10. Cassian

10

CASSIAN

M y muscles twitch with an emotion I'm struggling to place or even contain, and the longer I stand still, taking no action, the worse it gets. Surely it will subside now. It has to.

I watched her trail after Bozzelli this morning, succumbing to whatever Hell she was ready to unleash upon her. I watched her return, shoulders slumped as if the weight she carries has increased. I didn't think that was possible. I've also watched her retreat into herself with every passing moment.

I'm done.

So fucking done with it.

Bracing my hands on the small of her back, I can't stop the sigh falling from my lips as I peer down at her. She's wavering in my hold, the motion affecting her like usual, and it's almost amusing.

"How sick are you feeling? Am I good to let go?"

"Don't mock me," she grumbles, pushing against my chest with a huff, but her fingers quickly curl into my t-shirt as she attempts to keep her balance.

"No mocking," I breathe, planting my hands on her hips to help steady her, but it only serves to earn me an eye roll.

She takes a step back, and with great reluctance, I let her go, lifting my hands slightly in surrender. Scrubbing a hand down her face, she lifts her face to the sky, a small break of the sunlight shining through the trees looming above.

"Didn't we have a conversation about how you should not do that to me anymore?" she states, lowering her gaze to quirk a brow at me.

I'm not encouraging the prolonging of her griping, so I shrug, turning away from her. "I don't recall."

"Of course you don't. Do you recall anything at all?" she snarks, continuing to push, but I see the falter in her eyes when my gaze whips to hers, heat burning in my irises.

"I recall how sweet your pussy is."

Her jaw hits the floor as she glares at me.

Good. She's present and alert. Her reactions are everything. Her demeanor is shifting. Long gone is the shell that encased the woman before me just moments ago, and in its place is a burning inferno.

A firecracker.

A warrior.

My alpha.

"What are we doing here, Cassian?" She peers around at the woods, the stone footpath a short distance away, and the familiar fallen log a step behind her.

"Take a seat."

"Why?" Her eyebrows pinch together in confusion as she looks to me for answers.

"Can you just take a damn seat?" I grumble, forever torn over the fact that she pushes back at me at every turn. There's a part of it that gets my dick hard, but the other part begs me to break her, to dominate her into submission. There's a fat chance of that ever happening. She's too strong, but maybe in the bedroom…

"Can you watch your tone?" she bites, pulling me back to the present, and I roll my eyes.

"No."

"Then maybe I can't take a damn seat," she spits, folding her arms over her chest as her gaze darkens.

I move before she can even acknowledge a single beat, cupping her pussy through her pants. Her gasp echoes in my ears and I relish in the sound. It has a way of igniting the wolf in me in a way nothing else ever has.

"Sit down, Alpha." I peer at her through my lashes, catching sight of her hands balling at her sides as she pouts her sweet fucking lips.

"Doesn't the alpha make the rules?"

"It's not a rule, it's an order."

Her pupils dilate, despite the contained rage glistening in her emerald eyes.

"I don't do too well with them," she warns, and I tighten my hold on her core.

"I recommend getting used to them," I breathe, my gaze flickering to her lips for a beat before locking back on her alluring eyes. She offers the promise of desire in those pools, yet whenever I get too close, one of us hesitates to jump.

"Or what, you'll keep grinding your palm against my clit? Oh, no." She lifts her hand to her lips, fake gasping as her eyes twinkle with mischief.

"It's a pity your mouth isn't as sweet as your pussy. Instead, you're full of sass. A little bitter if you ask me. Now, are you going to sit your ass down or not?" We're so close now that the tips of our noses ghost over one another.

She tilts her head, her lips grazing over mine as she talks.

"I'm bitter to the core, Cassian. Don't forget it."

I shiver at her words, my cock twitching to life, desperate to feel her. I lift my hand to her cheek, ready to take control, but she's out of my grasp instantly, lowering herself to the log with a smug grin touching her lips.

That beautiful, wicked?—

Fuck.

I hate games, but hers…hers I live for.

I'm gone before I give in to my desires, instead focusing on completing the mission I set out for myself before I'm back in front of her, sandwiches in hand.

Two perfect turkey and Swiss sandwiches, warmed and wrapped in foil. One in each hand. I stare in amusement as she glances between them both.

"Lunch."

"Lunch," I repeat, offering one out to her as I take the spot to her right. She continues to look between the sandwich and me, but I'm too hungry for this cute stare-off. I unwrap my sandwich and take a bite, groaning at the deliciousness that always comes from Janie's.

Wordlessly, she follows suit. We sit in a comfortable silence that sparks a calmness through my body that I'm not all that familiar with. It's her, I know it is, but I don't know how or why, just that I only ever feel it in her presence.

