someday.” I patted his shoulder and sat in my seat, ignoring the feeling of Indy’s gaze.

She was still standing, watching me. “I didn’t know you had a tattoo.”

I raised my shoulders. “There’s plenty you don’t know. ”

I hadn’t meant it as anything but the simple truth—there was plenty about me she didn’t know, nor wanted to know—but I could see by the way her frame tightened she thought I’d meant it as a jab. Before I could take it back, she took her seat between us, immersing herself in conversation with Levi.

With a heavy breath, I turned my attention to the game. It had been a while since I’d watched one in person, even longer since I’d touched a ball. Years ago, the thought of baseball not being an everyday part of my life would’ve made me panic, but it didn’t now. I still enjoyed the sport, but after so many losses, I viewed it differently.

It was hard to love something that had cost you everything.

It was between the fifth and sixth innings, the Falcons were now up six runs after Calder Rohan hit a home run, and I couldn’t wait for the game to be over, mostly so I didn’t have to listen to Indy fawn over Levi.

“These are amazing.” She seemed to be in awe as she swiped through what looked like pictures of his art on his phone. “I bet they’re even better in person.”

“You should come to one of my art shows,” Levi offered. “My school isn’t hosting one for another month, but you’ll be back in New York by then, won’t you?”

I’d never hated Levi living in Boston more than I did now.

“Yeah. Text me the dates, and I’ll try to make it work.”

She handed him his phone, and something in me clenched at the sight of her smile. An hour ago, I would’ve done anything for one of those—now I’d do anything to make her stop. Deciding that if I was going to be a jealous prick, I might as well have overpriced concession stand food, I started to stand, just as cheers erupted around us.

I glanced at the field. We were between innings—what was the uproar for? Indy cursed, and strangers’ hands jabbed at my shoulders, and it was then I looked up and realized what the fuss was about. Across the field, the three of us were on the jumbotron. Any other time, I would’ve been thrilled.

Except it was a kiss cam.

Indy was pale as a ghost, frozen between Levi and me. Time seemed to slow, and I met Levi’s gaze over the top of her head. His eyes were wide, and he was nodding toward her, as though telling me to make a move. Kiss, kiss, kiss , the crowd chanted. My heart was pounding, my fingers clammy, like I was a fifteen-year-old boy about to kiss his crush.

But this wasn’t a crush . . . this was Indy.

She met my gaze, and I could see the silent question there. But there was fear and panic too, a reminder of how badly I’d screwed up. Of all the times I’d hurt her, broken my word. And even knowing that, Indy had agreed to give me somewhat of a second chance, a chance to find peace. No matter how enticing and lush her lips looked, I was haunted by our agreement. She’d asked me not to touch her, kiss her.

Before I could form a decision, even take a breath, Indy made the choice for me. She spun in her seat, but it wasn’t me she faced. And it sure as hell wasn’t me she kissed.

My stomach twisted, and I was left to helplessly watch as Indy kissed Levi. I’d barely call it a kiss. It was on his cheek and over before it even started, but I’d torture myself with the image for the rest of my life. I forced myself to smile, to clap and cheer, because in the end, I had no one to blame but myself.