Chapter Twenty-Four

Perry

Theo is breathing softly beside me when I wake up the next morning. He has his cute little mouth open the way he always does, and it takes everything in me not to lean in and take it. I heard him come back to bed late last night, so I don't want to wake him. I'm not sure where he was or what was going on, but when I mumbled at him, wondering if everything was okay, he told me it was good and to go back to sleep.

I leave him resting, get out of bed, and sneak from the room. There's noise coming from the kitchen, so his family must already be up. I go to the bathroom first and take a leak before making my way down the hallway.

Theo's parents and sisters are in their small kitchen, cooking breakfast. For a moment, seeing them like this steals my breath. With it being just me and Mom, I'd never had this. Yes, the two of us would do these same kinds of things because we were close, but there's so much laughter here and so many more people, and I swear, I feel the love in the air.

Carrie notices me first, offering a large smile. "Perry! You're awake! I hope you like a big breakfast. We all have our specialties and decided to make them all."

"I'm the pancake queen." Katie takes a bow.

"I'm always on eggs," Sara adds.

"They leave me with the bacon, but I think it's less that I'm great at it and more that they're sacrificing me to the grease gods," Tom teases, and I can't help but laugh.

"Hey, I do the breakfast potatoes. That's a little dangerous too!" Carrie playfully swats him.

"What does Theo usually do?" I ask, pushing my hands into my pockets.

"He's never made you his famous cinnamon rolls?" Carrie puts her hands on her hips. "You should give him a piece of your mind about that."

"Wait. He can make cinnamon rolls and he never told me? I don't know how I can ever forgive him for that."

"What if I teach you?" Theo asks, coming around the corner and surprising me.

"That might help soothe the distress I'm feeling right now."

He grins…and I freeze when he leans in and presses a kiss to my lips. "Good morning, boyfriend."

Um…something has definitely changed since last night.

"I knew it!" Sara shouts.

"Oh my God. They're so cute!" Katie adds.

My gaze darts to his parents, who are both watching us with a smile. It's Carrie who speaks first, "I was with you two for all of thirty minutes before I realized you're more than friends."

"I guess I'm the only one who was clueless," his dad says, "but Carrie filled me in this morning, and I'm wondering how I missed it. Just so you both know, as long as Theo is happy, I'm happy." He turns to Theo, holding his gaze, clearly trying to get a message across. "About all of it."

I don't know what all of it is, but I have a feeling Theo opened up about school last night. He nods at his dad, and I put my arm around him and kiss his temple.

There's a chorus of awws before Tom clears his throat. "Better finish this food. You gonna make the cinnamon rolls or what? We can eat those afterward."

"Yeah. I'll make them," Theo replies, and while everyone starts cooking again, I lower my mouth to his ear.

"I'm proud of you, Puppy."

And damn, I want to make him proud of me too.

We have anawesome morning with Theo's family, and he does, in fact, make the best cinnamon rolls known to mankind. Seriously, he could sell the damn things and get rich.

When it's time to head back to San Luco, I don't want to leave. I was so nervous about coming, but they couldn't have been more welcoming, loving, and accepting.

Carrie pulls me into a hug, tightly, the way my mom always does. "Thank you for coming…and for making our boy happy. He told me how you help him…the reading and things. I…don't have the words for how much I appreciate that."

I close my eyes, breathe her in, wish my mom were here, meeting Theo, the way I've gotten to meet his family. "I've never really wanted to make anyone happy the way I do him," I admit, my throat feeling full. That feels a whole lot like admitting I'm in love with her son. The fear I felt before at the thought of being in love, about giving myself to someone that way, is smaller than it used to be. It's still here, but Theo is working his magic on it just like he worked his magic on me.

She squeezes me again. "I hope you'll come home with him next time."

"Absolutely."

We finish our goodbyes and get into the car. As soon as he's driving away, I turn to him. "I feel like I missed a lot while I was sleeping."

He shrugs as if it's not a big deal. "You might have missed something."

"What happened?"

