Chapter - Thirteen

‘Felix, that isn't funny,' I said.

His face creased in confusion. ‘Who is that?' he asked the siblings.

‘That is Tabitha. Don't be foolish,' Nerida said.

‘That isn't Tabitha.' He shook his head and moved closer to me, his eyes piercing mine. ‘Who is it? Why is her voice so strange?'

I held a hand to my throat. ‘My voice?' I asked.

‘It's … hers,' he said. ‘But you are not Tabitha.'

‘Please Felix, stop playing games. You know it isn't polite,' Clementine said, her brow furrowed with concern.

‘I'm not. I don't understand what's going on.'

‘That makes two of us,' I said.

Felix's frown deepened when I spoke. ‘Stop talking in her voice! You are some demon Volker has created. Where is she, Volker? What did you do with her?'

‘That … is … Tabitha.' Clementine stressed each word as though he was hard of hearing.

‘No it isn't! Who is that?' He was shouting now and pointing at me.

I backed up into the window.

Felix faced Volker. ‘What did you do to her in that room?'

‘I forgot you were too paranoid to be kept awake.' He yawned, reclining into the couch like this argument was nothing to him. ‘Remember? You haven't seen her without the glamour. She is unglamoured now. That is her true look. But that is Tabitha. We warned you this might happen. Do not scare the poor girl.'

Felix gazed at me, his eyes widening in shock. ‘It can't be her.'

‘Why don't you recognise me?' I asked Felix. ‘What's different?'

‘Nothing. You're the same.' He tried to smile at me but he just looked like he was in pain. My breathing became laboured. I couldn't get enough air into my lungs and I had to lean on the glass to support myself.

Meanwhile, the siblings whispered to each other. Avery and Thom lingered in the corners of the room, evidently staying out of the dispute, while Sebastian and Lawrence argued beneath their breath. Clementine and Nerida were having a silent conversation, eyeing each other nervously. Despite my fear, I wanted to know what everyone else saw that I didn't.

Once I had regained control of my lungs, I fled the room, my feet moving so fast I didn't have time to process how I had done it. The door flew off its handles when I threw it open and I darted into the hallway, unaware of where I really was. Following the hallway around to the right, I found a door and barged through it, locking it behind me. I found myself standing in a suite of some kind. There was a small room in the corner and guessing it was a bathroom, I flung its door open. An intricate mirror was hanging on the wall and after a few hesitant steps, I stood before it, finally seeing what everyone else had been so unwilling to show me.

Who is that girl staring back at me? That can't be me … can it?

They were right because I wasn't me. Or at least, not the me I had known. Someone else stood staring into the mirror with a face I didn't recognise. Parts of me were the same, yet different. I bore the same mouth, but it was rounder, my bottom lip fuller. My nose was its usual button shape, but my cheekbones were higher, my jaw more defined, making my neck look a bit longer. The rest of me was altered so much I had to fixate on the bits I knew were from the old me.

It was my hair that surprised me the most, however, for the colour was no longer natural auburn. Now it was stained a pretty orchid-purple with some periwinkle highlights running through it. I tilted and turned my head, watching my hair shimmer in the skylight as the sun poured over the vibrant lilac and violet hues. It wasn't metallic like Volker's, but it was cool and feminine. It was like I wore a suit over my old self, but with some original features peeking through. In my head, I knew I was me, yet I didn't feel like me at all.

I continued staring intently at my reflection, even when the outer door was broken open. Nerida barged in, her eyes raking over me and the mirror, before shaking her head as she realised I had seen who I was now.

‘Let's go discuss this,' she said.

I let her lead me back to the others. My head was reeling and part of me wondered if it was even my head at all. So many questions to be answered. Once we were back in the larger room, Nerida sat me on the couch and slotted in beside me. I sank into the cushions feeling completely exhausted. Everyone looked at me with pity.

‘So,' Nerida said. ‘You saw yourself.'

‘What happened to my face?'

‘It's your true face now. The glamour made you someone else, changed your facial structure and features to avoid detection. It made you look like your adopted mother so you would blend in with her family without raising concerns.' She waved her hand at my face. ‘This is how you were always supposed to look.'

‘Where are my youngblood features?'

‘Your gold blood and canines are the only results we've seen so far.'

I looked at Calum who snorted when I said, ‘No tail.' Then to Zuzanna, ‘So, I'll always look like this?'

‘It's what you've always looked like,' Zuzanna said with a slight smile. ‘You just didn't know it.'

‘And I can't change it back?'

From across the room, Volker indicated that couldn't happen. ‘Sorry, but the glamour's gone. And putting another one on you wouldn't help.'

I mulled all this information over. ‘So, how long have I been here?'

Nerida paused. ‘You were asleep for two weeks before we put you in the room. The glamour removal weakened you immeasurably because of its strength and taking it off you was quite challenging for your physical state.'

I tried not to linger on the fact I'd been here for nearly three weeks. ‘And I was locked in the room because …?'

‘We wanted to see if you had any strange or unnatural talents of any kind. But you haven't unlocked them yet, or maybe you don't have any, because all you did was react as anyone would.'

I flinched. ‘You saw me crying and begging and all that, and just left me in there anyway?'

‘For your own safety,' Nerida said in a rush.

‘Right.'

Her smile was thin. ‘You're fine now. And we won't be doing anything like it again. We'll just keep you here for a bit to settle before we try anything new.'

‘And where is here?' I asked. ‘Calum said we weren't supposed to know about it.'

Calum grinned sheepishly when Nerida turned to look at him. ‘Whoops, that kind of slipped out,' he said.

