Chapter 6

My body is pleasantly sore upon waking. Stretching out the kinks is wildly difficult with Colby clinging tightly to my back.

Last night was amazing. No one has ever chased me, then fucked me where they found me before. I've done a lot of shit in my time, but that was one thing I've always wanted to do.

Then Colby had to go and turn it romantic.

All I wanted was for him to fuck my brains out by the ocean. Instead, he pulled me to him and ground into me until I saw stars. Until the loss of him hurt.

And he had to care about me too.

No one has ever been so in tune with me before, cared about my pleasure as much as their own. Everything about this arrangement is fucking with my head. I can't be having these sorts of thoughts about my fake husband. It's pretend. I'm not a damn rookie.

I carefully wiggle out of his tight hold. When he sleepily reaches out for me, I offer my hand, and let him hold it for a few moments before he falls back into deep sleep.

Quietly padding across the bedroom, I fumble for my phone in the dark. The house is silent when I wander downstairs, just the sound of the ocean wafting through the closed doors.

The sun is just breaking over the horizon. Trevor will be awake at this hour because he's an absurd person who goes to the gym at the crack of dawn. He predictably and thankfully answers on the second ring.

"What's up?" Trevor asks, concerned. The sound of the gym is audible through the phone. His gentle voice soothes my rapid heart.

"Have you ever fallen for a john?"

Trevor inhales sharply. "Eli?"

"Have you?" I whisper angrily.

"Once," Trevor admits wearily.

"What'd you do about it?"

The sound of a door slamming echoes through the phone and the noises of the gym disappear. "I didn't do anything, Eli. I'm a coward. I ran away. I left him behind. Broke my heart and probably his too. If you're falling in love and you think it's real … Don't do what I did. Hang on to him."

"Trevor …"

"It's fucking scary," Trevor says, voice trembling. "But Colby sounds like a good guy. I won't tell you what to do though. Just be careful with your heart because I love you. Your heart matters most. How many days do you have left?"

"A couple."

Trevor whistles in sympathy into the phone. "Be careful. I love you."

"Yeah," I agree.

We say our goodbyes, then I go out onto the balcony to watch the rest of the sunrise. It's finally July 4th, but I don't feel the excitement I did just a few days ago. Dread bubbles up inside me because the days are going too fast. I want to hold on to this, even though I know I shouldn't.

Not much later, a gorgeously sleep-rumpled Colby comes down the stairs. It's unfair that he's so sexy when waking up. Makes me wanna fall to my knees right here, right now. I bet he'd let me too.

"Everything alright?" Colby asks, voice sleep husky and lovely.

I hold my hand out to him, gripping his own tightly once he takes mine. I kiss his knuckles, then wrap his fingers around my neck. I aim a smile at him, the best one I've got in my arsenal, and butterflies take flight in my stomach when he grins warmly back at me.

"Everything is great," I lie as my heart starts to form a few cracks.

We spend the morning cuddling on the couch. Colby's fingers gently play with my hair, his new favorite hobby. I lean into it like a cat, soaking the attention up. A rainstorm bubbles up around noon and the house is quickly cloaked in darkness.

"I love rainy days," I admit as a crack of thunder echoes through the house.

"Yeah? What do you do on rainy days?"

"I read."

Colby brushes a kiss against my jaw. "Go grab one of the books I bought and read it to me."

I flush, but do as he says, grabbing my copy of The Wind in the Willows. Inexplicably, I want to share this with him. Maybe when he sees this book in twenty years, he'll think fondly of me.

Curling back up against him, I read the book aloud. The room gets so dark from the storm that it's difficult for me to read the pages. Colby presses a button on a remote by the couch to turn soft lights on around us.

Colby falls asleep a little while later, but I don't stop reading. I read aloud, a little more softly, but I read to him in his sleep in hopes maybe he'll remember my voice when I'm long gone. Maybe he'll remember me after we part, as much as I know I"ll remember him.

Another loud crack of thunder startles Colby awake from his short nap. His eyes shift to mine and a sleepy smile is aimed my way, doing my heart dirty.

"Sorry," Colby apologizes, stretching a little. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"It's okay." I dip down to kiss his still sleep-soft lips.

"What do you want to do the rest of the day?"

I glance outside at the storm. "Do you think the fireworks are canceled?"

"Definitely."

I can't help but sigh, I was excited to see the fireworks over the ocean. "I've never seen fireworks at the beach."

Colby softly grips my neck with a reassuring smile. "I'll find some on television for you."

"Thank you."

"Anything."

I blink over at him. "Are you happy?"

Colby tilts his head in confusion. "Right now? Yes."

"Before this, before me, were you happy?"

