62

Jadon Wake stands twenty paces behind me, sword in hand. Thick fog builds behind him, and his face eases with the relief of seeing me alive…and then his face goes rigid with the dread of seeing me alive.

All my anger and concern for him, all those feelings that could’ve turned into love given the time, burn up my throat like fire. I want to scream, and I want to run to him. But I do neither. No, I slip my amulet over my head and grip Fury’s hilt tighter before moving away from Elyn.

My lips tighten into a scowl. “You’re the last person I want to see right now.”

Behind Jadon, the battle continues. The yellow-gray sludge from the sea hisses, the acid burning leather, steel, and flesh. The vapors of sulfur and rot make it difficult for any living thing to breathe, and eventually every living lung will disintegrate. No vibrant colors exist here—nothing sparkling yellow or vivid blue. Sickness, that’s what I’m reminded of. Desiccated flesh after the best parts have been eaten away by animals and time.

Jadon closes some of the distance between us, and some of my anger slips into hurt—my skin tender again from his stabs of falseness and duplicity. In his new uniform and that pearl-gray armor, he’s beautiful, and he takes away what little breath I have. His hair, thick and dark, has been washed. He’s shaved. He’s—

“Well, look at this .” Elyn laughs as she stands, hand still pressed against her now-healing laceration. “ The Kai Megidrail, Destroyer of Worlds, all dewy-eyed over a boy .” She chuckles again. “The blacksmith, not the prince, has swept her off her feet. Good job, Ser Wake.”

Jadon keeps his gaze fixed to mine. Since I can no longer hear his thoughts, I try to read his expression, but I can’t decipher that, either.

The roar of battle grows louder, bouncing off the surface of the sea and splattering against Mount Devour’s steep granite walls. Burning this and sooty that. Ash and acid, swords and screaming. The earth beneath us quakes as men and otherworldly throw each other around. Danar Rrivae’s otherworldly battling Elyn’s otherworldly—each side fighting for a realm that doesn’t belong to either. Because to gain ultimate control of this realm, they need to kill me, but I will never surrender the only world that’s mine.

I will not die by any mortal man’s sword. I will not die by Elyn’s sword. I will not die by Danar Rrivae’s sword. I’m not dying, period.

“You’ve been working against me all this time,” I say to Jadon. “You’ve wanted Vallendor for yourself, your brother and father. Why are you here? To kill both Elyn and me?”

Jadon doesn’t speak, so I turn to Elyn. “Why is he here?”

One side of her mouth lifts into a smile. “One step at a time, Kai.”

She has nerve to be as cocky as she is, considering I still grip her sword in my hand. I stow Fury and study Elyn’s blade. So light. So beautiful.

Now I read aloud those engravings across the blade. “ Arbiter. Judge. Truth. Mediator. Justice. Life. Death. Absolutely gorgeous,” I say, peering at the sword’s hilt. “Too bad you didn’t get to use it.” I turn a gaze sharper than this blade to Jadon Wake.

He stands there, silent and unreadable.

Does he feel guilty for abandoning me? For betraying my trust? Does he even care? No. Did he ever care? No. He and his family need to kill me—they want what they want. Vallendor .

“Not even going to say one word?” I would kill to hear his voice, to see him drop that stony countenance and be the blacksmith again. To be my friend. But that man is gone, replaced by this soldier before me.

He’s like a statue on this muddy ground as he stares at me with his jaw clenched. The shadows in the sky slide across his face, making him look somehow… more . A glow pulses between his bones and skin.

“Good. We’re all here.”

I turn to see a man strolling across the plains. He moves toward us, but his feet don’t touch the ground—he can’t touch the ground because this realm is not his. So, his countenance is flat because he is here but… not. He is an apparition.

My stomach drops, and my mouth goes dry. I recognize this man.

Danar Rrivae stands behind Jadon, nearly dwarfing him. He’s as broad as three men, and his long, gray hair is captured in a ribbon that crests down to the middle of his back. His crimson-inked markings look bold against skin that’s sick-looking, white and lilac. He wears no tunic, and those markings of spheres connected by swirling vines cover the left side of his chest. Signifiers of all the realms he’s destroyed.

There’s the crescent of Kestau Realm—it used to be. There, near his hip bone, are the stars of Fendusk Realm—that used to be, too. And others. So many destroyed realms. A few ordained and sanctioned. The rest: mutiny.

Danar Rrivae cares nothing about order or duty. He cares nothing about love and sacrifice, wisdom and legacy. He abhors the work of Eserime and Renrians and peoples from the realms that are no more—they’re now only trophies of his rebellion. He wants what he wants. And he kills to take it. He wants everything .

A chill seeps through the soles of my boots.

Have I become him? A specter of malice and cold ambition, flowing through my veins like poison? This realization claws within me—that I might be this man’s echo, his shadow.

