Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

HIM — BEFORE

She wasn’t supposed to say no. I should be pissed. I am pissed. But I’m also smart enough to know we’re soulmates, that she’s the one I’m supposed to marry, and walking away from all of this will only make it worse.

She waited two days to text me, to tell me that she’s sorry, and she doesn’t want to lose me. I wish I could say I understand, that I feel for her and get the predicament she’s in, but I can’t. It’s me. The love of her life. We’re perfect for each other, and the decision to let that dangle on a thread is one I don’t understand.

She’s coming over tonight, and things are going to get back to normal. I refuse to lose her and refuse to give up on the dream. All my life, I’ve had a plan. I knew I was going to meet the girl of my dreams young. I knew I was going to get married and have four or five kids and two dogs. It’s always been the plan, but none of my relationships have worked out. None of the girls were ready for this level of commitment. For my intensity. None of them were as serious about us as I am, not until I met her. I know she says she isn’t ready either, but we both know she’s just scared. Her mother is sick; her father is gone. She doesn’t have a family. She doesn’t have a life outside of this relationship, and that worries her.

So I’ll do what I have to do. I’ll be the adult here and lead her into the relationship like she is a lamb, and I’m the border collie tasked with protecting her.

In the bedroom, I open my dresser drawer and pull out the box of condoms. I cross the room to my nightstand and retrieve my sewing kit. Then, carefully, I use a needle to pierce each of the individual packages eleven times. When I’m done, I smooth my finger over the foil, erasing the evidence of what I’ve done unless you’re looking too closely at the package, which she won’t be. With any luck, she won’t see it at all.

She says she’s not ready, but I know she is. She just needs a little push.