17. The Worrywart

Ihad to say, that when I heard we were going to see my parents I thought I would be more excited. Now the reasons for this didn"t have anything to do with my parents per say, because of course I wanted to see them. Hell, there had been times that I'd been heartbroken at the thought that I would never see them again. So no, my worry didn"t really have anything to do with them but more to do with the fact that Jared was taking me there.

It had been five days since I told him the truth about his wife. Five days since the hardest conversation of my life. He had clearly needed time to process, because even after he walked back inside after needing time alone, Jared had been different.

Of course, my worry didn"t stem from whether he believed me or not. I also knew he didn"t blame me for any of it. And as for the physical side of our relationship, if anything, this had simply intensified. Like his need to touch me had become even stronger. However, in the bedroom, the dominant side of him had calmed significantly and was replaced with intense love making. There were moments of such powerful intimacy between us that I often felt tears fill my eyes, as he placed his forehead against mine and his gentle thrusts came to fruition with us both finding our release at the same time.

It was like he was trying to relay his feelings to me without being able to say the words. But unfortunately, it had gotten to a point where it was his words that I really needed. Because Jared had grown distant in a different way. I knew what he must have been going through was hard. A lot to for him to process, difficult to accept, and even harder to move on from. Which was why I tried to make it easier for him by not pushing him to talk about it. But I couldn"t help the worry and anxiety that grew within me as time went on. It was like he was planning something and, in the past, for Jared, that had always meant bad things for me.

I knew that his first instinct was always to keep me safe. To keep me safe while he dealt with whatever problem we faced, but in that I also knew it meant making decisions without me. Which was why when he told me about going to my parents' before the New Year's Eve party at Afterlife, I hadn't felt the happiness that I should have, because I was terrified that he would simply drop me off there and walk away, ready to face the dangers alone.

I hoped I was being paranoid. But when he started going outside to make phone calls, I knew he was planning something and if he didn"t want me to hear what was being said, then I knew that didn"t bode well for me. Once, I had tried to listen in, falling back into old habits. I had crept out the back door onto the deck so I could listen around the corner to what was being said. Let"s just say that the conversation he was having with his brother didn"t do anything to ease my fears.

"I need to be ready to slip away, it has to be when Ella is distracted."I didn"t hear his brother's response but it surprised me when Jared didn"t start arguing. Because if Jared was about to leave me without my knowledge, I knew that his brother would have been the first one to argue against it and not help him.

"I will take her to her parents, I need to speak with her father anyway before the party at Afterlife,"he said in response to something else his brother had asked. After this he started to ask if the men were ready and that"s when my heart sank. Because I knew then, Jared was planning something big. And that something, well, it didn't sound as if it included me.

After hearing all that, I slipped back inside, totally disheartened because it felt like we were back to square one again. However, instead of approaching him about it, I decided to give it time in the hope that he would feel guilty about his plans. I was living with the hope that he needed time to think. That he needed the time to realize his mistake and include me in his decision making. Because this time, I didn"t want to do the typical thing I always did. I didn"t want to pack my bags and run away without giving him a chance to explain. We had been through too much together for me to act out my own mistakes again.

Now all I was hoping for was that Jared wouldn"t make his own.

So yeah, needless to say, the last five days had been an emotional roller coaster. In fact, when his brother came back the day after he caught us on the couch, it was nice to see a friendly face. It had given us a slice of normality. Something to talk about rather than facing the elephant in the room that was no longer hidden by my secrets.

Instead of just bringing food like the first time, he had brought clothing, something I had desperately been in need of because I couldn"t keep on wearing Jared"s clothes… Despite what he thought and how funny he found it.

We had talked about how Asher was getting on and I couldn"t help but laugh as he recalled the antics of Marcus and his ‘guidance'.

But soon, he left us again, however, not until we had fed him. Jared had cooked the steaks on the grill outside, while I had done potatoes and corn on the cob, both of which were loaded up with butter and salt. I also knew that this was an opportunity for Jared to tell his brother everything that I had told him. I may not have had supernatural hearing, but even I could see his brother"s shock through the window at everything Jared had to say.