"I was just feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. I couldn't sleep, and logged in to my school account and saw I failed my quiz."

Fuck. I was hoping that wouldn't happen. "I'm sorry."

"Me too, but it is what it is. It led somewhere good, though. I went outside, and Mom was there. I told her about you, and she said all she wants is for me to be happy. That gave me the courage to talk to her about the rest of it, and she took that well too. She said she could never be disappointed in me, that she'll support me no matter what. Like I said before, I was tested for learning disabilities when I was younger, and nothing came up. I don't know if that can change, or maybe I just learn differently. Whatever it is, we'll figure it out. I feel like so much weight has melted off my shoulders already just by being open with them and not being alone."

My chest expands with pride for him. Theo is so fucking bighearted and brave, and most of the time, I don't think he even sees it. The way he let himself acknowledge his attraction for me was brave. The way he told his friends and his family. How he willingly admitted his school troubles to me right away—without me accidentally seeing something like what happened when I admitted I like tech. Hell, if he hadn't seen it, would I have ever told him? Would he still not know?

And when he realized his feelings for me were changing, that he wanted more than friends with benefits, he didn't run away from that either.

Theo is always thinking of others. He wants to make people happy and to make them proud, but he's also learning how to advocate for himself, to reach for his own happiness because no one else can do that for us, and damned if I don't want to be more like him.

"You're really fucking amazing. Do you know that? I'm so proud of you."

He cocks his head, looking at me, his eyes wide with confusion before he turns back to the road. "You make me feel amazing…and I never felt that before you. I wouldn't have had the guts for any of this if it wasn't for you. If I'm amazing, it's because you are."

I've spent my whole life believing I felt confident, ignoring my worry that people might not want me…not if my own father didn't. But hearing it from Theo…that I'm amazing, I believe it. I feel it.

"Thank you." I grab his hand, lift it, and kiss it. The truth is there, the one I've already acknowledged, that I love him, but those words are stuck in my throat. If I'm going to tell him, I want to feel like I'm worthy of him, want to be as courageous as he is, and that's going to take some work.

"We're very shmoopy," he says with a grin.

I chuckle. "We're so fucking shmoopy. Literally the shmoopiest."

"That's not a word."

"But shmoopy is?"

"Yes."

I can't help but snicker again. Just like everything with Theo, this conversation is fun.

We chat about his family, school, and a studying plan for him, but the whole drive, my thoughts are also with what Theo did and how I can take a page out of his book.

When we get back to San Luco, Theo drops me off at home. Usually, I would invite him in, even if it's just to hang out for a few hours before I go to work, but this time I don't.

"Thank you for bringing me. Your family really is great. I loved getting to know them."

"I loved it too." His cheeks get that familiar light shade of pink I love.

"See? The shmoopiest," I tease, then lean over. Theo gives me his mouth, letting me taste him and him taste me before I pull away. If I start this now, he'll come inside with me, and we'll end up naked rather than me doing what I need to do. "I'll see you soon."

He nods. I grab my bag and head for the house. Ty and Brax aren't home. I assume they're at the nursing home with Matilda. I go straight to my room and call my mom.

"Hey, you. How's everything going?"

"I think I'm in love with Theo," I blurt, not giving myself time to chicken out.

"The guy you swore you're only friends with?"

I plop down on my bed. "Yes. Him. He's…he makes me want to be better."

"Well, I think you're already pretty damn great."

"He makes me want more. You'll love him. He's so kind. He is so good to other people and doesn't realize how incredible he is. He never even realized he's bisexual before me, but he's not running at all. He invited me home to meet his family. He came out to them and told them some other stuff about how he's struggling with school, and I was so happy for him, it felt like he was doing that for me or something. Does that make sense? Not really for me, but, like, something that's good for him, feels like it's good for me because I care about him so much." I rub a hand over my face and groan. "God, I'm an idiot."

"No," Mom says softly. "You're kind…and good to other people…and don't realize how incredible you are, just like you said about your Theo. You're also clearly in love, and I'm jealous I haven't gotten to meet him yet. You haven't told him?"

