23. Twenty-Three

Ipulled up a chair and sat across from him.

Perhaps this wasn’t the grandest idea because I already wanted to change my mind.

His beautiful eyes watched me expectantly. They were so swollen from all the crying he’d done.

Cupping my hands in my lap, I straightened and mentally grounded myself. Trust was not something I gave over easily anymore, not after everything. I silently prayed that he would not make me regret it.

“How much do you know about the gods?” I started.

“Not much. I mean, Miss Aeltri taught me some. I can name most of them, but that’s about it.” He shrugged.

Who is Miss Aeltri?Shaking off the fact I still knew so little about him, I continued, “Oltella, the Void Goddess, is the subject matter here.”

A smirk broke out on his face. “You are such a shit bard.” He snapped his fingers and said, “Spit it out already.”

“I’m getting to it!” I barked but smiled despite myself.

“Did she touch your cock?” He grinned like a cat.

I scoffed. “No. As I was saying, I paused to clear my throat. Ever since I was a child, I’ve dreamed of her—before I knew who exactly she was.”

He kept quiet but flipped around, so he laid across the edge of the bed. Perking his cheek on his fist, I couldn’t help but notice the flex of his arm or the fact his shirt rode up just a touch, revealing his hip bone. The dark waves fell into his eyes, and the beard that dusted his jaw drew my attention to his lips.

“Stop eye fucking me and tell me the damn story,” he said with a chuckle, but his cheeks blushed immediately.

“It wasn’t until I was a man that I’d begun deciphering the dream. Studying the old texts and narrowed her down. The last time I saw her wasn’t in a dream though. It was very real. And… she died.”

“Oh, fuck.” He perked up slightly. ”Gods die?”

“Yes. Well, when that happened, she… she gave me her power. Oltella said, ‘When a god dies, their essence must be stored, or else the balance of the world tilts and will bring forth eternal chaos.’ I panicked, naturally.”

“Shit.” He weathered his lip and scratched at his chin.

That wasn’t even the worst of it, unfortunately. Sighing, I continued, “The first thing I did was tell my elder brother, Phillipe. He swore to me that he wouldn’t tell anyone. And I believed him. Phillipe was promised to Queen Verali—”

“Hang on,” he interrupted and sat up. “You told me you didn’t have princes, but you have a Queen?” He cocked his eyebrow.

“She is the only monarch. My kind have always had a Queen and she has consorts to further her bloodline,” I explained.

“I have a million questions, but I’ll wait. Carry on.” He laid back down.

“Queen Verali has the unfortunate curse of being pureblood, as with any pureblood Vampyr female. We do not reproduce as we should, and the Queen suffers from infertility more so than anyone. I always thought it had to do with her blood being so old. Her line goes back thousands of years.”

That hadn”t even been the worst part. Harboring the powers of a god didn’t seem as detrimental as the rest. All of my past came rushing through me faster than I cared to admit, and my heel tapped involuntarily, jerking my knee, and I slammed my palm over it.

“It’s… okay, Vastian. You don’t need to tell me,” he said with a hushed voice.

“No.” I bit my lip and stood. Pacing helped in times like this. “My brother was supposed to be claimed by our Queen. He would sire her children, and I was meant to be the pampered second son. And it was that way for a time. Until Phillipe insisted I show him what… what I could do.” I swallowed thickly and raked a hand through my hair.

“Oltella didn’t instruct me what to do or how to control the power she put in me. I suppose at first, curiosity led me to agree, but looking back, I know now it was eagerness for Phillipe”s admiration. Phillipe was never inherently cruel to me. He did, however, remind me constantly that I was not as important. It felt… good to have something that he liked about me.”

Atreyis was stone-faced, listening intently.

“Anyway, I’d tried doing small things already—little wills of magic. Phillipe had something bigger in mind. He blackmailed me, telling me that if I didn’t do this, he’d tell our father.” A shudder rippled through me involuntarily.“So I did it. I willed an entire raider camp from existence—”

“What!” He jumped to his feet. “You can fucking will something from existence?” His eyes lit up, a silent plea. I hated seeing it. Hated knowing that he’d look at me the same way they all did.

