35. Visitors Dale, Jax’s Dad

B eep. Beep. Beep.

It annoyed the shit out of me, but I was somehow too exhausted to open my eyes. What the fuck is that?

A TV was on somewhere. Whoever watched it couldn’t pick a channel and kept flicking through. Voices, music, and familiar jingles blared in short bursts before changing again.

I stretched my toes and felt a waffle-knit blanket and ill-fitting socks, slipping off me by the second. A hard, awkward-fitting monitor was clamped to my right index finger. An IV pulled at the hair on my left arm, making my wrist sore. Cool air puffed into my nose from a tube in each nostril.

Oh, hell. I’m in the hospital.

With a groan, I swallowed and opened my eyes to the obtrusive bright light from the hallway outside. Thankfully, my room was still dark. The digital clock on the wall said it was only 7:30 a.m., which was too early for me on a good day anyway. The neighbor in the room next door had the loud TV. Slumped in a chair at my side was a man dressed in black, and for a second, I nearly shit myself at the thought that the grim reaper himself had come to visit me, when I recognized his sleeping face.

“Jax...psst, hey Jax, kiddo, wake up,” I said, unable to reach him from where I was. My craggly voice was quiet, so I cleared my throat to get his attention again.

With a jolt, Jax shot up in his seat and turned to me. “Shit, Dad. You’re finally awake. Hold on, I’ll get a nurse—”

“No, just wait a minute, will ya?” I held my hand up and smiled at him. “What are you doing here? Better than that, what the hell am I doing here?”

He gripped the railing by my bed and kept peering behind him, as if a nurse from the hall would see he was talking to me. “Mom called me last night, almost midnight. From what everybody’s told me so far, you called for an ambulance ‘cause you thought you were having a heart attack around seven. Somewhere between you calling and you goin’ downstairs to meet them on the street, you fell and hit your head pretty hard. Concussion. They brought you here and all your emergency contact stuff was for Mom, and she blew things out of proportion. She called and made it sound like you were dying. I hopped on the next red-eye flight here. Had to layover in fuckin’ Vegas.”

“Aw, man? Just a layover?” I chuckled, then ended up coughing. “Well, glad I didn’t die, anyway.”

“I don’t know if you were conscious or not when you were picked up since you’re doing okay now. Docs say you only had a mini heart attack. It still wasn’t good. Mom and Brian went home, and she’s coming back around nine.” He grimaced and shook his head. “Hate to say it, but I think it’s time to say goodbye to extra crispy rellenos, Dad.”

I slapped my chest. “Oh, no. Not that. ”

“‘Fraid so. If you start having back pain like you did when I talked to you yesterday, you can’t ignore that. It might not be a small one next time.”

“Well, you’ve had to live without good food for a while now, kid. Think I’ll survive?”

Jax smiled for a second, but his face fell soon after. It wasn’t just fatigue. He twisted his hands together and cracked his knuckles. “I don’t know. Maybe I should just come home and help you.”

I squinted. “Things go that bad last night?”

He sighed. “It’s complicated.”

“Pssh, what’s complicated? Did it go well or not?”

Jax must’ve figured I wasn’t going to die without a nurse knowing I was awake, so he finally came back to the chair and gave up on trying to secretly flag someone outside. “Dad, I didn’t tell you that Tabby’s not...well, he’s not like a typical guy.”

I found the small remote at my side and propped myself up in the hospital bed with a slow, creaking whir. “Explain.”

“He’s...um...Tabby wasn’t, uh, born a boy,” he said, clapping his hands.

Like a reflex, my brows arched. What was I going to say about it? “Okay, and?”

“Look, that isn’t really what matters here. It doesn’t make a difference to me either way. What does make a difference is Tabby lied to me. Now I feel betrayed, frustrated, happy, in love, crazy, heartbr—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, kid. Back it up a second.” I got tired of the air blowing into my nose and took the hose out, hanging it on the IV stand at my side. “Are you tellin’ me you rejected him because he wasn’t what you thought he was? I raised you better than that, Jaxson.”

