Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

TO THE STARS

I wake from a restless sleep, Kyle's note still clutched in my hand. It was a bold move, on his part. I wonder how he even got in here without being seen. But I'm glad he did. For so many reasons. Not just because of what we did, or might do, even though my heart skips a beat at the thought. But also because he's the only person who has ever given me a choice, who offered me freedom at the edge of a waterfall. My plans might have changed slightly, but I still think he could be the only one brave enough, or mad enough, to help me. I just need to take him somewhere we can truly be alone.

And I know exactly the place.

I shower and dress, brushing my hair so it crackles with electricity. I choose a dress in deep burgundy velvet, silver leaves embroidered along the cuffs and hem, the neckline lower than I'd usually wear.

When I open my bedroom door, he's there. It's all I can do not to fall into his arms, but the wide-eyed glance of the other guard with him, her hair pulled into a high silvery ponytail, stops me.

Still. I need to be alone with him.

‘I'm going to the library,' I say. I pause, trying to remember the name of the other guard. ‘Er, Giselle, is it? I'll be fine with just Kyle – I won't be going anywhere.'

Kyle looks down, but I can see he's grinning.

The other guard looks doubtful. ‘But my lady, Bertrand ordered me to?—'

‘I'll speak with Bertrand,' I say, with as much authority as I can muster.

The guard frowns, a line between her silvery brows. But she can't disobey me. And with that comes a glimpse of the power waiting for me, once I put on the Raven robes. It's crushing in its intensity.

‘My lady.' The guard nods her head, then whooshes away. As soon as she's gone I'm in Kyle's arms, his lips on mine.

‘Wait,' I say, when he pulls back so I can breathe. ‘Not here.'

‘In your room?' He raises an eyebrow.

‘No, not there either. I wasn't kidding about the library.'

‘Okay?' He releases me. ‘Lead on, my lady. I look forward to all the reading we'll do together.'

I laugh, my heart beginning to soar. Only he can do this to me. We race through the darkened hallways, hand in hand, until we reach the familiar arched doors. I open them, pulling Kyle inside. The library is quiet, moonlight coming through long windows to silver the bookshelves lining three walls, sliding across the carved wooden furniture and fine rugs.

‘Are you going to tell me what's going on?'

I smile, shaking my head, feeling light as air. Outside, the night sky is bright with stars. I go to one of the padded window seats, kneeling to look up. When I'm living as a human, I'll be able to go outside whenever I like, day or night. All the pieces seem to finally be falling into place, freedom so close I can almost taste it.

Kyle sits next to me, his head back, silver eyes reflecting the sky. ‘Are we looking at stars?'

‘Yes,' I say. ‘No. I mean, soon we'll have a better view.'

‘Aren't you supposed to stay in the house?'

‘Yes.' I hug my secret to me, stretching out the moment.

Kyle leans his head on my arm. ‘In the pits, you can't see the sky.' He sounds reflective. ‘It's all underground. No fresh air, no stars, no curving moon.'

My bright mood dims. I look down at him. ‘It sounds awful.'

‘It wasn't a nice place to be.' He lifts my hand to his lips, kissing it. ‘So now, whenever I can, I look up at the sky. To remind myself that I'm free.'

‘I'm sorry,' I say, wanting to ease the pain in his voice. The life of a pit champion can't have been an easy one. ‘Were you always… um. I mean… in the pits. Were you born there?' It's kind of bad manners to ask someone whether they were blood borne, or changed. But I don't think Kyle will mind. It's not like we don't know each other.

‘I wasn't always there, no. I had a life, outside, for a while.'

‘As…'

‘As a human.' He smiles, but his gaze is distant. ‘A long time ago. I'm not blood borne, like you are. The memory is more like a dream than anything, vague flickers of images. But I've never forgotten the sky. It kept me going, when I was under there.'

‘How long ago?'

