16. Far from a Fucking Fairytale

Icould barely believe it.

In fact, I wouldn"t have believed it at all had it not come from Ella. Because I knew that if anyone else other than my brother had approached me with the possibility that Lerna was responsible for what had happened, then that person would not have been standing for long. Anger would have taken over and the person trying to convince me of this shit would have known a world of pain.

I never imagined her capable of such a thing. In fact, it felt as if our entire marriage had been nothing but a lie. Nothing but a way to trap me with the sole purpose of bringing us to this point. I had to ask myself why, though? Had she been forced? Had she been coerced in some way? Had this all been down to that bastard Koro? Had he been the one to pull the strings all this time and if so, for what gain? It made little sense, considering all of this was only ever going to make me more powerful.

And because of his involvement, I had already claimed my revenge on Koro. I'd had him bound to his curse, as I knew that he had been involved, just like the others I had got revenge on eventually. But nothing had ever prepared me for the idea that the one that had slipped by unpunished was my own fucking wife! And why was she so willing to die that day? I still didn"t understand what gain any of them had in this, but I knew I would stop at nothing to find out.

However, right now, that was not where my focus was.

No, it was solely on Ella.

I knew how difficult it had been for her to tell me this. I"d seen the pain and the guilt in her eyes. I had seen the endless tears flow. Which meant I also couldn"t blame her for keeping it from me, as I was hardly in a position to do so. Not when I, myself, had made wrongful decisions in the past about not telling her things in fear of what her reaction may be. Meaning that I knew that she had held that same fear about me when it came to this. That she too had been worried about what my own reaction would be, and whether or not I would believe her or continue to take the word of my wife. I wish she had trusted me sooner. Trusted that, no matter what my initial reaction would be, in the end, I would take her word over anyone else's.

Including Lerna's.

Gods but it felt like a kick in the teeth. Just another betrayal from someone I thought was close to me and now I was questioning everything about our short past together. Now believing that having me save her on that side of the road had all been part of the plan. Just some ruse, along with a sham of a marriage and falling in love was all just part of the game she played.

Fuck, but all my wasted years spent feeling fucking guilty! The loyalty I felt I owed. Gods in Hell but I had nearly let it come between Ella and I!

In truth, I should have been pleased. For at the very least, any of that guilt I may have still had for falling in love with Ella had crumbled away like dust. For Ella would never have done this to me! Hell, but she had tried to save me that day, despite the danger it put her in. To know that she would have loved me no matter what, whether I was a powerful HellBeast King or mortal man. She wanted me to have that choice, and it made me love her all the more. Something I didn"t think possible until this day.

But as the story continued, it became clear there were still a few parts she was holding back, as if trying to spare me the pain. Pain I also didn't want to put her through in telling me, as she had been through enough today.

However, I knew that there was one man whom I could get that information from and now, I didn"t just have a seeker on my council. No, I now knew I had an Oracle.

Of course, Ella, being the amazing, kindhearted soul she was, she understood how difficult this was for me. Which was why she didn"t question it when I told her that I needed to take a walk. A few minutes to clear my head after everything I had heard. But I also knew that she was in a vulnerable place still and I didn"t want that for her. So, I pulled her to me and ran the backs of my fingers down her cheek, again marveling at the beauty that I had been granted in everything that was her. Then I told her softly,

"I won"t be long."

She nodded and when she tried to grant me a small smile in return, my heart nearly broke for her. She was trying to be so brave for me. In fact, I was tempted not to leave. But now the secrets of our past were well and truly out in the open, I knew that I had to know it all.

Every. Last. Painful. Detail.

So, I granted her a gentle kiss, knowing that if I deepened it to anything further, then I wouldn"t leave at all. Because half of me wanted to pick her up, carry her upstairs, and make love to her. Something I was determined to do the moment I finished what we had started.

Our journey to the truth.

Which was why as much as it pained me to do, I walked away, knowing that despite asking my friend to leave, he would not have gone far. I also didn"t know if Ella's hearing had become more advanced now that she was a Summoner. Hence why I walked further into the woods where there was a small lake nearby. I also sensed this was where Marcus was. As if he knew this was the spot I would have chosen. So, I moved down to the edge of the lake, the crisp dry leaves crunching under my weight as I sat and stared at the still water.

Water that was far too still for my turbulent thoughts.

"Did you know everything?" I asked, knowing Marcus would hear me.

It was if he was waiting for me to make the first move, to be ready enough to ask, and he chose that moment to come and sit down next to me, releasing a heavy sigh when he did.

"I was bound to my oath, J," he said with what I recognized as deep regret lacing his words.

"And what of the oath you made to me, Marcus?"

