CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Antoni's stomach churned as he followed Matty into the studio where the Puck Thoughts Podcast was filmed.

He understood why they were there—they needed to do some PR work to get the public on their side—but God did he hate this idea.

Matty kept apologizing but Antoni couldn't be mad.

Maybe he should be—plenty of the public seemed to think Matty was an asshole for standing up to the Swansons—but Antoni? All he could see was someone who loved the kids so much they'd do anything for them.

Antoni was already tired of all of the meetings he'd had with Matty, his agent, and Kate Foster from the Fisher Cats' organization. He was sick of the meetings, sick of the attention from the public, sick of all of it.

But what choice did they have?

"We don't have to do this," Matty said quietly, half an hour later as they waited for a lighting person to finish tweaking the setup.

"We do," Antoni replied, turning to face him. He touched Matty's cheek, wishing he could melt away his stress.

"Well, you don't have to." Matty squared his shoulders. "I'll take care of this. I got us into this mess and I'll get us out of it."

Antoni smiled and shook his head. "No," he said quietly. "You are so sweet for worrying about me but we're in this together, right?"

"Of course." Matty squeezed his hand. "If that's what you want."

"It's what I want."

"We're ready whenever you are," one of the assistants said and Antoni swallowed hard and led Matty over to the table where the podcast was filmed.

After their hosts, Catherine Newman and Tad Taber, introduced themselves on camera, they began.

"Thank you for joining us today," Catherine said with a smile. "When we extended an invitation to Matt, we didn't get expect him to take us up on it so soon or that you would join us as well, Antoni."

"It's uh, Matty," he said, clearing his throat. "And well, I hadn't planned on doing this until later in the season when I had a little more time but after this recent, um, situation, Antoni and I wanted to clear things up as quickly as possible."

"You're, of course, referring to the video of the parking lot altercation that recently went viral?"

"Yes," Matty said. He looked handsome in a white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. They displayed his strong forearms and a hint of his tattoos and shit, if Antoni wasn't careful, the camera would pick up on him drooling over his husband.

"Would you like to share some of the backstory on the conflict between you and the Swansons?" Catherine asked.

Antoni nodded. "Sure. I can field that one."

"Please." Catherine gestured for him to continue.

"This past April, I lost my best friends," Antoni said, proud of the way his voice only wavered a little. "They died in a car crash on the 401 and …"

By the time he finished talking about his friendship with Bethany and Corey and the custody uncertainty, he was a little hoarse.

"And then I met Matty," Antoni said with a smile, reaching out to take Matty's hand. "And he was my miracle. He gave us a place to stay and our first shot at stability. A chance for the kids to grow up with two loving guardians."

"So the rumors that you and Matty have a fake marriage are false?"

Antoni hesitated. They'd talked about this but he wanted to be sure he got the wording exactly right.

"Truthfully, when we got married, I was afraid of trusting anyone," he admitted. "I was afraid of loving anyone. I was so focused on the kids I didn't really take the time to think about what I wanted. So the reasons I married Matty were—were complicated. What I felt for him was complicated."

"And now?" Catherine asked, her tone curious.

"And now, I'm so glad I took that leap. I'm so glad that I met Matty, that I moved in with him, that I married him. He's the most wonderful man I've ever met. The most caring, the most generous, the most unabashedly good. It hurts me to see the things people are saying about him because they don't really know who he is. They know what they see in skewed little sound bites and video clips but I know what he's proven to me and the kids, day in and day out."

"And what is that?" Tad asked.

"That he loves us," Antoni said, his voice a little thick. "That we're important to him. That he would fight for us."

"It's that fight that has caused the most controversy," Tad said. "The argument with the children's grandparents."

"Yes," Antoni agreed.

"Matty, what do you have to say about the people who are accusing you of taking that protective role too far?" Catherine asked.

Matty winced. "I'd say they're right. I was upset and I was trying to protect the people I love but I should have thought before I acted."