No . I won’t have it . My hands ball into fists, even as I fight within myself against the seduction of power, vengeance, and justified cruelty. I think of the path I cut across Vallendor, especially, and I’m sickened by my dearth of empathy, patience, love… Temperance .

I may be quick to act, quick to judge, but I am not Danar Rrivae. I might as well be, though—a cruel oppressor who wants what she wants, no matter the cost. I’ve forgotten so much, but I now remember who I am, who I’ve longed to be.

The usurper stands behind Jadon like a father standing over his son. His breath clouds from his mouth, not with frost but with fire.

“Little Defender,” Danar Rrivae says, smiling at me. “My, how you’ve grown. You’ll have to excuse my own… appearance .”

“You can’t step a foot on Vallendor,” I say, eyebrows furrowed.

“No,” he says, “not until I conquer it. But how do I conquer without physically setting my feet on the ground? I seek help. In Vallendor, the Wakes lead this effort on my behalf, just like men in other realms who desire power and will do as I ask to acquire it. No, Kai, I can’t kill you because I’m unable to personally slide the sharpest blade across your neck. But that’s the job of the Wakes, again, on my behalf. And by the looks of it…” He casts his eyes to the realm beyond us. All that fighting and death. “I’m not worried. This won’t take much longer.”

My mouth goes dry, and I grit my teeth so hard my head aches. My focus returns to Elyn, now trying to hide her sneer and disgust at the sight of Danar but failing miserably.

“You asked what this is?” he says. “Power. That’s what this is. I give Emperor Wake what he wants—power to rule all of Vallendor—and he gives me what I want.”

“Which is?” I ask, ignoring the ache behind my eyes.

He flounces a hand around. “To have what Supreme has: worshippers. I’ve given Wake a weapon to conquer every province without killing everyone —you must have living beings to be worshipped. Wake enjoys power in this realm. I gain more power in the realmscape.”

Elyn now openly glares at Danar—if she hates me , then she must loathe this traitor, this evil, the Vile One.

I can agree with Elyn on this—I too am repulsed by this… “Piece of shit” does not capture what I think about him. I scan my brain for any word and find the Dindt vulgarity scantivant , the shit of the shit.

Jadon looks back at the battle behind us, where Gileon wields that giant sword of his with more ease than seems possible.

“You are the reason Wake and his sons are so strong,” I say to Danar. “You are the magic that lets a mortal kill otherworldly,” I continue. “To block me from hearing their thoughts.”

Jadon’s head snaps back to me. “Hearing their thoughts? You could hear—?”

“Oh, now you speak?” I ask him, eyebrow high.

“You really think your thoughts are terribly interesting to a woman who’s had gods ?” Elyn snarks. “As her former best friend who’s met some of them, I can say”—she looks Jadon up and down—“she’s had better.”

“I don’t care about any of this,” Danar interrupts, flicking his hand toward the fighting. “Emperor Wake prayed for my help, and I obliged.”

A howl from the battlefield captures Jadon’s attention, and he whips his head back to where Gileon is now boxed in by a leolsip and a worupine.

Jadon murmurs, “Shit.”

Danar chuckles. “Don’t worry, young prince. I won’t let anyone slay him before you do.”

“ Slay? You’re betraying your brother?” I ask, alarmed and wide-eyed.

“No,” Jadon says. “Gileon and I…” He glares at Danar Rrivae. “Gileon and I are fighting against our father.”

“What?” Danar glares and takes a step forward.

I swallow the lump in my throat, and I slump only a little—is it because Jadon isn’t as terrible as I thought, and I’ve misunderstood everything that’s happened?

“Gileon and I will not let Emperor Wake rule all of Vallendor,” Jadon says. “He will not succeed.” Jadon takes a step toward me and whispers, “Kai—”

Jadon saying my name… He’s said it so many times, but this time, he sounds different. Gruff. Dominant. Reckless. “Let me explain,” he says with that voice of three, and taller now than he was just moments ago.

What is this? Am I imagining his transformation? Has the noise of battle harmed my ears? He was always a formidable man, but now… He is impossible . His voice—three different registers at the same time —is impossible. For a mortal .

Maybe it’s not Danar who’s granting Jadon his power. Maybe he needs nothing from Danar because he’s… something else . I look to his hand and to that tattoo he’s tried to keep covered. Like my own markings, his are indicative of something more. More than human.

My throat closes, and I taste the salt of my tears. I whisper his name and shake my head. “You’re not…? Danar used you to find me?” I look back over my shoulder. “Or did she use you to find me?” I close my eyes as my skin becomes clammy. “Or were they using you to find me?”

Jadon opens his mouth to speak but drops his head instead.