‘Long enough.' He reaches up, pulling me so I have to turn, sitting next to him. He leans in, his hand coming to my waist. All thought leaves me.

And the library doors open. Kyle is on his feet, the movement so quick it's a blur.

‘Emelia. I thought I heard you in here.'

It's my mother, flanked by two of her personal guards, moonlight catching the flecks of red, like blood droplets, on their black and silver livery.

‘Mother.' I stand up as well. Kyle's fingers brush against mine.

‘Kyle.' She nods her head to him.

‘My lady.' He bows.

‘Emelia, what's this I hear about you dismissing one of your guards? They're here for your safety.' My mother frowns.

‘I didn't think I needed two guards to come to the library,' I say. ‘And it's not like I'm going anywhere else.'

Her eyes narrow, briefly, and flicker from Kyle back to me. I know she knows why I dismissed the other guard. ‘Your father was attacked in this house. Please honour our wishes in this matter going forward.'

‘Fine.' It is fine. I just need tonight, and a chance to speak to Kyle. There's a pause. ‘I thought you'd be gone already.' My voice rises, like my hope that perhaps she's decided not to go through with the Moon Harvest after all.

My mother's smile fades. ‘That's why I came to find you. Your father and I are leaving shortly. There are preparations we need to make… well.' She looks down for a moment. ‘We'll be back tomorrow night, near sun-up. Kyle,' her onyx gaze moves to him, ‘you are charged with Emelia's protection while we're gone.'

‘My lady,' he says, bowing.

‘So you're going through with it, then?' The magic of the night shatters, like a mirror falling from a wall.

‘Emelia.' My mother pauses, looking away briefly. ‘You know we have to.'

‘I don't. I don't know that at all!' My voice echoes through the room. ‘We have to do somethin g, of course we do, but this… this slaughter , feels wrong! And it's not you ! It wasn't that long ago you said violence wasn't the answer, but now you're going to murder twenty people to make a point!'

My mother draws herself up, her eyes glittering, arms crossed. She looks like a beautiful fierce statue. For the first time ever, I see her as Raven, the entity, an ancient predator, rather than my mother. It's a strange sensation.

Then she speaks and the moment passes. ‘This is not up for discussion. Your father was attacked! I cannot believe you're advocating mercy for those responsible.'

‘The one who attacked Father is dead, thanks to Mistral. He's paid the price already. Why does there need to be more death? How do you know that Mistral is going to bring rebels to the Moon Harvest? He could show up with anyone!'

‘I've known him for two centuries. He's our most faithful lieutenant, and a prince of Raven. If he can't be trusted, who can?'

‘But—'

‘ Enough! ' Her voice rings through the library.

I stand there, gasping, then turn away.

The air moves and Mother is there, catching me in her arms. I know she loves me. I know I love her. I'll miss her desperately when I'm gone. But this is bullshit. I can't deal with any of it right now.

‘My darling girl, I wish I could make you understand.'

I'll never understand. My face is buried in her neck, her satin hair smooth against my cheek. ‘Let go of me.' Torn between love and fury, I push at her. She lets go.

‘We have to end this rebellion,' she says. ‘And this is a step, a necessary step, towards doing so, towards making the realm safe again. If you'd been standing with your Father, when… I couldn't bear it if—' Blood tears are dark in her eyes.

I swallow, feeling as though bands of iron are suffocating me, and all I want to do is break through them and scream away the frustration at what I am, at what I put her through, simply by existing. She cannot make this about me, about making the realm safe for me.

‘Please don't do this. There has to be another way.'

My mother's mouth is a perfect ‘o', her brow creased. ‘Emelia, I… it's just…'

‘Talk to them, negotiate a ceasefire. Imprison the ringleaders, if that's who Mistral is bringing to the Moon Harvest.' I hate feeling this powerless, feel the twist of it in my stomach. She doesn't respond, so I keep going. ‘Do I not get a say in this? I'm the next Raven, after all. And I'm human. Like they are.'

