Chapter 23

Paige

W hen I can’t stand being alone anymore, wallowing in the ache in my chest, I pull myself to my feet.

Like a zombie, I walk out of the armory, but instead of heading to my own chamber I share with Varek, I go see my friends. I can’t return to those furs—the ones I share with Varek–at least not yet. Not when I know they still smell like my mate and that in a matter of days I could lose him.

It isn’t fair.

But none of this is fair, is it?

I slip underneath the leather into the chamber my friends share. It’s warmer than the last time I was here. Several different beds of fur line the outer wall for each woman and a new leather tapestry hangs on an especially rocky patch of mountain—devoid of the glowing gems. Melina is still unconscious but her color is a bit better.

Guilt claws through me.

I should talk to Selvara about her condition. See how she’s doing.

Lara is across the chamber, a small plate of food on her lap. When she sees me, her eyes light up. “Hey!”

“Hey,” I mumble. “Where’s Nicole and Ryan?”

“Nicole went to the kitchens to get some food. She brought me this.” Lara raises her plate and offers a smile. “I have no idea about Ryan.”

I nod and cross the room to Melina. I hate that there is nothing we can do but wait. Sitting by her side, I lift the fur across her legs and hiss at the nasty bruises from her toes all the way to her hip.

“It looks awful, doesn’t it?” Lara asks. She grabs her plate and joins me, offering me a bite. I politely decline. “When I was twelve, I broke my ankle and I swear I didn’t bruise this badly.”

I shake my head. Even if she does survive, will she be able to walk again? I haven’t been with the Vruts long, but I can’t imagine that they have a sprawling physical therapy program somewhere inside the mountain.

“I told her to get back in the pod,” I whisper, squeezing Melina’s hand.

Lara sighs deeply. “You didn’t know what was going to happen.”

“I did. I knew we were going to crash.” I tell her. “I screamed at her to get in her pod but she hesitated. She wanted me to return to mine, too. If I would have just listened to her—”

If I had crawled back into my pod, she wouldn’t have been tossed around inside the ship—battered like this. I could have protected her. Perhaps, not from everything that’s happened since we landed on Nyxara, but from her injuries.

Lara shakes her head. “She’s a grown woman. You can’t fault yourself. None of us could have predicted any of this.”

A hot flush creeps up the back of my neck as I walk through the crash, second by second, thinking about what I could have done differently.

Maybe I never should have boarded the ship to Mars.

Should have. Could have. Would have.

There are a thousand things I would change if I could. But Varek isn’t one of them.

I squeeze Melina’s hand again as my vision goes blurry. “When Varek stole me, I thought he was a monster. I was afraid.”

“How could you not be?” Lara asks. “We all were.”

“I thought he was going to hurt me. That he would have hurt all of us and I wanted to protect you guys.”

“You did,” Lara says, reaching for my arm. She moves closer and leans her head on my shoulder.

“No. I left you guys out there to fend for yourself. I made Varek lie to his people because I thought I was protecting you.”

“Paige,” she murmurs.

“And now he’s facing the council. He’s in a dungeon below our feet and I’m so afraid of what comes next. I’m so afraid to lose him.”

The tears burst free and I cover my face, hiding my shame. My chin falls to my chest as Lara wraps her arm around my shoulder, squeezing me.

“Hey, hey! Listen to me, Paige. It’s going to be okay. Alright?”

“I just don’t know anymore,” I whimper, sniffling.

Lara sighs and gives me a shake before turning me to look at her. She forces my eyes up, manhandling me like a damn doll and then waving her hands in front of my face.

“Do I have your attention?”

I would be angry if my heart wasn’t bleeding out.

“Good. Listen. We all do what we think is the best. You made a mistake. So what? We have to move on or else the world will move on without us.”

She swipes her hands around us, pointing at the furs and the glowing hunks of luminite lighting the chamber.

“I mean look where we are. This is insane. But Melina’s injuries weren’t your fault. Cristina getting taken? That wasn’t your fault either. None of us blame you.”

I level her a look through my tears.

She bites her bottom lip. “Okay, maybe Ryan blames you but she’s a bitch.”

I huff a pained laugh.

“Me? I’m actually a little envious of the fact that you found yourself a…” she trails off. “A mate? Is that what they’re called?”

I nod.