Another sigh was my reply before he ran his hand over his head. The bells at the end of his hair playing the light tune was a sound I had become so used to over the years.

"I couldn"t tell you," he stated, making me grit my teeth.

"If you"re about to give me your Oracle shit…"

"You know I never really considered my life to be a curse before I met you." I shot him an incredulous look after hearing this, ready to lay into him. But he held up his gloved hand before I could call him a rotten bastard and drown his ass in the fucking lake.

"There is nothing harder in this world than knowing something that could ease somebody"s pain, and being forbidden to tell them for fear of that knowledge changing a happier future." I forced myself to relax at his words, hating how true they sounded. But his moral compass didn't stop spinning there.

"It was never hard before I met you because before you, I never really considered myself to have a friend. That is why I never considered my life as a curse before meeting you." I released a sigh at this, his words cooling my anger even more when I realized what he truly meant.

"You may be a pain in my ass, Marcus, but you"re also my best friend for a reason."

"My incredible wit and irresistible charm?" I gave him a wry look.

"I"ve always been loyal to you, and I know it may not seem like that now, but above all else, I"ve always been loyal to your future. The hardest part was keeping it from you. I wanted to intervene… Gods but you have no fucking clue how many times, but fate does not work that way. I made that mistake once and as much as I hate to admit it to that bastard Janus, I learned my fucking lesson, J," he said, making his shoulders slump at the end.

"And now, what if I asked you to show me?" I asked, making him shrug.

"If I showed you the past now, the outcome would not be any different and would have no effect on your future. You"ve just got to ask yourself whether you want the pain or not of truly knowing."

At this I looked back at the cabin, one I could just see through the tree line as I wouldn"t have put so much space between us. But I thought back to Ella and the same pain she carried, all though knowing what she did. The burden she carried alone. Which was why I told him,

"I need to know. I need to see it from my own eyes… I want to understand, if not for myself, then for Ella." At this he shook his head and asked,

"Why, when you already believe her?" I looked out to the lake, remembering that night Lerna first appeared and also the night I dreamt of her… the night that could have ruined it all between Ella and me. Which was why I turned back to Marcus and told him the other reason.

"Because I want it to erase every other memory I have of my wife." At this he closed his eyes and released an understanding breath before nodding. I knew he had the ability to show me all that Ella had seen, all that Ella had experienced, because despite the timeline that had been erased, he was connected to Janus. He was one of his Oracles. Which meant that Ella and him, they were the only two people that would remember. It was why Marcus had been there as her guide, as her protector. And as heartbreaking as it was of a revelation to swallow, he had also been her protector against me. Because Ella had continued to tell me the story. The part where they both snuck into my club, and she had no other option but to dance for me. To get close to me, despite the perceived danger of doing so.

But deep down I knew that Marcus had known the real plan. He wanted to put her in my path, knowing that it was all part of fate. He knew that I would take one look at her and feel the connection. She had recounted what happened on the bridge after she had escaped with him. But I knew Marcus better than anyone and if he had truly been trying, then they would have disappeared. He had merely been trying to force my HellBeast hand. He knew that by sacrificing himself up as a prisoner, Ella would have done anything to save him. Because that was who she was… she was a savior. It was why she worked the profession she did. Helping people was a part of who she was.

Meaning, Ella would have given in to my demands and Marcus would have trusted that I wouldn"t hurt her. Because despite the painful and horrifying realization of what had happened in the cottage that night, and how far my temper had gone, had she not meant something to me, to my HellBeast, then I would have killed her. But if I couldn"t kill her that night, then Marcus knew there was no chance of me truly hurting her after it. Now as for hurting her emotionally, that was another thing.

Another thing I was truly ashamed of.

But that was the funny thing about time, they said that it healed all wounds and the irony of this was not lost on me. Which was why I stood up and offer him my hand, making Marcus ask me,

"You sure about this?" I nodded, so he put his hand in mine as I pulled him to standing and replied with a firm,

"Do it."

Seconds later I then realized that no amount of bracing myself for what came next would have prepared me for the feeling of Marcus scrambling with my brain. Injecting it with flashes of the past, showing me moments that I needed to see the most. Like the image of Lerna, there in the woods, meeting with Koro. Just like Ella had said.

I thought that this, along with what happened in the cottage would have been the hardest image to see. And despite hating myself for witnessing the fear I had caused in Ella… despite wondering how she could ever have wanted anything to do with me after this point… despite the pain I had inflicted on her heart as well as her body… well… what came next, it was so much fucking harder!

For there was Ella, my beautiful girl, my soul mate and Chosen One, being attacked by two men at the side of the road! She had come so close to being raped and killed, that if I was in control of my body in that moment, then I would have burst into my HellBeast form and gone on a fucking rampage. You would have found me howling in fury and laying waste to the woodland surrounding the cabin.