Jax shook his head frantically. “No, no, no. I knew he was trans when I met him out there. That’s not the issue at all.” He got misty-eyed and put his hands together, tapping his thumbs on his forehead as he leaned over. Reaching into his pocket, Jax pulled out a ratty old scarf and brought it to his face, almost muffling his words. “Dad, you were right. My first love did come back to me. I just thought...thought he would wanna tell me before trying to recreate our last date.”

“Maybe I hit my head too hard. Gotta speak English, kid.”

Jax met my eyeline and rolled up the scarf. “Tabby is Jamie. They’re the same person. Dad, I don’t know what to do.”

Now his shock made sense, as did his apprehension. All my fatherly wisdom up to this point meant little. “You’re shittin’ me.”

“Yeah. So. There it is.” He chewed his thumbnail. “I feel stuck, Dad.”

“Stuck? Come here,” I said, getting him to lean over me, then I smacked him upside the head and laughed. “Get your head on straight. Jesus, I thought you had a real fuckin’ problem, kid.”

All the noise I made caught the attention of the nurses’ station outside, and a stout woman with a magic marker came in and tried to burn my corneas with the bright fluorescent lights that she flicked on. “Good morning, Dale. I’m your nurse this morning. Your son already filled out a breakfast form for you a couple hours ago, and I’ll tell them to bring it up now that you’re awake, okay?” She scribbled something on the whiteboard by the door while Jax paced next to the window.

“When am I going home?”

“The doctor has to release you. Probably before this evening if you’re feeling alright.” She handed me the oxygen tube with a stern glare until I put it back on again. “That’s it. Buzz if you need anything.”

I carried on with Jax as if our conversation hadn’t been bulldozed. “This is why I don’t like hospitals.” My smile fell when I looked at Jax again. “Aw, now what’s this about?”

He shook his head and put his hands on his hips, looking older and more like me than I’d ever realized. Maybe it was the coat, or maybe it was the fact he still had hair, but my son was a better man than me, even if he couldn’t see it. “I walked out on him last night. Didn’t listen. I was so angry about his lies that I didn’t care why he lied in the first place.”

His worry made me proud. “So go make it up to him now.” I pointed to the chair again to get him to sit. “Seriously, you’re making this harder than it has to be. Forget anything you were angry about—you and I both know you tried your damnedest to find someone else and it didn’t work out.”

Jax snickered. “Wish you weren’t so right about that. I feel like everything I can do now would feel cheap. I need it to be big enough for Tabby to know it’s the end of the line for me.”

I felt struck with ancient inspiration. Why not try a recycled idea? “Well, when you were just a kid, you got Lisa’s blessing. Why not do it again?”

He sat up straight. “Seriously?”

“Sure. I mean, she was so young, only my age. I bet she’s still around, right?”

Jax blinked a few times. “Yeah, she is. Tabby talked about his mom. My God—she lives north of the city. Shit , that’s why he didn’t want me meeting her. I would’ve known her instantly.”

“Well, there ya go.” I nodded at him with slow approval. “You owe me five bucks or something for being right about this, I think.”

We stared at each other for a minute. He chuckled first, then we both cracked, full-on laughing so loud that a nurse poked her head in to shush us.

“Get the hell outta here, Jax. You’ve got a job to do now.”

“I can’t leave now; I only just got here.”

“Kid, I’m a grown man and can take care of myself, thank you very much. Besides, if your mother panicked enough to call and say I was dying last night, I bet she’ll be here much earlier than nine. You shouldn’t waste time.” I patted his hand. “Go home, Jax. Go to California. Make a new home with Tabby.”

His tired eyes had fear behind them—fear that he’d already wasted his shot.

“Tell me—have you even tried to talk to Tabby since last night?”

He sighed. “No. I was too focused on you, and it’s an hour early there.”

“Good. Don’t call Tabby—surprise him. Show up and tell Lisa you’re sorry you doubted him. Any good man would make amends the best way he knows how. This is yours.”

Jax pulled out his phone. “He said she does real estate in the bay, so it can’t be too hard to find her office, right? I can’t believe I didn’t try to look her up all these years, but I thought that would cross a line or something.”

“Forget that. Check flights before you run outta time.”

He nodded and went downstairs for a slightly higher hope at a faster internet connection.