A single red tear spills from her eye, running down the porcelain curve of her cheek.

‘I can't change this now.'

She's lying. She's Raven. She can change whatever she wants. Sadness rolls over me, heavy as though it might press me into the carpet. All I say is, ‘Then go.'

My mother stares at me, her gaze blood and onyx in the moonlight. ‘This is not as easy as you think.'

I say nothing. She waits a moment longer, then leaves, followed by her guards, her dress a flash of red in the darkness. I stand there, weighed down by the broken shards of the night, of what might have been.

‘Emelia.' Kyle's arms come around me.

I sigh, sagging against him. Everything just feels huge and hopeless. I can't change a thing. I should just go back to my room and sit there until I crumble to dust, then everyone can get on with their lives and?—

‘Hey.' His hands come to my shoulders, setting me back from him. His handsome face is serious. ‘Are you really against the Moon Harvest?'

I nod. ‘Not that it makes any difference,' I mutter.

‘I think it does.'

I frown. ‘How? How does it change anything?'

‘Well, it won't save The Twenty but?—'

‘The Twenty?' He says it as though it has capital letters.

‘The Moon Harvest is big news. Those twenty people, well – you don't know?—'

‘No, I don't know. I don't know anything, stuck in here. Other than there's some website that puts targets on me and my family.'

‘A website?'

‘Yeah. I found it last night. "The North Wind will blow" and all that.' I sigh. How could I have thought the rebels would want to meet me? I'm just a nobody. ‘Anyway, what do you mean about The Twenty being big news?'

Kyle folds his arms. ‘You have to understand, what they're about to do… it's going to make things worse. The Twenty will become martyrs, inflaming the rebels even more.'

‘That's what I've been trying to tell them – I don't know why they can't see it!' It's infuriating that my parents, with all their centuries of experience, don't get this.

‘Perhaps vampires have thought of humans as just food for too long.' A corner of Kyle's mouth curves in a half-smile. ‘I think that's why you'll be a great Raven, when the time comes.'

‘You do?'

‘Yeah.' His grin widens. ‘Who better to bridge the gap between humans and vampires than someone who sees both sides, like you?'

We both fall silent. It feels as though all that's important is here, in the space between us. Again I feel that urge, that flame of rebellion, the need to do something. To change… everything. I can do this. With him at my side.

‘I need your help,' I say. Four words. But I hope they will change everything.

He takes my hands, pulling me to him. ‘Tell me what you need.'

‘Not here,' I say, glancing at the closed door. I'm sure my mother has stationed guards outside, and I don't want them hearing us.

‘Then where?' There's laughter in his tone, now, and a deeper throb that sounds like anticipation. ‘You did promise me a view of the stars.'

I put a finger to my lips. He stops talking, a smile in his silver eyes. I go to the bookcase and take Interview with the Vampire from the shelf, handing it to Kyle. I reach between the books and pull the metal lever, the shelf sliding back, silent as a dream.

The air moves as Kyle zips past me. He turns on the second step, his face lit up.

‘This is so cool! What's up here?'

‘The sky,' I say, my anticipation rising. ‘The stars.'

‘Then let's go and see.' He reaches out and grabs me.

‘Wait.' I flick the little lever that pushes the bookcase back into place and it closes, leaving us in the dark.

‘Hmmm, I like this.' Then Kyle's mouth is on mine and I cling to him, the stars behind my eyelids a match for any show the heavens might put on. He starts up the stairs, still carrying me.

‘There's a trapdoor,' I say. ‘Don't run into it.'

‘I'm on it,' he says. I hear a clatter, then there's a rush of cool air and we're on the roof.

The sky is an uninterrupted curve of dark blue blazing with stars, the Safe Zone a distant glimmer, the dark mass of forest wrapping the estate like a blanket. Kyle puts me down, then speeds to each corner of the flat space, looking out across the chimneys and towers. It's chilly, and I wish I'd thought to bring up a blanket. Kyle turns back to me. His expression changes when he sees me hugging myself, rubbing my arms.