Obviously, after this, much of the meal had been spent in quiet contemplation for Jared, and his brother made a conscious effort to try and make conversation with me. It was clear that he felt sorry for me and, in true Orthrus manner, he was kind and gentle. Careful of where the conversation may lead and purposely asking me about my family. Mundane questions about my work and life before meeting Jared. He even inquired about my dancing and asked if I had the choice and my body was up to it, would this have been what I would have preferred to do for a career.

I thought about the question, knowing how much I loved to dance. The thrill of being on stage and having the audience eating out of the palm of my hand. Telling a story with my body, putting my heart into every movement and my soul into every punishing step. Meaning that…

Every dance was a living dream.

But then I thought about all the people I"d helped, the wildlife I'd had a hand in protecting and how it all meant something to me. And choosing between the two was like asking whether I preferred peanut butter or jelly when I love them both equally on a sandwich together. In essence, they were both a part of me, and every one of the years I'd spent doing each had helped mold me into the person I had become.

However, after he had asked the question, it became clear it was one Jared hadn't approved of, because he growled his name in warning. It would have most likely been a simple question for some other couples, or perhaps not. In truth, I didn"t know because Jared was the first boyfriend I'd ever had. He was who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But when I thought about the rest of my life, I also knew now that I had many different aspects to factor in, like where would I live, what would I do as a job and how would I pay my way?

So, when he asked the question about my future, the answer hadn't been so simple to give. And I think the moment I hesitated was the moment that Jared warned his brother against saying anything more. Which also wasn't surprising because after the last few days we"d had, well, let"s just say we didn"t need anything more serious adding to the conversation.

But since that day, Jared had been quiet. Of course he teased me occasionally, smiled when I did something he found cute or endearing, but all the while it looked like he had heavy thoughts on his mind. And now I knew for the last five days it was because he was planning something. Planning something that started with taking me to my parents.

Which was why I was so quiet on the journey, with my mood now reflecting his. He knew this too, because on the drive he would pick up my hand and bring it to his lips to kiss, before asking me,

"You okay, babe?" And like all times before it, I answered in the same way.

"Sure am." When in actual fact, I wanted to scream. All the while waiting for him to come clean and tell me what was really going on. I wanted to scream at him that of course I wasn"t all right. That I was worried as fuck and the times that I would wake up in a panic at night had nothing to do with the excuses I gave him. Nothing to do with the past I thought I was still in. All the summoned souls than I now had possession of. Oh, I had plenty of excuses and even more reasons to have nightmares but only one thing truly terrified me.

And that was losing Jared.

But then, soon enough we were pulling into my parent's drive and that worry only tripled, like waiting for a bomb to go off as you watched the clock count down kind of worry.

As for my parents, of course, I had spoken to them on the phone the moment they came back from their cruise. They had also made me promise to see them soon, something Jared had reminded me of when he first made the suggestion. And like I said, it would have been something I was more than excited to do, had I not already known this was part of his plan. In the end, I let both him and my mother wear me down, which was why they were now opening their front door the second they heard the car approach.

The sight of my smiling mother momentarily made me forget why I didn"t want to come. As I got out of the car I couldn"t help but notice that my mother seemed to have lost some weight.

"Mom!" I shouted, as I ran into her arms. Then I held her back and said,

"I always heard you were supposed to put weight on when cruising." She laughed at this before waving it off with her hand, telling me,

"Oh, I just got this stupid stomach bug, it"s passed now but parts of the cruise didn"t agree with me."

I told her I was sorry to hear that before making room for my dad because he also wanted my attention. He gave me one of his Big Bear hugs and for a single moment, the entire world seemed to right itself.

I heard my mom welcoming Jared, making me glance over my shoulder and seeing her hug him. He genuinely looked happy to see my parents, and it seemed to be one of the first real smiles I"d seen for a while. But of course, this was the first part of his plan after all, and the knowledge made me internally deflate.

Jared shook my dad"s hand, and shortly after we all found ourselves sitting in the living room, with Mom bringing the tea in on her best serving tray. Of course, it was coffee for me and my dad, and I couldn't help but giggle when Jared whispered in my ear,

"Oh look, Red, the good biscuits."

I would have commented something sassy in return, but my mom sat down and that's when the small talk began. Because what were we supposed to talk about on our side? We couldn't exactly tell them what we had been up to lately. What with my trip to the past and Jared's stint in a Hellish prison before being forced to fight Demonic, gladiator-style for some crazed bitch one night stand. And that's not even mentioning how I wasn't even sure if I was still entirely human, or that before me, Jared clearly had considerably questionable taste in women.