A thing.

A power.

A something, not someone.

Through a tight jaw, I said, “I can. And whenever I do so, I lose a fraction of myself. Every single time I unleash this magic, the monster inside me claws its way to the surface.” My nostrils flared, and my shoulders hitched.

“Oh,” he said with an actual frown. Whether disappointment or something else—I couldn’t be sure.

“Not only did I remove the camp but also the raiders, at least for a while. Oltella didn’t tell me what would happen should I will away a living soul. Pretty soon, a squadron of undead raiders prowled through our border. Then Phillipe told our father.”

“Fuck. What a cunt move,” Atreyis said, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Yes.”

Every inch of my soul begged me to stop talking. To not continue this because every sentence brought me closer to the pit. The chasm inside that threatened to swallow me whole.

“What happened after that?” he whispered.

“As you can imagine, my father was furious that I kept this information from him. We had to summon witches to our lands to take care of the undead and send their souls to the After. Then… he told our Queen.” Icy tears burned the back of my eyes and I wasn’t sure how to keep going.

Atreyis stood up, closed the distance with speed, and captured my trembling hands in his. Sucking in a ragged breath, I jerked away. If he touched me any more I wouldn’t continue. I’d close up and never speak of it again.

“Phillipe was no longer her candidate for a consort. She dismissed her earlier claim on him and set her sights on me instead. I have never been with a woman…ever. It isn’t who I am. Isn’t what I want. I loved Damian.”My voice cracked.

“I’ll kill her,” his voice dropped to that insidious octave and he balled his fists.

“My brother was livid from the rejection and everything bloody fell apart. The Queen ripped me from my home and claimed me in front of the entire court. In front of Damian. I begged him to stop it. To stand up for us, for our love. And he—” I couldn’t finish.

Atreyis pulled me into his arms. Damian and I had kept our affection secret, so he retaliated when I told the entire court about him. My father all but disowned me when it was brought to light. And what Damian did after? I’d never say it. There wasn’t a soul that could pry that from me.

Most people feel relief when they talk about their past. The demons and monsters that plague them, but I didn’t. All I felt was crippling fear.

I’m a coward.Pathetic.

“Whatever you are thinking, stop it. Now,” he ordered and kissed my hair.

Fisting his shirt, I desperately tried to stop shaking. A single tear broke free. “I ran away because I’m a coward who couldn’t stomach the thought of fucking a woman.”

He pulled back, cupping my face. His eyes were dark, hardened, and serious. “You are the bravest person I know. Not only have you risked everything to help me but you refused to break. Everything you have told me solidifies it. A coward would have caved. He would have broken to avoid punishment or ridicule. You stood up to all those fuckers. You and no one else. I’ve never heard of anything more brave.”

With trembling lips, I whispered, “But I ran. I didn’t stand up to them.”

“You did. Telling an entire Vampyr court who you are and what you want.”

“If I return, they will stop looking for me. Stop coming after you and Alora. I’ve accepted my fate.”

He growled, pressing his forehead to mine roughly. “No. I won’t let some bitch Queen force herself on you. I won’t let your cunt father belittle you. And whoever this Damian prick is, he never deserved you. I would have killed them all to get to you. To save you from this.”

My chest heaved, and the tears betrayed me. A frosty liquid stained my cheeks. His fingers wiped at them quickly. “You’ll never be safe if I stay,” I croaked.

“Baby, I’m always safe. I can’t die, remember?” he said with a soft smile and kissed my lips.

Flinging my arms around his neck, I deepened the kiss. It was soft, passionate, and a whirl of the things I didn’t tell him.

Like how I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving him after he broke down before me. Or how I secretly loved all the vulgarities that poured from him. The fact that when I was even a room away from him felt like I’d lost a limb. My blood warmed whenever he touched me or looked at me with that heated stare.

How is it that I’d been with someone else for a century and never yearned for him like I did for Atreyis?

As we kissed in that run-down apartment, the word crossed my mind again.

But was it merely fate or something more?