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Chapter 26

Olivia slipped from the gallery and made her way outside. It had been her intention to return directly to Westbrook House, but Xavier’s words…his acknowledgement and praise of her had left her shaken. It had been difficult to retain her composure during his delivery and somehow, she had managed to do so, yet couldn’t escape the gallery quickly enough. Except, once she gained the walk, she simply could not hail a hackney and leave. Instead, she waited in the shadows to see him again.

It was foolish, of course. Xavier did not care for her, but she should at least thank him. Perhaps if the lauded Dr. Xavier Sinclair respected the medical opinion of a woman, other doctors would as well, though it was unlikely.

She missed him and she hated herself for still loving him.

Olivia had thought she had buried much of her emotion this past fortnight, as she’d not seen him, but they all returned the moment he stepped to the podium and began speaking. Then, he complimented her, and her heart swelled once again.

However, she would continue to guard her heart. Olivia would tell him thank you, compliment him on his delivery and then be gone.

She even tried to be angry that he had rewritten her paper but could not. He’d not changed the content, simply changed it to his style, which would be recognized. She assumed that it was because he didn’t want anyone to think that he had taken it from O. W. Brook. It was for the best that he did edit to his own wording simply so there weren’t questions.

Many of the men who were present for Xavier’s presentation passed her, not that anyone noticed her hiding in the shadows and it was likely they wouldn’t comment either as she was dressed in her usual disguise, and had her hat pulled low to shade her face from the lamps. Only when she noticed Xavier walking to his carriage did she begin to step from the shadows, but only when he drew near and because he was alone.

“Thank you.”

He stopped and turned then squinted.

“Olivia?”

She stepped further into the lamplight so that he could see her.

“I did not see you in the gallery.”

“I knew you would look to that seat, so I chose another, on the other side.”

“Why are you thanking me?” he asked after a moment.

“For not changing the paper,” she stated, even though that wasn’t the full truth. “For acknowledging me as well.”

Xavier reached out and took her hands.

“Should you do that given I am dressed as a man.”

He quickly backed away and glanced about, but nobody had seen him.

“Yes, well, we’ve already had enough gossip and I do not wish for anyone to start spreading rumors that would see me jailed, or worse.”

“I just wanted to thank you, and I will be on my way.” Olivia stepped away from him. This was a mistake to come here. It hurt so much more standing face to face than it did when she watched from the shadows above. When he took her hands, Olivia nearly flung herself at him, thankful that she had not, given her attire.

“Where is your hackney?” he asked.

“I will hail one.” She stepped away.

“My carriage is at the corner, let me see you back to Westbrook House.”

She should not because she needed to protect her heart. Yet…. “Thank you. I would appreciate you doing so.”

The driver jumped down and opened the door and Xavier allowed her to enter first.

Instead of sitting across from her, as a man does when riding with a woman, he took a seat next to her. His thigh pressed against hers. There was little fabric between them. The leg of a trouser did not allow for shielding as much as skirts.

“How have you been?” he asked.

“Well. And you?”

“Well.” She glanced out the window, hating that they were reduced to politeness.

“Blast! I have not been well.”

Startled she turned to him. “What is wrong?”

“You!”

“Me?”

“Yes you!”

Why was he angry with her? They’d not seen each other in a fortnight.

“I cannot sleep without you invading my dreams. You are on my mind constantly. I’ve even lost my appetite on occasion.”

Olivia blinked at him and pushed aside the hope that perhaps he cared more than she knew.

“I know that you do not care for me, or you would have accepted my marriage proposals, but that does not mean that I have not stopped caring for you.”

He cared for her! But it was not love.

“It is damned difficult ridding you from my heart.”

He may not have said love, but it helped knowing that she had invaded at least part of his heart.

“I do care for you, Xavier,” she finally admitted.

“But you don’t love me, or you would have married me.”

“I won’t marry a man who does not love me,” she countered.