So, I played it safe, and I asked about their cruise. They regaled us with funny tales of my dad on the dance floor being taught how to do the tango and tripping over his own feet. But at one point, Jared clearly wanted to speak to my father alone and made the excuse by asking about the truck he was working on. It took no time at all before my dad was offering to show him. Well, at the very least, it also gave me chance to speak to my mom in private because, right now, I needed some advice.

"So it all looks to be going well, I see," was the first thing she said and well, she couldn"t have been more wrong if she tried.

"I don"t know, Mom." Her face fell and I would have laughed had it not been for my situation. She looked like a woman who"d spent two hours watching a love story, only to find out that they both died in the end and everything they"d been through was for nothing.

"Oh dear, please tell me it"s not the distance getting in the way," she said, as if she was at the ready to try and convince me to move to wherever in the world he wanted to be. Of course, I knew my mom worried about my job, and I suppose rightly so considering my condition. This meant that any opportunity for me to change my career and my mom would have been all over that excuse. Especially if it came with the potential of a husband in my future.

"Perhaps… it"s just… I don't know, something seems off with him. He"s been quiet this last week."

"Perhaps he just has something on his mind, you know what men are like, they don"t often like to talk about their feelings and if they do, it"s something you often have to drag out of them. Your father is the same, I never told you this before but for the entire time that we"ve been together I always thought that there was a side of him he always kept to himself. Like he was afraid if I ever found out I would think differently of him." I frowned, never hearing my mom speak about my dad this way. But then again, now I was in a relationship maybe it was something she could finally speak about, knowing that I could relate.

"He found out some stuff about his past recently, I know he"s been struggling with that," I admitted.

"Well there you go. I told you, men aren"t the most forthcoming when it comes to their emotions, which means it can manifest in other ways." I shrugged my shoulders and muttered,

"I guess so."

"And besides, why would Jared be speaking to your father now if he wasn"t in this for the long haul? He"s trying to get to know him better, so that"s a good sign."

"Is it?" I couldn't help but ask, even though I knew something my mother didn't and that, in all likelihood, Jared was planning on leaving.

"Of course it is, they"re bonding over car stuff… so try not to be a worrywart… it will all work out, you'll see." I laughed at her name for me and hoped that this was true. That he wasn"t currently asking my father to take me back off his hands. That he wasn"t telling him that I needed to stay here while he had stuff to sort out elsewhere. But then by the time they came back in, well, I didn"t hold out much hope for this, not when Jared said,

"I have to get going but I"ll be back soon." My face must have said it all because he gave my shoulder a squeeze and told me,

"Don"t worry, I"ll be back in a few hours."

"Oh yes, you"re going to that party at Afterlife, aren"t you? Your father and I were also invited." This was a rare occasion indeed, especially seeing how many supernaturals were going to be there.

This was also the night that the Table of the Kings meeting was going to be held. A strategic time considering my Auntie Keira had been on the phone and told me the plans were for the women to get ready while the men do their thing. I just hoped that doing their thing didn"t come with a slice of Jared leaving before midnight.

In the end, I gave him a nod, but this mustn"t have been good enough for him because he took my hand and made me stand, before pulling me out the front door.

"Hey, why do you look so sad, Red?"

I swallowed hard and held back all the emotion I felt.

"Where are you going?" I asked instead, and the moment I saw his face tense, it told me all I needed to know, that he had hoped to get away without me asking this.

"I"ve got to go meet my brother."

"Why?" I asked, purposely pushing for more.

"Ella, do you trust me?" This felt like a loaded question, which was why I look down at my feet.

"Look at me, baby… I asked, if you trusted me?"

I nodded slowly, despite admittedly feeling the opposite at the moment. But it was enough for him, because he pulled me closer and kissed me on the forehead, assuring me once again,

"I will be back soon, sweetheart."

I tried not to cling on to his jacket, but I got the impression he knew that I didn't want him to go, because as he walked away, my hand only fell when he became out of reach. I then turned and walked back inside, unable to watch as he drove away. I had the feeling that, before long, he would say goodbye and next time…

There would beno coming back soon.