"Your new coach, Michael Gilbert, benched you for two games after. How did you feel about that?"

"I think Gilly was right to do it," Matty said. "As an alternate captain, I should have behaved better. He holds me to a high standard and he should."

"So no arguments there?"

"No," Matty said firmly. "I respect him and his decision."

"Do you regret what you did?"

Matty hesitated. "I wish I'd handled it differently but I don't regret speaking up for my family."

"The issue is over Eli being non-binary?" Catherine asked.

There was nothing malicious in her tone or her expression, but Antoni frowned at her wording. "No. Eli is not at fault here. The Swansons are. The issue is they are trying to bully their grandchild into being someone they aren't."

"You don't think blood relatives should have a say in how kids are raised?" Tad pressed.

"In this case, no," Antoni said. "Not when Bethany and Corey made it abundantly clear how they wanted their children to be raised and it's clear Corey's parents won't honor their wishes. There was a reason my friends named me guardian in the will, not Corey's parents."

"Do you think your friends would have approved of Matty?"

Antoni smiled. "They would have adored Matty. They'd have loved that he's been here for me and the kids with unwavering support from day one. And honestly, if you think Matty lost his temper in the parking lot, you wouldn't have wanted to see Bethany in that situation."

He managed a small laugh. "She would have ripped into the Swansons and I honestly wouldn't have put it past her to throw a few punches. She was one of the kindest people I've ever met but she was fiercely protective of her children and she would have been cheering Matty on for standing up for Eli."

As Antoni pictured the scene, tears welled up, and he had to blink them back. "Sorry, I, uh … it's hard, you know? Losing people like that."

Matty squeezed his hand, his expression soft and understanding.

Catherine gave him a sympathetic look. "Would you like to share more about why you've been so adamant about preventing the Swansons from having custody or even visitation with the kids?"

Antoni took a deep breath. "Yes. But I'm going to let Eli do that in their own words. They recorded a statement about their experience. Matty and I were hesitant to share it publicly but Eli begged us to let them do this. They want people to know what kids like them go through."

Tad nodded at the producer to play the recording and Antoni gripped Matty's hand more tightly.

"My name is Eli Swanson and I am ten years old. I'm non-binary and I use they/them pronouns. If you don't know what that means, I'll explain. It means I don't feel like just a boy or a girl. I feel like a mix of both and it's different every day. Sometimes I have boy days, sometimes I have girl days. Sometimes I have both days. I like to show that in the way I dress. But not everyone is okay with that. Sometimes kids at school say mean things. Sometimes they tell me I'm wrong for being who I am. But my mom and dad—they taught me that I'm okay just the way I am. And Papa Matty and Babbo Antoni think so too."

Antoni smiled, his eyes watering again. He and Eli had sat down and talked about all of the different things that Eli could call him before settling on the Italian word for father.

His Nonna Bianchi would heartily approve.

The recording of Eli continued. "My Grandma and Grandpa Swanson told me that I'm wrong. That I was born a boy and that's the only way I can be. They tried to make me look and act like a boy—they cut my hair and chopped up my dress—I was so scared but my sister Alexis called my Mom and Dad and they came to get me. They said I'd never have to see Grandma and Grandpa again. They said that they'd protect me. They're gone now—" Eli's voice wobbled but they kept going. "But they asked Babbo Antoni to take care of me. And he and Papa Matty are doing that. I don't want to live with my grandparents. I don't want to live anywhere but with Papa and Babbo and my sisters and brother. I want to be a part of a family who loves me just the way I am."

For a moment, there was only silence and then Tad cleared his throat. "That was powerful to hear. How does that make you feel?"

Matty sniffled. "Like I'd do anything to protect them."

"It sounds like you already did that," Tad said with a small wry smile.

"I did." Matty sighed. "And like I said, I don't regret standing up for Eli. But I also want to show the kids that there are better ways to stand up for someone. That it's better to use your words—"

"Even on the ice?" Tad laughed.

