Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

Rainier struggled to focus on the ledger as he sat at the desk two weeks after Felix had gone. The thought of not being able to go riding or even see his Kitten was like a painful ache in his gut that wasn’t from hunger.

He hoped Felix’s Grandma had made it, and he was sure he’d get a note in a few more days. He was either busy helping his family and spending time with them, or they were grieving Grandma’s passing.

The day before, he’d transferred another eight thousand lans from the treasury to Felix’s account just to make doubly sure he and his family would be covered.

This had been temporary, but he hadn’t expected to miss Felix this much. Besides that, he had argued with Mum that morning in her rooms and told her mind her own business. She had argued back that it was high time he got married. Worse, she said the guy she approved of was a strict Christian, and Rainier wouldn’t be able to convince him to play dirty games, and he needed to forget such disgusting acts.

He had walked out at that point.

Rainier didn’t care if someone worshiped Elira, the human’s God, or a rosebush, but Mum was still trying to find a way to control his sex life even after he got married. He’d skipped lunch, and now, he was sure he’d hear it at dinner.

To top it all off, Baron Regger and his family had dealt with some setbacks on their trip, but they’d be there tomorrow according to a note they’d sent ahead. Rainier would have to act nice and smiley and gently let them down once they tried bringing things around to the main point of their visit. He wasn’t marrying the son, Billy.

He slapped the ledger shut even though he hadn’t finished. He was too tired to deal with more numbers. He put away the ledger and took some parchment from the desk that Mum had left lying around. Another set of drawers to the side held older records that they kept for a year. All of them were divided by date, and he noticed a couple weren’t properly organized.

He pulled them out and thumbed through a few others so he could slide them in where they belonged. She nagged him about putting things in their proper spot, and she couldn’t do it herself.

He paused on one when he noticed something, and he pulled out the sheet to stare at it. Mum had signed and sealed it. Of course, she hadn’t said a word to him and probably never assumed he’d see that.

Rainier threw the rest of the parchment on the floor and took that one piece with him as he marched out of the office.

"I can’t fucking believe this."

***

“She sent a notice, and we did what she said!” The guard at the desk held up his hands.

Rainier forced himself to take a deep breath and not yell again. Of course, it wasn’t his fault, and the guard had been doing as told.

“Did Lance say where he was going?” asked Rainier. “Who was on shift when he was released?”

The guard shook his head. “Me, and he said nothing, Your Majesty. He simply took his stuff and left. It’s been nearly a week now, and I’m sure he’s had plenty of time to go wherever.”

“Are you sure he didn’t say one thing?”

“No, I swear, Your Majesty.”

“Gather up three men.”

Rainier almost wanted to pull out his hair. Mum had gone behind his back and entirely freed Lance from his sentence. That bastard could be anywhere by now, and he was sure Lance had been in the room when Felix mentioned that his Mother and Grandma lived in Yorn.

He probably had no idea that Felix had gone home, but he might be waiting around. Either way, Rainier was taking chances with that bastard, and something else had occurred to him.

Lance had a cousin in the city that he’d mentioned before. The relative looked ready to piss his trousers when he opened the door to find the Prince and three armed men standing there.

“I’m looking for your cousin, Lance.”

"Lance?"

Rainier nodded.

"Oh, he’s in prison for assault and some other stuff. Nasty business. I haven’t been to see him, but I heard a couple of things from a friend who knows a guard.”

“Hm. I need to make sure you’re not hiding him. He’s rather dangerous.”

The man frowned. "Why would I hide someone? I didn’t know he’d been released anyway.”

Rainier tilted his head. “If I imprisoned someone for assault, and I said they’re not there now, why would you assume they’ve been released? Wouldn’t you think they escaped?”

“Er-” The man swallowed. “That’s what I meant to say."

“Ah. I’m sure you won’t mind if we have a look around your house.”

“Actually, I do, and this is outrageous. I’ve done-”

Rainier waved a hand at the guards who marched in and ignored his protests.

“If you’ve nothing to hide, it shouldn’t be a big deal,” said Rainier. One of the guards was already thumping upstairs, and the other two were heading for the kitchen.

