10. Stirring Tabby

W ith Rob out for the night and me still gaining my bearings, our Battle Royale D&D night ended much like the last one did. Victorious Cyan hooted as he raised his arms above in celebration.

“Oh, yes. That’s right, bitches.” He flipped all of us off at the table, but did so with an effortless, beaming grin. “Tabby, that’s what you get for not having your lucky ring.”

I laughed along with everyone else, though his reference meant nothing to me.

“Shut up. I didn’t get to go home before showing up here,” Tabby said, flushing red and avoiding all eyes.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice that you didn’t have it last week, either, and all your rolls sucked.” Cyan kissed Gavin hard, then yelled over all of us once more, “Behold, I’m the new king of the castle, and Tabby can suck it.”

Tabby stood and did a small bow in his direction. “Oh, Lord Cyan, great and awesome sorcerer supreme. I doth surrender my position to you until we meet again, sir.”

The group dissipated in laughter, and I worked out a few logistics with Ethan for my move-in plans. Fortunately for both of us, my current roommate was pretty loaded on his own and wasn’t upset that I’d be leaving, especially when I told him he could always send me a text if he was out of town, and I’d be happy to water the plants in his absence. No hard feelings and an easy change.

Annie stood by Tabby at the door when I was done with Ethan. She pushed him toward me.

“Still okay with giving me a ride home?” he asked, with a much less anxious disposition than he had when we arrived at the store.

“You bet. Annie, you need a ride, too?”

“Cordelia and I always share an Uber, but thanks, Jax.” She opened her arms for a quick, barely there hug. “It’s been nice getting to know you a little.” Her high-pitched voice and the way she kept her hands hidden within her sleeves, close to her body, reminded me of a mouse. Adorable and kind, with a button nose that was hard to resist booping. She felt like a sister of sorts.

Having a girl around who couldn’t make things complicated was exactly what I wanted in my life after what happened with Heather. “You, too,” I said. I meant it.

Without rain this time, there was no rush in heading up the hill to the garage. Tabby walked at my side instead of behind me, though he still stared at his shoes instead of engaging. He was a mystery, like he wanted to talk but wasn’t quite sure what to say.

“Do you feel it, too, dude?” I asked, taking a shot.

“Hmm?” He eyed me with the side of his face.

“I don’t know. This, like, weird sense that we know each other. I feel like you’re one of my people.” We paused at the crosswalk just enough to look both ways. “Know what I mean by that? People? ”

Tabby stammered, “I...well, Jax...”

“My dad believes in karmic connections that we can’t explain. Do you buy that kinda thing?”

“I guess, I—” His exasperated, long sigh was an unvoiced pause. Kept him from talking in circles. “I know what you’re talking about. It’s comfortable. Can I say that? Comfortable.”

“Yeah. Good way to describe it.” I smiled at him, though my head said more than I admitted aloud. You fit with me somehow, and I don’t know why. Why do I have an urge to reach for your hand?

Tabby hid a shy smirk of his own as we approached the car. His hair, while not very long, shined with soft waves, and I wondered what it smelled like. What he smelled like. Was it a scent I couldn’t detect that drew me to him? He wasn’t even trying, and I couldn’t stop staring.

Embarrassed with myself, I fumbled with my keys, trying to find the right button in the dark.

“Jax, you okay?”

“Mm-hmm. No problem.” I was victorious with a random button press, though I also opened the trunk by accident and sheepishly slammed it closed as Tabby got in the passenger seat. Once we were out of the garage, he showed me a few shortcuts from east to west on the way back to his place.

It was quiet. Too quiet. Awkward, thick air, unspoken words quiet. I whistled just to cut the tension a little bit.

“Here,” he said, pointing to a short building which thankfully wasn’t too far from my own place. On the way, in fact.

I pulled up beside the front door, hugging the sidewalk. Even though it was late, he didn’t get out right away. Tabby glanced up to his building, then stared at his hands, which he twisted in pretzels while he spoke. “So, your friend with the coloboma...did she tell you anything about it?”

His question was unexpected, not that I hoped for one thing or another. I welcomed some conversation. “No, actually. It made her unique, but she hated it. Tried to cover it with fake glasses. Personally, I thought it was fascinating, so I focus on eyes a lot when I meet people. Haven’t seen another one yet.”

