Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

N ever in his life had he wanted someone so badly, and in that moment, as Benedict lay beside Evelyn on the grass, holding her in his arms after their lovemaking, and never wanting to let her go, all the fear he had felt about telling Audor his feelings for her seemed to dissipate. He loved her, he knew that. And after her tearful confession, he now knew that Evelyn loved him just as deeply.

He was certain of it before her words earlier, but her expression only solidified it in his heart and mind.

They lay there for some time, neither of them speaking, both gazing up at the swaying branches of leaves that danced on the soft breeze above their heads. It was a moment of bliss, but more than that, it was a time of connection. He was certain Evelyn felt it too, for she seemed as lost in the moment as he was.

Words were unnecessary. Their love for each other shone out of them like beacons. He felt it soaking into him, as though it leeched from her body and into him. Right now, they were the only two people in the entire world, and feeling a sense of completeness, Benedict did not want to move from the contented blissfulness that enveloped them.

After some time they brushed themselves off, and straightening their clothes, he looked down into her eyes, and smiled. "I love ye, Evelyn."

"And I love ye," she replied softly.

He bent and gave her the lightest of kisses, before taking hold of her hand.

"Come on. Let's go back."

They left the gardens, but Benedict did not let go of her hand. He now did not care who saw them. He knew what he wanted, and he was determined to get it.

"I am going tae tell me braither that he cannae marry ye," Benedict said, as they walked back to the castle. "I cannae bear the thought o' losing ye, Evelyn, and I will fight fer ye, if that is what it takes."

"Dae ye want me tae come with ye? Perhaps if he sees us together, he will understand."

Benedict shook his head. "Nay. This is something I must dae alone. When I have told Audor me wishes, we will go and speak tae yer faither together."

Benedict bent and stole another kiss before they entered the castle. Once inside, he turned and gazed down at her with a tender expression. "I will see ye soon."

And then he turned and headed towards Audor's study.

Evelyn had terrified him earlier, and as he walked through the corridors, he recognized how that fear had solidified how deeply he wanted her for his wife. Audor would surely understand that, wouldn't he?

The sweet scent of her clung to him as he strode through the corridors, and his stomach clenched as the pleasure of making love to her lingered. This time had felt different. He didn't know how to explain it, but it had felt deeper, more intense, as though they had made a pact with each other never to let go.

He had seen it in her eyes. The desperation to be with him, the desire, the love. Something had happened between them in the garden, and while he felt it in his very being, he could not put the feeling, or meaning into words. Somehow, he just knew they were now inseparable. No matter what happened, nothing could part them. Nothing and no one.

Upon reaching Audor's study, Benedict paused. Gazing at the door for a long moment, he took a deep breath. Whatever happened next, he would not leave this room without his brother's agreement to him marrying Evelyn. But even in his determination, the nerves bubbled in his stomach.

Opening the door, he stepped into the room, and found Audor where he imagined he would be. Sat at his desk, buried in papers.

"Ah, braither," Audor said amicably when he looked up to see who had entered. Waving a welcoming gesture, he continued. "Come in."

Benedict ventured forth, the twisting sensation in his gut growing even more intense. While he wanted to be with Evelyn more than anything in this world, he now had to confess the treachery he had committed behind his brother's back. There was no way out of it if he wanted Audor to understand his feelings.

"More o' Laird Keith's men have been spotted, and thus, I have assigned even more guards to the walls and outer perimeter o' the castle," Audor said, standing and moving toward the dresser.

"Good," Benedict replied, settling himself into a chair beside the huge fireplace.

Grabbing two glasses, Audor poured out smooth amber liquid from a large flask. "I must commend ye, braither, on the fine job ye have done with the village, and those in the clan in me absence. Ye would have made a fine laird."

Benedict took the offered glass, and while his brother sat opposite him at the fire, he said, "That was always yer place, nae mine."

"Ye ken that isnae the case, Benedict. When father passed away, either one o' us could have become the laird."

"But ye wanted it far more than I, braither," Benedict countered.

"Aye. And ye gave it tae me just like that," he said, clicking his fingers. "Nay argument or dispute. I will always be grateful fer yer graciousness."

Benedict nodded and took a sip of his drink. His mind was a rush of thoughts and, though he wanted to tell Audor his reason for being there, he suddenly felt at a loss as to where to begin. Did he start with his feelings, or the fact that he wanted to marry Evelyn? Should he begin from the very start, explaining his betrayal, or ought he just get to the point more quickly?

The sound of Audor's light chuckling pulled him out of his thought process.

"I imagine ye are here because ye want tae talk tae me about something," Audor said knowingly. "But when is it that ye are planning tae speak?" He chuckled. "Or are we tae sit here all day in silence?"

Taking a swig of his whisky and a deep breath, Benedict eventually said, "There is something I need tae confess tae ye, Audor."

"Does it have anything tae dae with the fact that ye're in love with me betrothed?" Audor smirked.

Benedict's face fell, and with his jaw open, he gawked at his brother in astonishment. "How?" he blurted. "How did ye ken? Has someone told ye?"

Audor shook his head, an easy smile sitting on his lips. "Ye told me," he said. "I only had tae listen tae ye yesterday speaking about yer adventures with Evelyn. Yer love fer her is obvious."

Benedict was speechless, and quickly replaying his conversation with Audor yesterday, he struggled to find any part of it that had betrayed his feelings. He had been more than careful to omit the fun they had had with each other, telling his brother only of Evelyn's bravery and determination.

