CHAPTER TWO

Antoni looked up at Matt, err, Matty, with a grateful smile.

What a nice guy. A little weird, maybe, but nice.

He was a total stranger and he'd gone out of his way to make Antoni feel better. How many people would invite a crying stranger into their home, much less feed them?

Hell, Antoni's own friends had more or less ditched him once he went from being a guy with few responsibilities having fun on weekends to someone who fretted about a colicky baby and grocery bills.

He'd gotten a lot of "sorry, man, that really sucks," comments. But few people had offered to help.

This guy who he'd met maybe half an hour ago was worried about him needing a break.

At this point, Antoni was too tired to argue. It felt nice to have someone looking out for him, even if it was only for a little while.

Even if Matty had scared the shit out of him at first.

He was a big guy with a solid, muscular build. Not the bodybuilder type or anything. He was fit as hell but those definitely weren't vanity muscles. He was thick around the middle too, but in a strong way.

A bear, really.

At first, Antoni had thought Matty was going to beat the shit out of him. But then he'd smiled and spoken softly and Antoni's fear had melted away.

Antoni liked his short brown hair and neat brown beard. He liked the sturdiness of Matty's body and the broadness of his shoulders.

He had the kind of arms that looked like they'd be good for giving hugs. And God knew, Antoni would kill for a hug right now.

It was that smile and the warmth in Matty's brown eyes that had undone Antoni. Made him spill his messy life out to a stranger, even if he felt embarrassed now.

"C'mon, eat," Matty coaxed gently, nudging a plate toward him.

Antoni looked around, bewildered by the array of food spread out on the counter. There was a whole platter of sliced meats and cheeses, olives, and pickles. There were mini peppers stuffed with something—cream cheese, maybe?—other sliced vegetables, hummus, whole wheat pita, halved hard boiled eggs, fresh fruit …

"This is a lot of food," Antoni said doubtfully. There was no way he was going to be able to eat all of this.

Matty shrugged. "Ahh, you know how it goes. Hockey players are always hungry so I never know how much normal people eat."

Antoni gave him a quizzical glance. "You know a lot of hockey players?"

Matty threw his head back and laughed. "I am one. I play for the Fisher Cats."

"That's the, uh, NHL team here in Toronto, right?"

"Yep." Matty smiled.

"Wow. God, now I feel really stupid." If Antoni could just melt into a puddle of mortification, he totally would.

"Why?" Matty looked puzzled.

"I should have known who you are."

Matty shrugged again. "Honestly, it's kind of nice to have a conversation with someone who doesn't want to talk about how bad we were last season."

Antoni laughed. "Fair enough. It probably sucks to have all of those die-hard fans criticizing everything you do, huh?"

Not that he knew anything about sports, really, but his dad was a big fan of the team and always going on about what they should be doing. Antoni usually tuned that out but Alexis was super into hockey too and she'd had opinions about it. And if a fourteen-year-old got that rabid? Well, he could only imagine what grown-ass adults were like.

"You have no idea, buddy," Matty said with a laugh. "But you know what will make me feel better?"

Antoni shook his head.

"You eating." He nudged the empty plate toward Antoni again.

"Sorry." Antoni reached for the dish. "This was so generous of you. Will you eat with me, at least? There's no way I'll finish all this on my own."

"Sure. I had brunch about an hour ago but I could snack."

Matty turned away to grab a plate for himself, and Antoni's gaze darted to his backside.

God, the man had an ass on him.

Getting laid had been the last thing on Antoni's mind since that awful day last spring but that was a butt that couldn't be ignored. When Matty had bent over to rummage in the refrigerator earlier … well, Antoni had felt all those months of celibacy slam into him.

But the guy was a hockey player. Obviously straight and it was stupid for Antoni to even get caught looking. He'd probably get beat up or something.

Well, maybe not. Matty didn't seem like the type.

But it would probably make him uncomfortable. And he'd been so nice.

So Antoni tore his gaze away and began piling food on his plate. "You feed people like my Italian grandmother," he muttered.

Matty laughed. It was a big, warm laugh that made Antoni smile.

"Too much?" He shot a sheepish grin at Antoni.