He nodded for a moment. “They aren’t something you see every day. Those who have them can be very self-conscious. But when it comes to looking at people’s eyes first, we definitely have that in common.”

Finally, something real about you. “Probably ‘cause you’re an eye doctor, right?”

Tabby’s genuine smile departed from the tight-lipped expression he kept most of the night. “Part of it, yeah. But I’ve always liked eyes. Eyes can tell you a lot about a person. Look into people’s eyes enough, it’ll make you psychic.”

“Ooh,” I said, waving my fingers. “Tabby can see the future. No wonder you’re so mysterious.”

He laughed with his whole face and let his deep voice bounce around the car. It lifted my heart like the swell of a song. Joy. Ease. Comfortable, like he said. Only more than that. Wanted. Needed. Missing from my life.

I turned the car off and relaxed a little, settling in for conversation since the only thing waiting for me at home was a silent row of plants. “Tell me about yourself.”

“Me?” He pointed to his chest like he was surprised.

“No, I was talking to myself.” I cocked a brow. “Yes, you , Tabby.” I flicked his nametag. “I mean, Dr. Ross. Tell me something stupid. Something you might say at work when doing icebreakers.”

“Shit.” He sighed and folded his arms. “Um...I don’t know. My favorite animal at the zoo is a peacock.”

Chuckling, I remembered the big ones at the Denver Zoo that always hung out behind the giraffe house. “Why, you like to chase them?”

“Hell yeah. I have a collection of peacock feathers. Everything else at the zoo is a bonus. Except for the bug house. I love the bug house.”

“Wow. Too bad we’re not in Denver. You’d probably go apeshit for the Butterfly Pavilion.” I hissed in a breath through my teeth. “Your answer’s too good. Nothing I say will beat that.”

“Oh, come on. You’re new to the city. What did you tell your coworkers when you first came here?” He settled even more, unbuckling his seatbelt, giving no indication that he itched to leave.

“Uh, ‘Hi, my name’s Jaxson Grady, and I’m superstitious.’ That’s always a good conversation starter.” I lifted the lid to my center console and displayed its organized contents with an open hand. “Behold, my small collection of lucky pennies.”

Tabby burst with laughter. “My God. Are they organized by year?”

“No, ‘cause if I did that , I’d become obsessed with finding a valuable one. Talk about a complete waste of time.”

While watching him poke through the clutter of my private car stash, another burning question came to mind.

“Hey, how’d you know how my name was spelled, anyway?”

“Hmm?” He didn’t fully lift his head, too distracted by putting the coins in order.

“When we met last week, and you texted me. You spelled my name right, with an X. How’d you know that?”

Tabby looked up and didn’t blink, like he was caught in a trap. More stammers at first, but his reason made sense enough. “I just...happen to know someone who spells it that way. Guess it was stuck in my head.”

“Ah. I forgot, we’re in California. I bet you see all sorts of bullshit names out here.”

He nodded, then went back to investigating the coin collection.

Five minutes became ten. Ten became twenty. A half hour. More. By 11 o’clock, a light drizzle made the windows fog inside. We discussed the college years. Our passions. Plans for the future. The state of modern politics, and what country we’d escape to if right-wingers went too rogue.

Rob must’ve been a sore spot. Tabby didn’t mention him much, and even cringed when I asked about him. Odd, since when I met the pair, they played footsie the whole night and I saw nothing amiss on Tabby’s socials. On the other hand, he didn’t ask me about Heather even though I’d mentioned her before, so I chalked it up to him not wanting to make me feel bad for my failed relationship. It was a relief in a way to keep that subject private.

“What about your folks?” I asked, relaxing my seat all the way back so I could look out through the roof at the moon.

Tabby did the same on the passenger side, getting flat. “Well, my dad’s gone. Died in an accident when I was ten.”

My heart hurt for him, the same way it did whenever one of friends said they lost a parent. Jamie was the first one I knew, and it was getting more common. Losing his dad so young, too? Brutal. “I can’t even imagine that, Tabby. I’m so sorry.”

The moonlight above streaked across his right cheek, highlighting him, which enhanced the empathetic tug inside me that said he didn’t deserve to know that kind of pain. He shrugged. “It feels unreal now. It’s been almost twenty years. Mom’s still not over it. For that reason, she panics if I’m ever late to our Friday night dinners.”

