16. Excuse Jax

––––––––

T abby’s text still dominated the screen when I got up, which helped start my Friday on a happy note. Ethan noticed my grin, even through the extreme sleepiness from a restless night.

“What’s up with you?” he asked, downing his usual morning protein shake as I sat down.

“Nothing worth mentioning.” I tried to play it off but was so bad at lying that I cracked and started laughing.

“Come on, roomie. What is it?”

My thoughts spiraled as I ran my hands through my hair, one after the other. I’m totally fucked. But I really can’t tell you. You’re too close to Rob.

“I know that look.” He egged me by shaking my shoulder. “Spill it.”

Sighing, I rolled my eyes. “Just a dream I had. No big deal. I think I really just need to get laid.”

“Ah, I hear that.” Ethan curled the edges of his thick mustache. “Anyways, gotta hit the gym. See you later.” He patted my shoulder one last time before he left, and I stayed at the table, alone.

Without another witness, I pulled out my phone to look at the message again and let myself daydream a little.

Yeah. I missed you, too. It was enough positivity fuel to charge the day.

I had a few emails from Dad, all bullshit forwards except for one: a reminder for Mom’s upcoming birthday. It killed the fuzzy mood. He insisted I find something fancy for her that he could never hope to get back home. I’d try my best, like always, though I had no idea where to go. Something would pop up.

He ended his emails the same way he did his phone calls: Extra hot, extra cheese, extra crispy relleno, kid. Love, Dad. The sentiment sent a wave of homesickness over me.

As if the universe wanted to amplify my hodge-podge of emotions, Rob texted again while I put on my shoes.

Any other ideas

“Seriously, man? It’s not even eight in the morning yet.” I debated ignoring him but didn’t have it in me.

I’ve got nothing. Why don’t you ask

HIM what he wants?

Amazing how people tend to know

that information.

Was it petty and a little passive-aggressive? Sure. But I didn’t owe him anything, and my only motivation to help him at all came from my muddy connection to Tabby. It was time to tell him the answers were right in front of him anyway.

But he snapped right back.

He likes surprises

Don’t be a prick

Why don’t you ask him for me?

I snorted. “Yeah, sure. I’ll go fishing for the answer because you’re too chicken shit. What are we, fifteen?”

You work by him. Meet him for lunch

or something .

Then ask about me and bring it up

His last text made my stomach twist. He didn’t know what he was asking of me.

Seriously?

Yeah do it today. He didn’t take a

lunch from home

I told him to but he didn’t

Please?

My heart rushed. An excuse. Maybe the only excuse I’d have for a while, if ever again, and Rob already knew.

He didn’t need to ask me twice.

Fine.

No promises for information,

though.

––––––––

I was officially a regular at the sandwich place since I went at least two days a week. To be fair, it was the closest spot for something remotely edible by my office, but the prospect of seeing Tabby again made it the highlight every time I went. Today, time couldn’t move fast enough. Nervous energy bounced in my skin like a spring from my feet to the top of my head.

The girl at the counter, Megan, beamed when I came in the door. Tabby was right—she gave me the kind of smile that couldn’t be misinterpreted—but I still couldn’t bring myself to take her out when I had someone else on my mind. It wouldn’t be fair to her.

“What can I get started for you today?” she asked, bubbly and bright as ever. Her round, thin-rimmed glasses were too wide for her face, but it softened the severity of her red hair.

I leaned close to her, not wanting the customer waiting by the close soda machine to overhear. “Actually, I need a favor. Do you happen to remember when I came in here a few weeks ago and ran into my friend? That other guy?” Even though my chin was bare, I mimed stroking a goatee in hopes she’d understand my hint.

“You mean Dr. Ross? Yeah, he’s in here all the time.”

“Great. That’s great. Do you know what he likes? I want to bring him lunch today but don’t have much time before he’ll probably come here himself.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet. Of course I do.” She rang up the order and bounced as she did, proud to be my secret accomplice.

“Thanks, Meg. I owe you one.” We settled the bill, and I left her with a smile.

Tabby’s office was north of the sandwich shop, and I prayed while I hustled my way through the tourists that I wouldn’t somehow miss him. It was going to be a surprise—after all, Rob said he liked surprises, didn’t he?—so taking lunch to him became a mission.

The eyecare center’s front entrance was like any other glasses place, covered in posters of models who could make any ridiculous frames look good. It made me grateful to have my mom’s eyes instead of Dad’s so I wouldn’t need lenses anytime in the near future. The office bustled with people, decently busy for the noon hour, and I anxiously waited in line behind a few legitimate customers before ending up at the front desk.

“Name?” the receptionist asked, barely looking up from her computer screen.

“Um. Delivery for Dr. Ross,” I said, holding up the white paper bag with our sandwiches.

She squinted and looked me up and down, then tapped on her keyboard again. “Have a seat and I’ll let him know you’re here.”

“Thanks.” I felt like a reprimanded child for bothering him at work when he could’ve been busy with a patient. Dumbass. This is why work gifts are never a good idea. But I sat in the corner, careful not to get in the way of anyone taking a gander at the wall of frames on either side of me.

Tabby came out from around the corner with a puzzled expression, squinting and searching the room. His blue scrubs were crisp and tidy like last time I saw him, though I paid more attention to things I might not have noticed before; the sharp curl of his shiny dark hair behind his ears was a touch shorter than before, meaning he got a new haircut. When he stood straight and turned away, the distinct outline over his back, beneath the scrubs, reminded me of a sports bra.

