29. Anew Jax

E than and I were done with D I don’t care either way. Those two have been at each other’s throats for too long.” He finished tapping and we made it upstairs.

Why the hell would Rob blame me? Despite how I felt about him, I was overly cautious not to cross any lines with Tabby. An anxious lump in my throat grew by the minute. I wanted to cower and defend myself, though it would’ve been pointless; words meant nothing at all if Rob already made up his mind. I certainly had no intention of trying to help them get back together. Ethan was right—they weren’t a good fit. My selfishness was only a minimal player.

Minimal, but not absent. Rob had a shot, and he blew it.

To preserve my sanity, I blocked Rob’s number, then agonized over texting Tabby or not. I wanted to drive out and check on him; thought about surprising him at work the next day. Had to slam my own brakes. The last thing I wanted after my breakup with Heather was to be bothered with anything, so I closed my eyes and attempted to put myself in Tabby’s shoes.

In, then out. Filled my lungs, then exhaled. Sandalwood. Kindness. His soft voice and his laugh, which I wanted to hear more than anything—even better if it was because of something I said.

The answer disappointed me. If I understood him at all, he’d want to be left alone. Especially if Rob cut things off and left Tabby heartbroken.

I buried everything as my heart sank to a place filled with self-doubt. Of course he’d need space. Time, too. He might need forever. Who was to say, with a relationship like theirs, that Rob wouldn’t be back within a week? In an effort not to keep my hopes up, I put my phone on Do Not Disturb so I wouldn’t be tempted to reach out.

With some of my best moves wasted on Rob already, the many wakeful hours spent staring at the ceiling were filled with brainstorming new ways to bring Tabby close. There was nothing to lose except my pride.

––––––––

A lmost halfway through Friday, and my exhaustion thought it was Monday at dawn. I sighed hard and squeezed my temples. A tired headache from tossing and turning thumped with my heartbeat and made my ears ring.

Like a machine, I went to work fielding waste-of-time phone calls on my Bluetooth headset. Another rang in, still too loud despite constantly adjusting the settings, leaving me only a few minutes of peace after the last call.

My script was annoyingly simple. “Jaxson Grady, I-T.”

The person on the other end couldn’t print after the last user set their station to PDF default. An easy fix if they knew how to navigate. Torture because they didn’t.

“Okay, let me help you with that...now that it’s set right, what happens when you click print? Right. Did you turn it off and on again? Did you make sure it was plugged in first...? Uh-huh. Is there paper in it?”

Once the issue was fixed, my headache returned. Mini victories helped distract me and kept me from imploding over my silent cell phone. I rubbed my temples in tight circles and wished for noon to pass so I could escape the stuffy building and eat.

Twenty minutes. I can make it twenty more minutes.

The headset beeped again. I answered with an annoyed flick of the button. “Jaxson Grady, I-T.”

“Yeah, this is the security desk. You have a visitor.”

I sat up straight. “A visitor?”

“Told ‘em to wait in the lobby. We aren’t a concierge service, okay?” Click.

“Shit.” What if it’s someone who needs to come up here? I flew into a fury to straighten the papers on my desk, which was as disjointed as I felt. My knees became little more than half-set jelly.

On the elevator, I fidgeted and shook my legs while silently cursing every passenger who made it stop before the ground floor. Commanded myself to stay strong. Rob was as likely a candidate to seek me out as anyone else—he could’ve asked Ethan where I worked—so I prayed his face wouldn’t be out there. I didn’t want to confront him, and I certainly didn’t want to risk having to comfort him.

The people in front of me took their sweet time flowing out to the elevator bank downstairs. I straightened my polo and made sure it was neatly tucked into my slacks, taking the extra minute to see if my hair was in place. The copper reflection of the elevator said I still needed a haircut.

Nervously, I went to the security desk. “Hi, I’m Jaxson. Somebody just called me about a visitor?”

The guard’s stoic expression matched his dry purpose. “He’s in the lobby. Blue shirt, pussyfooting by the entrance. If you want him cleared to go upstairs, you have to give us his name and a reason.”

“Okay, thanks.” I nodded and tapped the desk, then searched the lunch hour flood for a familiar face.

