TWENTY-ONE Jessie

TWENTY-ONE

Jessie

Jessie had a hard time falling asleep after their meeting with Professor Barnard. Ravi could probably see the stress on her face and had asked her to pack a bag and spend the night at his condo so they could try to process what they had learned together.

Thankfully, it was easier to fall asleep in his bed, comforted by the sound of Ravi's easy breathing as he read a book by the soft glow of the small lamp on his bedside table. The gentle rustling of pages and the soothing hum of the ceiling fan provided the steady rhythm she needed to find solace and dreams.

She must have sensed his absence, the cold emptiness in the bed beside her, which is what woke her in the middle of the night. The blackout curtains engulfed the room in darkness, so she felt the bed next to her to find Ravi, only to touch sheets that were cool against her fingertips.

"Ravi?" she whispered as she sat up, the sheets pooling at her waist. She wore one of his old T-shirts, and the thin fabric wasn't enough to keep her warm in the late-fall chill.

When her vision adjusted, she saw a light under the bedroom door, and she slipped out of bed and crossed the room to see where he had gone.

The under-cabinet lights in the kitchen glowed, and the TV hummed softly with the sounds of an old TV sitcom. Ravi sat on the couch, his laptop resting on his knees with a Word document open. As she approached, he looked over his shoulder.

"Hey," he said softly. "Did I wake you?"

"Sort of," she said as she rounded the couch. She grabbed the throw blanket from the ottoman and sat at his side so he could wrap an arm over her shoulders. She shook out the throw and covered both of them with it to ward off the chill. "You were gone."

She felt a kiss against her brow, and a warm feeling spread across her chest.

"I had an idea for this story I'm writing," he said softly. "I wanted to get it down before I forgot."

"Mm-hm," Jessie said. Sleep was starting to invade her senses again. "Do you want me to leave you alone for a bit so you can work on it?"

"No, I think I'm done," he said.

He minimized the window, and a browser screen with a list of job titles popped up. She saw the words research and development in bold letters under one of the titles.

"I don't mean to pry," she said, shifting to an upright position. "But why are you looking at jobs?"

Ravi slid his hand off her shoulders and down her arm before he tapped the screen. "They're not jobs," he said. "They're internships."

Jessie remembered Sahdna mentioning that he was discussing internships with his friends. It stung that he hadn't talked to her about it earlier.

"My brother had my father's chief of staff send me this list," Ravi continued. "They want me to choose something for the summer at one of their companies. I still would have to interview for it, but they've made it clear that I'd be a shoo-in."

It was on the tip of her tongue to call out the nepotism of the situation. The likelihood of someone like her ever getting recognized by an HR department at one of those companies was next to impossible, and here he was, interviewing for jobs.

"I know how it sounds," he said ruefully. "And I recognize how privileged this makes me. Here I am, walking right into a position when someone in your shoes would have to interview and fight to be seen."

"But?" she said as she shifted on the couch. The throw was still tucked around her shoulders. "What's on your mind?"

"The thing is I ... I don't want to become an engineer." He let his head fall into his hands. "I don't want to be like my father and brother who are so insensitive to everyone around them. I don't want to code all day or be pretentious at night in a room full of other pretentious people. I want to be somewhere quiet, and I want to write my stories."

"You're a walking cliché, Ravi Kumar," Jessie said, her voice light. She brushed at an errant curl at his temple.

He curled his lips slowly. "Just another rich, privileged South Asian kid who doesn't realize what he's got, right? God, I sound like a fucking sad-little-rich-boy pity party, Jessie. I hate it. I hate myself for it, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Because she felt like he could use the comfort instead of a pep talk, Jessie moved on instinct and ran her fingers through his hair until she cupped the back of his neck. She'd never done anything like it before and was surprised it felt so natural. More importantly, she felt the muscles in his neck relax at her touch. He leaned back against her fingers and closed his eyes.

"You're going to have to tell them," she said softly. "Otherwise, you'll just stay the sad little rich boy."

"Or I can pick the easiest internship I can find and just suck it up."