Then I face Elyn. “And you, Adjudicator . How dare you pass judgment when you’re working with the usurper to capture me. Does the Council of High Orders know that you’re a traitor? That you’re partnering with the Vile One to do your job?”

Elyn marches up to me until we’re nose to nose. “I’m no traitor. And I don’t consider myself his partner. Yes, we have the same goal—to kill you—but that’s where our comity ends. And once you’re dead, Kai, and this realm is without its Grand Defender, Vallendor will still remain a realm of Supreme’s. I don’t care what Danar Rrivae believes or how strong he thinks he is. I will not allow him to take this realm.”

“Good. However…” I push her away from me. “You’re not gonna kill me.” I draw Fury, and I’m back to wielding two blades.

Elyn sighs dramatically. “Do I have to do everything around here?” She frowns at the usurper. “You’ve underestimated her. You claimed that your weapon would drop the Grand Defender to her knees.”

“To my knees?” I ask, laughing. “You’ll never find me on my knees.”

Danar raises an eyebrow at Elyn. “The Grand Defender has dropped to her knees, to the delight of…my weapon.”

“What is he talking about?” I ask Elyn. “What weapon?”

Elyn’s eyes flick at me, then flick to Jadon, and that’s where they stay.

I shake my head until the cords of my neck go rigid and I can no longer move.

“Have you ever wondered why you’ve felt as weak as you have, Kai?” she asks.

“Yes,” I say. “I haven’t worn my amulet. I don’t have true armor. This realm is a dump.”

“It’s more than that, Kai,” Elyn says.

Jadon’s nostrils flare as he scowls at Elyn. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Have you ever wondered,” Elyn continues, “why your skin burns only when a certain someone touches you?”

I whisper, “Yes,” nervous now. Because that someone who made me burn is standing across from me.

“Jadon Ealdrehrt,” Elyn says, arms folded. “No, I’m sorry. Jadon Wake. Oh, damn it, I’m wrong again. Jadon Wake Rrivae . He is the weapon.”

Speechless, I turn to Jadon.

Elyn continues. “Ser Wake is the weapon who served both my purpose and Danar’s.”

“ You tell me,” I say, pointing at Jadon. “I want to hear it from you.” My breathing becomes thick, and everything I want to say lodges in my throat, strangling me. Once again, I’ve become the fool, the dupe, the only one not in on the joke.

“Kai,” Elyn whispers, forcing me to look back to her, “Jadon is Miasma. He is sickness—he is death itself. He was born to destroy Vallendor for Danar, his father . More than that, he was born to destroy you .” There is no lie in her eyes nor is there hesitation in her words.

I gape at Jadon, hurt and ire mixing in my gut, nauseating me. Stuck between icy panic and fiery rage, I want to sit and surrender. But numbness sweeps over me, shielding me from feeling nothing, protecting me against the fatal strikes of submission. “Is she speaking the truth?” I ask him now, nearly stripped of emotion.

“We weren’t supposed to become friends,” Jadon says in his new voice. “But we did, and I thought…” He rubs his jaw, looking like Old Jadon in that moment. “I wanted time. I wanted what I wanted even if you were the Grand Defender. I wanted you . I didn’t want to hurt you, but I knew every time I touched you, I destroyed pieces of you.”

I drop my head and study Elyn’s blade. “Why…?”

“Emperor Wake has a powerful heir and enforcer in Jadon,” Elyn says, her gaze also settled on her sword. “And Danar has basically the same—but instead of the power that Wake wants, Danar wants the realm . Both men need Jadon to be the same thing, and both men need you dead to get what they want.”

Powerless, Danar paces behind Jadon, his skin blazing hot, his glare hot enough to scorch all of Vallendor—that is, if he could touch it.

Jadon fixes me with his gaze, then raises his arms. “I was supposed to end this right after you returned from seeing Sybel in the forest.” He runs his hand over his hair. “After you confirmed that you were the Lady of the Verdant Realm. But by then I cared for you too much, and I found myself falling in love with you.”

Danar growls hearing Jadon’s declaration, his hands clenching and unclenching.

Jadon levels his shoulders, and his jaw hardens. “At the same time, I saw how powerful you were even without your pendant, and I realized that you’d been helping do my job. To destroy Vallendor. So I used you, yes, as my weapon. But that’s how I justified keeping you alive—and how I will fight to keep you alive.”

Elyn whirls around to face Jadon, her eyes hot. “That wasn’t the agreement.”

Danar’s eyebrows furrow, and he glowers at her. “What agreement?”

“That tat of yours?” Elyn says, sneering now at Jadon. “I won’t remove it. I won’t break your bond to this evil now.”

The marking on his hand?

Jadon throws off his gauntlet, showing the circular tattoo that he’d hidden behind a bandage. “Then I’ll cut it off myself!”