Even then, it's fleeting. We spend most of our time angry or spent.

Mainly angry and spent.

In the best possible way there is.

"Why?" Her word is little more than a whisper on the breeze, one I'm not sure I would have heard without my enhanced hearing, but it's a question I don't have the answer to.

"I don't know," I admit, scrunching the foil remnants in my hand as I chance a glance at her out of the corner of my eye.

"You don't know." Her eyebrows are raised.

"Nope."

She presses her lips together, eyeing me with a level of uncertainty that is almost unsettling, and I haven't even opened my mouth to say what I brought her here to discuss yet.

"So, what's eating away at you?"

"You're asking me that? You?" she blusters, wiping the crumbs from her hands as her eyes remain locked on me. Instead of responding, I turn to her with a pointed look, earning me a sigh as she turns away. "Nothing."

"Bull. Shit."

She scoffs, shaking her head as she stares through the trees, intent on looking everywhere but at me. "Nothing I want to talk to you about."

"Well, I'm glad you clarified, but that doesn't mean I give a shit about who you would prefer to have this talk with."

"Good to know." I can't see her eyes, but I know she rolled them to the back of her head. "So," I push when she doesn't miraculously unravel her torments on me.

"So," she repeats, clearing her throat as she slouches in her seat on the log.

"Dumb doesn't suit you."

"Thanks." She preens, lips twisting with amusement, but I don't focus on it, not when I can still see the shadow in her eyes.

"Is it worry over your family?"

Silence greets me.

"Is it Raiden being…Raiden?"

Her nose twitches, but still nothing.

"Is it whatever Bozzelli said?"

It's a long shot, but the stillness that continues to greet me confirms that she didn't falter under that bitch's threats.

My jaw tics, the options diminishing to almost nothing as I assess her. I'm shocked I've come up with so many reasons already, but thinking of any others is growing even more difficult. Except for one thought.

"Is it the whole wolf thing?" Her spine stiffens, confirming what's gotten under her skin the most. "It's the wolf thing." She looks off into the distance, avoiding my gaze even more. I try to see the situation through her eyes, but I can't see past the end of my own fucking nose. There's no point wasting further time on it when I could just ask her instead. "What about it is causing you issues?"

She snickers, her nostrils flaring as she shakes her head. "What part isn't causing me issues might be the easier question," she grumbles, and I grip her chin, immediately pulling her gaze to mine. Her eyelids fall to half-mast, sadness seeping from her, so I tighten my hold, forcing her to look me in the eyes.

"Whatever you're worrying about, we can make it all go away. Talk to me and maybe it will help you wrap your head around it." It makes sense in my head, but saying it out loud…fuck.

"How am I supposed to wrap my head around the fact that my mother is a wolf, making me…whatever I am? It changes everything about me." I can't tell if the words are directed at me or herself. Her eyes might be on mine, but she's not focused.

"How?" I grunt, desperate to bring her back to the present.

"What?"

"How does it change everything about you?"

She blinks. Once. Twice. Her eyes settle on mine, a frown pulling her eyebrows together. "It just does."

"Be specific," I push, watching her nostrils flare with irritation.

"Back off, Cassian." She knocks my hand away, but her success is short-lived when my hold comes back stronger.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what the issue is." My grip on her chin tightens, making her jaw fall slack, but she still doesn't falter.

"I'm not saying there's an issue. I'm saying the rug has been pulled out from under me and I don't know how to stand on my own two feet right now. Apparently, I'm half-wolf, yet it's never triggered anything inside of me. How is that even possible? Where am I even supposed to find my place here, at the academy?"

There it is. It hangs heavy on her shoulders, tainting the air around her.

My teeth grind together. "You think somebody did something on purpose?"

She shrugs. "It's the only option I can come up with, and my father was even more unsure," she admits, lowering her internal walls just an inch.

"He knew?"

"He knew," she whispers, a small hint of disappointment on her tongue.

"How does that make you feel?" I want to know. I want to make it better. I want to take it all away.

Despite the burning desire inside of me, she shakes her head. "I can't delve into that as well when I'm already hanging on by a thread."

"If you leaned on me, maybe it wouldn't feel so heavy," I murmur, my pulse ringing in my ears as my claws sit just beneath the surface, desperate to rip the answers from her.

"The level of stability you think you have is almost amusing," she says with a scoff, jaw tightening beneath my grip.

"Don't disregard this, Addi. Don't disregard me."

The air thickens around us, my words hang in the air as I silently plead for more from her, but it's not words I get.

It's her lips.