"Taking the spot away from someone who worked really hard for that job because they really wanted it," she countered.

"Or taking the spot from some other VP's kid who's also getting special treatment. I'm sorry, Jessie, but there is rarely any fairness in my family's world. Are you sure it's one you want to potentially belong to someday?"

"Yes," she said with newfound conviction. "Yes, because I'll figure out a way to change the system. Or at least the parts of the system that I work within. Because I see it as an opportunity, a chance to have a career that my family always dreamed about but sacrificed for me. And that makes me happy, that I can fulfill their dreams. But if it doesn't make you happy, then don't do it."

He turned his head toward her, his eyes opening slowly. They were a warm, molten brown. "Do you think I'm pathetic?" he said softly.

"Pathetic because you want to be a writer instead of an engineer? No. Pathetic because your biggest problem in life is standing up to your parents? Maybe. But that's only because you have money and you don't lose out on anything other than relationships that already make you sad, Ravi."

"I guess you're right," he said. He closed his laptop and shifted it to the side. "I am being pathetic. So what do you think? Marketing or sales?"

Because she knew he was looking for a laugh, she pushed the blanket aside and moved to straddle his hips. "Marketing for sure. I don't think I could be with a sales guy."

His smile was infectious. He cupped her face in his hands and pressed a kiss against her lips. "Do I really have to pick one?" he asked softly.

"What would you do if you didn't work for your parents?"

"Write," he said immediately. "I don't know, maybe teach? The idea of grad school doesn't scare me, to be honest. I like school. And I mean that. Not the parties but the classes, too."

Jessie ran her hands over his chest, feeling the softness of his T-shirt and remembering the hardness underneath. "You know what you have to do."

He didn't answer her, instead leaning in for another kiss. "I wrote something else tonight. Do you want to know what it is?"

She could feel his arousal against the thin fabric of her panties. "Later," she whispered, and rocked against him, growing wetter with each tilt of her hips.

"Now," he said, and after groaning against her mouth, slipping his tongue between her lips, and digging his fingertips into her round butt cheeks for just a minute, holding her to him, he shifted her off to the side and back onto the couch.

"Ravi!"

"Just a minute," he said. Ravi picked up a folded piece of paper next to the tray on the coffee table. "Can you read this first?"

"It better be good," she mumbled. The uncomfortable heat of her arousal was a distraction, but she took the paper and unfolded it. Inside was his neatly printed handwriting. She pressed a hand to her chest. Delight shimmered in her veins. "You wrote me a letter?"

He nodded. "Read it."

She took a few deep breaths to manage the rush of emotion, of joy for this kind and beautiful man, before she started at the top of the page. "Dear Jaan ..." She looked up at Ravi. "What—"

"Keep reading," he said quietly.

She cleared her throat. "‘Dear Jaan, I chose this university because it was just acceptable enough for my family but no one before me had a legacy. I planned to create my own way and to make a name for myself in the four years I studied here. But then I met you, and my time here began to mean so much more. The moment we ran into each other, I felt like everything changed. I know you're worried about whether or not we belong together, and I won't lie to you, I'm worried, too. Not because I think that we don't, but because other people are going to try to stand in our way, and I don't know what I have to do to convince you that they are wrong. I love you more than I've loved anyone else in my life, and I know that if you give me a chance, I'll do my best to always put you first.'"

There were a few more lines left of the letter, but she couldn't read them. She couldn't see through her tears. Her heart was so full in that moment that she felt like it was about to burst from her chest. A soft sob escaped her mouth. "Ravi," she whispered.

"I love you," he said. He'd shifted so that he was crouched in front of her. He brushed a tear off her cheek with his thumb. "I love you, and no matter what else happens, that won't change."

But is it enough?

She couldn't voice the concern aloud, not when Ravi had just bared his heart to her.

"I love you, too," she said. Then she put the letter down on the coffee table. She wrapped her arms around his strong, warm frame, and she buried her face in the crook of his neck. "I love you, too."

Even if we break.