Chapter - Seventeen

The following day, morning light streamed through my bedroom window as I sat watching the sun rise over the horizon. Sleeping had been a little difficult lately with my mind racing with every new day and new source of information. It was filled with thoughts of who my parents were, why they hadn't kept me, why they'd had me glamoured and placed a spell over my hair. Everything felt like it was right under my nose except the harder I tried to see, the further it moved out of reach.

Needing to clear my head, I went into the bathroom and let the hot spray of water work its magic on my taut muscles. Tendrils of hair clung to my back as I stepped out of the shower, refreshed and wrapped in a towel. I threw on a crimson knitted sweater, some old dungarees, and a pair of boots, leaving my hair wet to dry naturally.

I opened my door to find Felix, fist raised, ready to knock. He wore a deep plum-coloured sweater, black skinny jeans, and his huge combat boots. His glasses were perched on his nose and he gave me a crooked grin, then chuckled at my surprised expression.

‘Morning,' he said, dropping his arm and tugging on the hem of his sweater. ‘You ready for some breakfast?'

‘Why were you going to knock?' I asked.

Felix shrugged. ‘Was going to ask if you'd sit with me.'

I let out a snort. ‘Who else would have the pleasure of my company?'

His grin widened. ‘No one worthy.'

My heart fluttered in my chest as I closed the door behind me and I walked beside him to the kitchens, feeling his hand brush mine. The smell of toast and eggs filled my nostrils as we entered. After gathering some food, my mouth still salivating at the thought of human food, we took a seat near the windows. I slurped my coffee as Felix drank his tea.

Halfway through the meal, Felix said, ‘We'll head to the library after this?'

‘It's a date,' I said, nodding, then I realised my mistake. Felix raised his eyebrows. ‘I mean, you know, as friends. It's a friend date.'

Felix chuckled, the deep timbre of his voice making my insides twirl. ‘What's gotten into you?'

‘I slept funny,' I lied, sipping the coffee. The heat of it seared my cheeks and I swallowed the mouthful painfully as Felix blinked back at me.

‘Sure,' he said. ‘Well, finish your food and we'll head to it.'

We finished breakfast and headed for the library, taking our spot at the table closest to the section on youngbloods. I was beginning to feel unsure of my place in the world the more the hours ticked past. We were no closer to finding out anything about my heritage than when we had started. The books we'd pored over spoke in riddles of the impossible.

After a tiresome seven hours holed up inside the library, Felix closed the book he'd been reading and offered me a smile, both cheeks dimpling.

I closed my own book with a sharp snap and returned his smile, noticing how his striking brown curls were raked backwards from constantly being tugged on and his eyes were starry and wide from reading for hours. Felix yawned, his canines sliding out as he let out a loud groan. I giggled and he snapped his mouth closed, frowning at me.

‘What's so funny?' he asked me, his eyes narrowing with suspicion.

‘Nothing,' I answered, shaking my head and blushing.

‘Hey,' he said. ‘Do you want to get out of here?'

‘Hmm?'

‘Let's leave for a bit.' His teeth glinted as he grinned wickedly. ‘I know a place this side of town. We'll go get some fresh air.'

‘We can't just leave,' I said, my heart pounding. Felix picked up on the sound, his eyes straying to my chest for a second. ‘The council said it's not safe.'

‘You're safe with me,' he said. ‘I've got you.'

Adrenaline coursed through me as I stared into his bewitching silver eyes. Felix, knowing exactly what he was doing, flicked his tongue across his bottom lip. I stiffened. He leant in towards me, cocking his head. ‘Unless you're chicken,' he taunted.

‘I'm not.' Although I defended myself, worry caused my stomach to sink for a moment. ‘I just don't want to get into trouble with the council.'

‘They won't even know,' Felix said. ‘Come on baby, don't you want to have a little fun?'

The nickname oozed sensuality and my heart fluttered behind my ribcage. My stomach clenched as I nodded back at him. Felix slipped out of his chair and sidled up to me. He held out a hand, exposing a sliver of taunt skin where his jumper rose up.

‘Promise they won't find out?' I asked him in a small voice.

‘We'll be back before they notice, yeah?' He winked. ‘Trust me.'

I slipped my hand into his. We left the library and scooted around corners, taking the elevator down to the ground floor and exiting the institute beneath the night sky. Darkness pooled at my feet as moonlight lit up the streets. Felix's hand never strayed from mine but his eyes were fastened on the pavement as we mingled straight into the small crowd of strangers on the street. I clutched at his forearm with my free hand, feeling a little cold in the brisk air, and he tightened his grip on my other hand enclosed in his.