"Ask me that when you roll me out of here," Antoni said, but his stomach rumbled as he debated what to try first. It all looked so good.

"Well, my Polish grandma would be proud," Matty said, loading up his own plate.

"Yeah?" Antoni glanced up. "I had one of those too. Italian on my dad's side, Polish on my mom's."

Matty perked up. "Ohh, really? Think your grandma could teach me how to make pierogi? I was too busy playing hockey to learn from my grandma and I regret it now that she's gone."

Antoni smiled. "They're both gone but my mom probably could."

His Grandma Krawczyk and his Nonna Bianchi would have approved of Matty trying to feed him, that was for damn sure.

They were both silent as they ate, Matty easily devouring twice what Antoni managed, though by the time Antoni pushed away his plate, he did have to admit he felt better with his belly not aching with hunger.

He'd skipped breakfast today.

During the school year, he got a free breakfast and lunch, but since it was summer break and his budget was strained, he skipped meals sometimes just to make sure there was enough for the kids and because groceries were so damn expensive.

It felt like the price of everything just kept going up and up and he was drowning …

God, he needed a break.

Antoni nibbled at a few more bites and let the worry slide away, enjoying the variety of food, even if he didn't really need to eat more.

"Thanks," Antoni said with a contented sigh as he finally sat back. "I barely made a dent in all this but I'm stuffed."

"You can take the rest home with you, if you want," Matty offered.

"Oh that's so nice but I can't—"

"I insist."

Antoni protested, but before he could blink, the food was packed into containers and stuffed in a bag that Matty placed on the floor beside him. The look in Matty's eyes said he wouldn't take no for an answer so Antoni thanked him.

Antoni would just conveniently "forget" it when he left.

"So, what are you going to do about housing?" Matty asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned a hip against the counter near Antoni.

It made his biceps pop and Antoni looked away before he got caught drooling. Those arms. Holy shit.

This guy was something else.

"Um," Antoni managed, staring out the patio doors at the backyard. This place had a fucking tennis court. What in the hell were you thinking, Aunt Sharon? "Pray a lot?"

Matty shrugged. "I mean, I'll never knock anyone's faith but you might need something more concrete than that, buddy."

"Probably," Antoni admitted, slumping back against the stool. He covered his face in his hands. No, he couldn't fucking cry again. He refused.

Matty settled a hand on his back, rubbing a little. "Aww, you're really going through it, aren't you?"

Numbly, Antoni nodded, dropping his hands into his lap and taking a deep, shuddering breath. "I just … I have to take care of my kids. I have to find a house. If I don't, they could be taken away."

Matty frowned. "By the courts or child services or whatever you Canadians call it?"

Antoni nodded, swallowing hard. "Yeah. So basically, after my friends died, I was granted ninety-day temporary guardianship."

"Uhh." Matty scratched at his short beard. "Math was never my best subject but I thought you'd had the kids since last spring and something's not adding up."

Antoni managed a faint smile. "Yeah, they've been with me since April. I've applied for permanent custody but their grandparents served me saying they're applying for custody as well. It's a whole complicated mess but the short version is, earlier this summer they extended my guardianship while they do a parenting assessment."

"Okay." Matty frowned.

"The parenting assessment takes a few months and they check in periodically to see how we're doing. Once that's done, there'll be a settlement conference with all of the lawyers and a judge. That'll happen sometime this fall and I've got to get our housing figured out before then. I can't have the kids living in a shitty motel or something, you know? I have to show that I have this situation under control. I need them to see that I have a stable home environment for the kids and that they're happy and safe."

"Are you sure you're their best option?" Matty asked softly.

"I'm kind of their only good option," Antoni admitted. "Bethany's parents are great people but they're quite a bit older and in really poor health. We visit them when we can, but they're not up to watching the kids on a regular basis."

Matty nodded. "Yeah. Okay, I can see how that would be tough to keep up with all those kiddos."

"Exactly. Corey's parents are the ones who are trying to get custody and they're, um, really really religious. Like, ‘gays are burning in hell' religious. Eli, the ten-year-old, they're uh, non-binary. Corey's parents would … God, I don't even want to know what the fuck they'd do to Eli's spirit if they were granted custody." He glanced over at Matty warily. "You know what non-binary is?"

