Chapter 16 - Victoria

Victoria

T he cemetery was quiet and empty. Well, almost empty. A teenage boy leaned against one of the headstones with a sketch pad. I propped myself up on my knees, leaning back on my feet. Reaching forward, I rearranged the pink roses I’d placed in front of Charlotte’s grave. Seeing my twin’s name etched in stone was a gut punch every single time. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes.

“So,” I sighed, “I guess you know all the shit that went down in England. Mom’s always on some crusade. Did I do the right thing though? Should I have just signed the paperwork?”

I pulled on some blades of grass. The sun dipped behind a cloud, muting the sky. Not in an ominous way though.

A sparrow landed on the gravestone, twitching its head this way and that, showing off its glossy dark blue feathers. I’d read somewhere that sparrows were symbols of hope. I’d also read they were symbols of sorrow so I guess it depends on which culture’s description best fit the situation .

“Xavier was unexpected, wasn’t he?”

The roses rustled in the soft breeze.

“Yeah, I know.”

I plucked a petal from one of the roses, rubbing its velvet softness between my fingers.

“I can’t take back what I said, Charlie. As much as I want to, I can’t.”

A squirrel ran by, frantically searching for something. Its tail twitched when it sat upright to stare at me.

“And then there’s the really great drunk text I sent him in the middle of the night.”

I rolled my head back, looking up. Hitting send seemed so wise at the time. When I woke up this morning I thought it was just a dream. Then I looked at my phone. Nope, I actually sent it. The most disingenuous sounding text ever. In my inebriated head, it sounded soft and caring. On the phone, it came off as dismissive.

“No wonder he didn’t respond,” I muttered.

Birds chirped in the distance, interrupting the solace of the cemetery. I folded my arms, aware that I sounded like a jackass.

“I wish you were here. You were always so much smarter than me about this shit.” I sighed. “Oh. Your diary. I sort of found it at the house. Well, I didn’t find it. But you know that already. I haven’t read it. But I am curious…”

Talking out loud to her gave me a false sense of peace. And I needed that more than anything right now.

“Excuse me,” an unfamiliar, shy voice sounded near me.

The sparrow took off.

I looked up into the curious brown eyes of the boy with the sketch pad. “Yes?”

“Sorry to bother you but is this a relative?”

I blinked. “Yes. My twin sister.”

“Oh,” he said softly. “I drew this the other day. Would you like it?”

He handed me a beautiful drawing of Charlotte’s gravestone. Hovering above it, a red butterfly.

“I had to use the red for the butterfly. It was so pretty. I’d never seen a red one before. I hope you don’t mind the rest of it is still black and white.”

“It’s lovely. Thank you.”

The boy’s shy smile radiated warmth. “I’m glad you like it. I hope it captures your sister’s spirit.” He wandered off to another part of the cemetery.

Seconds later, the sparrow returned. It could have been a different one for all I knew but I had a weird feeling it was the same one. I glanced from the bird to the drawing and sighed.

“I’m fully aware you can’t actually give me your blessing to read the diary but,” I gestured around, “I feel as though…it’s almost like you wanted me to find it. I never would have gone up to your room in a million years if I hadn’t been chasing him.”

I paused, looking at the drawing. And then at the bird. And then up at the sky.

“Right. Of course. That was the idea. I want to know what happened. Why you were so upset. And now I might have the answer.”

The sparrow hopped in a circle, twitched its head back and forth, and flew off.

Xavier

“ O pen up, Maddox,” Bennet yelled, pounding on my front door.

I’d rather not, thanks. Sitting here on the couch will do just fine. I closed my eyes, leaning my head back. Sundays are for football, not brute force entry.

Knock, knock, knock.

Pause .

BANG , BANG, BANG .

My phone started ringing. He wasn’t going to let up.

“Alright, fine,” I yelled. “I’m coming. Knock it off, for fuck’s sake.”

I shuffled to the door, opening it in frustration.

“You look like shit,” Bennet declared, pushing past me.

“Guess that means our chances of shagging are low.”

“I’m not in the mood for your attitude,” he grumbled. “Where the fuck have you been? You haven’t answered my calls. Cade says he can’t reach you.” He scanned the living room before stomping into my kitchen.

“Hate to break it to you mate, nothing in there but empty take away boxes.” I followed him.

“Xavier,” he sighed, sitting heavily on the kitchen bar stool. “It’s been three days since anyone’s seen you or heard from you. I thought we had an agreement.”

I shrugged. “Haven’t really been in a talking mood.”