The darkness was soothing and the streets bustled with nightlife. Felix and I rocked up to a bar a few streets away from the institute. He held open the door for me and I stepped inside, instantly smelling the different scents – faeries, lycanthropes and children of death. Felix looped an arm around me loosely as he knocked twice on the wood. A lycanthrope behind the bar served him.

‘What'll it be?' the bored bartender asked, twirling a rag in his fingers.

Felix barely glanced at me before saying, ‘Two whisky sours, please.'

As the lycanthrope made the drinks, I whispered to Felix, ‘I don't even know what that is.'

‘You'll learn to love it,' he said, winking. ‘It's good.'

‘I'm trusting you,' I told him, leaning into him a little.

Felix leaned into me too. ‘Your mistake to make.'

Once our drinks were delivered and Felix had paid for them, I followed him to a booth near the back. A band was up on stage near the front playing throwback rock songs that had me nodding along to the beat. Felix gave me a devilish smirk as he caught me and I took a sip of the drink to disguise my embarrassment. I wrinkled my nose at the strong taste. The aftertaste was bitter but not awful.

‘That's good,' I murmured, knowing he could hear me over the noise.

Felix shrugged a shoulder. ‘Told you so.'

‘What other secrets do you have?' I asked him.

He let out a throaty chuckle. Tendrils of heat rose in my belly. ‘Who says you get to know?'

I flushed crimson, feeling the colour stain my cheeks. I traced the outline of his Adam's apple and the chain that was loosely secured around his porcelain throat. My gaze moved to the crevice just behind his ear when he turned his head and caught me eyeing him off like a dessert. He swallowed another mouthful of his drink. I felt his eyes studying before he finally spoke. ‘Where are you? You're so far away.'

‘Dangerous territory,' I muttered, taking another sip of my drink.

‘What was that?'

‘Just thinking.'

‘About? Anything I can help sort out?'

I blinked at him, shaking my head and sighing. ‘Just your secrets.'

‘Think you've got the guts to handle them?'

‘Don't taunt me. You know I hate it.'

‘On the contrary,' he said, sounding flirty. ‘I think you enjoy it.'

‘You're not scary,' I told him. ‘You don't scare me.'

He flashed his canines causing a deep shiver to travel down my spine. He smiled broadly. ‘Doesn't look that way.'

‘That's not fair,' I said, pouting at him. ‘You caught me off guard.'

‘You like the feeling.'

The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. ‘Maybe I do, so what?'

He met the challenge in my eyes. ‘Do you like me better when I'm nice like this?'

Something about the question caught me by surprise. But nonetheless, I answered. ‘I like it when you're nice in general. But it's a hard adjustment.'

‘Mm?'

I swirled the drink in its glass as he waited patiently for me to find the right words.

‘It's good when you aren't angry at me. You know, like, you aren't so hurtful with your words. But you've always had nice moments.'

‘What do you like about me then?'

‘Just moments,' I said, shrugging. ‘Like when you hold my hand or help me with searching for my parents. Or even that time when you protected me from those two crazed children of death who thought I'd be their dinner at the party you threw.'

‘It did feel quite good when you looked at me like that.'

I felt my insides turn to mush. ‘Looked at you like what?'

He shrugged, looking pleased. ‘Like you liked me back.'

The breath caught in my throat. ‘Liked you back?'

‘Yeah.'

Felix's grin was cocky. I said, ‘You … like me? As in, like like me?'

He let out a short laugh, the sound making my insides churn with heat. His body trembled with the laughter. I couldn't move, my whole face probably pink at this point, and watched him shudder with glee.

When he looked at me finally, a grin was plastered over his face. ‘You really don't notice much.'

‘I notice things,' I said, struggling to breathe properly.

He shook his head. ‘No, you don't. If you saw things, you'd see that I like you.'

‘Shut up! You like me?' I threw back at him. ‘You have a crush on me.'

Felix didn't stop grinning. ‘Duh!' He laughed again.

‘You can't just say you have a crush on me!'

‘Why not?' He frowned, confused.

‘Because! You can't.' I said, flustered and trying to stop blushing. ‘It's like, not something you tell another person.'

‘Yes it is. How do you think people date? You think they just go, alright, and start dating without ever discussing feelings?'

‘Well of course not. I'm not dumb.'

‘Clearly,' he said, taking a sip of his drink.

‘Why aren't you embarrassed that I know you like me?' I cried, switching back to the first topic.

He couldn't stop grinning. I noticed his tongue poking out from between his teeth. ‘I don't get embarrassed about that kind of thing. Why should I? You like me back.'

‘What? No. I don't.' That tell-tale blush stained my cheeks again.

