17 Excuse Me Tabby

––––––––

T he clock in my office was slow. It had to be. There was no way it had only been five minutes since I last checked it.

Come on, five o’clock. Come on.

Rob had no interest in coming with me to mom’s place for dinner, so he didn’t care when I said I was running an errand after work. I justified seeing Jax again because, in broad daylight, it was harmless to do so. After all, he visited me out of the kindness of his heart. Jax had no ulterior motives.

The clock continued to mock me. Tick, tick, tick.

Once the day finally ended and the last patient left, I stood in the back parking lot by my car until Jax pulled up. He hopped out and untucked his blue polo shirt, which hung over his slim hips to be more casual.

“Might want to tuck that back in,” I said, pointing down the alley toward our destination as I walked. “Not sure they’d let you past the doors if you’re not already dressed to the nines.”

He cocked a brow. “Next to your scrubs, I look like the King of England.”

“Hey, my scrubs are more than appropriate, thank you very much.”

“Just in case, our first stop should be to buy a couple of ties. You know, to make sure we’re appropriate.” He winked, the kind of halfway-smooth move he never quite mastered because winking was far from sexy.

“Wait, wait—” I left all my guilt behind and embraced the fluid energy between us. “There’s a giant Macy’s next to it. Let’s go get a couple to start with and walk in as we are, but with ties on. No collars or anything. No tucking it into your polo, that’s cheating.”

He laughed and put his hands in his pockets, sidling up to me. “I’m game for that.”

We did as I said and wound through the huge Macy’s to the men’s department on the fifth floor. I teased him by holding up floral velvet sport coats and he did the same, daring me to try on hot pink shoes. Somehow we ended up dressing each other in whole new ensembles that served no purpose except to make each other laugh. To the registers we went, him buying my stuff, and me buying his. We looked ridiculous. People around us were visibly annoyed, rolling their eyes at our juvenile laughter. Meanwhile, I hadn’t had so much fun in so long, I couldn’t remember if I’d ever laughed with Rob the same way.

Instead of settling on ties alone, we had a veritable collection of mismatched items and our original outfits in large paper bags, carried wistfully over our shoulders. The Neiman Marcus was on the next street corner, and we stopped outside the doors to triple-check our tie knots.

“Why’d you do the double Windsor? Now the knot’s too fat at your neck,” Jax said, undoing my purple- and blue-floral skinny tie and adjusting the length. “You have a short torso, so don’t start so high.”

I tittered as if drunk while he breathed down on me. “I have a confession—I never really learned how to do this. Not like my dad was around to teach me, and nobody ever wanted me to look so formal on dates.”

He pursed his lips in concentration as he straightened everything and tucked the tail in. “Have no fear, young grasshoppa . I’ll show you the way.”

“You should talk in an accent. After all, you said you were the King of England...”

“Oh, I’m way ahead of you,” he said, straightening his back and clearing his throat. The affected tone in which he spoke was somewhat of a mixture between posh Shakespeare and high fantasy formal. “It is I, Jaxson of House Grady, coming forth to claim prizes for my mother. Forsooth, I have laid claim across the land and ended here , before this very vault of treasures before me.”

I bowed, then mimicked him as I held the door open. “After you, good sir.”

“With great thanks, Sir Tabby.”

We poorly hid our infectious laughter and were immediately glared at by people on the ground floor. I pointed to the escalator, wanting to usher us upstairs so we wouldn’t make too much of a scene.

As we ascended, he stared at the gilded, domed ceiling, which was still wondrous to me even though I’d been here a few times to look.

“It’s cool, huh?” I asked.

“Definitely a big shiny cave. So, this is where George of the Jungle went.”

“My God, I cannot believe you’re here and thinking about that movie.” I closed my eyes. “Now I am, too. Mmm... Brendan Fraser.”

Jax prodded my side. “He gives you dimples.”

“Shut up,” I grumbled and bowed my head in embarrassment.

Each floor up was like another world. Different clothing designers set up dioramas and displays for things in outrageous colors and cuts, none of which were suitable as gifts. Like we did in the Macy’s, we held things up for each other and scoffed at the prices of everything, though we were a bit more surreptitious in our disdain for the merchandise. Still needing to actually complete his goal, though, we opted to search ladies’ accessories.

“Summer, summer, summer. It’s, like, actually a season here,” Jax said, gently lifting the brim on nearly every hat within reach. “If I got mom one of these hats, she’d probably like it, but she could only wear it for about four days at the beginning of next month before she’d have to put it away.”

“Oh, come on. Summer doesn’t end in August.”

“It might as well, considering where she lives now. Brian moved them into the mountains past Leadville—too high of an altitude for a warm climate without wind.” He moseyed through the tables and stands of belts and purses to find a small table marked Clearance . “Help me find some good gloves.”

I did as he asked and picked out a few pairs, then remembered a game—one my teenage self invented with him on late nights when Mom was out too late working to patrol our conversations. “Hey Jax?”

He barely looked up from the pile. “Hmm?”

“Guess how much these are?” I held up a pair of bright red, fur-lined gloves and dangled them by the fingertips.

Jax paused and squinted at me. “No way.”

