Chapter 13

CHAPTER

13

Why had he done that? Invited Bree to dinner. That had been foolish. Still, it wasn’t a date, certainly not with Vicki along; it was just a thank-you dinner. Matt wasn’t ready to date. He probably never would again. Going on a date with someone else would only remind him of all his dates with Kim. Dinners. Movies. Days walking in the mountains. Picnics, alone at first, but later with baby Vicki. Real, meaningful, exhausting, wonderful love had come with Kim. And it had gone when she died. He was content with that. He could never find anything that felt the same again. He wouldn’t try. And he had Vicki. She was all he needed.

As he pulled into the driveway of their home behind the office, his mind returned to another day, colder than this. Wet and gloomy, but one of the best days of his life. He had pulled into this very driveway for the first time with Kim beside him. Their new home. The home they would share with the child Kim was carrying. They’d laughed as they’d run through the rain to the front door. That night, they’d made love under their new roof and talked into the night of the future that awaited them and their child.

We never thought our time together would be so short, Kim.

They’d lived every day to the fullest, or so it had seemed. But if they had known then what was ahead—

‘Daddy?’

The voice from the back seat returned him to the here and now. ‘Yep. Coming.’

On the drive home from The Gums, Vicki had chatted incessantly about the alpacas. All she’d required from her father was to say ‘yes’ at the appropriate intervals. That had allowed his mind to wander. He shouldn’t do that. It hurt too much.

He unbuckled Vicki from the car seat and they headed inside. The moment he opened the door, they both heard the ringing. The iPad was lying on the coffee table in the lounge room. Vicki reached it first and swiped the screen.

‘It’s Granny,’ she yelled happily as FaceTime launched and a woman’s face came into view. ‘Hello, Granny. I saw the alpacas today.’

Matt frowned. He’d told Sally not to call at this time. The hours between school and dinner were his and Vicki’s time together. He hated that he had to work on weekends and this was his way of making it up to her. They often spent it playing table-top games or watching TV or reading a book together, or in the future, probably visiting alpacas. Cooking dinner together also counted as fun. This time was precious to him.

‘You’re all dirty, darling. Look at all the mud on your pretty top.’ Sally might be talking to her granddaughter, but the criticism was meant for him.

‘It’s not mud, Granny. It’s blood.’

‘Blood? Are you all right? What happened?’ Sally’s cry drowned out Vicki’s attempt to explain.

Matt took the iPad from his daughter. ‘She’s fine, Sally. We were visiting the alpaca farm and one of the animals was injured. Vicki was very good and helped Miss Johnston make sure the animal would be fine, didn’t you, Vicki?’

‘I wanna be a vet when I grow up.’

‘Really, a child her age shouldn’t be—’

Matt was not going to let Sally spoil Vicki’s day with one of her tirades. ‘I’m sorry, Sally, but we just came back in and don’t have time to speak now. Was there something you wanted? If not, Vicki will have lots of time to talk to you on Friday afternoon as usual.’

‘Well, no. But I think we should discuss—’

Matt turned to his daughter. ‘Vicki, why don’t you say goodbye to Granny? Go and change your clothes and then we can cook dinner together. How does that sound?’

‘But I wanted to tell Granny about the alpacas and how they spit.’

‘Did these animals spit on you?’ Sally sounded aghast.

‘No, Granny. It tried to, but Miss Johnston got in the way and it spitted on her. Eww. It was yucky.’

‘Okay, honey. Why don’t you go and find some clean clothes? You can have a shower before we cook dinner.’

‘Yes, Daddy. Bye, Granny.’

Matt took a slow, deep breath. It had been a good day. Not every day was a good day, not for him at least, and this was not how it was supposed to end.

‘Sally, I’m sorry, but this is really not a convenient time.’

‘I am not happy that our poor girl was exposed to an injured animal like that. Blood on her clothes. And spitting animals. That’s not very hygienic. What were you thinking, Matt? That’s not—’

‘Sally! Vicki is fine. She’s enjoying this new interest and I am encouraging it. Bree—Ms Johnston—assured me there would be no danger from the animals. And there wasn’t. I was with Vicki all the time.’

‘Bree? Is this the woman you were with at the pub?’