“What mood are you in then? Reach out to anyone you shouldn’t be talking to?” His berating tone hit me hard. Bennet rarely lost his temper. And when he did, it was usually out of frustration with something I’d done to worry him.

I stared at him, holding his penetrating gaze. “No,” I finally said quietly. “I just needed to be alone. Been, you know, exercising, drinking, eating, drinking some more. All the really healthy shit.”

“Except showering, apparently,” he muttered.

I threw an empty soda can at him. “Rude.”

“Or shaving.”

“Did you come here specifically to take the piss out of me or what?”

He got up and started throwing out the empty food tins. “Are you going to tell me what happened with Victoria or do I have to drag it out of you?”

“Depends. You using a paddle or a flogger?”

He dropped the containers in the trash and glared at me. “I get it, Maddox. You don’t like to divulge. But you haven’t been this enamored by a woman in…ever. I also know you won’t admit it out loud. Have you at least reached out to her?”

“And what fucking good would that do?”

Bennet held up his hand to shush me and started scrolling through his phone. I assumed it was work related but no. He shoved the phone in my face. I stared at a photo of Hannah and Victoria. Both looked radiant but Victoria was ethereal. Perfect. My stomach clenched.

“Scroll,” he ordered.

“When was this?” I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. Victoria with her friends. Victoria with Hannah again. Victoria smiling and dancing. Victoria sitting on some twat’s lap. I scowled. She looked incredible in that black lace dress and should be sitting on me .

“Last night. Hannah sent me a whole bunch of photos from some party.” He put his hands on my shoulders. “I had to tell Hannah you two had some type of falling out because she specifically sent those to me to show you.”

I looked up at my friend and sighed.

Victoria

“ Y ou doing okay over there? I know this past week was the anniversary and a general bucket of suck thanks to everything that went down in England but I refuse to let you sink into some black hole of mopey, depressing shit.” Killian’s stern, clear voice punched through my pity party. “Especially since I know it’s not her you’re moping about.”

“I’m not moping. I’m…what are you talking about?”

He picked one of the dresses up off my bed and tossed it to me. “Do you really want me to invoke his name? ”

“I’m not going to burst into flame if you do.”

“Have you guys spoken?”

“Not exactly.” I took off my jeans and sweater and stepped into the dress.

“You drunk texted him didn’t you?”

“Maybe.” I pulled the dress up and turned so Killian could zip it for me.

We both in stood in front of my floor mirror, scrutinizing the ensemble. Typical pageant style dress. Baroque pattern, sequins, deep v-neck, maxi length with a mermaid hem. I wrinkled my nose. Why did I think this would be a good choice again?

“It looks divine on you but,” Killian paused, tilting his head side to side, “it’s not your vibe. I’m getting real housewives or something.”

“Off with this dress,” I exclaimed. I only had one more option and hoped it would be the perfect one.

“So, what did you say in your drunk text?”

Sighing, I shimmied my way out of the mermaid dress. “Nothing that would impress him. Sober me had a field day with it this morning.”

Killian eyed me with interest. “And what did Sober Tori say about Drunk Tori’s attempt at writing while loaded?”

“It was ill advised.”

“Oh come on. It can’t be that bad.” He handed me the final dress.

“I sounded insincere.”

“Baby girl, do I have to remind you that you told him you only fucked him as a way to distract yourself? The text can’t be worse.”

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t any better,” I muttered, handing him my phone. Sometimes seeing the text in its native form was better than speaking it out loud.

“I see.” He made a face. “I suppose you could have been more eloquent.”

Xavier

“ W hy haven’t you answered her?” Bennet sounded incredulous.

I ran a hand through my hair, trying my best to focus on the match. United threatened with an equalizer. “No reason to.”

“That’s bollocks. Why is it so hard for you to admit you fancy her. A lot. And you fucked it up when you walked out instead of being there when she needed you.”

“Well, she did call me a casual fling.” Among other things .

Bennet leaned his head back in exasperation. “You just told me she was upset and very emotional about everything that happened with her mom and the house and finding out her dad visits every year. You just said you knew she didn’t mean it.”

“Will this conversation count instead of my session with Frances tomorrow?” I bit out.

“No. You’re still going. And if you try to blow it off, I’ll know.”

Arguing with him would get me nowhere. I knew he was right about all of it. And he knew I’d never admit it out loud so we’d keep going in circles. But then there was Frances’ homework. The really feeling it bullshit that got me to this point.

I swallowed.

Really feeling it hadn’t been so bad. I actually quite liked it. At least until the part where it all went to shit and I acted like a complete tosser and took off.