Felix leant forward on his forearms and cocked his head.. I mirrored his movements. He reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, his thumb lingering on my cheek. The rough pad of his thumb scratched my skin but I liked the cool tingle of his touch. My breathing hitched and my stomach liquified as he caressed my cheek with tenderness.

Felix asked in a low voice, ‘Are you sure about that?'

‘Y-Yes.' My denial was weak and we both knew it.

He hummed beneath his breath, silver eyes catching the yellow glow of the light flickering above us. ‘You're cute, Tabs.'

‘Shut up,' I said, trying to find the will to move away.

He wore a heart-stopping grin, moving his face closer. I couldn't think properly with him so close, smelling his cologne and the scent of his freshly washed clothes. I could see the details I usually missed, like the scar on the base of his throat or the tiny freckle near his collarbones. My heart lurched in my chest as he reached out and cupped my chin. The sound of the music faded to background noise due to the blood pumping in my ears as Felix's lips parted.

‘Kiss me,' I heard myself say, the words barely above a murmur. ‘Please.'

I leaned in closer to him. His face was so close I could smell the faint waft of toothpaste, knowing he used the same brand as me. My mouth went dry. We both hesitated, suspended in motion, staring at each other. And just as I was about to coax up my courage and kiss him, Felix whispered, ‘No.'

Rejection stung me as I pulled back, shame filling my cheeks like a sharp slap to the face. He might as well have dumped cold water over my head. ‘Oh.'

He shook his head and let go of my face, latching onto my wrist instead. ‘Not because I don't want to kiss you,' he said. ‘But because I want our first kiss to be somewhere better.'

And just like that, my rejected feeling faded. ‘Okay,' I said, barely able to meet his eyes.

Felix nudged my elbow with his, his silver eyes piercing mine. A flicker of an unreadable emotion shadowed his face. ‘I want to, but you deserve better than a kiss in a bar.'

I fiddled with my drink, took a sip and spoke around the rim. ‘I'm holding you to that promise.'

His smile was a challenge. ‘I want you to.'

???

I felt like my heart was engulfed in flames. Every time Felix looked at me I was reminded of the night in the bar, just days ago, but what now felt like years in the past. We'd both ignored what had happened (or hadn't happened) between us. We spent our time together in the council library, pursuing every avenue to find out more about my background. We worked and bickered with each other until evening fell before we walked back to our respective rooms and said goodnight. And each night I grew more impatient than the last, desperate to have Felix stop bottling up his feelings.

His hot and cold behaviour was so confusing. For a week now, we'd ignored the elephant trampling the room. I buried myself in my pillow, letting out a strangled groan. Felix had gone out for the evening, leaving me in the kitchens after telling me Calum needed him, and I'd walked back from dinner alone.

The night passed slowly as I waited to hear Felix return to his room opposite. I tossed and turned on top of the bed covers as darkness clouded the sky and stained the floorboards. I read a book, then feeling sleepy, I had a shower to clear my head. I'd barely made it out of the steamy bathroom and into a towel when a knock sounded at the door. I swung it open.

Felix stood there, grinning, his arm around his brother's neck. Calum supported most of Felix's weight with minimal struggle and grimaced as he pulled Felix up a little taller.

I shook my head at the sight of them. ‘No,' I said as Felix began to babble something unintelligible at the sight of me. I fidgeted as he eyed off my still wet legs. ‘Go away.'

‘You don't even know what I'm going to say!' Calum exclaimed.

‘Tabs!' Felix cried out, grinning ear to ear. ‘Hey, pretty baby. Missed you.'

‘Is he …?' I leaned forward. The bitter smell of booze on his breath made me scrunch my nose up.

‘Drunk,' Calum said. ‘He's absolutely hammered.'

‘Am not,' Felix croaked out.

‘Are too,' Calum shot back, pulling him up more. ‘Can I bring him inside?'

‘Is that really the best plan of action?' I said. ‘Just take him to his room!'

‘He locked himself out,' Calum answered dryly.

‘Break down the door?'

‘And face the wrath of the council for damaging their building? No, thank you.'

I groaned, smacking my palm over my forehead and widened the door. ‘Fine. Get in.'

‘Party in Tabs' room!' Felix cried as he fell inside with Calum swinging him back upright. ‘You're the best, Tabs.'

‘Shut him up, Calum,' I hissed, snatching clothes from my wash basket. I stalked into the bathroom and swapped the towel for a matching set of pyjamas, my wet hair swaying as I walked back out to Calum who was arranging Felix on my bed. The brunette boy was now mostly naked, wearing just a pair of boxer briefs. ‘What are you doing! And why is he almost naked?'