When I saw him, I froze, except for a smile that conquered my entire being.

Tabby had a cautious grin that shifted and shone when people passed him. With his hands behind his back, he appeared a bit taller than usual, which suited his formal outfit. The flattering deep navy button-down perfectly matched his floral tie—the one I bought him when we went to Macy’s months ago. The knot wasn’t quite right, and I wanted to fix it.

In an instant, the lobby was void of others and he stood out from the brightness outside. His gaze met mine. Tabby kicked his head back to invite me closer, still not revealing his hands.

I shook the headache away. Wished my shoes had four-wheel drive. The floor could’ve been black ice for all I knew, ready to topple me from the slightest wrong move.

“Hi Jax,” he said coolly, taking a solid step forward.

I stammered through a bit of nothing first. “Wasn’t expecting you.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t announce it.” He tipped his head.

I scratched at my temple and grimaced. “Ethan told me about your breakup. What happened?”

He shrugged. “Rob wasn’t who I thought he was. That’s all.” His tone denoted no sadness. Tabby hid something in his mind as well as behind his back.

“I’m still really sorry. That’s rough, especially right before the holidays.”

“I’ll be alright.” Tabby took in a long breath and relaxed, looking much more comfortable than I was. “Anyway, I didn’t forget what we were talking about yesterday. Went ahead and bought tickets. Nutcracker, first Saturday in December. Come get me at six and we’ll eat after.”

Snapping out of my daze, I fully realized what he said. “Wow. Yeah, sure. That sounds great, thank you. I almost forgot.”

“Did you?” He took another step forward to shorten the gap between us. Barely a foot kept us apart.

I gulped. What are you doing?

“Jax, I’ll be out of town the next two weeks. Chicago, remember?”

My lungs deflated along with my shoulders. “Right.”

“I want you to know that I’m taking that time to breathe a little, okay?” Tabby shifted his gaze to the floor for a moment. “I don’t want any calls, texts, emails, nothing. All I want is a couple weeks of space.”

“Oh—of course. Space is fine. You need space from everything right after a breakup. I get it.” I snaked my neck so I could meet his eyes again. “I’m sorry you felt you had to tell me that so I’d leave you alone.”

“It’s not that.” He locked onto me, reading my mind as usual, shouting soliloquies while speaking no words. Tabby didn’t need space to recover from Rob. He needed space to prepare for me.

Oh.

As we stared at one another, the room cleared again. Nobody existed but us. His sandalwood scent wrapped me like a blanket. My fingertips tingled. Did he feel the same? I was certain enough to believe it wasn’t just me fighting against the urge to pull him in. Here in public, it would be too much. But for our souls, it wouldn’t be too soon.

He didn’t break our gaze. “You won’t hear from me while I’m away. But I’ll be thinking about you. I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I’ll miss you when I’m gone, and I’m already excited to get back.”

None of my many thoughts could respond the way I wanted to; since I couldn’t hold him, I did the next best thing and reached for his crooked tie. “Can I fix this before you go?”

“Be my guest,” he said with a cocked brow.

Our flirtation may as well have been hot sex for all that I wanted to take it off and keep going. Instead, I worked slowly so I could soak in his warm presence. Tied it in a single Windsor knot and pushed it to the top of his crisp shirt. My hands bent down his collar and rested on his neck when I was done. His light beard was as soft to my thumbs as I’d always imagined.

I wanted to pull him in right then. Anticipation would only make that moment sweeter when it came, especially if he was as fired up as I was.

“Very nice,” he said, smiling wide enough to show his precious dimples while finally revealing the hand behind his back. Tabby passed me a single long-stemmed rose—deep burgundy and almost cartoonish with its perfection. “It’s time for someone else to charm the charmer, Jax.”

“Wow,” I whispered, blinking in disbelief.

“See you in two weeks.” He released the flower and turned to leave.

“Wait, Tabby, what does this mean?” I didn’t want even the slightest confusion and reached for his shoulder. “When you get back—”

“It’s a date.” He took my hand and kissed it lightly, then strolled with better posture than usual toward his office, leaving me to stand alone with nothing but my high blood pressure to confirm I wasn’t dreaming.