‘Yes. She’s a client.’

‘Doesn’t sound much like business to me. I hope you’re not bringing some strange woman into Vicki’s life. Not when she is still getting over the loss of her mother.’

‘Sally. I’m going to go now. I want to cook dinner and spend the evening with my daughter. She’ll have time to talk to you on Friday.’

He ended the call before Sally could respond. He felt bad about doing it, but he knew if he didn’t, things might have been said that he would come to regret.

Matt tried not to think about Sally as he and Vicki cooked dinner. After eating, he helped her with her knitting. She was determined to have the scarf finished by the next knitting club meeting. Then he tucked her into bed and kissed her goodnight.

As he left her room, his phone rang. He saw the caller’s name and for a moment considered not answering. But avoiding this problem wasn’t going to make it go away.

He carried the phone into the kitchen to avoid disturbing Vicki.

‘Hello, Brian.’

‘Matt. Sally has gone to bed. I wanted to ring you and say I’m sorry for the way she behaved earlier. She was out of line, and when she calms down a little, I’m sure she’ll realise that.’

‘It’s good of you to say that, Brian. Thank you. But I’m not at all sure she will realise that what she’s doing is too much. Vicki has been through a really difficult time and I’m just trying to create a safe and stable and comforting life for her. I have to set boundaries. And Sally has to respect those boundaries.’

‘I know. This has been so hard for her. She hasn’t been the same since we lost Kim and—’

‘Neither have I. And more importantly, neither has Vicki.’

‘I know.’ The voice down the phone was barely a whisper.

Matt understood. He could not even begin to imagine how he would feel if anything happened to Vicki; losing his daughter was a horror beyond his comprehension. Brian was suffering as much as any of them. His way was to hide it from the world.

‘You know I want you and Sally to be a part of Vicki’s life, especially as my own family lives overseas. But it’s not good for her to get pulled in two directions. The boundaries I set for her have to be respected.’

‘I do respect them.’

Matt sighed. ‘I know you do, Brian. And I appreciate it. But Sally doesn’t. And she’s getting worse. Have you thought about getting her some help? Maybe some counselling?’

‘I’ve tried to talk to her about that. But she won’t … She just won’t.’

The despair in Brian’s voice was all too familiar to Matt. He knew what it felt like to want to help the person you love and have no way of doing that. He wanted to comfort him. To help him. But his main concern had to be his daughter. ‘If she doesn’t ease back a little, I am going to have to restrict the time she can speak with Vicki or spend with her.’

A series of unexpected noises on the phone caused Matt to fall silent. The next voice he heard was not Brian’s.

‘You are going to do what? Restrict my access to my granddaughter? You can’t do that.’

Matt winced. A bad situation was about to get much worse. ‘Sally, I don’t ever want to come between you and Vicki, but I am asking you to respect my role as her father and my right to raise her as Kim and I had planned.’

‘You can’t take her away from me.’ Sally had clearly stopped listening. ‘You didn’t even marry Kim. You couldn’t commit to her, so how can we trust you with her daughter? If you were never Kim’s husband, how can you truly be Vicki’s father?’

‘Sally, please don’t—’

‘No. I won’t have you take her away from me.’ Her voice was almost a scream. She sounded unhinged.

‘Sally, please—’

But she was gone.

Matt laid his phone on the kitchen bench and stared at it. How had it come to this? There was enough pain and tragedy in all their lives. This anger would do nothing but harm. He pushed himself away from the bench and walked quietly to Vicki’s room. He glanced through the open door. In the faint light from the hall, he could see her sleeping soundly, the unicorn doona covering half her face.

He backed out, pulling the door closed behind him, and walked down the hallway to step out onto the front veranda of the house. It was cold, but he barely felt it. He looked up at the stars as he had so often in the past two years.

‘I’m sorry, Kim. She’s your mother and I know you loved her. But she hasn’t been the same since you left us. I’m worried for her, but Vicki has to be my first priority. I promised you I’d raise her the way we wanted. That I would look after her and love her enough for both of us. I’m trying. I really am. But it’s so hard without you.’ His voice broke and his eyes filled with tears. ‘I miss you so much …’