For the first time, the reality of Tabby’s transness occurred to me, and I resisted the urge to wonder what he looked like naked and how he had sex. It was none of my business, despite my curiosity. I’d never ask. Whatever was beneath the surface didn’t matter, regardless of how little my ignorant ass understood about his journey.

Nevertheless, he impressed me just as much now as the last time I saw him, and my heart fluttered when he first glanced in my direction. I sheepishly stood so he wouldn’t pass me by when he looked again.

His eyes met mine from across the room, and he froze. A smile flashed on his lips, though it was held back, either from myself or the eagle eyes of his coworkers.

I waved, then pointed to the white bag in my other hand and shrugged.

Tabby gave me a real grin this time and waved me over. Whatever he was doing when I came in, he could drop it now.

“Hey,” I said, still feeling sheepish for interrupting him in the middle of the day. “Sorry if I’m bothering—”

“It’s fine. Really.” He scratched the back of his neck and looked up at me through his thick lashes. “Beth says you have something for me?”

I choked for a moment, almost forgetting why I was there. “Yeah. Y-yes. I brought you lunch.” The bag crinkled in my hand as I held it out toward him. “We could eat together if you want to?”

Tabby chuckled at first, then gave me a nod and led us through the doors behind reception. The woman at the desk, who I assumed was the aforementioned Beth, cocked a brow at me when I followed him.

I know what you’re thinking. Rob should be here, not me.

The place was much quieter once we were out of the main room. He pulled in a second chair for the small office at the end of the hall and closed the door behind us.

“Thanks for coming in. It’s great to see you.” He settled in the rolling seat and dove into his sandwich without even commenting if I’d gotten his order right. The surety in which he unwrapped the complicated fold said he was familiar enough with how his favorite place worked, and he had no doubt what it was.

My stomach kept flipping, preventing me from having much of an appetite, so I only went for my bag of sea salt chips. “Any major updates since I saw you last, besides your haircut?”

He smiled and talked with his mouth full. “Not really. Things are good at home, good at work, nothing to report.”

“Nice.” I searched his office for evidence of anything I could use to learn more about him, but the walls were bare. “Friday...you’re going to see your mom tonight, right?”

“That’s the plan.” Tabby searched the lunch bag for something else. “You got me a soda?”

“Is that not okay? Shit, I’m sorry if—”

“No, no, it’s fine. Just don’t get to do that a lot.” He took the can of blood orange San Pellegrino out and tapped the lid. “I’ve been trying to lose some weight, to be honest, but I’ll make an exception for my favorite stuff any day.”

Duly noted. I wanted to get my task over with so we could talk about something that made me less edgy. “So, how’s Rob?”

Tabby paused for a moment or two, taking a few sips. “He’s fine. He’s, uh...been great , actually.” The way he stared at his desk as if studying it, furrowing his brow, said more than his words did.

“Yeah? Word through the grapevine is you’ve got an anniversary coming up, right?”

“Ethan told you that?” His face shot up to meet mine. “I’m surprised he remembered, though I guess I can’t be shocked.” He averted his eyes again, and a softer smile took over his cheeks, revealing small dimples I hadn’t seen before.

Dammit. He had to be thinking about Rob. Why couldn’t I make them appear?

“But yes,” he said, “Rob’s and my anniversary is coming up. Two years at the end of this month. Really crazy.”

“Two years, wow. Congrats, man. Any big plans?”

Tabby shrugged. “Now that he’s moved in, not really. That’s what I wanted for us the last time we celebrated, but it took him this long to do it.”

You’re giving me nothing. Maybe that’s for the best. Either because of my stubbornness or the awkwardness, I opted to change the subject. “Hey, you know, my mom’s birthday is coming up around then, too. Dad says I need to find her some kinda fancy-schmancy gift, but I’m not sure where to go. Any ideas?”

He lit up again as if he was just as grateful to talk about something else. “In San Francisco? Pick a street corner.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not gonna buy her a knockoff Chanel wallet. Sorry, excuse me, I mean ‘ Channel ’,” I said with sloppy air quotes. “Union Square has to have something legit, right? All these tourists hang around here for a reason.”

Tabby pursed his lips and sighed before the lightbulb went off. “Have you ever gone to Neiman Marcus? Headquarters of fancy-schmancy.”

“You think so?”

“Oh, man. You’ll be in for a treat. It’s the kinda place that’s so overpriced, you’re afraid to breathe on stuff.”

A memory from long ago sprung to the forefront of my mind—nights spent on the internet with Jamie, trading links from random luxury stores for the most ridiculously expensive things. We found solid gold paperclips, chinchilla fur rugs, even a forty-thousand dollar enlarged photo of a scarf. It was a game we played to challenge each other to guess the price of what we found. To us, there was no greater way to burn the stars until we could see each other again.

But going into the store was like leveling up. And Tabby had that same sensibility...right? Couldn’t we do the same thing to kill time?

“Any chance I could get you to come with me?” I asked, half expecting him to immediately shoot me down. “Could use a chaperone to make sure I don’t have any errant exhales on the merchandise, you know.”

He did what he did last time we were together and investigated my face before answering. The seconds dragged.

Come on. Gimme another excuse.

Tabby relented. “Guess it wouldn’t hurt to find something nice for my mom, too. Meet me here at five and we’ll walk together?”

Suddenly I had an appetite again, and I tore open my sandwich to hide my excitement. “You’re on.”