“You’re accusing me of harboring someone! I’m not even close to Lance.”

“You seem to know he was released.” Rainier gave him a tight smile. “It’s almost like you’ve been talking to him.”

Rainier ignored his blustering and headed for the kitchen. Shouts came, and when he entered, the cellar hatch in the corner was open.

“Get your fucking hands off of me! I’m a free man now. The Queen released me!”

The third came rushing in, and the cousin had frozen in his sitting room. Lance was dragged out of the cellar, and as soon as he saw Rainier, he spat on the floor.

“She’d freed me, and you’re holding this much of a grudge? Really? You had to come after me all for some stupid bullshit?”

“You’re hiding, so you must know I wouldn’t be all right with this.” The guards pushed Lance to his knees as Rainier continued. “It’s not a grudge. You harmed someone in multiple ways. After that list of charges, you’re certainly not going free since you seem to enjoy harassing innocent people and-”

“The Queen ordered it, and I was only following her orders to begin with,” snapped Lance. “Otherwise, I don’t give a fuck about what you do with whores. Did you actually think I care if you like cat play?"

“I’m sorry, what?”

“The Queen ordered me to harass whoever you next picked to play with long-term. I was to scare the whore so he’d change his mind and run off. The Queen’s above you, and I couldn’t say no to her.”

Rainier almost didn’t know what to say for a second. His own Mum had done something to harm Felix and played dumb the whole time. No wonder Lance’s reasoning had been so flimsy. He’d known the whole time he’d get to walk free once the dust settled. That’s why she’d hired Lance as a guard. She’d waited a while so Rainier would trust Lance before ordering him to do something.

She’d probably also been hoping that if the whore ran away, he’d blab, and others would start distrusting Rainier.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” he demanded.

“She threatened to make up some charges and have me put away if I didn’t do it. She said she knew you’d sentence me, and you’d probably think I’m nuts, but she’d let me go later. I got a nice sum too.”

Rainier clenched his fists as he struggled to keep his voice level. “You should have told me. The fact that she asked you to hurt someone who hadn’t done anything wrong…"

“She’s the Queen.”

Rainier narrowed his eyes. “You know what? I think you enjoyed that a little too much. Did she tell you to demand that he suck your cock to go free?”

“She didn’t give specifics. I just had to do a good job and scare him off.”

“Oh, so you figured it out as you went along?”

“Yeah. Can you let me go now? I was only doing what someone above you ordered. You know damn well I couldn’t refuse.”

Rainier lifted his eyes to the guards. “Who’s your next King?”

“You, m’lord.”

“It’s you, Your Majesty.”

“No one but you.”

“Do you think a Queen should order subjects to harm others who are innocent?” asked Rainier. "Is that how a ruler should act?"

The guards said no and shook their heads.

“Your Father never would have done that,” said the third. "You don’t pit commoners against each other."

“I want him put in prison again, and even if Mother sends a thousand notices demanding his release, he’s not to be let out. If she sends other men to demand the key or anything, ask them what I asked you. Also, send a note to tell me. Arrest the cousin too. He can sit in a cell for three years, and maybe he’ll think twice about harboring dangerous men.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

Lance gaped at the Prince as he was hauled up and toward the door. “You can’t do that! Your Mother freed me.”

“She’s not winning this one, and you should have said something instead of taking money to hurt an innocent. Only trash would do that.”

“Fuck you and your skinny ass! You’re a piece of shit for a Prince!”

***

Rainier marched into the Hall where Mum was seated.

“Where were you? You didn’t finish the ledger, and you left stuff all over the desk and the floor. Is this the future King your Father and I raised?”

Rainier had managed to avoid fighting with her in the past two weeks, and things had been on the cold side lately. It had hit the boiling point this morning, and he should have known it wouldn’t be the last time.

“You’ll never stay out of my fucking private life, will you?” He stomped onto the dais and tried to level his breathing while his gut twisted with hunger and nerves. “You’ll always be on my back about something.”

“Excuse me?”