A few beats go by as Colby ponders my question. His cerulean eyes bore into me, trying to figure out why I'm asking such a pointed question. We've carefully sidestepped a lot of things the past few days. Getting to know one another without really getting to know one another. The fake boyfriend curse of knowing one another deeply while staying unknown.

"Most of the time. It's been a tough few years."

"Why?"

Colby takes a deep breath, then lets it out slowly. "My husband died."

"I'm sorry." I mean it too. I am sorry. Even though his husband not dying means I wouldn't have had this snapshot in time with Colby. It seems unfair to everyone all around.

"We knew it was coming," Colby explains with a distant look. His fingers tighten in my shirt for just a moment, enough to tell me the topic is still painful for him. "I had time to say goodbye. I still grieve for him, I miss him all the time, but it hurts much less now."

"You could have anyone. You're smart, successful, beautiful." I dip to kiss Colby's cheeks when he flushes at the praise. God, I love that paint of crimson across his cheeks. "Why'd you have to hire me?"

"I didn't want entanglements … I need to get back out there, know I could do it, but not have any expectations afterwards."

That confirms pretty much all of my thoughts. Even if I was brave enough to ask for more, I won't. Colby is still grieving and this is practice for him. Practice to get back out there and meet someone worthy of him. Someone smart, someone older, more refined. Someone that can be his equal on his arm. Yeah, I'm going to have my PhD soon, but I'll just be doing research in a dusty basement at a university somewhere once I've got it.

"Let's bake something," I tell Colby with a winning grin.

I skip into the kitchen, rattling through his pantry for anything of use. Luckily, there's an old but still usable box of brownie mix. Colby grabs a large mixing bowl and a baking pan. My sweet, chivalrous helper. He cracks the eggs, I measure the oil and water, then I let Colby stir the mix. We make a pretty good team.

"Want some?" Colby asks, offering me the spatula.

I take a lick, as lewdly as I can, and grin when his hand holding the spatula twitches. Hopping up onto the island, I watch as Colby places the pan into the oven. He sets a timer, then returns to stand between my legs. The warmth of him seeps into me, settling in my bones.

"Hi," Colby says, hands reaching under my shirt to caress my skin.

I shiver helplessly. "Hello," I whisper between us.

"Wanna make out?"

I mock gasp. "Colby Smith! You want to make out with your husband as we bake brownies? Sir, that is delightfully domestic. Yes, kiss me."

Colby laughs, a deep, rumbly thing, before roughly claiming my lips with his own. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, sweetly playing with the golden-blond hair at the nape of his neck. I open my eyes just a little to find his eyes firmly shut, obviously enjoying the kiss. There are some flecks of gray in his hair now that I look closely. I like it. Everything about Colby Smith is bewitching. At least to me.

I get so caught up in the kiss that I forget about the brownies. The timer jolts us apart. We both laugh at the sight of each other, kiss-messy and lips swollen. Colby places a chaste kiss on my lips and I helplessly chase him when he pulls away. He bends over, giving me a delightful view of his ass as he takes the brownies out of the oven.

Colby sets the pan on the stovetop and turns to me with a rakish grin. "Where were we?"

"You're cutting me a piece of that brownie," I say, pointing at the pan, eyes narrowed.

"It's too hot."

"I'll blow on it," I say affronted, giving him my best annoyed face. "Chop, chop."

"You can't be serious. It'll burn you if you eat it right now."

"It cools faster if you cut it," I argue.

With an eye roll of his own, he grabs a plate, and puts a small piece on it for me. I lift the plate to my mouth, making a show of blowing on it a few times. It's blistering hot when I put it in my mouth, but so delicious. I moan around the sweetness in my mouth, gasping when Colby surprises me with a kiss. He licks into my mouth, then pulls away with a triumphant grin.

"That was yummy."

I kick him lightly on the stomach. "I wasn't done."

He blows on the brownie still on my plate with a wicked smirk. Delicately, he lifts a piece to my mouth, and I chew it slowly, just for him to kiss me again. Before long, I'm laughing against his mouth. He repeats this until the small square of brownie is gone. My cheeks hurt from laughing once we're finished.

The storm outside worsens, sending the entire house into gloom. Rolls of thunder and flashes of lightning fill the room. Is my heart breaking in time to the cracks of thunder? Because each day that I spend with Colby will make walking away from him that much more painful.

"Want me to find fireworks on the television for us?"

I shake my head vehemently. "Play me something on the piano?"

Colby laughs lightly. He thoughtfully scratches at his newly grown beard. "What do you want to hear?"

"Something that you think is beautiful."

Colby sits down at the piano bench, and I sit in the chair off to the side so that I can simultaneously watch him and the tumultuous waves outside. With my legs tucked up under me, I watch enraptured as Colby's fingers glide over the keys. I've never had much of a musician kink, but Colby playing the piano really does it for me. His back is so straight, his fingers nimble across the keys, a gentle, happy look on his face. God, he looks happily lost as he taps the keys.