“That’s sweet you see her so often. So, she’s local?”

“Yeah. She’s just north of the city in Marin—a real hoity-toity place. Her real-estate business boomed after we moved.” He repositioned like he didn’t want to talk about her anymore. “Anyway, what about your parents? They still together?”

“Afraid not.”

“Seriously?” He raised up a little on his left shoulder. “They’re divorced?”

“You seem shocked, like it couldn’t be true.” I stretched, cracking my back a little, which helped me not focus on the sting of talking about my parents. “Funny thing is, it came as a surprise to Dad and me. Mom went off the deep end five years ago—she wasn’t always the most stable person to begin with, but something inside her head snapped. She met this young guy, barely older than me, and ran off with him.”

“Mid-life crisis in cougar town?”

I snorted. “I’m stealing that. Dad will love it.”

With more concern in his voice, Tabby whispered as if Mom could hear. “How’d he take it? Your dad?”

“Awful. Completely devastated.” I covered my eyes and saw Dad in my mind, begging me to try and talk some sense into Mom before she married Brian. The tears he shed were acid to me, burning deep, and I’d never forget them. “I love my dad. He worships Mom. Asks me about her all the time. I talked to him on the phone earlier while we were waiting for the tow. He’s handling things fine now, but I miss him a lot. Miss spending time with him, shooting the shit, drinking beer, going to his regular burrito spot.”

Tabby hummed a quiet note. “If I had to guess, I’d say your dad was the kind of guy who would sneak treats to you and your friends growing up. Drive you anywhere and always be willing to come get you, no matter how late it was or where you were.”

I grinned as far as I could stretch my lips, remembering times in my teen years when those exact scenarios played out more than once. “You nailed it for sure. And Dad’s always been really passionate about teaching me how to be a good guy. He’s completely hopeless when it comes to love. Everything I know about being a charmer comes from him. Probably my tendency to dive headfirst without thinking, too.”

“Oh, so you’re the romantic type, eh?”

“Completely. I’m not as bad as Dad, but I give him a run for his money sometimes. I like to think I’m a little more practical, but his fantasies are appealing.”

Tabby bumped my shoulder. “What do you mean?”

I looked at him with my brows up, waiting for him to tell me he was joking. Why would he care about my fantasies? Did I trust him enough to tell him these things, or was he about to tease me for it later?

But something about his gaze, even in the dark, was soft and inviting. Trustworthy. Honest. Meant me no harm.

I sighed. “Dad believes in love at first sight. The power of first loves. He and my mom got together when they were teenagers. Sure, she’s living this weird life with Brian right now, but Dad is one hundred percent convinced she’ll come back to him.” I looked away to keep from appearing too wistful myself. “He believes my first love will come back to me, too.”

Tabby left a pause on purpose, as if digesting what I said before responding, “What?”

“I believe in some of the things my dad says. But that?” I shrugged. “It’s a little too crazy for me.”

Tabby pressed the button on the side of his seat, lifting the back so he’d be upright again. I took his signal and did the same, figuring it was time to head out anyway.

He didn’t budge. Tabby stared at me, an intense stare that said pay attention and Be brave to me and to himself, respectively. His lips moved, but not clearly. “Wha...wh-wh—”

I tipped my right ear toward him. “I’m sorry, I can’t quite hear you.”

His mouth hung open for a moment, then he cleared his throat. “Wh-when do you need to be at work tomorrow? It’s getting super late.”

“Shit, I think you’re right.” I turned on the car and saw the clock—11:53 p.m. “Oh, man. I need to be in by nine.”

“Work starts at eight thirty for me.”

I nodded. “Wait, do you need a ride again?”

He froze. The wheels in his mind might as well have made his ears smoke. “Fuck.”

“Don’t panic, I’ve gotcha covered.” I shook his shoulder. “What do you think, seven thirty, same place?”

“Jax, are you sure? I don’t want you to—”

“Come on, we’re both going the same direction. Might as well go together. I figure after I drop you off, it’ll take me a little bit to get to my office, so the time between works out fine.”

He took a deep breath and released it, reluctantly accepting my offer with a bob of his head. “Okay. Rob will get me after work when I hear about my car. Honestly, it’s him who should be taking me to work, not you. But that’s his fault for not even bothering to make sure I was okay after my car died.”