He leaned over and slapped the parchment on the High Table in front of her. “I had Lance rearrested, and I told the guards he’s not to be let out no matter what you say. Even if you stand there yourself and demand that they release him, they won’t do it. Lance admitted you ordered him to harass whoever my next pet was to scare them off. How dare you order anyone to harm another innocent! I can’t believe you went behind my back and did something so low. You weren’t concerned for my safety after all, and I should have known since you didn’t care to hire another after he was imprisoned.”

“I-”

He smacked his fist on the table. “I don’t bring my pets around you, we keep it discreet, and I don’t parade my bedroom activities out in the open to others. You still can’t stay out of my fucking private life! It’s not like I bring my lovers to the High Table with a pair of cat ears!”

Without meaning, he yelled the last two sentences, and she stood. “How dare you-”

“How fucking dare you? Do you think Father would have ordered anyone to harm a citizen and terrify them in the hopes they’d run off? No! Father also wouldn’t have given a flying nalcin’s ass what I do in my bedroom, and he’d have left me alone in that manner. It’s always you who is harping and nagging. You even did it to Addy, and-”

Her hand flashed out and cracked across his face. “Don’t you fucking dare! You’re the one who kept that secret. It’s your fault that she’s dead.”

His cheek burned as he forced himself to stand his ground. It was his fault in the long run because he’d known what his sister was doing, but Mum should have done something too. She could have started by not shaming Addy until she felt no other option existed.

“You didn’t even notice she was looking sickly," he said. "The vomiting was taking everything from her.”

“I did notice she looked ill,” she hissed. “Every time I asked, when you weren’t around, by the way, she said she was fine. I wanted the physician to look at her, and she refused. How was I to know she had tossed restraint out the window and was vomiting so she could eat whatever? You don’t have any restraint either, and you’re as bad as your Father. He had a disgusting kink, and you do too. I never thought I’d have a son interested in bestiality. It creeps me out that you have a pet cat too.”

He stared at her for a moment. “You think I want to fuck an animal?”

“You can’t fuck a real cat, so you go for men dressed like one.”

He backed up a step. “Not once have I ever even thought about screwing an animal. That’s disgusting, and-”

“No, you’re disgusting, and that’s why you’re marrying Billy. He’s a devout Christian, and you certainly won’t be playing sick games with him. A Christian wouldn’t engage in kinks or dress up like an animal.”

He shook his head. “If you think I’m marrying him, you’re dead wrong. I’m not marrying someone you pick for me, and if you drag me to the Temple in chains and stick me next to him, I won’t do it. In fact, you know what?” He threw up his hands. “I’m not even going to sit and play along or pretend any interest. I’m going to stay in my rooms, and you can say or do whatever the fuck you want when the Reggers get here. Oh, and another reason I won’t marry this Billy guy is because you’ll probably secretly nag him to make sure I’m not dressing him up in cat ears before I fuck him. You’ll mortify the poor man.”

He stepped off the dais as she spoke. “You will meet and speak to the Baron and his family, and you will-”

“I’m not doing shit, Mum. Enjoy having dinner alone.”

He ignored whatever else she shouted as he swept out of the Hall. Part of his shaking was probably from hunger too since he hadn’t eaten since yesterday, but he didn’t care. Skipping another meal would be good for him, and he couldn’t sit next to Mum and pretend nothing was wrong after what she’d said.

She thought he had a thing for actual animals. Dear Elira, he didn’t ever want to sit next to her at meals again or even speak to her. How were they supposed to go on like that never happened? And with Lance, she’d crossed so many lines, he couldn’t imagine things ever going back to normal.

He found himself in Addy’s rooms, and he sat on the bed after tapping the crystal lantern on the bedside table. It hadn’t been properly charged in ages, and it was dim, but he could see well enough. Her floor-length looking glass was on the wall across from him, and he stared at himself.

Even if he found a man who was okay with a fat husband and wanted to dress up like a cat, he’d never have peace. Not with Mum. She’d get to his husband and pick at him too until he regretted being married to a fat man with a prying Mother-in-law.

Rainier would never have any fucking peace either. If Father was still alive, maybe things would be different. He used to get around Mum by sneaking the kids sweets, but later, perhaps he would have put his foot down and told her to stop harassing her daughter and son.