‘He needs to lie down before he throws up on me,' Calum said, throwing a blanket over the drunk man. ‘I can't get him to shut up or keep his clothes on. All he wants to do is talk to you.' My cheeks flushed a little red. ‘He outright refused to go anywhere but here. Personally, I'm starting to think he locked himself out on purpose just to talk to you. So, tell me. What's going on?'

‘Nothing,' I said in a rush. ‘I swear. He's just drunk.'

Calum's laugh sounded a little hoarse. ‘Right.' His eyes shone bright. ‘You know I can tell when you lie, right?'

My cheeks were on fire. ‘Don't start with me, Calum.'

He shrugged, fixing his jacket. ‘Alright. But I have to go meet Volker with the council.'

‘Can't you stay?' I pleaded, snagging his jacket sleeve. ‘I really don't think he's okay to be here with me.'

‘I'm staying,' Felix said, hiccupping.

A scowl flitted over my face. ‘Shut up.'

‘Yes, ma'am.'

‘And don't call me ma'am.'

Felix laughed in response. ‘Yes, mistress.'

Calum shrugged, opening the door. ‘He's fine. Good luck!'

‘Wait! Calum, don't leave me here!'

But he was gone, the door closing behind him. I groaned again and looked at Felix draped in my bed. His feet hung off the end, his boots flecked with a cheap tequila stain on the floor. He stared at me.

‘What am I going to do with you?' I asked him.

‘Water,' he rasped out, making me roll my eyes.

I shot off to the bathroom sink, filling a glass with water and took it to him. He swallowed it down in seconds.

‘Thank you,' Felix said, a water droplet rolling from the corner of his mouth until he wiped it away. ‘Missed you.'

‘Don't.' My words were razor sharp.

‘Talk to me,' he pleaded.

‘Why would I do that?'

‘Because you've been avoiding me.' His words were no longer slurred.

‘You've been ignoring me back,' I told him, heat creeping up my throat. ‘I'm ignoring you because of what I asked you.'

‘And I'm avoiding you because of what I should have done,' Felix answered, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip. ‘I know you're embarrassed because I didn't kiss you.'

My eyes were saucers. ‘Can we just not?'

‘Why don't you want to talk about it?'

‘Because you were pulling my leg,' I said with a shrug. ‘I know you. You were just mucking around with me and I got swept up in it. It's my fault for getting caught up in the joke.'

His eyes widened and he sat up so fast we almost butted heads. ‘No! I wasn't joking.'

‘How do I know that?' I moved away from the bed, staring at him from across the room. ‘I can never tell with you.'

‘Ask me,' he pleaded, his voice almost whiny. ‘Whatever you want, ask me.'

‘Stop, just stop for a moment.' I moved back to sit half on the bed. Felix rolled a little closer, putting a warm hand over my bare knee. Goose bumps bloomed over my thighs. I swatted at his hand but he refused to withdraw it. He looked pale under the moonlight and worry fluttered inside me.

‘How much did you drink? Do you need a bucket?' I asked him.

‘I'm good,' he said in that raspy voice. ‘Just need you.'

‘Me?'

Felix chuckled, the noise making butterflies stir in my gut. ‘You're my Tabs. I'll always need you.'

‘Drunk ass,' I muttered. ‘Why'd you get so hammered, anyway?'

Felix's silver irises flashed, the hue of moonlight catching his jaw. His skin appeared flawless beneath the light. ‘Needed a night off from being good.'

‘Because it's so awful to be nice?' I pushed a little further, wanting to know why he was lazing about in my bed looking like a god. His usually tousled hair was deliciously unkempt, his lips a perfect rosewater pink. ‘Why are you staring at me like that?'

‘Cause you're angelic,' he answered softly. His grin made me melt. ‘How can someone as perfect as you exist?'

‘Stop that, you know I hate teasing.'

‘And you're so goddamn pretty,' he mumbled, moving in closer. ‘The kind of pretty where you have to try and not stare, otherwise you'd end up getting nothing done.' My giggles made him inch closer. He tilted his head. ‘What's so funny?'

‘You're drunk,' I scolded him, but my tone was playful.

‘Not drunk enough,' he told me, pushing in closer. ‘Otherwise I'd let you know all my secrets.'

I eyed him before switching topics. ‘Time for bed. Mistresses orders.'

And I pushed him back, draping the blanket over his naked torso. Felix groaned, muttering to himself as his eyes closed. He took up most of the bed, giving me slightly less than half a mattress to sleep on. I sighed, shut off the lights and slipped into the bed beside him, feeling his weight mellow out beside mine.