"I cannae remember saying anything that would have told ye," Benedict gasped.

"Och, braither. We are twins. Have ye forgotten that fact? I think a part o' me sensed it. The other clue was yer eyes. They sparkled when ye spoke o' her. All the while ye were careful tae keep yer affection from yer voice, but yer feelings shone out of ye in other ways."

So, all his effort had been for naught. It mattered not that he had refrained from telling him more. Audor knew him too well. He shouldn't really be surprised. They were twins after all, and this certainly was not the first time one of them had known what the other was feeling or thinking without having to speak. Besides, love is a powerful emotion, and how he felt for Evelyn was indeed, powerful.

"I'm sorry, Audor," Benedict sighed, dropping his head.

"I dinnae want ye tae be sorry. It's nae like I'm in love with the woman. I hardly ken her."

Benedict flashed him a surprised look.

"Well, it is true," Audor said. "It is ye who have spent the time with her, nae I. Besides, this arrangement was always more o' a contract than a relationship." Audor settled back in his chair and smiled. "So, tell me everything. From the beginning."

Benedict could still not get over his brother's lack of reaction, and gawking at his laid-back expression, he said, "Ye're nae mad at me?"

Audor shrugged and shook his head. "Why the devil would I be mad at ye?"

"I betrayed yer trust," Benedict said.

"Actually, ye did exactly as I asked ye tae dae. I left, and ye were put in a position where ye had tae pretend tae be me. How can I judge ye for falling in love with a woman that I asked ye tae entertain?

"It's nae the same, and ye ken it," Benedict snorted, still feeling completely bewildered.

"Listen, Benedict. We're the only family we have left. We have each other, and that is it. We've been there fer each other fer these last seven years. Naething or naeone will ever change that."

A long pause hung in the air as Benedict considered the depth of Audor's statement. They're lives had been flung into chaos when their parents had been murdered. Still young, they were grappling with their own sense of who they were. Suddenly, they were forced to grow up in a very short period of time. Since then, they had been there for each other through any trial or tribulation that had been thrown their way. Nothing had ever come between them, and nothing ever would.

"So?" Audor smiled, looking slightly amused.

While Benedict could not have imagined that circumstance would be so easy, nor could he deny his relief. At the same time, the shame and guilt he had been plagued with over the last couple of weeks, also seemed to dissipate, and clearing his throat, he began.

"Well, the first thing ye must ken is, I had already met Lady Sinclair ‘afore she arrived at the castle."

Audor looked confused. "How?"

"Ye remember the lass I met in the library at Laird Mackay's wedding?"

Audor's eyes flew wide open in astonishment. "Nay!"

Benedict couldn't help but laugh at his brother's expression. "Aye. The very same," he chuckled.

"Me God," Audor chuckled with him. "What are the chances?"

"Aye," Benedict said wryly, remembering the acrobatics he and Evelyn had performed in the last two weeks. "What are they, indeed? And, by the way, dinnae mention this tae anyone, fer her faither doesnae ken she was there."

He then spent some time going into the full details of what had happened after the Sinclair's had arrived, and how he had wanted to talk to Audor about it.

"But then, ye had tae leave so urgently, I didnae get the chance tae speak tae ye. Perhaps, had ye nae gone away, things might have been different," Benedict said.

But Audor shook his head. "I dinnae think that's true, braither. Sure, ye were besotted with Lady Sinclair even ‘afore she arrived. Dinnae ye remember how desperate ye were tae find the mystery woman from the library?"

Benedict shrugged. "Aye, maybe ye're right."

He then continued the story. He confessed their first kiss, and how, afterwards, he had spoken to Killian about what he ought to do. He had tried to stay away from her, but his heart had not let him.

"I am ashamed tae say that I battled through the guilt o' betraying ye, braither."

"A woman will dae that tae a man," Audor said wisely.

"It doesnae makе it right," Benedict said heavily.

He felt his face redden when he got to the part of them making love, although he rushed through it. Clearly, Audor found his brother's embarrassment amusing, which hardly helped.

"I have just spent some time with Evelyn in the garden. She is determined that she has tae marry ye. I argued the fact that I couldnae lose her." Benedict looked Audor directly in the eyes. "And I cannae, Audor," he said passionately. "I've never felt this way about another lass, and I ken I'll never feel it again. I have tae have her in me life. I simply cannae live without her."

Audor looked at Benedict for a long moment. "Then it will be," he said simply.

For a second, Benedict was stunned at his brother's blasé reply. "But what about the alliance? What about our agreement tae stand by the Sinclair clan?"

Audor nodded and rubbed his chin. "I will speak tae the council. It willnae take too much tae convince them tae agree tae the alliance without the marriage."

"Ye think they'll agree tae it?" Benedict said excitedly.

"Ye forget, braither." Audor smirked. "It is I who make the decisions around here."

Audor placed his glass on a nearby table and pushed himself up from the chair. Taking a step forward, he opened his arms wide. "Let me be the first tae congratulate ye on yer upcoming wedding." He beamed.

Benedict stood and the brother's hugged tightly.

When he had left Evelyn in the corridor earlier, he had only distantly hoped that this would have been the result of his talk with Audor, and yet, as he felt his brother's warm embrace, feeling his support and intense backing, he could not have been happier.

Things were going to work out. He would marry the woman of his dreams, and the alliance would still be agreed. Now, he could hardly wait to tell Evelyn.