‘I'll be right back.' There's the faint creak of the bookcase moving then, a few moments later, the same sound repeated. Kyle appears, his arms full of cushions and blankets.

He spreads one of the blankets flat, arranging the cushions at one end, then comes and tucks the other blanket around my shoulders, my hair lifting with the speed of his movement. Then he stands to the side, holding out his hand. I sit on the blanket, patting the cushion next to me. He sits beside me, shifting his weight to rummage in one of his pockets. ‘One last thing.'

He pulls out a small candle in a glass holder, then retrieves a box of matches from another pocket and lights it, the flickering small flame protected by the fragile bubble of glass. There's something sweet about the small pool of golden light, a spot of warmth in the chill night. He smiles at me, and we stare at each other for a long moment.

‘I missed you, when I was gone,' he murmurs. ‘Did you get my note?'

I nod. ‘Yes. Do I really taste like roses?' I blush as soon as I ask the question, but I don't try to control it. Not with him.

One corner of his mouth quirks up. ‘Hmmm.' He leans in, brushing a kiss across my lips. Then his arms come around me, pulling me closer, and he bends his head once more. ‘I can't quite remember. Perhaps I need to taste you again.' Then his lips are on mine, my mouth opening to his as we kiss, surrounded by the music of the wind and stars and our hearts, my sorrow sliding away into the night, lost in the beauty of the moment.

Then I push him away.

‘What is it?' he says.

‘I need your help,' I say again, wanting to get the words out before he can distract me again.

He takes my hand, bringing it to his lips. His eyes are a gleam of silver between smoke-dark lashes. His tongue flicks against my fingers, cold fire. ‘You know I'll do whatever you want. But what can the heir to Raven possibly need my help with?'

‘That's just it,' I say, struggling to keep focus. I want him, desperately. But I also want this. ‘I might be the heir, but I'm powerless, mostly. A human. And?—'

‘Humans aren't powerless,' Kyle says. His arm slides behind me, lowering me onto the cushions, his weight delicious against me, his hands moving on me, distracting. It's difficult to concentrate on what he's saying, but I try. ‘The fact they're still rebelling, more than fifty years after the Rising, is proof of that.'

And there it is. The perfect lead into my question. I take it, before I lose myself entirely. ‘I want you to help me get off the estate.'

‘What?' Kyle's hands stop moving. ‘You… you want to leave?' There's a strange thread in his voice, like excitement.

‘Yes,' I say. ‘I want to see what it's like, for humans. Want to see how they live. It… it's what I've wanted for a long time. But now,' I take his hand in mine, threading our fingers together, ‘after everything that's happened, with my father, and the bomb, I also want to understand.'

‘Understand?'

‘You said to me, in the woods… the thing is, I've seen how humans live, but not in real life. Yet here they are blowing things up and… and I just want to know what I can do to help. I can't stop the Moon Harvest, but if I can understand it, can speak to the North Wind, maybe I can stop the rebellion.'

He pulls back, staring at me. ‘Are you serious?'

I nod. ‘So will you take me to see it?'

His eyes widen further. ‘To see… the Moon Harvest?'

I nod.

He rolls off me, sitting up. ‘Are you mad? I can't take you anywhere near a Moon Harvest!'

I sit up as well. ‘I need to do this. To bear witness.' My voice shakes. ‘If I can't stop it, I need to see it. They can't die alone.'

Kyle shakes his head, but there's something in his silver gaze. ‘It will be a massacre. You won't be safe.'

‘I'll cover myself with anti-feed! It'll be fine. Please. I swear, I'll do whatever you say.'

‘Whatever I say?' One corner of his mouth curves, and he leans in, kissing me. ‘I have to keep you safe, though. It's my job.'