It takes me a while to recognize the song. "Vienna" by Billy Joel. My mother loves this song. We used to dance around the living room to this song as it played on her record player. Colby sings the words as he plays, wearing some emotion I can't place. I feel absolutely entranced by him. How did he know I love this song? Did he know it would undo me?

He finishes the song and turns to look at me, some sort of raw hope shining in his eyes. I open my arms with what I hope is a tender, comforting smile. Colby comes to me, kneeling between my legs, and hugs me close. Running my fingers through his hair, I hum the song back to him, giving the gift back to him that he so sweetly gave to me.

"That was beautiful, Colby. How long have you played?"

"My grandfather taught me as a boy," Colby admits from where his face is pressed against my chest.

"Were you close with him?"

"Very much. My parents own a business and worked nonstop. My grandfather was retired by the time I came along, so we spent a lot of time together."

"I'm so glad you had him, baby."

Colby bumps his forehead against my chest before lifting his weary gaze to mine. "Can I just hold you tonight?"

I swallow around the sudden massive lump in my throat. His eyes are so sad, so relieved, that I will give him absolutely anything he wants. Anything. I nod and press a firm kiss to his forehead.

"Whatever you want, it's yours," I whisper.

It's late evening, but the storm stops in time for us to watch the sun dip below the horizon. We don"t change our plans though. Instead, Colby lies down on the sectional in the living room, and I lay my body over him. His fingers glide up and down my back under my shirt in a gentle caress. The movement is maddening because of how much it thrills me.

"What's your favorite food?"

I turn my head on his chest to look out at the waves. "Pizza."

"What kind of pizza? Are we talking cheap delivery or wood stove?"

"There was this Italian place down the street from my grandparents' house that made the old-fashioned real pizza. The bread was thin but soft. And they used the thick slices of mozzarella cheese on top, not the shredded stuff. God, it was so good. Just thinking about it brings up some of my best memories."

"It sounds amazing," Colby agrees, fingers playing with my curls. He loves to do that. My curls are his catnip.

"What about you?"

"I love a good bowl of ice cream."

"That's dessert!"

Colby smacks my ass with a chuckle. "It's a food, brat."

I shift a little to look him in the eyes, trying to look as annoyed as I can. "Pick something that's not a dessert."

He huffs, eyes glinting with mischief. "I love pickles."

"Pickles," I repeat in shock. "Pickles?"

"Yeah, the ones in the barrels at the grocery stores."

I gag at the thought. "You can keep your pickles."

He just shrugs. "More for me."

I lie back down on his chest to stare out at the horizon. One of his hands rests at the small of my back, a comforting weight, while the other cards through my curls. I must nod off because it's dark when I wake up. A flash of color bleeds into the room, followed by a boom, and I gasp when I realize it's fireworks.

"Colby!" I excitedly shout as I roughly shake him awake.

He blinks up at me in sleepy confusion, then angles his head to take in the fireworks. "Well, I'll be damned."

We shuffle out onto the balcony to watch the fireworks. I lean against the railing with a smile tugging at my lips. Fireworks! God, it makes me feel like a little kid. Colby wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me tightly to him, and I tilt my head against his chest. What a perfect day.

Colby pulls his phone out of his pocket and puts on a playlist of slow songs. Nothing I immediately recognize. He pulls away from the railing, spinning me so that he's holding me in the cage of his strong arms. With one arm around his shoulder, and my other hand held in his, he guides us in a slow dance as the fireworks pop in the sky.

"What's a dream you've always had?" he asks as he looks tenderly down at me.

"To dance in front of the fireworks at the beach," I murmur helplessly. The truth is that my dream has always been to be romanced, to be loved, and Colby has been slowly making that dream come true these past few days. The fireworks are the easiest truth I can offer him.

A teasing smirk tilts his lips up. "Really?"

I nod up at him, biting my lip. "Yeah, husband. You?"

His hand tightens on the small of my back, bringing me closer against the warmth of his body. "I've always wanted kids. I grew up in a big, loving, southern family. Marcus never wanted them though. He was my dream, so I gave my other dream up for him. But I've thought about it a lot since losing him. Having kids. I think I'd be a great dad."

The way he sounds so sad, so wistful for a future he's not sure he can have, absolutely tears me apart. I wish I could give him that. I hope he can have that dream one day. I need him to have it.

I kiss his cheek, then nuzzle my face against his. "You've still got time. Maybe one day."

"Yeah," Colby says sadly. "Maybe one day."

We dance quietly for a little while longer, until the fireworks finish. But we hold each other long after we've stopped dancing. I try to wrangle my wild heart, but it's a stallion that won't listen to my fervent pleas to behave.