I almost called her when I saw the message this morning. She was clearly up late when she sent it. Hearing her voice would work wonders. Yeah, it hurt when she told me I was only a distraction and we were nothing. It hurt more than normal because I knew she said it in a burst of emotion. She tries to hide things like that but I can see it. The last thing I wanted was for my default reaction to be to hurt her back. But I did.

“Hey.” Bennet tossed a decorative pillow at my head. “Text her. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

Another pillow hit me.

“Do that again and I’ll cuff you to the balcony.” I growled.

“Ah, there he is.” Bennet grinned. “Thought that guy was dead and buried.”

“He had a bit of a resurrection.”

“Text her.”

Another pillow smacked me in the face.

Victoria

“ T his is the one. A vision in satin and lace.” Killian placed both hands over his heart and smiled. “Perfection. Bellissimo.”

I smoothed my hands over the slate gray dress and nodded in approval. “I still can’t believe I’m going to the Met Gala. It doesn’t feel real.”

“Oh it’s real, baby girl. Real and spectacular.”

“You know what else is real and spectacular? A pesto chicken sandwich at The Lunch Basket. I’m starving.”

After I changed back into my jeans and sweater, we walked the two blocks to our favorite lunch spot. Killian went to order the food while I grabbed a table outside. Spring felt like it was finally here to stay. And it meant people watching season has returned. I’ve always been fascinated by catching a glimpse of a person for a few seconds. If I paid close enough attention, I’d imagine what was going on inside their minds.

Charlotte and I used to make up stories about people as they’d walk by. Her stories were always so much more down to earth than mine. I pictured almost every person as living a secret life, and trying to keep up appearances by blending in.

A new notification popped up for the picture I posted last night. I grinned, opening the app. Noah already commented on it. So did Tre and several other guys from the team. This latest notification was from Hannah. I also gained a significant amount of new followers.

“One pesto chicken sandwich for my ginger princess,” Killian arrived with our food. My stomach snarled. Day-after-drinking hunger was also real but not quite as spectacular.

We ate in silence, enjoying the warm weather. Both of our phones vibrated on the table.

“This must be His Highness checking in,” Killian reached for his phone.

I laughed, grabbing mine.

Mildly Hot: You ok?

I froze mid-chew. My mind raced. Killian tapped my leg under the table with his foot.

“Mildly hot?” he asked.

I nodded, showing him the phone.

A small smile touched his face. “Brief but to the point. Now maybe you two can talk.”

“Right now?”

“Now. Later. Whenever. Talk to him if that’s what you want.”

I chewed on my lip. The swelling and bruising were gone but I still remembered how it felt. Still craved more. I sighed. Doing this through text messages bugged me but it’s now or never.

Me: I’m ok. Just out having lunch with K. You?

Mildly Hot: Getting a lecture from Bennet. And getting pillows thrown at me. Usual Sunday stuff.

Me: Lectures are a usual sunday thing? Sounds awful

Mildly Hot: Loads of fun. You should try it

Me: The pillows sound fun ;)

Mildly Hot: Bennet seems to find it endlessly entertaining.

Me: Why are you being lectured?

Mildly Hot: Sort of went into ignore life mode for a few days

Me: Please don’t do that. I feel so bad about what happened.

Mildly Hot: What had you up so late last night?

Me: Nice deflection

Mildly Hot: My social media spies say there was a party. I like you in black lace

Me: Interesting since you don’t follow me

@XMaddox1 is following you!

Mildly Hot: That’s been sorted. You sit in that wanker’s lap often?

Me: No. Should I?

Mildly Hot: Not if I can help it

Me: Does that mean you want me sitting in yours?

Mildly Hot: Yes.

Me: Really?

Mildly Hot: Yes.

Me: Even after what I said to you?

Mildly Hot: We’ll deal with that in due time. But yes. Even after what you said.

Me: I really am sorry

Mildly Hot: I know. Won’t change the fact your ass will be sore for a week when I get my hands on it

Me: Promise? :P

Mildly Hot: Don’t get smart, city princess

Me: Whatever you say, country prince

Mildly Hot: We both know that’s not what I am

Me: Fine. You’re a gentleman

Mildly Hot: Keep sitting in that guy’s lap and you’ll see how much of a gentleman I can be

Me: I don’t really know what to say to that…I guess we’ll talk soon?

Mildly Hot: I have training all week. I’ll reach out when I can.

Me: Of course. Xavier?

Mildly Hot: Yes?

Me: I’m sorry

Mildly Hot: I know, love. I’m sorry too