I recoil. ‘Your job?'

His hand goes behind my head, his lips on mine again. ‘It's my job to look after you,' he murmurs, against my mouth. ‘But you know it's more than that. I can't bear the thought of you being in danger.'

‘You can't?' His hands move on me again, and it feels so good.

‘I can't. You mean more to me than…' He is all violets and fire, his body against mine again as I lean back onto the cushions, his mouth descending on mine again.

‘You mean a lot to me, as well,' I gasp against his mouth, his touch. ‘So much.'

He pulls back again, his hand gentle on my face, his silver gaze soft, his body hard. ‘Are you sure this is what you want?'

I'm not even sure what he's asking me anymore. I gather up the remnants of my focus. ‘Yes. I need to do this. To see more. Of humans. See how they live. Live with them. Meet the rebels, if I can. Will you help me?' Each sentence is punctuated by a short breath, my heart pounding at his closeness.

‘Yes, I'll help you, Emelia Raven, if that's what you want. Even though I think you're mad—' there's laughter in his voice now ‘—and we're bound to get caught, I'll get you off the estate.'

‘H-how will you do it?'

‘Leave it to me. We have until tomorrow night, so there's time enough.' His hands are under my dress now, sliding up my thighs, tracing me through my underwear. ‘Do you really want to keep talking, though?'

I do not.

* * *

A while later, I surface, my breath coming hard. His jacket and shirt are off, as is my dress, but I don't feel cold anymore. His hips are between my thighs, his hard length pressing into me, the sensation strange, my body responding on a deeper level. He kisses my throat, then lifts his head, stars bright behind him.

‘Do you want me to stop?'

At that moment all the planets in the galaxy could put on a light show set to music and I wouldn't care less. What I really want is for Kyle to keep kissing me, for me to keep touching him, and for more, if not all, of our clothes to come off. It feels as though the ties that bind me to my life, that have held me in place for so long, are finally loosening. The realisation makes me blush, my skin getting hotter. I reach down between us, running my hand across him, fumbling with the button on his trousers. He takes a short breath. ‘Emelia?'

‘Kyle, I want to… er, I want you to…'

‘What is it?' he says, so tender.

‘Have you ever…'

He sighs, his breath violet scented. ‘Of course I have. I'm older than I look. But—' he kisses me ‘—I've never felt about any of them the way I feel about you.'

Tears come to my eyes and I blink. ‘It's just, I've never…'

‘I know you haven't,' he says. ‘Are you sure…?'

‘Yes.' Such a weighted word. A word that can open doors, bring new realities into being. Such a small word, yet one that's about to change me forever. ‘Yes, I'm sure.'

He stares at me a moment longer. ‘If you want me to stop, just say, okay?'

I nod, trembling. His hands move once more. One on my back, unhooking my bra and removing it, while the other goes lower, between my legs, his fingers finding my sensitive core, sliding my underwear down. I gasp and sigh, my eyes closing as I pull at his clothes, moving them away. His mouth is on my throat as his hands work, the candle flickering in time with my breathing, my world all violet-scented sensation, flame and heat and unbearable sweetness all in one. He pulls back, his hand leaving me, and he licks his fingers, holding my gaze. He shifts again, and I feel something hard, nudging at my entrance. Kyle rolls his hips, carefully, and pushes in, just a little way.

There's pain.

‘Oh!' I tense, unable to help it. He stills.

‘Do you want me to stop?'