"Sure," Matty said with an easy smile. "Somebody who doesn't feel like they're either a man or a woman, right? I mean, if Eli is ten, it would be boy or girl, I assume, but same idea, yeah?"

"Uh, yeah," Antoni said, a little surprised. "You seem pretty knowledgeable about this stuff."

Matty shot him an amused look. "For a hockey player?"

"Uhh." Antoni made a face. "Sorry. Shouldn't have assumed …"

The hockey players in his school had been meatheads but maybe that wasn't fair. All seventeen-year-old boys were idiots. Antoni should know. He'd been one too. Just not the sporty type.

He'd been a bookish idiot.

"Nah, it's cool." Matty waved it off. "You might be surprised though. The team does a big Pride celebration game every year and we meet with members of the community. We march in the parades too. But also, my captain, Dustin Fowler, he's married to a former figure skater. Do you know who Charlie Monaghan is?"

Antoni shook his head. "Nope."

"Well, Charlie's awesome. He's … gender non-conforming, I think? I dunno. Charlie just says he likes pretty things and he thinks it's rude that people tell him he can't enjoy what he likes."

Antoni smiled. "I think Eli would agree with that sentiment."

"So, anyway. Yeah, half the team is gay or bi or whatever," Matty said with a shrug. "Dustin's married to Charlie, Nico is engaged to August, and two of the guys on the team—Jonah and Felix—are engaged to each other. Okay, so that's not half the team but you get my point. And the rest of the guys are all fine with it. We sometimes go to gay clubs for a drink or to dance or whatever. We've got some really great people on this team."

"Huh," Antoni said. Okay, so hockey was way more progressive than he'd realized.

He winced. Maybe he should have listened more closely when Alexis talked about hockey stuff. He was just so tired most nights and sometimes he zoned out a little. He didn't mean to but he wasn't getting enough sleep and …

"Anyway." Antoni swallowed hard. "There's no way in hell I'm letting the kids end up with Corey's family, that's for damn sure."

"Of course not!" Matty looked horrified. "That would be terrible for Eli."

"Exactly. And I promised Bethany and Corey I'd take care of the kids if anything happened to them, you know? I can't let them down."

"Did they not have insurance?" There was no judgment in Matty's voice, just gentle curiosity.

"They had some. I've used part of it for their care. I set some aside for their future education and I don't want to dip into it if I don't have to."

He'd used some of Bethany's policy and he was still waiting for Corey's—delayed by bureaucratic bullshit.

Matty nodded. "Makes sense."

"I know my friends trust me to do what I think is best but I just …. I don't know. I'm not perfect. I know I'm not. I'm still trying to figure out how to handle all this but in terms of loving the kids and caring about who they are as people I am definitely the best choice. Financially? Maybe not though," Antoni whispered.

"I hate money," Matty said with a sigh.

Antoni gave him a skeptical glance. "Yeah, easy for you to say, eh."

He'd seen the price tag on this house. There was a massive home gym and a steam shower in the basement. A six-car garage for fuck's sake! Matty was hardly hurting for money.

Matty grimaced. "Yeah, okay I know how it looks now but I didn't grow up with it. My parents struggled. And I played in the minors for a long fucking time before I secured an NHL contract. I'm lucky now but I've been poor."

"So why do you hate money?"

"Well, I don't hate it, I guess. I just hate that people like you struggle while I make a boatload."

Antoni shrugged. "Agreed but …"

"Yeah, that doesn't change the fact that this is what we've got to work with, right?"

"Right." Antoni nodded. "Wait, we?"

Matty nodded. "So, you're probably going to think I'm crazy but I think you and the kids should move in here with me."

"Uhh, what?" Antoni blinked at Matty, sure he'd just hallucinated Matty suggesting he and the kids move in with him.

"Look, I know this sounds kind of crazy. But I have a big-ass house I don't know what to do with. You need a house. In this neighborhood. It's perfect."

Antoni felt faintly dizzy. "Right, but you can't just—"

"It's not like I'm giving you the house or anything," Matty said with a little laugh. "I'm not that crazy."

Antoni pushed his hair off his forehead. "Um, this is pretty crazy. I'm not moving my kids into a strange man's house."