Her lips pull into a soft smile. Blue eyes sparkle and shine a little brighter as she meets my gaze. “Yeah. I mean, who wouldn’t want a man who’s totally devoted to my every wish and happiness?”

My mind shifts to Varek. My protector. How did someone become so important in my life after only knowing him for a week? But she has a point. I wasn’t expecting to encounter my forever, he just showed up—tossed me over his shoulder and gave me no choice.

Now, I couldn’t imagine not having him by my side.

Lara tugs me into her arms again, giving me a real hug. It feels nice to let the guilt melt away at her words. I did what I thought was right, but I made a mistake.

And that’s okay.

I’m human.

“Cut yourself some slack,” Lara whispers before letting me go. Just when I think she’s going to say something nice, she smacks my shoulder and shakes her head. “And quit with the tears already. At least you can understand what these aliens are saying.”

She’s right. I forgot. None of the women can understand the Vruts yet, but for me it only took a day.

What kind of magic worked on me that hasn’t worked on them?

The leathers at the entrance ruffle and lift. Nicole and Selvara step inside, their eyes trained on Melina.

“Speak of the aliens themselves,” Lara mumbles. She goes back to picking off her plate and pops a piece of dried strid in her mouth before giving the healer some space.

I watch Selvara work, checking Melina’s forehead to see if she’s running a fever. Even though we are different species, it’s amazing how much her skills transfer over. Selvara meets my gaze. “Has she stirred today?”

I translate to Lara who responds that she hasn’t.

“Mm,” Selvara murmurs. She waves Nicole over and points to the cup and the water basin, then the luminite gem I pulled a hunk from the other day.

Nicole gets right to work, silently following all of Selvara’s nonverbal instructions.

“Wow,” I mumble. “You’re good,” I tell Nicole.

She shrugs her shoulders as she mixes up the ingredients with her bare hands, reaching for the bundle of herbs that Selvara gives her. “We don’t really talk, but I guess we don’t need to. It makes sense to me.”

That’s impressive. If I wasn’t able to communicate with the Vruts, I would be completely lost.

I clear my throat. “Selvara,” I speak to her in the language she can understand. “How is it that I can talk with you, but they still can’t?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “I do not know. I thought maybe your species has special intelligence with language, but your friend cannot understand me.”

“Nicole?” I point.

“Yes. She follows me around.”

Nicole perks up as she finishes grinding the ingredients. “Is she talking about me?”

“Yes. I’m trying to ask her about the language. It doesn’t make sense that only I can understand her.”

“Can you ask her if I can study under her like an apprentice or something?”

My lips slide into a wide smile as her request sinks in. “Really?”

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t think we’re going anywhere anytime soon. I’d like to have a purpose. Not hang around the chamber all day like some people.” She shoots a pointed look at Lara who throws a round fruit at her in return.

“Shut up,” Lara grumbles.

I giggle and nod. “Of course.” I focus my attention on the elderly woman, watching Nicole as she helps Melina drink. “Selvara?” I ask.

She eyes me.

“Nicole, my friend.” I point again just to be sure she remembers her name. “She wants to learn how to be a healer.”

Selvara straightens. Her weathered features beam as she approaches Nicole, placing her hand along Nicole’s back. She smiles softly and bows her head in respect, as I’ve seen many Vruts do when in agreement.

The two share a moment and it’s bittersweet to watch. I wish I could share in the joy of it.

“Where’s Ryan?” I ask. It’s been days since I’ve seen her.

Nicole dabs the dribbled liquid off of Melina’s lips and answers me. “The hunters have returned. She wanted to avoid the one who’s chest glows when he sees her.”

Lara rolls her eyes across the room and I attempt a smile.

Seeing that everything is okay here, I stand and say goodnight to my friends. I walk through the glowhollows alone as the beams of light from above soften and die out. I enter my chamber—the one that feels too empty, too lonely without my mate—and slide into the furs.

I was right. The scent of him surrounds me and it’s like a punch to the gut.

I would go to him, but I’m sure he would put up a fight and force someone to drag me back here.

Jerk.

But he understands his people more than I do and maybe he’s already preparing for the worst. The lump forming in my throat makes it hard to get comfortable.

So I wrap myself up in his scent and pretend he’s here, tugging me against his chest and holding me in his strong arms. But it isn’t the same.

Things might never be the same.