Zuzanna eyeballed Calum. ‘When we say no one should know about it, we mean the children of death in this room who are not respected members of our council.'

Nerida rubbed her temples. ‘Technically, we're nowhere. It's the faerie realm, long since abandoned, used only for when council members need an escape. The entire building is coated in specific warlock magic that's since been destroyed, so that nobody can ever find this place or destroy it. We're not supposed to bring any outsiders in to its walls, but you weren't safe in the Council Institute. Too many whispers were flying around there after you fainted. We call where we are, Amara.'

‘Amara,' I repeated. ‘And how can it not be anywhere?'

‘It's sort of between two places at all times and moved often. Currently, I think it's between Copenhagen and Berlin.'

‘How can that be?'

She shrugged. ‘Magic makes many unbelievable things real.'

I rubbed my tired eyes. My whole world felt more turned around than ever. Not only was I not the person I had always been and now wore a different face that was actually my real face, I was in a floating square of land in a faerie realm, suspended between European cities. Part of me wondered if anything weirder could happen.

‘Can I go to bed?' I asked. ‘Preferably not in a locked room?'

Nerida chuckled. ‘Of course.'

She stood up and beckoned to the strange manservant but Felix cut her off.

‘I'll take her,' he said.

He didn't meet my gaze. He'd been standing to the side listening without saying a word the whole time.

‘Are you sure?' she asked him.

‘Yes. It's fine.'

Nerida nodded. Felix clapped Calum on the back, who was trying unsuccessfully to stifle a grin, and then wandered over to me. I followed him out the door, neither of us speaking as he guided me down the halls. They twisted and turned until I was completely lost, but Felix knew exactly where he was going. We arrived at a solid timber door and he pushed it open, holding it back for me.

We entered the room in silence. I waited for him to say something as I watched him stalk the room, throwing clothes into a washing basket and tidying up for me. When he threw me a pair of pyjamas, I went into the bathroom to change and when I came back out, he was staring out the window, moonlight drenching his body in a silhouette.

‘Is this my room?' I asked.

‘It's mine.'

‘Okay. So where do I find mine?'

He still didn't turn around. ‘You don't. You're staying here, with me.'

‘Why?'

‘Because the last time I trusted someone else to take care of you, they lied.'

I let out a sigh. ‘Nerida said she wouldn't lock me away again—'

‘I don't care what Nerida said; I don't trust any of them. Not after that.'

Finally, he turned, and the young man I saw wasn't the Felix I knew. Standing before me was someone else entirely. His cheeks were hollowed out, making his eyes seem more pronounced. Purple bags swelled beneath his silver eyes. His lips were chapped and there was a split on the bottom one which made his mouth look puffy. My eyes travelled lower to his hands. The skin of his knuckles was torn and bruises blossomed over his fingers. Slowly, I walked over to him, my hands finding his sore knuckles.

‘What did you do?' I asked quietly, looking back up at him.

He looked so distraught it almost broke me. He swallowed and hesitated before saying with effort, ‘I just … I just wanted some answers. After they ripped you out of my arms, the council put you in a room and stationed a guard outside. I started a fight with him to try and get inside. Nerida said you weren't well and that your memory was compromised, so they were keeping you away from us. Calum saw you once, only because Alice felt sorry for him, but then the next day, even he wasn't allowed to see you. And then they moved you and nobody would tell us where you were. We only found out yesterday they'd put you in that room by yourself, to test whether you were gifted or not.'

His words made my stomach twist. ‘That room was beyond awful. If I have any kind of youngblood abilities, I didn't find them there.'

He dipped his head and rested his forehead on my hairline. ‘The last time I saw you, I thought you were going to die. You couldn't stop shaking and you ran a temperature so hot they thought your body was on fire. And then, you just passed out in my arms, but your heartbeat was so slow I thought you'd died. Everyone was saying they needed to get you to medical straight away but I wouldn't let go, so Volker knocked me out.'

‘It felt like I was dying,' I whispered. His breath was warm against my skin. ‘My bones felt like they were melting. I thought I was dead when I woke up in that room by myself. Nobody answered me, even when I hit the walls and screamed so loud I lost my voice for a while.'

‘I'm so sorry, Tabs,' he mumbled, his voice drenched in misery. ‘Please forgive me for not getting you out of there sooner.'

I sank into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me. Breathing in his cologne, I let him hold me, feeling my body relax for the first time in three days. My voice was muffled as I answered him. ‘I'd never blame you. I know you tried.'

He was resting his chin on the crown of my head. ‘I'm sorry I was angry before. I just didn't recognise you. They all said you were different, but not even Calum had told me what had changed about you.'

‘I don't recognise myself.'

‘But it's still you,' he murmured. ‘Or more you than before. I was just so scared when you said my name and it was you but you didn't look like ... mortal you.'

‘I'll never look like me again,' I answered, the weight of that knowledge heavy in my heart. ‘It feels like I'm wearing a stranger's face.'

He nuzzled my hair, making my heart swell. ‘No,' he said. ‘You look like you. You look right.'

‘I'm still adjusting.' I pulled away from him and yawned. ‘I'm ready for bed.' I glanced at the queen-sized bed, knowing we'd be occupying the space together. ‘Are you okay with me staying here?'

A smile tipped the edges of his lips for just a second. ‘I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do, Tabs, so if you want to go, I'll understand.'

‘No. I'll stay.'

He dropped his arms and gently poked my hip. ‘Okay. Go brush your teeth and whatever else. I'll be here.'

And I did as I was told, sliding into the bathroom, finding a spare packet of toothbrushes and a fresh tube of paste. Despite everything that had happened, my heart was full.