Matty chuckled. "Hockey is a little different. It's a physical sport and I'm not going to stop fighting to protect my teammates. But that's why there are rules about what's allowed and what isn't."

Catherine asked, "Antoni, do you have any trouble reconciling what you see Matty do on the ice and what you see him do at home?"

"Not really," Antoni said, smiling at Matty. "At first, yeah, it was strange to me. But I understand him better now. He's a knight. A protector."

"Has he been your knight in shining armor, then?" Catherine pressed.

"Yes," Antoni said, his heart full of love. "He certainly has."

"How do you feel?" Matty asked as they left the studio a while later, hand in hand.

"Emotionally drained," Antoni said with a tired smile. "But good. I'm glad we did this. It was good to get our story out there. Kate was right."

"Mmm. She usually is," Matty said, chuckling.

"Good to know."

"It meant a lot what you said in there," Matty said, slowing to a stop when they reached the van. "About what I've done for you and the kids."

Antoni turned to face him. "I meant every word."

"I know."

"Matty, I …" Antoni bit his lip. "I need to tell you something."

"This isn't where you break up with me, right?" Matty shot him a wary look. Because, God, he'd had too many terrible conversations in his life that started that way.

"No!" Antoni protested. "God, no. This is pretty much the opposite of that, actually."

"Yeah? We're already married. I'm not sure what else there is," Matty teased.

Antoni chuckled a little, then swallowed, loud enough for Matty to hear. "There's me telling you that I love you."

Matty's jaw dropped. "Antoni …"

He looked up, his eyes wide and earnest. "I love you, Matty. I love every single thing about you. Your kindness. Your goodness. Your big heart."

"And my big ass?"

Antoni chuckled. "Well, that doesn't hurt. But ass or no ass, I love you. I didn't think it was possible for me to feel this way about someone. But I do, because you are the most amazing person I've ever met. You are everything good in this world and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you if you'll have me."

"Oh, Antoni …" Matty cupped his cheek and it was cool against his palm. "I love you too."

"Yeah?" Antoni's look was so hopeful.

"Yes. God, I was … I was just waiting for the right time to tell you how I felt."

"I keep thinking about our rings," Antoni whispered. "About what's inscribed in them and I … it's true. I didn't know what it meant at first but I think it means that when you know you've found the right person, it becomes this unshakable feeling of certainty deep inside you."

"I'm the right person for you?" Matty asked, his heart beating faster.

"You're the only person," Antoni said. "I don't think there's a single other human in the world I would have trusted with the kids the way I trust you. Or anyone else I would have trusted with my heart."

"Wow. Well, I'll do my best to live up to that."

"I'm not worried. You don't need to do anything but keep being yourself."

And Matty had to pull Antoni close and squeeze him tight because it felt so good to hear that. He pressed his cheek against the side of Antoni's hair and held on, his heart so full of happiness and love it ached. Because he'd spent his whole damn life looking for this.

He'd wanted nothing more than to find someone who loved him this way and he had it and fuck anyone who thought they could take that away from him.

He was going to do whatever it took to keep Antoni and the kids in his life.

"As long as I'm alive, I'll keep you and the kids safe," Matty promised, pulling away to look Antoni in the eye.

"Somehow, I don't think even death would stop you," Antoni said, sniffling.

"Probably not," Matty agreed, wiping away a tear. "But if it's okay, I think I'd rather stay alive and raise the kids with you. Watch them grow up and have families of their own. Grow old together."

More tears spilled down Antoni's cheeks. "That sounds perfect to me."

"Good. Then that's what we'll do."

Antoni laughed wetly. "Just like that?"

Matty kissed his forehead. "Yep. Just like that."

Because for the first time in his life, love and relationships seemed simple.

Not easy.

No, they both required hard work. But with Antoni, everything felt easy and natural.

Like it was meant to be.