Chapter 12

TWELVE

Wade

The sound of Jake's laughter echoes through the small kitchen as he wrestles a jar of peanut butter from Ellie's grip. Ray sits back in his chair, his gruff exterior softened by a smile as he watches the kids bicker. This has always been my sanctuary, this house, these people. No matter what else was happening in my life, I could always count on Ray and the kids to make it seem like everything was going to be okay.

"Wade, tell her she can't have peanut butter on her pancakes," Jake says, his voice pleading.

He's only twelve, but he's already got that serious, responsible air about him. I guess he had to grow up fast, just like I did.

I lean back in my chair, crossing my arms as I look at Ellie, who's barely nine but has the stubbornness of someone twice her age.

"Ellie, you know the rules. Peanut butter goes on toast, not pancakes," I tease her.

She pouts, and I can already see her wheels turning, trying to figure out a way around my logic. "But it's the same thing, isn't it? Bread and pancakes? They're both for breakfast."

Ray chuckles, shaking his head. "Can't argue with that kind of reasoning."

"Fine," I say, throwing my hands up in mock surrender. "But you're cleaning up if it makes a mess."

Ellie beams, victorious, and I can't help but smile. This is what I've missed. The easy, everyday moments that make life feel normal. That almost makes me forget, even for a few minutes, about the confusion that's been clouding my thoughts since Auden came back into my life.

I glance at Ray, who's watching me with that knowing look of his, the one that says he's got me all figured out. He's been my rock for as long as I can remember, ever since I landed in his foster home at fifteen. Back then, I was angry at the world, convinced that nobody could possibly understand what I was going through. But Ray… he never pushed, never pried. He just gave me space, let me find my own way. And when I was ready, he was there.

"Something on your mind, son?" Ray asks, his voice low enough that the kids can't hear.

I shrug, but I know I'm not fooling him. "Just… thinking."

"About Auden?" he presses, his eyes narrowing.

I don't say anything at first. It's always been hard to talk about my feelings, especially when it comes to her. But Ray's always had this way of getting me to open up without even trying.

"Yeah," I finally admit, rubbing the back of my neck. "Things have been… complicated."

Ray nods, taking a sip of his coffee as he waits for me to continue. He's not one for giving advice unless he's asked, but I can tell he's curious about what's been going on between Auden and me.

"It's like… every time I think we're getting somewhere, she pulls back," I say, staring down at the table. "One minute, she's looking at me like I'm the only guy in the world, and the next, she's got this wall up, like she's afraid to let me in."

Ray listens, his expression thoughtful. "Have you talked to her about it?"

I shake my head. "Not really. I mean, I've tried, but it's like she's scared to let things get too serious. And I get it, you know? I wasn't exactly Mr. Reliable back in high school. But that was years ago. I'm not the same guy I was back then."

"You think she's worried you're just looking for something casual?" Ray asks, cutting straight to the heart of the matter like he always does.

"Maybe," I admit, hating the way the word tastes in my mouth. "And the worst part is, I don't even know if she's right. I don't know what she wants, or what I'm supposed to do to prove that I'm serious."

Ray leans forward, his eyes locking on mine. "You've got to be honest with her, Wade. Tell her how you feel. Don't wait for the perfect moment or until you're sure of what she's thinking. Just lay it all out there."

I nod, but my stomach twists at the thought of putting my heart on the line like that. What if I tell her everything, and she just laughs it off? What if this whole thing is just a fling to her, something to pass the time until she finds someone better?

As if sensing my hesitation, Ray places a hand on my shoulder. "You can't control how she feels, but you can control what you do. And if you really care about her, you owe it to both of you to at least try."

His words sink in, heavy but somehow reassuring. I know he's right. I've spent so much time hiding behind my own fears that I've never given Auden the chance to really see how much she means to me.

But even as I sit there, trying to muster up the courage to do what Ray's suggesting, the doubt creeps in. What if she's already made up her mind? What if I'm just setting myself up to get hurt again?

"Thanks, Ray," I say, my voice a little rough. "I'll think about it."

He gives me a small smile, one that says he knows I'm still figuring things out. "That's all I'm asking. Just don't let the fear of what might happen keep you from going after what you really want."

We sit there in silence for a while, the sounds of the kids arguing over breakfast filling the room. But my mind is miles away, back at Auden's house, replaying every conversation, every look, every moment we've shared since she came back to Lilac Harbor.

When I finally push my chair back and stand up, Ray gives me a nod, like he knows where I'm headed. I ruffle Jake's hair on my way out, earning a scowl that makes me grin, and give Ellie a quick hug.

"Take care of Ray, okay?" I say to them both, and they nod, their attention already shifting back to their breakfast.

The drive to Auden's house is a blur, my thoughts tangled in a mess of what-ifs and maybes. By the time I pull up in front of her place, my heart is pounding in my chest, the nerves twisting tighter with every step I take.

But when I get to her front door, all the lights are out. Her car's in the driveway, but there's no sign of life inside. I stand there for a moment, the cool night air doing little to calm the heat rising in my chest.

She's asleep. Of course she is—it's late, and she's probably had a long day. But I can't help the disappointment that washes over me. I came here ready to talk, to lay everything on the line, and now… I don't know if I'll ever get the chance.

For a moment, I consider knocking anyway, waking her up just so I can say what I need to say. But then I think about the look she'll give me, the one that says she's not sure if she should be angry or amused by my impulsiveness, and I can't do it.

Instead, I stand there in the dark, staring at her front door like it holds all the answers to the questions swirling in my mind. How did we get here? How did things get so complicated so fast?

And more importantly, how do I fix it?

I turn to leave, my shoulders heavy with the weight of everything left unsaid. But as I reach my truck, I pause, glancing back at her house one more time. The porch light flickers, casting a faint glow across the yard, and for a second, I imagine what it would be like to be the guy she wants, the guy she trusts with her heart.

But I'm not that guy. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

With a heavy sigh, I climb into my truck and start the engine, the familiar rumble filling the silence that presses in on me from all sides.

I know what I need to do. I just have to find the courage to do it.

As I drive away, I make a promise to myself: I'll tell her everything. I'll tell her how much she means to me, how much I want this to be more than just a fling. And if she laughs, if she walks away… well, at least I'll know I tried.

But deep down, there's a part of me that's terrified she won't laugh. That she'll look at me with those big, beautiful eyes of hers and tell me she's not ready, that she's not sure, that she's afraid to take the leap.

And then what? Where do we go from there?

I don't have the answers, but I know one thing for sure: I'm done running. I'm done letting my fear of the unknown dictate my life. Whatever happens with Auden, I'm going to face it head-on.

For better or worse, I'm all in.