Maybe he would have forced Addy to see the physician, and he could have done something.

But he wasn’t here, and Rainier had kept her secret until she died. He curled his arms around himself as his stomach ached. He heard a faint chirpy noise, and Inky’s face appeared around the door before he ran in to jump up.

He scratched the cat’s ears. “At least I still have you, and you love me no matter what I look like.”

***

He lounged on the cushion the next day with a book. He’d gotten light-headed earlier after getting out of the bath, but he was sure he was all right now. It wasn’t the first time it had happened anyway even though it had been worse than normal. Inky lolled around the floor and napped.

When a servant came and said Baron and Baroness Regger were there, Rainier shrugged. “That’s nice.”

She blinked at him in his clothing which was plain trousers and a simple shirt. He hadn’t bothered with a vest, and he had a throw blanket partially over him since he was cold.

“I mean, they’re in the entrance hall right now, Your Majesty. They’ve had time to freshen up, and they’re ready."

“All right. I hope they enjoy their visit.” Rainier turned the page.

She slowly backed out and was probably imagining the Queen’s reaction. Once she was gone, Rainier got up to lock the antechamber door. Fuck lunch and the Reggers. They could enjoy the boring salad and whatever else they ate.

He curled up on the cushion with the book and blanket. Inky joined him to knead the blanket, and when someone knocked on the antechamber door, they both ignored it.

When someone hammered on it twenty minutes later, he still didn’t get up.

“Rainier!” shouted Mum. Inky lifted his head and cocked his ears. “Stop acting like a child and come out. I’m out of excuses.”

“I’m out of patience for your games,” he shouted.

He stopped listening as he went back to his book even though it was hard to concentrate on what was happening. Mum eventually gave up. It wasn’t like she was going to break down the door. Perhaps another hour went by, and he was ready to fall asleep when someone knocked.

“Can I at least see the man I’m supposed to meet so our parents can force us together?” called a male voice.

Rainier scowled as he nudged Inky and got up. For a moment, his head spun, but he took a deep breath and forced himself over to the door to open it.

“I’m not interested, and you’re probably not either.”

Billy quirked his mouth. “I was starting to wonder if you were secretly hideous with snaggleteeth and enormous warts all over your nose.”

“I’m not warty, and my teeth are fine.”

“You’re also way too skinny for my tastes.”

Rainier rolled his eyes as he glanced up and down Billy who was rather average but young. “Are you even eighteen?”

“I turned eighteen a few months ago,” said Billy.

“You’re too young for my tastes.”

“I also have no interest in marrying a Prince. No offense, but that’s never been my dream even though I also liked men as well as women before I converted. I reminded my parents that as a Christian, I can’t marry a man, but they were eager for us to come down here after Queen Eliza wrote. Usually, they’re not too pushy, but they said I might change my mind once I met you. I think the potential of me becoming the King in the future was pretty tempting to them.”

“I’m sure.”

Billy bit his lip and seemed to be struggling not to laugh. “I think Queen Eliza must not be informed on human religions and doesn’t know that a Christian won’t marry a man. Or at least most of them won’t. This whole thing was a failure from the start, but I enjoyed the trip. You have a very nice home.”

Rainier leaned on the doorway and laughed. He had completely forgotten that Christians weren’t supposed to have gay relationships, and Mum hadn’t thought twice.

“She thinks you’ll fix me and because you’re Christian, you won’t let me put kitty ears on you before I fuck you,” said Rainier. “That’s her problem. I’m sure you have no interest in that, so we’d be a terrible match.”

Billy straightened his blue coat. “That’s not my thing. My parents are quite insulted because you haven’t come down, and your Mother is smiling, but it’s more like the calm before a storm. I told her I’ll only marry a woman, and she’s probably thinking that I basically wasted her time even though it was Father who insisted we come down here. Well, it was nice meeting you, and if anyone ever asks back home, I can tell them you’re not ugly.”

“Enjoy your trip.”

