Chapter 18

"What was it ye wanted tae talk about?" Bran asked her when they finally approached her favorite seat, which was carved out of rock and located at the farther end of the garden. Idalia sat down and tapped the space beside her for him. She smiled when he sat next to her, then she looked out at the flowers as she spoke.

"I overheard what was discussed in the council meeting," she said simply, waiting for him to respond.

"Ye are nae supposed tae be eavesdropping," Bran said suddenly. Idalia was irritated. She knew she was not supposed to be eavesdropping, of course, she was no fool. It had not been her intention, at least, not until she heard her name being mentioned and grew curious as to why. Still, she said nothing regarding his words.

"Did you mean what you said in the hall?" she asked him. "Are you really so… repulsed with the idea of being wed to me, to the point you are not even willing to consider it?"

Idalia struggled with her composure, yet she would not allow herself to break down in front of him.

"Dinnae be like this, Idalia," Bran looked at her with sad eyes that seemed to betray what he truly felt inside him. "I dinnae want tae force ye tae the doom of having tae be with me."

Idalia looked at him, wondering what he could be talking about. Being with him was not something she could ever consider as being doomed. She knew she would love being with him. He filled her with excitement and life. Until him, she had never wanted to be with any man, nor had she ever thought of a future involving a child or a man. Now, with him, the idea did not fill her with fear, and neither did she feel trapped.

"Doomed? Forced?" she asked, nearly getting up from her seat to look him in the eyes. "How could you even believe for an instant that being with you would feel like I am being doomed? And what do you mean "force me"? I am being pressured to marry anyway. I have little choice here, Bran, do I not? I do not know about you, but I would rather be married to someone whom I at least like," she continued. "Not that I am enjoying your company so much right this moment, with all the nonsense you're speaking."

Idalia looked at him, feeling her heart racing as she stared at him, waiting for him to speak. Instead, Bran remained silent, seemingly lost in thought. She had no choice than to wait.

"Please say something, Bran." She willed him with all of her might, hoping he would tell her what she needed to hear. He let out a deep breath, and she tensed, her grip tightening around the bench.

"Ye will learn tae like my brother," he said, each word like shattered glass tearing at her already her bleeding heart. Idalia closed her eyes so he would not see the wounded look in them. Not that he was even looking at her. His eyes were focused on the flowers in front of him.

"Are you really going to act like you do not know what I am talking about?" Idalia scoffed as she felt her irritation and longing for him give way to anger. Was this really what he wanted for the both of them? Was this really how he wanted them to be? Her married to his brother despite knowing she was with the wrong one, and him pretending to be happy for them while hiding his feelings for her?

Idalia's mind refused to believe she was the only one who felt something between them.

"What are ye talking about?" he asked evasively. Idalia rolled her eyes at him, deciding she had had enough of beating about the bush or approaching the topic lightly. They would never get anywhere with this if she did not try to approach it head on.

"How exactly do you think that is going to work out?" she asked him, choosing to voice her thoughts. Maybe then he would understand what he was setting himself up for. "Even if you did not want to be married to me, how did you think it would work with me being married to your brother? How do you think it will work when we have to see each other all the time? When we are in the same place and the same space, and I am married to your brother? When you have touched me and know what it is like to hear my moans in your ears, and I know what it is like to feel your hands on me? Will you be telling your brother that you have been intimate with his wife, but he has nothing to worry about because you will not be doing so again?"

Idalia's chest heaved as she finally allowed herself to release the breath she had been holding as she questioned him. She had not realized she had gotten up as she spoke until she found herself staring him down, waiting for him to respond. Maybe he would admit that he did not care for her like she did him, but she felt none.

"How do you think it is going to work when you see me and imagine your brother's hands claiming me the same way yours did? When I have Andrew's children, a confirmation of our love and marriage?" she asked calmly as she returned to her seat. Idalia noticed the pain etched in his face, and when his eyes closed at her questions and she wished she could console him, she held back. He needed to understand what he was doing and the repercussions that would come after, especially knowing it would be too late to do anything to fix any of it.

"You are making decisions and claiming to be doing all of these things for me, but that is not the truth, and you know it." Her voice had lost all of the anger it had possessed. Now, she spoke to him with a calmness she had not realized she had in her at a time like this. And when she was done, she would accept whatever decision he made. There was only so much she could do to get him to change his mind. And she was definitely not going to beg him any longer and murder her already bruised confidence.

"The truth is that all of these decisions you have made, you made them to protect yourself. Because you are afraid. It has nothing to do with me, and it certainly has nothing to do with protecting me, because we both know that then you would be walking down the aisle right now. No one has ever protected me as you have, and no one will ever do better than what you have done," Idalia said. "God's teeth, Bran, you are too scared to admit your feelings! Say it and let me know instead of carrying on with this lie that you have chosen to tell yourself and everyone else."

"What dae ye mean by that?" She could hear the anger in Bran's voice, and it made her excited. His anger was much better than his silence. At least now they were getting somewhere.

"How can ye toss all the decisions I have made for yer good and claim that I only made them because I am scared for myself? All I have done and all of the decisions I made were with ye in mind. I have nae been unfair tae ye in my decision making. My brother is the best man ye would ever hope tae get, and ye will come tae love him and be glad that ye were married tae him and nae me," he said angrily, but Idalia rolled her eyes once more, realizing it would take more than words to get him to admit to his feelings for her.

"I never said I wanted to be married to the best man, Bran… I just want… . you. Why can you not get that?" she asked him suddenly angry.

"I am nae good for ye, damn it! I have done terrible things and have hurt people and used August Raymond as an excuse for my sins. Ye go out of yer way to help people, even when ye dinnae have tae. That is where we differ. You will be married to my brother, or any man of yer choosing, and that is final."

Idalia looked at him and realized how close they had gotten in their heated moment when she saw his eyes dilate and move to look at her mouth. Her lips parted involuntarily, letting out a small gasp of air just before Bran captured them with a kiss.

She closed her eyes and savored the taste of his mouth. Tears burned her eyes and she let them flow, knowing this would be the last time she would ever feel his caresses. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed herself closer in a bittersweet embrace that was tearing her soul apart.

She had promised herself that she would let him go if he continued to refuse his feelings for her, and that was what she was going to do. Bran broke off the kiss before she'd had enough of him. He frowned when he saw the tears in her eyes and wiped them away with his thumb.

"See what I dae when I am around ye? Ye will be better off if ye just forget about me, Idalia," he said as he turned to walk away from her. Idalia collapsed to her knees as the strength left her body, surrounded by the garden in which she no longer found peace.