His eyes grew wide and mouth opened. “What do you think I just told you?” he demanded.

“You told me you cared for me.”

“Blast!” Xavier pushed his fingers through his hair. “This is not easy for me, Olivia. I have never loved anyone outside of my family, but I have all the symptoms of being in love with you.”

Her heart soared.

“I need you by my side. I need you as my wife. I need you as a colleague, and I really need you in my bed.”

Olivia couldn’t help but laugh. She should have realized that someone as intelligent and focused on understanding the mind would have no idea how to understand the emotions of the heart. He believed he loved her, but his other words convinced her that he did.

“I do love you, Xavier.” She placed a hand against his cheek. “I have for a very long time but assumed you did no more than care and considered me a friend.”

“We were intimate,” he reminded her.

“That did not require that either of us be in love,” she said. “From what I understand, the act can be enjoyed without any emotional involvement, just physical.”

“Yes, well, that is true, but it wasn’t just physical for me, Olivia.”

“Me neither.”

Bloody, bloody fool! If only he would have realized that he was in love and then told her, then so much time would not have been wasted.

Xavier pulled her close. “I do love you, Olivia. You have invaded every part of my being. I had no idea that it was possible to be filled with such need for another person.”

“Are you certain that it is not simply desire?”

“There is much of that,” he chuckled. “But it’s also conversation over dinner and sharing wine beside the fire as we talk at the end of the day. I have missed you so much and my life, frankly, has been empty because my work does not fill the hours as it had before you.”

Xavier never dreamed that he would feel as he did, nor confess such to a woman, but he needed her to understand. “Please say that you will marry me.”

“What kind of marriage would we have.”

“I would hope a happy one,” he answered.

“What would you expect of me.”

He pulled away, not certain how to answer. “What are you asking, Olivia?”

“If we wed, I will be your property and you will be able to dictate what I am allowed to do.”

He couldn’t help but smile. “As if you would allow me to do so.”

“I would not have a choice,” she reminded him.

“What do you fear, Olivia,” he asked quietly and prayed he answered correctly.

“Westbrook House. Would I need to leave it?”

“No,” he answered emphatically and without thinking.

“Are you certain?”

Xavier pulled her into his arms. “What I see for our future is each day I will join Valentine in treating patients while you go to Westbrook House. In the evenings, we will return home, dine, then retire. There will be instances when I will be called away if someone is ill or injured just as there will be times that will require you to be at Westbrook House into the night, but for the most part, we will continue on as we do now, except you shall share my home, my life and our bed.”

Olivia glanced away and blinked then wiped a tear. Had he upset her?

“What is wrong?”

“Nothing,” she laughed quietly. “It is what I want as well but I was so afraid that I would have to choose between you and Westbrook House and wasn’t certain that I could.”

“I already know I would have lost that battle, Olivia. That home needs you and your sister. I would never keep you from it.”

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. “Thank you, Xavier.”

“Does that mean that you will marry me?”

“Yes.”

It was all he could do not to shout. “A special license and none of the banns nonsense. I would suggest Gretna Green, but neither of us can probably leave.”

“I cannot marry you until you’ve met my brother.”

“Must I ask his permission?” She was a spinster, but Xavier assumed that it was the proper thing to do.

“I’m not certain, but he would likely want to meet you before we wed.”

“So long as he does not reject me.”

“I’m more worried about your family not approving of me for your wife. I am not exactly a conventional lady.”

Xavier laughed. “I can assure you that they will not care.”

The carriage came to a stop and Olivia slid away from him right before the carriage door opened.

It was then that he noticed they were before his own home. “Why did you not take us to Westbrook House?”

“You did not give me that direction. My instructions earlier were that you would be returning home.”

Xavier looked to Olivia, hardly recognizable as a female in the dim light of the carriage. “My friend can hail a hackney later. For now, we will enjoy a brandy and continue discussing matters before the Royal Society of Medicine.”

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