In the meantime, a nurse brought the breakfast plate in, making me wish I could stay a little longer. I wasn’t getting any younger and this was too close of a call. Slowly waking with each bite, I took stock of everything I had to be grateful for, starting with the son who would drop everything on a dime to be here with me.

Jax returned with his hands in his pockets. “Got the last seat on a direct flight that leaves in two hours. Gotta go now.”

“Good. Seeing as I’m the one stuck in a hospital bed today, I’ve got nothing better to do. I’ll find her. You get to the airport and get your ass home. We’ll tag-team it. Deal?”

He deflated, openly disappointed to be leaving so soon, but he had a job to do. “I love you. I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Extra hot, extra cheese—”

“Extra avocado , Dad. I’ll call you when I land in the bay.” Jax waved as he sauntered from the hospital room, trying to linger a little bit more.

I was proud of my son; of the man he’d become. His future was just beginning.

––––––––

J ustine, Jax’s mother , drove me nuts the whole time she was here, overly concerned and bringing up things from the past that I didn’t want Brian to hear. He was gracious and spent most of the time sitting in the hall while she treated me more like a mother than an ex-wife. The more time she spent fussing over my bed, the less comfortable I was. Thankfully, the kind young nurse who came to deliver my lunch tray could sense my growing annoyance, and she told Justine and Brian that I’d had enough visitors for now.

Enjoying the last little bit of quiet while I gathered my strength after lunch, I flicked through the endless loop of TV channels myself, as I’d heard earlier. A few minutes were all it took before I saw why my neighbor couldn’t decide on anything in the morning. Swear to God, there is nothing good on. They really don’t want people stickin’ around here, do they?

The phone beside my bed rattled me with a sudden ring. I even jumped before realizing what it was—nothing like the quiet harmonica of my cell phone. The ER doc cleared me for release at six p.m., and I was milking it for all it was worth. Half-dreading Justine’s voice on the other end, I answered, “You know, this loud-ass hospital telephone isn’t good for heart attack patients.”

“Uh...Mr. Grady?” the man’s voice asked.

“Speaking.”

He was shaky on the other end. Unsure. “Mr. Dale Grady? Jaxson’s father?”

That’s odd. I squinted. “Who is this?”

“Oh, God. I’m so sorry. I called to see if you were actually here and...I wasn’t expecting them to transfer me to your room instead of telling me yes or no. Are you feeling alright? Is Jax there?”

I turned off the television. Whatever was happening on the phone was much more amusing. “I’m fine, son. But I’ll ask again, who is this?”

“Well, Mr. Grady, my name’s Tabby Ross.”

“Wow, no shit,” I whispered in surprise. “I’m, uh, afraid you just missed Jax. He’s heading back to San Francisco as we speak.”

Silence, then a scoff of humiliation. “Of course he is. Figures he’d already be on his way back just when I get here.”

“Wait—did you hop on a plane to follow Jax to Denver?”

Tabby took in a breath. “Sir? I’d follow your son anywhere.”

I held in my urge to joke with him, too charmed by his hopeless confession. “I’m sorry I don’t have better news for you. Where are you now?”

“No, it’s fine. My fault, really. I’m standing outside Porter Hospital with nothing but the clothes I put on this morning. I forgot how damn cold it gets out here.” Tabby stammered a bit before getting to the point, which I guessed was equal parts temperature and frazzled nerves. “Since I’m here, would it be alright with you if I came inside for a visit?”

“Come in? To see me ?” I found myself caught in a strange place myself, like on the opposite side of a principal’s desk. “Sure, I guess, if you really want to.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll be right up.” Click.

My hospital room wasn’t ready for anyone who wasn’t family. I snapped into action to flatten the sheets and stacked all the trash on the hospital lunch tray. It wasn’t much; might make for a better impression. What the hell was I nervous for, anyway?

The same voice from the phone spoke with a nurse outside, and I eyed the heart monitor. Stop giving me away, you stupid machine.

A young man peeked his head in and gave me a wave. His arms were bright red from the cool air outside, not protected enough by his short-sleeved shirt. Tabby’s hair was dark, not what I expected, but when he stepped into the light, it emerged—the strong resemblance to my friend from the past, even if it was only a faded memory. His nose and lips gave him away.