He turns to me. “I was slowly destroying everyone around me, making entire towns sick, but I was hurting you, too, speeding your end, and I didn’t want that—not yet. So I tried to keep this covered whenever you were near.”

“Kai,” Elyn says, “your original role as Grand Defender was the opposite of Jadon’s. His is death. Yours was life. In balanced realms, the two work together, with the same mission. But no longer.”

Jadon’s eyes flicker with the ever-changing light of his armor. “I wanted a new direction, a new purpose. My own purpose that wasn’t controlled by the emperor or by Danar. That’s why I asked Elyn to help me, to remove this—” He lifts his marked hand. “I’m done with this shit, Kai, and I want to start again. Be someone new. And I want to do that with you.”

“Now?” I shriek.

All of this is inevitable. Unavoidable. He told me that before leaving me alone in that cave.

There is no “us,” Kai. There never was.

This isn’t the way it was supposed to go. He said that, too.

“And what about Gileon Wake?” I ask. “He knows you as his brother—”

“He is my brother,” Jadon says.

“But Elyn just called you… Are you a Wake? Are you Mera?”

“Yes and no,” he says. “Danar and my mother, the queen… They… They…”

“We spent one blissful night together,” Danar says with a shrug and smile. “It was the emperor’s idea. The queen didn’t mind doing her part for the empire. Jadon’s just like these beasts behind you, Kai. My own spectacular creation.”

I gape at Jadon. “You’re otherworldly.”

Jadon Ealdrehrt was born a god. The women in the barn said that. No one else fights like that. A god living among men.

No, a demigod.

Shit.

If they only knew.

If I’d only known.

My sorrow slowly burns to become rage.

Elyn Fynal, the Adjudicator, wants me dead for her reasons.

Danar Rrivae wants me dead for his.

And then there’s Jadon. He finds my eyes again and takes a step forward, away from his creator. “I won’t do it, Kai. I won’t destroy you.”

“That’s your purpose, son,” Danar Rrivae rumbles. “You do not choose. You are what I say you are. There is no free will in my realm.”

Elyn’s eyes flash blue. “This isn’t your realm.”

“I won’t destroy her,” Jadon challenges, backing away from his creator.

“Oh, but you will,” Danar snarls. “She is worth everything. ”

This realm will never survive, because you will never be the god you were born to be—the god that Vallendor Realm needs and deserves.

Elyn’s words.

“You failed to live up to our agreement,” Elyn says, pointing at Danar.

“We’re here because of me,” Danar spits back. “I created him. He stopped her.”

“Stopped her?” Elyn shrieks. “She’s standing in front of me, holding my fucking blade! She will destroy us all!”

I hold Jadon’s desperate gaze. He and I…weapons both.

“I won’t destroy the world with him, Kai,” Jadon says, desperate. “Nor will I rule this realm with Gileon. I want to share Vallendor with you, Kai. I want to rule this realm with you by my side and make Vallendor what it should be.”

She will destroy us all.

Jadon’s eyes now flicker between desperation and hope. I glare at Danar; his fury shoots around him like sparks. Finally, I look back to Elyn Fynal, whose face is soft and her smirk certain that she’ll win this fight. Three otherworldly against one.

Jadon races toward me. “Kai,” he shouts, his heart landing on hope. “I choose you.”

My knees creak—I’m weakening, poisoned by the man I thought I loved.

But I can’t leave Vallendor—I’m imprisoned here.

For Danar, my death means the Grand Defender, Vallendor’s protector, is gone, and Vallendor can be his, another realm captured.

For Elyn, my death means that she’s successfully done her job. Justice . But then she must also deny Danar his plans to take Vallendor. This means killing Danar’s weapon on the ground. Jadon .

My options:

Die by Elyn’s blade.

Die by Danar’s weapon: Jadon.

The man who wants me to now rule beside him as empress of Vallendor. The liar who resisted the edict to kill me in my sleep. The demigod who isn’t stronger than me but is still more powerful than I am right now.

Kai, I choose you.

Jadon chooses me because he loves me.

And I choose…

To survive and live another day.

I choose…

To use him to help me kill Elyn Fynal before she can kill me.

To use him to help me kill the usurper, Danar Rrivae, and return to Supreme every realm stolen by the Vile One.

To bide my time, regain my strength, then wait until I’m strong enough to destroy the emperor-to-be, Jadon Wake Rrivae.

To make amends.

This is what I choose.

She will destroy us all. Such a prophetic statement.

Because yes, I will.

And so I smile at Jadon, and I rush toward him, my mind racing, my hands out, but my heart blocked, my core balled into a giant fist, ready to rule a realm that’s already mine, a realm that will ultimately have one god. Me.

My fingertips brush his.

“No!” Elyn rams herself between Jadon and me, and with one great push of wind, she blows Jadon to the banks of Devour, and with another great push of wind, she sends me high into the—