“What?” I looked over my shoulder since his bewildered expression didn’t fit what I asked.

“I was literally thinking we should play a game like that earlier. No joke. Used to do it online with a friend.”

Shit. It terrified me to think he was on such a similar wavelength that I’d be caught in my lie without thinking.

But he didn’t dwell on it. As if waking up from the boredom of gift searching, Jax rubbed his hands together and pursed his lips. “Okay, I guess...hundred bucks?”

“Higher. Way higher.”

“Okay. Three hundred.”

“Still higher.”

“Bullshit.” He lurched toward me and snatched the gloves. “Holy hell, over five hundred? And they’re on sale for that? No way, man. Nuh-uh. Totally ridiculous.”

“Lucky for you, these ones are more reasonable.” I handed him a pair of leopard-print, cashmere-lined gloves. “I mean, if she’s living in cougar town...”

Jax burst with such loud laughter, the woman at the counter behind us actually made a shushing noise.

I put my hand on his tall shoulder. “Shh, you’ll get us kicked out. I haven’t even—”

Just then, my phone rang. Mom’s tone. Oh, great. I’m late.

“I have to get this, Jax.” I moved as close to the wall as possible. “Hey Mom. Sorry I haven’t updated you yet.”

“You can’t do that to me, sweetheart,” she said, letting out a relieved sigh. “Are you still coming tonight?”

“Well...” I glanced behind me at Jax, who fiddled with more gloves on the table so as not to bother me. While our weekly dinner was important to me, this time with him was precious. I didn’t want to let it go.

“Tabby?”

“Sorry. You know what, don’t count on me tonight. If I change my mind and want to get out of the city, I’ll give you a call. I’m out with a friend right now.”

“Really?” Mom’s voice went into sing-song mode. “Anybody I know?”

Jax heard me say it, too, and a distinct smirk laced the corner of his lips.

I felt caught between the truth and my mother. The worst combination. “Let’s just say I have no doubt you’d love him.”

She snickered. “Okay, my love. Have fun. Don’t leave me out of the loop, alright? And give Robby my love.”

“I will. Love you, Mom.”

“Love you, son.”

Warmth flushed through me. Thanks, Mom.

Jax hummed quietly until I came back to his side. “That your mom?”

“Mm-hmm. I’m not sure if I’m going up to see her tonight. It’s getting late.”

“You really think she’d like me?” He swept an imaginary long lock of hair off his shoulder. “Aren’t I special.”

“Yeah, maybe you are, a little.” My tone softened from the humor into a more honest place.

“Think I’d like her?” he asked, arching his brows.

I sighed, but slight pain took over where I should’ve felt comfort. Rob doesn’t like Mom. Thinks she’s too clingy. He’s jealous my mother still talks to me. No matter how long we were together, Rob didn’t feel comfortable letting her dote on him the way she wanted to. If she could’ve, Mom would have adopted every one of my trans friends.

Since I was too distracted to answer, Jax picked up our large paper bags and the gloves for his mother and headed for the small checkout counter where the cashier glared at us before. He charmed her with his usual kind smile, and he led back toward the escalator with a spring in his step.

It happened so fast. He got on first, but I tripped on my oversized pants. While the stairs headed down, so did I, and Jax caught me.

“Whoa, there,” he said, holding me up without faltering. “Haven’t you ever been on one of these before?”

I felt feverish from shame. “Shit, I’m so sorry.”

He let me right myself on another step and kept his hands on my shoulders. “It’s okay. I’ve gotcha, Tabby.”

There it was again. A perfect moment. A moment like when we sat in his car, and I stared into his eyes. Here was my Wah, so close, yet the ocean of a secret stood between us.

I pushed off the railing to catch my balance and refused to look him in the face while we awkwardly meandered our way to my office parking lot. Even with daylight savings, the city’s tall buildings shadowed the sky. At eight o’clock, it felt oppressively dark.

Jax still took a risk I hadn’t considered. “You know...if you’re not sure about driving to Marin, I’m happy to take you.”

I stared at him with wide eyes. Oh, God. Don’t even suggest meeting Mom.

His tone was muted, like he knew it was a risk. “I mean, you and I get along so well. Maybe—”

“No,” I blurted, regretting my panicked tone but couldn’t rein it in. If I brought him, he’d know her instantly, and so would she. “Sorry. No. That’s not something friends do.”

Jax’s attitude immediately chilled. He looked at me like I shot down a very public proposal—embarrassed and broken for trying.

But he had to know that would cross a line, right?

“‘Kay.” He threw his bag in the back of his car. The proverbial wound drew a scar on his face.

“Jax, wait.” I held my hands up before he got in. “I didn’t say that right. It’s too early, that’s all. Mom gets stressed easily. Please...I’m not trying to keep you out.”

Jax paused as I hoped he would. “No, I get it. Really. Strange guy you barely know, but not your boyfriend, asks to meet your mom? How weird is that?”

While I wanted to say it wasn’t weird at all, he was right, and I had nothing at the forefront of my mind that I could say.

Without meeting my eyeline, Jax shut his front door, looked out the back window and reversed with a jump. Speeding off through the alley, Jax left me in his trail of dust.