“Mr. Grady?” he asked again, just as apprehensive as on the phone. “I’m Tabby. It’s nice to see you.” Extending his hand, Tabby gulped loud enough for me to hear.

I shook it without thinking and chose not to acknowledge the past just yet. “Yeah, thanks for coming by. Come sit down.”

The boy nodded, straightened his shirt, then took a few strides to sit in the chair where Jax was only hours before. “So, um, are you sure you’re okay? It’s not exactly normal to hang out in a hospital.”

I chuckled. “Funny story. Cracked my head open, and Jax’s mom made a big deal out of it. Blew things out of proportion. Jax has something waiting for him at home, so I told him not to hang around here for a boo-boo.”

Tabby smirked. “I’m glad to hear that. I’m not surprised he didn’t wait to find out if you were really hurt.” His eyes, so youthful and wide, shone for a moment. He slowed, wanting me to really listen. “You should know, sir, your son loves you very much. You’re the most important person in his life. He misses you.”

“Thank you,” I said, well aware of Jax’s family loyalty. Hearing it from someone else made it all the more real, though. It warmed me.

I couldn’t pretend like the young man at my side was someone I didn’t want to reach out to, because I knew too much and was too old to play bullshit games. Enough was enough. “If your ol’ man was still around, I bet you’d have done the same thing, Tabby. I’m sorry he’s been gone so long.”

Whatever shell of false strength around him quickly crumbled. “You know who I am?”

“Of course I do. You’re Lisa’s kid.” I smiled, not able to hide my excitement. “Shit, you’ve really grown up, haven’t you?”

“Afraid I’ve grown into a real mess.”

“Nah, life’ll do that to you.”

He pieced back together all the cracks in his composure, sniffed hard and set his strong jaw. “Mr. Grady, I need to apologize to you. For not being upfront with Jax when I met him again, and for not believing in him.” Tabby shrugged while biting his lower lip for a moment, staring at the ceiling instead of me. “I should’ve known he wouldn’t judge me. Should’ve trusted when he said he wouldn’t change. I was scared.”

“Sounds like you had every right to be.” I cocked a brow. “Jaxson spent a really long time heartbroken. Ended up dealing with some really bullshit people. But when he met you...he was happy again, ya know? He’d call me and wanna talk about something other than work. I don’t understand that IT shit that he does. I understood him when he talked about you.”

“Do you think I blew it?” he asked, wiping his eyes with his thumbs.

I couldn’t risk revealing too much, so I tried to give Jax the best chance at his surprise. “That I don’t know. I do know it takes guts to get on a plane and follow somebody, even if you aren’t sure where they’re gonna be. Takes guts to do what you’re doin’ right now. It carries some weight, I think.”

Tabby blushed. “I really hope you’re right.” He stood from the chair again, burning our short time together so his nerves wouldn’t short out. “Mr. Grady, I’m in love with your son. I’ve loved him all my life. Right now, right here, I’m asking for your blessing to find out if he loves me, too. If he’ll still have me.”

So, this is what it feels like. Having no daughters, I never thought I’d ever be put in this position. It was so cliche, so beyond awkward, I was almost embarrassed on his behalf. It meant more than words to see Tabby step up. My son was the target. The one Tabby wanted. Regardless of however I answered, they’d charge forward, so which side would I ultimately like to be on?

“I can’t give you a guarantee what Jax will say, or if he’ll forgive you. But I can give you that blessing to ask, Tabby Ross. That, I’ll do for both of you.” I held out my hand, which Tabby took gladly, shaking it with the same technique I’d once taught Jax. It was firm, not too strong, with no hesitation. A binding contract.

Tabby couldn’t waste time and flurried his feet, not sure if he should run downstairs for a cab or try to get plane tickets first. “Oh, I almost forgot,” he said, erasing yesterday’s white board notes after picking up the magic marker on the desk.

“What’s that for?”

He wrote down a phone number I didn’t recognize, then turned and gave me a mischievous smirk. “I couldn’t get you connected before. If Jax didn’t know, you couldn’t know. Mom hopes to catch up.” Tabby tossed the marker on the desk again. “Thanks, Mr. Grady. Wish me luck.” He saluted, then jogged out of sight.

I smiled and put my hands behind my head with a laugh. “I knew those kids would work out someday.”