Rainier closed the door. Good Elira. Mum thought devout only equaled no kinky stuff and forgot the big rule in Christianity about men not fucking. More than ever, he was glad he hadn’t bothered to go downstairs. What a waste. Even if Billy wasn’t a Christian, he wasn’t Rainier’s type.

Mum didn’t bother him again. She was probably stewing that her plan hadn’t worked. The Reggers wouldn’t turn around and go home right after eating, so he stayed in his room all day. He let Inky in and out as he pleased, and he wished he had Felix to talk to and cuddle with.

Inky made him happy, and he was a great little buddy, but Felix was the one who had truly made him feel at ease. Rainier could see them having more, but again, that was all a fantasy with Mum breathing down his neck.

He hoped Felix’s Grandma had made it and was doing better. Maybe a note would soon come once Felix had time.

He went downstairs that night to get something to eat. After two days of no food, his stomach felt like it was gnawing on itself. He needed something small, but as he stood in the pantry with the lantern and Inky winding around his ankles, nothing seemed right.

Earlier, he had checked himself out in his looking glass and couldn’t tell if he’d lost weight. Billy probably needed his eyes checked because Rainier was sure he hadn’t lost anything, and he still felt fat despite not eating for two days.

He couldn’t even do one thing that Mum expected. He’d get no peace and still be fat on top of it. What was the point of his life?

He remembered when a couple of bed buddies had told him he was too thin, and he’d immediately discarded the comments in his mind. Even Felix had said he’d lost weight and seemed concerned.

But there wasn’t anything to be worried about when he was plump despite being able to see his rib bones. He just had to eat something to live because no fairy could go forever without food, but what else was he supposed to cut at this point?

How could he be so hungry and fat at the same time? It wasn’t fair that everyone else could eat three meals a day and possibly snacks too. They didn’t gain weight.

He sat on the floor against the wall, thumped his head on it, and took a deep breath. The sight of all of the food that he couldn’t eat was torture, so he tapped the lantern to put it out. Inky butted his hand, so he stroked the cat’s head.

He could go down in the cellar and eat an apple or a few carrots. Surely, that wouldn’t add more fat, right? He was so ravenous, the pastries in their glass dome practically taunted him as he sat in the dark. Even when he closed his eyes, he could still imagine one on a plate and how it would taste.

The honey glaze would be sweet, and the fruit in the middle would also be sweet, but it would have a slight tartness, and it might have little seeds for textures. Every fucking bite would slide down so easily, and the constant hollowness in his gut would ease.

Someone let out a small gasp, and he jumped as Inky scuttled out. A light practically blinded him, and he blinked at the figure in the doorway.

“What are you doing on the floor?” snapped Mum.

He tapped his lantern, and her accusing tone nearly shriveled him. He’d been fantasizing about a damn pastry like a dog, and it was a wonder he hadn’t been drooling like one too. Wait, what was she doing in here?

“Why are you in here and in your dressing gown?” he asked.

“That’s none of your business,” she snapped.

Rainier tilted his head. “You were coming in here for food, weren’t you? What happened to no snacking?”

Mum turned and left without another word. Did she do this often? He wouldn’t know because coming down to the kitchen at night was a rare thing for him. Maybe she did sneak snacks. The idea seemed so impossible to him, he could barely imagine it, but why else would she be in here at night?

How did she stay so thin? Did she vomit even though it had killed Addy?

Maybe Mum didn’t have as much restraint as she pretended, or perhaps it was a one-time thing. Either way, it didn’t make him feel any better.

***

Mum pretended he didn’t exist over the next three weeks. No note came from Felix, and even though they weren’t together, it stung. He thought about writing something, and a messenger could find the only humans in Yorn or check the whorehouse in case Felix had gone back to work, but then, he felt like an intruder.

Maybe Felix thought it was easier to stay cut off. They were both supposed to move on, and if Rainier said how much he missed him, he’d probably look like a needy child. Besides, Felix deserved better, and if his Grandma had passed, he didn’t need someone else’s problems.

Rainier didn’t bother to train anymore because he didn’t have the energy. Horseback riding was also too hard, so he mostly stayed in his rooms with Inky. He couldn’t bear to go out and try to play normal with Mum after what she’d done.