But then as if Marcus knew this and the struggle I faced, he injected me with feelings that started to overwhelm the anger. Like how fucking proud I was of Ella for fighting back! The fact that she would not allow this to happen without giving everything inside her and going down without a fight. How fucking proud I was that Marcus turned up when he did and killed the bastards in a brutal way.

He had saved my girl where I couldn"t.

He protected her, when I should have.

And he was there for her, when I wasn"t.

This was the pain they both had wanted to spare me from. The pain of the guilt I felt. As back in the cell that had been my biggest fear…

Myself.

That history would repeat itself, and I would be the cause of the fuck up. That I would be too blind to realize and in doing so, Ella would be the one to get hurt. Thankfully, in the rest of the memories that came flooding through, I managed to at the very least slightly redeem myself when being the one to save her more than once. I had protected her and was never the cause of her physical pain once I finally had her in my domain.

I also started to understand something else. The emotion Ella had spoken about when breaking her promise to past me and saying goodbye. I felt my own heart break, despite being fucking thankful that she had done this. It was honestly beyond fucked up, just like it had been to be so jealous of myself. To be envious of a second claiming bite I saw at her neck and knowing exactly what came with that. That he would have had sex with her, when Ella was only ever mine to claim.

Fuck, but I think if our story was told to a therapist, his head would mentally implode and he would be the one needing therapy.

But then that was just a testament to how strong Ella could be. And I couldn"t have been any prouder, nor did I think it possible for my love for her to grow tenfold but it had. I had needed to claim her in every way possible, and I knew now that time was no longer going to come between us.

I would not let it take another second from what I wanted.

Which meant I need it to make plans.

A plan I would soon put into motion, starting with when Marcus removed his hand. I staggered back a couple of steps, trying to rid myself of the feeling of being disorientated. It fucking hurt like the blazes of Hell, and it took everything in me not to just pass out. But I continued to breathe through the dizziness until my head started to clear.

"You okay?" Marcus asked me, make me scoff.

"Fuck no," I confessed, making the bastard chuckle. "But I will be," I added firmly, knowing now what I wanted to do. There was only one thing on my mind and I knew now that until I made it happen, I would become a man obsessed. It was a single focus that would consume me until it was done.

"Well, I know that look, you got a plan?" he asked, as I finally straightened my body after I had been hunched over with my hands on my knees. But now I looked at him and said,

"When do I ever not have a plan?"

After pointing this out he shrugged his shoulders and admitted,

"Good point. You want to tell me what it is?"

"Yeah, but it starts with you hitting me," I said, making him grin and without even trying to talk me out of it or ask me why, he punched me square in the face. Oh, and it was hard enough that it knocked my head back, meaning he hadn't pulled the punch. I felt my lip split and blood fill my mouth. It was a fucking damn good hit.

"Now, we square or do you want me to kick you in the balls too?" I couldn"t help but grin at this and told him,

"No, I think we"re good, I lost my shit when I saw you hugging Ella and, for that, I'm sorry."

"Technically, she was hugging me, asshole," he replied, making me rub a hand to the back of my neck and say in a frustrated tone,

"Yeah, and now I know why."

"Yeah, I do too," he said, as if that hug was all he needed to know everything that had happened between them, the bond they had formed, and the deep friendship forged from what they had been through together. It wasn"t one I should ever feel jealous about but if anything, eternally grateful. Which was why I got my head out of my ass and told him,

"I owe you, man."

"Yeah, well not trying to fucking choke me up against the wall will be thanks enough." I shook my head at that and repeated the obvious,

"I lost my shit."

"Well, the next time you lose your shit, remember who I"m actually in love with, will you?" he said, and my mind"s eye instantly went to Smidge, knowing that was a forbidden love unlike any other. Because it all made sense now. As a simple Seeker, he would have been free to give that piece of himself to another. But as an Oracle, he was condemning his life to one of death should he fall in love and share his soul with the Demon. A fact I knew he'd had no choice but to keep from Smidge, unable to tell anyone the truth until now. And of course, her hostility toward him had grown over the years of hurt, one built on the falsehood of him not caring about her. Of her not being good enough for him. Of him breaking her heart, having no other choice as Fate had literally forced him to do it.

He hadn"t admitted it, but I believed now it wasn"t only our friendship that made his life feel like a curse. It had also been from falling in love with a woman he knew he could never have. Something I didn"t know how he lived with, for if it had been Ella, well let"s just say I would have gone to war against the very Fates themselves.

Either way, it was fucked up and like most forbidden love stories, it was…

Far from a fucking fairytale.