Chapter 4

Vedrac

She was even more beautiful in person. Red hair fell like waves of fire around perfect skin. Her body was curvy and vibrant with energy. I let my eyes trail down over her for a moment. If I let them unfocus slightly I could see the storm raging around her. It was unlike any human aura I had ever seen. The colors were calm pastels now, but they raged around her like a tornado. Tendrils reached out from her. Now that we were near each other I could feel them anchoring even stronger to me. I felt my own energy grow and strengthen. I knew I had a purpose again, and it was her. I'd come here expecting to die, but now I was more invigorated to live than ever. I would protect and worship her for as long as I could draw breath. Blue icicles formed through her storm. She was frozen and silent, the smell of fear in the air. I had to ease her discomfort; it was unbearable to me.

"You never have to fear me. Never."

The words shot out with all the force I could muster. I saw her assessing me, and she relaxed slightly. She believed me, at least a bit. The storm calmed and spread out from her slightly.

"Sorry. My name is Heather. I hope you aren't offended, Vedrac. It's just… you are…."

She waved her hands as she searched for the right words.

"I understand. I'm a lich and that means I am dangerous and powerful."

"Do you like that? Power? Being dangerous?"

My storm tilted her head as she looked at me. More tendrils reached out to me. There wasno malice or judgement in the question. She was just curious. She wanted to understand. There were things I wasn't ready to tell her. But I could tell her this.

"It's useful. Anyone who claims to enjoy being powerless is lying."

She took a moment to turn this over in her head and consider it.

"Perhaps. But don't you think there is a middle ground? We can be empowered in our lives without craving power."

"Empowerment is just a way of softening the word, because we have associated it with the worst of people who have power. You are still talking about power."

She leaned forward slightly.

"So you think all people want power? Even good people?"

"Yes, even if they don't want to admit it. And let me ask you a question. Do you think the world can afford for good people to not claim power? Should we leave it all to the bad? The greedy? The dangerous?"

She sat back again.

"I suppose not. Is that how you see yourself? As a good person who claimed power?"

I paused.

"No. I'm sure you know what I had to do to become what I am?"

She nodded, her face wary now.

"That is not good. By any stretch of the imagination. But it was a trolley problem."

"I'm sorry, a what?"

"Trolley problem. You know. There is a trolley or a train coming and it will kill five people, but if you flip the lever it will move to a different track and only kill one person? I flipped the lever."

"And you had to become a lich to do that?"

Her storm whipped out at me. I laughed. She was challenging me. Her storm may have been made up of emotions, but it was this that powered it. An unflinching desire to understand. To make sense of the world and the people in it. It appealed to a side of me that I had long thought dead. I saw our lives together mapped out in front of me. Endless discussions. Debates. Exploring subjects together. Growing. But something was holding her back. Holding the center of her storm tightly to her. Fear. Understanding the world sometimes made it harder to exist in. I knew that as much as anyone.

"No. But I think you already knew that when you asked the question. What did you really mean to ask?"

"Why?"

She shot back the question without even missing a beat at my pushback. My gods, I had loved in the past. But had I ever known love like this? That consumes you in an instant? No. Not even close. Her storm reached out to me more. I could use my power to draw in it. To drink it in. I wanted to. But I would never take from her against her will. I was starting to long for it to envelop me in person though. My body began to react too. Something else I hadn't felt in a long time. That I thought long dead. Physical desire.

"I wanted to protect a friend. There may have been other ways to do it. I could have left it in the eyes of others. But I didn't."

She raised an eyebrow and sat back in her chair. She hadn't expected that.

"Tell me about it."

I sighed. I didn't want to tell her all the details. To dirty our connection with the knowledge of them. I paused, but she sat waiting quietly. She would outwait me, I could see that. Although I felt a little bubble of something in the storm. Anxiety. Small but strong. Taking advantage of the pause in our back and forth to try and emerge. It was like a parasite, tainting the rest of her energy. Fighting it constantly must have been exhausting. I made a quick decision.

"I will tell you my tale. I promise. But for now, I wish to make you an offer. It is an open offer, you can take me up on it any time you like, as often as you like."

She tilted her head. She was curious.

"And what's that?"

"You know I survive by drinking energy from other living things, yes?"

"Yes."

She looked like she was trying to melt back into her seat now. The parasite was growing.

"I have control over it. I don't have to drain them until they are dead. I can take small amounts. I can choose which energies to take. I can sift through them. So if you wanted, I could drain the anxiety that plagues you. Weaken it."

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open slightly. Her storm split into two and began to fight itself. On one side the anxiety and everything it could pull into it. On the other the beautiful pastels that begged to be free. Watching her struggle with this felt like a gut punch. I wanted to free her, but I knew there was no reason for her to trust me.

"But wouldn't that hurt me in some way? Make me less, somehow?"

It was a bold question that showed her vulnerability. And she hadn't immediately recoiled.

"No. If anything I think it would make you stronger, not having to fight yourself all the time."

"But how… how do you…."

"I can see people's energy. I see the part of yours that wants to consume you."

She shifted in her seat and pulled her blanket closer around herself, lost in her thoughts for a moment. I knew before she spoke that she was going to refuse me, and it made the heart I'd forgotten I had break a little bit.