6. Adrianna

6

ADRIANNA

I shut the water off, my shoulders sagging with a defeat like I've never felt before. I don't even bother to lift my gaze from the tiled floor as I connect with my magic, effortlessly drying the beads of water from my body before I dress. My hair is twisted into a bun on top of my head as I step out of the stall into the communal bathroom.

The dripping of the shower is the only sound to comfort me and it does little to soothe the swirling emotions running rampant in my mind. Stepping toward the long vanity of sinks, I plant my palms on the marble as I lift my gaze.

The girl staring back at me in the mirror seems different. Is it possible to be more stressed than I already was? Apparently so. Shadows cast under my eyes, a reminder that my body is as exhausted as my mind.

Too much has happened in such a short period of time.

How has it only been a day? Not even. The sun has barely just set.

The trial.

Vallie's attack.

The kiss of death.

The Council.

Nora.

My father.

Fucking Nora.

My hands ball on the vanity, my knuckles growing whiter as I snarl at my reflection.

What the fuck have I caused?

The squeak of the bathroom door opening jars me from my thoughts, but it does nothing to rein in the anger flooding me.

"Get the fuck out," I roar, my face heating.

The door doesn't even open wide enough to reveal who is on the other side before it swings shut again. I'm certain I hear someone curse under their breath, but it doesn't register in my brain enough for me to care.

I try to take a deep breath, and another, and another.

Dropping my chin to my chest, I succumb to the helplessness consuming me.

They found them. They found my family, and it's all my fault.

I should have never given in and relented that day, not even for a second. I didn't consider that I was putting them at risk. All I cared about was getting a glimpse of my sister and father, my two favorite people, and that selfishness drove them straight toward the chaos.

Fuck.

I should have never let my guard down. I had no idea Raiden was stalking me at the time, either, which is even more foolish of me.

Clenching my eyes closed, the muscles in my neck ache as tension locks in every limb.

Guilt.

Shame.

"Ahhh," I growl, bracing my arms over my head as my body tries to rid itself of the toxic feelings welling inside me, but it's useless. I'm going to feel them forever.

I hate it.

I hate that I can't go back and change it, just like the many other mistakes I've made in my life. Why do I continue to add to the list instead of learning from them?

Changing the past isn't an ability I have, but the future is still an option.

My muscles tighten, my arms cocooning me for a moment longer before I inhale sharply through my nose, holding my breath before I slowly exhale. I repeat the motion, only this time I drop my arms to my side, catching sight of my reflection again.

My family is safe now.

Safe from The Council…and me.

I trust that Kryll has taken them somewhere safe, and I trust that he will protect them. I'm not entirely sure why, but anything is better than being near me right now. I'm no good for them. I can't know where they are. It's not safe for them.

My heart aches, silently pleading with me to shift my perspective, just like my father taught me, but I need a minute longer to bask in the pain.

Wiping a hand down my face, I focus on the facts. They're not in danger now, which means I need to concentrate on the chaos closer to home instead.

Ice runs through my veins at the thought.

The Council…they tried to tether me to the guys.

Brody.

Cassian.

Kryll.

Raiden.

They wanted to force me to be fated mates with them.

Who the fuck does that? The Council, apparently.

And Brody knew? I can't even delve into that right now.

It doesn't matter who did and didn't know. What matters is that they were intent on doing it. Kenner's words echo in my mind and my fingers instinctively rise to my ears, running over the scars that have haunted me for as long as I can remember.

A vision of my mother flashes in my thoughts, making my stomach clench.

I'm a wolf. Or half of one, or so they told me. I don't know what to feel about that. I don't even know if I should believe it.

Does that mean Nora is too?

I look away from the mirror, hating the despair dancing in my eyes. A single thought of Nora triggers the self-loathing once again. The thought of what could have happened to my sister is a lasting pain I will never shake.

Turning from the vanity, I hurry for the door, slipping down the hall without interruption before I quickly shut my bedroom door behind me. Leaning back against it, I take short breaths as my eyelids fall closed.

I need to leave my emotions in the shower, keep my space clear of any negativity, but they still cling to my skin. I need to exert the energy that comes with feeling this way, but I'm too exhausted to truly do anything about it right now.

My hands clench as my eyes open. My chest rises and falls with an angry urgency as my gaze turns to the flash of red sitting on my desk.

The pretty petals taint my vision, turning everything crimson as rage takes over every part of me.

Flowers.

Raiden's fucking flowers.

A battle roar burns my lungs before it parts my lips, and I'm stomping across the room in the next moment.

Opening the window with a huff, the cool evening air does nothing to calm my rising temperature.

I can't think. I can only act.

My fingers press into the vase, and the pretty scent of the roses burns like acid, fueling the fire inside me before I launch them through the open window.

The telling sound of shattering glass swirls in my ears as I lean through the open space to look at the mess. Blinking, the rage-induced tint to my vision subsides as I watch the flowers roll down the path with the wind as the broken glass shimmers under the glow of the moon.

I had hoped to feel relief from the euphoric sound and the knowledge that Raiden was no longer in my space, but instead, all I'm left with is a deeper wave of sadness.