The new mention of Rob halted everything. What the hell kinda guy wouldn't step up to the plate here? It was none of my business, so I carried on as if Tabby hadn’t mentioned him. “Sounds like a plan.” I presented a closed fist for him to bump against in our deal.

As his surprisingly soft skin met mine, I couldn’t focus on anything around me. No sound. Dense haze. Am I tired? My head was heavy, and I forced it to look up and straight ahead.

Tabby’s dark lashes curled upward. They could’ve been fake, but I saw no obvious line the way Heather’s stuck out in the corners. His were too perfect. His goatee was full, but it looked soft, not scratchy or wiry, like he took care of it. I wanted to test my hypothesis and brush against it.

“You okay?” he asked when I stopped moving.

The late hour brought a punch-drunk attitude to my brain. “You have great eyes, Tabby.”

He blinked in quick succession—not like a flirting girl, but in surprise. “What did you just say?”

“No, I mean it.” I chuckled and smiled to play it off as a normal compliment, but it wasn’t. Told myself it meant nothing, but it didn’t. What the hell am I doing? I couldn’t stop. Words spilled from my lips without control. “I can’t tell if it’s the shape, the color, or what. Something about ‘em—”

Tabby rushed his interruption, like he was hoping to capture the mood in my next answer. “What do you see in me? When you look in my eyes, what do you think you know?”

“Like, that psychic thing you were talkin’ about?” I tipped my head side to side. My gaze danced over his face, which was still illuminated by the moon above in a blue cast that put us in an underwater cave. I was suddenly aware of my quick breath, half the pace of my racing heartbeat. His scent wafted over me in a way I hadn’t noticed before: sweet, musky, and sandalwood, maybe? Unfamiliar familiarity. Like the bridge. Like New York.

I feel like I know you. Like you’ve been missing all my life, and I finally found you.

But I couldn’t say that. That would’ve been crazy. “In your eyes, I see...a man who wants to be seen beyond the surface. Someone who doesn’t have hidden motives. An honest guy. Somebody who should be more secure than he is.” I caught myself chewing my lower lip before I finished. “I see somebody I wanna get to know.”

“Wow.” He sniffed a couple times.

Are you teary? Or is it late for you, too?

Tabby reached. His thumb barely stroked the side of my right cheek as he investigated, reading my mind in the dark. “Jax, I see a guy who hopes to make connections. Couldn’t be mean if he tried. A guy who loves his family and wears aviator sunglasses. His favorite color is light ashy blue. Simple taste, simple wants, simple man. Somebody I can see getting close to.”

Heat washed out from the center of my chest in all directions until I felt it in my fingertips and toes. “Impressive.”

“What can I say? I pay attention.”

“One thing, how did you know about the aviators? I’m guessing the color of my shirt—”

“Jax?” he said, leaning over the empty cup holders and center console toward me, curling his finger for me to listen.

I wanted him near me and hoped his signal was an invitation. The jump in my chest was familiar and terrifying. Tipping my ear, I closed the gap between us, hoping for more than a quiet secret.

Tabby whispered at the same moment I closed my eyes, “You have a pair in your console.”

I snorted, killing whatever mood had been building. “Christ, you had me goin’ there.”

He laughed along with me, clapping as he backed away. “You thought I was really psychic there for a minute. Some kinda trans superpower.”

Psychic? No, pretty sure— I stopped myself from even considering it and tried to make a joke instead. “Hey, how would I know? All this is new to me.”

We filled the car with more hot breath, which fogged the insides completely. Tabby wrote his name on the passenger window, then made a small footprint with the side of his fist and five dots for toes—just like the ones my friends did on the school bus windows long ago.

“Please don’t tell your boyfriend I stared into your eyes until midnight,” I said, half-teasing and half concerned that Rob would come after me if he thought anything happened between us. “I have no doubt he could kick my ass if he wanted to.”

Tabby shook his head. “I won’t. I really should get going, though.”

“Yeah. Get to bed. I’ll be here bright and early.”

He got out of the car and jogged to the door of the building through the cold humidity, and I waited until he disappeared inside before driving straight to my apartment ten blocks west.

I went in silence, soaking in the warmth his presence left behind, and the sandalwood that marked him in my memory.