His fangs have dropped, his breath coming fast. I run my fingers down his back, his skin soft and cool, then lower, liking how he feels. ‘Don't stop.' I squeeze him, gently, relaxing once more, opening to him. He gasps, then his hips move again, and he fills me, gradually, an inch at a time. He strokes my hair, kissing me as he thrusts deeper, his pace slow and tender. It's strange at first, but I soon find a rhythm to match his, both of us clinging to each other, our sighs drifting soft in the night air. He brings my wrist to his mouth, biting gently, a kiss of pain, a brief moment of suction. I whimper, then think for a second of the guards below before the thought is gone, overtaken by strange new sensations. He must have the same thought though, for he covers my mouth with his once more, his hand smoothing my hair as he moves faster, harder. Heat starts to build in me, coiling at my core, and I meet his hips with my own, wanting the friction, my breath coming faster. Then Kyle tenses, shuddering, before relaxing against me. There's heat and cold between my legs, a tingling sensation of fullness. He pulls back, and it feels like loss.

I sigh, my heart still singing. He kisses me, slow, his breath coming back to normal.

‘I didn't hurt you, did I?' He kisses the inside of my wrist, his touch healing the tiny punctures there. ‘Fuck, you taste so fucking good.' He licks my skin, another kiss.

I smile, everything feeling slow, as though I'm moving through honey. ‘No. I mean, just the first moment, then it was… fine.'

‘Fine?' He raises an eyebrow and I try not to laugh. Seriously? Male pride is something not confined to humans, it seems.

A giggle escapes, I can't help it. His expression becomes more wounded. ‘Well, it was my first time. What did you expect? Believe me,' I say, pulling him closer, ‘I enjoyed it.'

‘Hmmm.' He kisses me again. ‘Well, you'll enjoy it even more next time.'

‘Oh, and when will that be?'

‘Whenever you're ready,' he says. I can feel he's telling the truth. Huh. That's different from the books I've read, human men seeming to need time?—

‘Oooh.' Kyle is moving against me, his hands exploring, and I find I don't want to think about books anymore. Behind him, stars streak the sky, silver and black. Then he thrusts into me again, and time disappears.

* * *

I must have fallen asleep afterwards because next thing I know Kyle's carrying me down the stairs, the blanket wrapped around me. There's the click of the lever, then the creak of the bookcase opening. He pauses.

‘What is it?' I murmur.

‘Well, Emelia—' I can hear the smile in his voice ‘—you're naked, I'm half dressed, and we've just come down from the roof together. Just making sure no one else is in the library.'

‘Hmmm, I think they might notice the bookcase moving, somehow.' I'm too tired to care, though.

‘Looks as though the coast is clear.' He steps into the library, depositing me on the sofa. My clothes are tangled in the blanket and I retrieve them, putting them on and wrapping the blanket around me again. The fire in the fireplace has burned low, candles guttering in their sconces. Kyle closes the bookcase, shrugging on his shirt and jacket.

‘Come on, sleepyhead.' He grins. ‘Let's get you back to your room before someone comes looking for you.'

I stand up slowly, clutching the blanket. I want him to carry me again, but that will mean far too many questions if anyone sees us. So I follow him along the corridors to my room, my feet dragging with tiredness. My heart is light, though, joy all through me. I feel different, on every level, as though what happened on the roof is a line drawn between the Emelia I was and the Emelia I am now. When we reach my room I turn to him. ‘Will you come in, to check?'

He smiles, his head close to mine. ‘Let me see you safe.' The words are innocent enough, but his eyes are molten silver. My heart leaps.

‘Thank you,' I say, innocent words again but my hands touch him, staking their claim. He follows me into my room, closing the door. Then we're in each other's arms.

‘I have to go,' he says, eventually, lifting his head. ‘It must be close to sunrise.'

‘Don't you know?' Vampires usually have a sense for it.

He grins. ‘I'm not so good at it, especially when I'm distracted. And you are very distracting.' He leans in for a kiss, long and sweet. Then he gets up, running a hand through his hair. I straighten the collar on his jacket, brushing some dust from the sleeve. I don't want to stop touching him, or for him to leave.

‘Until tomorrow,' he says, his hand on my cheek. ‘Be ready, just after sundown.'

‘Until then,' I say, slightly breathless. He kisses me, one last time.

‘Go.' I push him, and he's gone.