He had the servants bring him one meal a day, and he ate half. The rest was dumped down the privy. He didn’t bother with the dry salad anymore because he was beyond sick of that.

He told himself he’d never go in the kitchen again where too many temptations awaited. The servant simply brought whatever Mum was having, and he’d control himself like that. It was easier when he didn’t have to think about what to eat. After a few days, he started dumping what he wasn’t going to eat in the privy first so he’d never be tempted to eat more than he should.

At least his stomach seemed to get used to it a bit. It didn’t hurt so much, so maybe he’d finally found that balance of self-control. Fat people didn’t need to eat that much, so his body must have been getting used to it.

He was halfway through one of his books, and the characters had a grand feast to celebrate something. He read the descriptions of food a few times while trying to visualize the food until he realized what he was doing.

Clearly, he still didn’t have much self-control.

He sent a couple of notes to the jail to check. Lance was still locked up, and Mum hadn’t sent anything, so perhaps she’d let go of that. Or she was waiting. It wasn’t like he could trust her ever again.

Besides basic stuff in his room, he didn’t know what else to do with himself anymore. It was getting harder to concentrate on his books, and he barely had the energy to play with Inky. He almost passed out one morning after a bath, and he had to lay on the cold tile floor until the spots faded from his vision. Getting up too fast often made his head swim, but he’d never thought he’d truly faint before.

That couldn’t be normal. Natalie always seemed fine, and when he tried to picture her nearly fainting after a hot bath, he couldn’t do it. If she ever grew that lightheaded, she’d probably have a physician over in a second, and Aunt Betty would panic and think something was terribly wrong.

Rainier was the only one that had a problem. Natalie was a twig, but she went horseback riding, and even though she’d never practiced before, she could probably swing a sword around longer than him now.

If he got the physician, he could do something. Rainier hadn’t wanted to die by throwing up, and even without that, he didn’t want to die in his rooms. What if he fell and hit his head? The prospect of going alone scared him.

Rainier couldn’t bring himself to do it. He needed to somehow be fine on his own, and he vowed to be a lot more careful when getting out of the tub.

He’d fallen asleep on his couch one morning. How he spent half of the night tossing and turning and then fell asleep so fast was a mystery to him. A shriek woke him up.

“For Elira’s sake, Rainier! Are you sick? Why didn’t Aunty Eliza say anything?”

“Hm?” He blinked at Natalie who was hovering over him. “What are you doing here? Why are you in my rooms?”

“We came to visit, and Mum said you’re pouting like a child. I wanted to see you, and I didn’t expect you to look like this. What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine,” he mumbled. “I didn’t feel like wearing a coat. Can’t I relax in my own sitting room?”

“I don’t mean that, and you’re not fine.” She plucked at his sleeve. “You’re like half the size since I last saw you. Are you sick?”

“No, I’m not sick, and stop exaggerating.”

“Where’s Felix?”

“He left. He wasn’t staying forever.” Rainier pushed himself up and arranged the throw blanket over him. The last thing he felt like doing was talking to anyone.

“Why are you so thin?” she asked. “You’ve lost so much weight. Do you have pains in your stomach or something?”

His stomach clenched. If she was that worried, maybe he did have a problem. Perhaps the whole family was fucked up, and he was the worst one. “No, Natalie. I’m fine.”

She gazed at him with her mouth slightly open until he squirmed. “Do you miss Felix?”

Why all the questions? “Of course, I miss Felix. I didn’t sleep well, and you startled me awake. You look nice, and it’s good to see you, but I want to go back to sleep. I didn’t sleep well last night, and I don’t have the energy to socialize. Don’t let Aunt Betty come in here, okay?”

“Where’s Felix?”

“He’s in Yorn. Or maybe he’s back at the Pierced Pretties. I’m not sure which. Why?”

“I’m just curious. Why don’t you write to him?”

“I did, but he didn’t reply. He’s busy with his family and stuff. Besides, it wasn’t forever. Can you leave me be?”

He just wanted to sleep and conserve what shred of energy he had left.