Matty's eyes were wide and earnest. "You can do a background check on me, talk to my teammates, check me out to be sure I'm not some weirdo."

"You met me an hour ago and you just offered to let me move in with you. That's pretty weird," Antoni pointed out, rising to his feet, suddenly uneasy.

"You're probably right. And I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be pushy. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I just … I don't like seeing people go through hard times if I can make it better. I've got all the answers to your problems and it seems selfish to not offer."

He looked miserable by the end and Antoni felt a little wash of guilt.

"I do appreciate the offer," Antoni said slowly. Only because he didn't want to hurt this guy's feelings. Maybe he was some sort of weirdo but he certainly seemed sincere enough. "I just don't think it's something I feel comfortable with. You understand, right?"

Matty looked crestfallen but he nodded. "Yeah, that's fair."

"You've been so nice," Antoni said sincerely. "Really. The food, the offer … it's so generous. I just can't move in here. I had a rough afternoon and you saw me at my lowest but I'll keep searching. I'll find a good house for all of us if I try hard enough."

He had to believe it was possible or he'd never get up in the morning again.

"Yeah, of course. I get it. And good luck, man, honestly. I hope you do find a place. And soon. You're a good dad and the kids are lucky to have you."

Antoni felt a little pang in his chest at the kind words.

Corey would always be Alexis, Eli, River, and Reese's dad but Antoni wanted to believe that someday maybe they'd think of him as being a second father. But however they thought of him, he wanted to be good for them.

He wanted them to grow up healthy, happy, and knowing they were loved, just like his friends would have wanted.

"Thanks," Antoni whispered.

There was little more to say after that so Antoni made his excuses, not arguing when Matty pressed the bag of food into his hands. "For the kids. Please, let me," he said, brown eyes painfully sincere and hopeful.

Antoni's resolve to say no weakened. "Thanks," he whispered, taking the bag. The kids would enjoy the food and well, if it saved him some money …

Matty was quiet as he walked Antoni out to the van. The garage door lifted quietly, such a contrast to the loud whining screech at the place he rented.

Antoni got into the van, muttering a prayer under his breath that it would start. He just needed it to hold on a while longer. He'd be due for a raise at work next year which would help, but it needed to last at least until then.

Thankfully, the engine finally chugged to life and he let out a relieved breath.

The van window was open and Matty hooked his hands on the edge of the door, drumming his fingers against it. "Look, just … can I give you my phone number?"

Antoni blinked, frowning. "For what?"

"Just in case of an emergency. Or if you change your mind about the offer to move in. There's the guest house in the backyard." His expression was hopeful.

"I'm not gonna change my mind," Antoni said firmly. "I can do this."

"Hey, it's not you I'm doubting," Matty answered with a little smile. "Just the Toronto housing market."

Antoni had to smile back at that. "Fair. And look, you're sweet but—"

"Will you take my number?" Matty pleaded. "Please. Just … what if there was an emergency with the kids and you needed help? I'd feel bad if you didn't know you could call me."

"Why do you care?" Antoni asked, flabbergasted. His friends gave less of a shit than this near stranger did.

Matty shrugged. "I dunno. It just seems like the right thing to do. And when I think of those sweet kiddos …"

Now Matty looked like he might cry and oh God, Antoni would never survive seeing this big, sweet man breaking down.

"Okay. Hang on." He dug out his phone, unlocked it, then handed it over. "Put your number in."

"Thanks," Matty said when Antoni was done and had passed the phone back. He actually looked relieved. Who the fuck was this guy?

"Thanks for everything," Antoni said, buckling his seatbelt. "You really made a bad day better."

"Yeah, any time." Matty stepped back, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "And call me if you change your mind or need anything or—or even if you just need someone to talk to."

"Thanks," Antoni said, putting the van in reverse, planning to delete Matty's number as soon as he got home. He didn't want to be tempted by that. He had to be strong and do this on his own. Bethany and Corey had believed he could handle the responsibility and he would. Whatever it took, he'd do it. "It was nice meeting you, Matty."

As Antoni pulled away, he glanced back at the enormous house and saw Matty waving from the garage.

For a big man, he did look awfully small and lonely there all by himself.