"No." I clear my throat, rub the back of my neck, push to my feet to pace my room, anything to keep me busy, to distract me from all the feelings bubbling and growing inside me. "I'm scared…"

"Oh, Perry. Love is scary for all of us. Giving your heart to someone is never easy. They're fragile organs but so damn strong too, and the only way to feel it really blossom, is to risk it. You can't hold yourself back your whole life because of fear. Believe me, I spent a long time doing that because of your father. I wasted so much time, and I can't handle the thought of you doing the same."

I collapse in the desk chair, now feeling like my legs don't have the strength to hold me up. My right one bounces. I put my hand on it to try and stop it, but it doesn't work.

"What if he realizes he doesn't want me? What if no one will ever really want me?" My voice breaks with the vulnerability of my question, of how I'm cutting myself open for Mom to see all my fears.

"You're lovable. You're so damn lovable and worthy, and I'm so sorry you feel like you're not. Your dad was wrong, not being in your life, but that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. It's your choice if you ever forgive him or not. I won't push you on it, but he does love you, Perry. Getting older has a way of making us see all the ways we screwed up, of showing us what's really important."

My eyes sting, and I don't stop the tears as they sneak down my face. I want to be loved by him. I hate that, but I do. It doesn't matter that I'm twenty-two. I want to know what it's like to have a dad. I want to go to lunch with him and Ty, the three of us laughing. I want to torture Theo with being around him the way Ty does with Brax.

"What if I meet him and he doesn't like me?"

"Impossible. But if he does fuck up again, that will still be on him, not you. It's his loss. You're the best man I know, and whatever the future holds, we'll get through it together like we always have. And now you also have Ty to lean on…and Theo."

I smile. God, I can't believe I'm smiling at just the mention of his name. "I really love him, Mom."

"Oh, baby. I'm so damn happy for you. Look at us, falling in love at the same time. We need to get these significant others of ours together."

I raise a brow. "Love, huh? I know you like her, but love?"

"God yes. It's ridiculous, really." Mom giggles.

"Theo and I are totally ridiculous too. And…well…hopefully he feels the same about me."

"There's no way he won't love you."

"Says my mom," I say dramatically, before sobering. "I think I want to go into tech. Regardless of what happens with Ty's—I mean, Dad. I love it, and I'm good at it. I'm tired of fighting the things that make me feel good."

"Then we'll figure out how to make that happen—with or without your father."

"I've been helping Theo study. It makes me wish I went to school."

"Then that's what you'll do."

I let out a deep breath, one that feels like maybe it's been trapped in my lungs my whole life. "Thank you."

"Anything for my boy," Mom says, and I hear the tears in her voice. "Now, tell me more about your Theo."

So I do, ramble on and on, all the things I like about him and how he didn't realize I was hitting on him—while leaving out the part where I thought we were going to have a one-and-done hookup. When I tell her more about school and how things stick better in his head when I read to him, Mom asks, "Has he had his eyes checked?"

I shrug. "I'm not sure. I assume so." A memory surfaces. "Wait. He did say he used to have glasses for close up, but they didn't help."

"That same thing happened to Sam's daughter. They didn't notice it at the regular eye doctor. They thought she needed glasses, but that wasn't the case. Then she went to a specialist and discovered she had something called convergence insufficiency. It's where your eyes don't track left to right, line by line, the way they're supposed to. They might skip words or lines and you get mixed up. So she's been doing vision therapy, which helps train the eyes to track correctly."

My heart beats excitedly. What if that's it? What if it's something with his eyes? "Holy shit. I've never heard of that."

"I hadn't either. That's why it stuck out to me. It's worth it to have him check that out."

"For sure. Thank you. I'll tell him." My pulse is still racing, while I try not to get my hopes up. This is something that makes his life harder, and if we can find a way to ease that, I'm all for it.

"Tell him you love him," Mom adds. "Then call me immediately afterward."

We chuckle, and for the millionth time in my life, I'm so damn thankful for her. "I love you."

"I love you too, sweet boy."