Chapter 43

It's beentwo days since we moved Mom to Gabe's house. She's in the library, and this is where I'm trimming the Christmas tree.

"Do you remember when Santa brought you that huge Hello Kitty plush?" she asks wistfully. "It was bigger than you were."

I shake my head and say, "It must have been so long ago."

That sounds a lot better than, "I never had a plushy like that, but Izzy did."

It's still in her old room, accumulating dust. Sometimes I think she wants to remember something about me but all she comes out with are memories of my sister. Or maybe it's what Gabe told me: at this stage, memories blur—it's kinder to just let her nostalgia flow unhindered.

Since we have little time left together, I dare to ask, "What happened with you and Dad? Why did you get divorced?"

"You," she answers.

I stare at her, not knowing how to react to her response. Me. It was my fault?

"Well, it wasn't you, but . . . We were on vacation and got into a car accident. The doctors needed your blood type, but we didn't know it.They tested and found AB negative . . ." She goes silent. "As you might know, it's pretty rare. It happened to match Declan's blood type. He was your dad's best friend. Richard just knew right away you weren't his, but Declan's."

Numb.

I can't feel anything.

There's a name and a reason.

It takes me several breaths to react to what she just said. I have another father who obviously didn't care to claim me.

"Where is my real father? Where's Declan?" I ask, not because I hope that he can be my family, but out of curiosity.

"He died in that car accident," she responds.

I'm struck speechless, a lump rising in my throat. Did he know about me? Would he have cared? I wish I could ask, but it's far too late now either way. The chance was gone before I ever knew it existed.

"He asked me to leave when we found out I was pregnant. But I couldn't bear to lose Izzy and Cedric too. I chose trying to keep our family together . . ." She pauses, taking a breath and I should tell her to stop but I can't speak. This is like watching a train about to crash against a wall. I can't stop it but I can't look away either. "That was until the accident exposed everything."

Tears gather in her tired eyes. "After Richard found out, he fought for full custody of the three of you. He wanted to hurt me. If I ever contacted you, he'd stop talking to you. You're now twenty, and I thought it was safe, but . . . I'm sorry he disowned you."

A sob chokes out of her. It takes every ounce of my will to stem the flood of questions and hurt.

My heart cracks, questions shriveling away. Now isn't the time to lay blame or make excuses. "It's okay, Mom," I murmur, blinking back tears of my own as I cling to composure.

What am I supposed to do with all that information? I'll never find my father, Richard won't forgive me, and Mom is dying.

"I'm just glad to be here with you now. That's what matters," I tell her, blinking back tears as I pat her hand.

"You look so much like your father," she murmurs weakly. "He loved you so much, you know?" Her eyes drift shut in exhaustion.

"You should rest." I smooth her blankets. "Save your energy for when we bake Christmas cookies." I press a soft kiss to her forehead.

Stepping out into the hall, Gabe pulls me into a fierce embrace.

"Did you hear?" I ask, hoping he did so I'm spared repeating one of the most painful conversations I've had in my entire life.

"Yeah, baby. I'm sorry." He rests his forehead against mine. "I wish I could take this pain away."

"You're making everything manageable." I hug him tight, and he presses me closer to him.

* * *

Wantingto surprise Mom when she wakes up, I head to the kitchen to bake cookies. Gabe leaves since he has to help Piper with Archer's present. Under different circumstances, I would offer to go with him so I could finally meet his family.

I'm just measuring the ingredients when a woman with silver-streaked hair enters the room carrying containers. Right behind her is Jude.

"Oh, I didn't know . . ." She suddenly stops and asks, "Who are you?"

"I—I'm Ameline?" I sound so dumb, but I'm startled by her judging stare.

"This is Ameline. Didn't Gabe tell you that he got a roommate?" Jude asks.

"It doesn't make any sense," she responds, as she studies me. "Why would he need a roommate?"

Jude scoffs. "Obviously he doesn't. Remember Cedric, his old roommate? This is his little sister. She needed a place to stay because their mother is sick, and Gabe offered." He shrugs. "You know your son. He's always picking up strays."

I stare at them, a little confused.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." She places a hand on her chest. "How's your mom doing?"

"Dying," I mumble.

Her eyes open wide. "I'm terribly sorry."

I shrug.

"I'm Pria. Gabe's Mom. If you need anything, please?—"

"Ma'am, the doctor is here to check on your mom," a nurse interrupts.

I smile at Jude and his mom. "If you'll excuse me, Mrs. Decker. I need to check on her."

"Oh, your mom is here," Mrs. Decker says, glancing at the library and then at her with the same compassion Gabe looks at those who need him.

But I wish they hadn't followed me to the library. They stay until the doctor tells me that they'll be increasing the amount of morphine, so Mom is more comfortable. To call if I need anything.

"He should've told us, so we could help. My son is always trying to fix everything and thinks he's alone. Listen to me, Ameline. If you need anything, you can call me, okay?"

I nod once.

Jude is leaning by the shelves, watching and shaking his head. I don't understand what that means though. Should I tell her that I'm actually Gabe's wife? I know he's waiting for the right time to let them know about our status, but she's here.

"Why don't we go back to the kitchen to fix all the containers you brought, Mom?" Jude asks. "I need to head back to the studio to help Dad."

She smiles at me, grabbing my hands and squeezing them. "Do you want me to stay and make cookies with you? I really don't think you should be alone."

"It's fine," I say, making my way out of the library. "Gabe will be back soon."

She frowns. "Oh, I highly doubt that not with Christmas two days away. We have a lot to do."

"You have a lot to do too, Mom," Jude reminds her.

But Pria has already paused by a side table crowded with family photos. She straightens a few frames before lifting one of a pretty blonde, it's Leslie's picture. "I can't believe he still has it here. The anniversary is almost here. Do you think he'll be okay?" She turns toward Jude.

Jude shrugs.

"Who is she?" I dare to ask, hoping she gives me the story.

"We need to go, Mom," Jude insists while his mother says, "His high school sweetheart. They were going to marry, you know? That was until she died. I don't think he'll ever love anyone the way he did her. You never forget the love of your life."

All the air gets knocked out of my lungs. But I pretend that nothing has happened to me. That the axis hasn't been shifted one more time and the ground is moving like quicksand threatening to swallow me if I move.

Jude's face says everything. Gabe's with me out of pity, and he'll never love me.

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