We didn't say anything for a while and I assumed he'd gone to sleep. So when I turned and found his eyes focused on me in the moonlight, I was a little surprised. I squeaked slightly with fright. He pushed the blanket down a little and threw out an arm to wrap it around my waist, pulling me into him. I sucked in a breath between gritted teeth as he nuzzled down into the base of my neck, his mouth blowing hot air against my collarbones. Both of my hands gripped the sheets rather than his bare shoulders.

‘Relax,' he murmured, lips barely moving but light on my skin.

‘I'm fine.' My tone was blunt but Felix still chuckled.

His hand rested right over my waist now, thumb sliding against the exposed skin where my shirt had ridden up. I felt his fingers shift when I inhaled. ‘You're nervous,' he said.

‘Am not.'

He paused. ‘Do I make you nervous, Tabs?'

‘No,' I said sternly.

I felt the contours of his mouth against my skin as he chuckled, raising his head to look me dead in the eyes. ‘I think I do.'

‘Go to sleep, Felix. You're drunk––'

‘Does it matter?' he said, tilting his jaw a little, his canines protruding from his top row of teeth. They flashed white in the dark room. ‘Besides, I'm not that drunk anymore. I stopped drinking because I wanted to have this conversation sober.'

A sinking feeling was suffocating me. ‘Back off,' I answered.

He grinned wickedly but it didn't scare me. ‘Just relax.' He tightened his grip on my waist, hooking a thumb beneath the waistband of my shorts. The slight touch sent ripples of butterflies to the pit of my stomach. His fingers were warmer than I'd expected. I felt one of his legs slide between mine, my legs widening to allow him to draw in closer.

‘Do you want me to help you relax?'

I froze, hoping he was going to suggest fetching me a cup of tea or an extra blanket, but I knew it was not that innocent. Nothing was innocent about his body being pressed flush against mine, his lips parting to reveal his canines and his fingers toying with the waistband of my shorts. My spine tingled as he pressed a palm to my tailbone, my body slowly turning so our hips slotted together. I could feel the warmth emitting from my body against the cool sting of his.

‘What do you mean?' I asked, trying my hardest not to look into his eyes. His traced the curve of my bottom lip.

‘If you want me to stop, just say so,' he said, voice so deep it made me shiver. ‘Just tell me to stop and I will.'

‘I …'

My tongue was cloven to the roof of my mouth, my lips parted in an attempt to protest. I forgot about the scotch I could smell on his breath. Everything was drowned out by my desire. I inhaled deeply in through my nose, one hand cupping his jaw as the other spread out over his shoulder. His features glowed in the faint light, the moonlight streaming over the cut to his jaw. No matter how much I feared this, it would be worse if I stopped now.

‘I want this,' I said.

He drew in closer, slotting me beneath his body as he rolled himself on top. Our legs intertwined and Felix gently nudged my nose, kissing the corner of my mouth. It left me breathless. He kissed the skin below my earlobe, dragging his canines down my neck with minimal pressure.

I gasped.

And then he moved his face to an inch from mine.

Our breaths overlapped as he whispered, ‘I don't want to ruin you.'

I clutched him in close and whispered back, ‘You'll only ruin me if I let you.'

It was just what he needed to hear. He leant down and caught my mouth with his, his lips cool against my own. I stiffened for a second, unfamiliar with the feeling of his mouth on mine, but then our lips parted and all I wanted was more. He groaned against my mouth and my arms slipped around him to tug him closer. Our noses brushed as I pressed us flush together. Through the thin cotton of my tee-shirt, I could feel his racing heartbeat. Although it was a kiss we'd waited too long for, the moment was so right for it. Here, in this moment, with his confession still echoing in the air around us and my acceptance lingering with it, it was just right.

Felix kissed me softly and I hiked a leg up around his hip. He stroked my jaw with one hand and pulled my shorts waistband down slightly.

I ran my hand through the delicious curls at the nape of his neck, our mouths entangled in a heated kiss. This was how I wanted it. This was how it was meant to be. I couldn't think of anything better than the pleasure of his hungry mouth and my toes curled as he kissed me deeply. His tongue flicked into my mouth and brushed mine. My back arched into him and Felix pressed himself in against me tight. In that very moment, I could have died of bliss.

We broke apart at the same time. Felix trailed his mouth from mine and down the contours of my throat. I pulled him back up and we sank into a feverish kiss while he tugged at my shirt. Although I doubted he meant for me to take it off, I did exactly that, throwing it with inhuman speed to the ground. Then he kissed me again, our kiss a mesh of teeth, lips and tongues before he broke away for a moment to peel off his boxers; my shorts following straight after.

The night faded into nothing. There was nothing that mattered but this.