13. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

" G et away from me!" My voice cracked in the middle of my scream. He was carrying me from the car, pulling me away from my father. I hit him in the chest and tried to kick, but my leg was throbbing. I looked at his face— those black eyes—so empty and so wrong.

"Shh, Emma, I am going to keep you safe," he had said, his voice causing my insides to squirm uncomfortably. I didn't want him holding me, didn't want him touching me. He set me down, and I was shaking, my bones rattling inside me, and I tried to catch my breath, but I was still screaming. His face moved in front of my own.

"Emma, you are safe. You are safe." His black eyes were haunting to me as he draped his Jacket over my freezing cold body, keeping me warm as I stood beside the wreck and the broken pieces of the car he had freed me from—from the blood that was pooling beside the open car door, the shattered glass along the highway, and the body with golden hair on the side of the road. I turned away, vomited, and continued screaming over and over again.

"Emma, you are home," I heard a female voice. Someone was touching my arm, my hair, my face. I tried to move out of her grasp. Who was it? Where was I? As the fog of my nightmare dissipated, Mary was beside me, and I realized that I was wrapped up in her arms.

"I am here, Emma. I am here, sweetheart," her voice cracked as she cried into my hair.

"Mary?" I cried.

"Yes, Emma, you are safe," she whispered. I drifted back into sleep moments later, too exhausted to speak. My body had been too drained to fully wake up, and I gave in to the blackness of exhaustion.

"Emma?" The light from my window was blinding as the curtains were open.

"Ahh," I groaned, pulling the blankets over my face.

Mary stood beside my bed.

"We have to get to the flower shop. That seemed like a really bad one last night. Are you still up for it today?"

"I'm okay, Mary. If I just stay here, I'll think about it all day." I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. Mary walked to the end of my bed and sat down.

"You haven't had those nightmares in weeks."

I nodded. What else was there to say?

I am losing my mind—slowly going crazy. I just found out my parents were murdered? And now I remember parts of the crash that I wish I could forget? No, I can't tell her those things. I don't want to make her worry more than she already does.

"They come, and they go," I shrugged.

"I am so sorry, honey. Let me know if I can do anything to help. Remember, we are in this together. You are not alone."

"Thanks, Mary. Sorry I woke you up."

"Oh, hush. Now, let's get ready. We have so many flowers to arrange." She walked through my bedroom door, leaving me to get ready. With a sigh, I lay down on my bed just a minute longer. Working would be good; working would help me forget him— the face I now held responsible for the loss of my parents, for the wreckage of my life.

Working at the Rose Village was the perfect remedy for my Friday night with Ryker; the memories faded as the day progressed. I still felt the cold, slithering sorrow inside of me, but I could still function. Mary had two weddings to prepare for, so it was nonstop work Saturday and Sunday. It kept my hands busy, and also my mind.

On Monday morning, I didn't wake up screaming, so there was no Mary waiting for me with open arms. But, I did wake up in a cold sweat with his face etched into my mind. With aching hands from tying ribbons and bending wires, I showered his touch away, got dressed, and headed to school. I focused on looking forward to seeing my friends, especially Shad—and not on him , whoever he was.

As I walked down the hall to first period, I noticed posters around school, advertising the homecoming dance. Have we really already been in school for a month? Time was slipping away from me, it seemed. I reached the classroom door, took a deep breath, and entered, putting on a happy face, a face that showed the world that I was okay, even though inside of me the snake of misery was feasting, hollowing out my insides, and I was breaking apart from both sorrow and pain.

I made it through my first period, and I ached to see Shad. However bad it all was, I knew I needed him to heal me from the hollowness and emptiness I felt. The interloping snake continued to coil itself inside of me, making itself right at home there, and I needed it to leave.

"Em—" The familiar sound of Ryker's voice rang in my ears. I kept walking, knowing he would catch me. I felt his hand slip into mine, and I melted into him. His touch was warm, finally . I looked into his sky blue-gray eyes, and I tried to hold back the tears that wanted to escape. He wrapped me into his arms, and I let a few tears fall.

"Ry," I replied in a soft whisper.

"I should have come by this weekend, Em. I knew you probably weren't doing well, but I didn't know if you would have wanted to see me after what I showed you."

"Ry, I'll always need my best friend."

He pulled my face up to look at him, and he smiled at me. The warmth radiating off him made me feel at home, like things could be okay. My frozen insides were melting, unthawing, and I wanted to stay there forever in his arms until all the cold and all the pain was gone, until the snake uncoiled itself from around my heart, forever.

"Em, I swear I will find him, and I will give your parents the justice they deserve."

I nodded, unable to do anything else. The warning bell rang, and students started hurrying to class. Ryker let me go.

"I will see you at lunch?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered as he stepped further away from me.

"Emma, I wish I could fix everything."

I held up a hand. "It isn't your fault, Ry. I will see you at lunch." As he walked away slowly, down the opposite hall, I turned and headed for my class as well. I started to tremble with the built up cold and ice of winter, freezing back over inside of me. Ryker had caused me to melt into the heat of summer, but without him, I was cold again, and the creeping misery was all too real. I wished in that dark moment as I walked down the hall alone to the chime of the late bell, I wished that the snake would just bite me, already , and take me out of my misery because I wasn't sure I could endure it all over again.

I sat down in my seat late with an apology to my teacher. She nodded, and I was grateful she didn't make me go to the office to get a late slip. To be honest, I wasn't certain I could have made it. But as I slipped into my seat, a song filled me, and the serpent within me hissed once, and then it disappeared. I looked up into two golden eyes, and I wanted to kiss the owner of those eyes for unwittingly fighting the darkness within me, and casting it away.

"Hey," Shad said, looking at me with a soft smile. He touched my foot with his. "You okay?" he asked.

I nodded, because what could I say with Karen Manning to my right and the teacher to my left?

"Now, get with your partner and do some of the equations together," our math teacher ordered. I realized at that moment I hadn't been paying attention. How could I while Shad's foot was nudging mine under the table? I felt a little loopy, happiness blooming through me where misery had been only minutes before.

Shad moved his chair to my side of the table. He was close to me, so close that our shoulders were touching. I didn't look at him because I didn't feel fully like myself yet, and I didn't know what to say. He slipped his hand under the table and found mine. When his skin touched mine, I thought that I had gone to heaven. The darkness, as it had the first time with Shad, was then completely gone, as if it had never even been there before. The snake also vanished with no sign that it had ever existed again, simply from his touch. I smiled at Shad, and he looked at me, and his eyes seemed sad. Or worried? I didn't know. Somehow, he must have known that I couldn't speak because he did not ask me anything; we were both silent as we sat side-by-side, holding hands, and working on math, and I was finally free of that face, from that person who haunted me, freed from the misery he brought, and freed from the winter serpent that had crept into me. With his touch, Shad healed me, took away my pain and my sorrow; I was set free.

As class ended and I gathered my notebook and pens into my backpack, I realized that Shad was waiting for me near the door. I slung my backpack onto my back and started walking out the door. He came up beside me and casually ran his hand down my arm, creating electric shockwaves through me until his fingers finally tangled through mine. I breathed in deeply, feeling the happiness he seemed to be funneling inside of me with just his touch. He was like some sort of energy to me.

Is this what it feels like for vampires after they feed? Or for a witch or fae after they procure more magic or something? Maybe this was his fey glamor. Stop it. This is real life for the thousandth time, and fiction does not rationally explain this.

I looked at him, then, really searched his eyes, realizing that only magic could explain how I felt around him.

He smiled as I stared at him. "Hey, are you really okay? Do you want to talk?" he asked quietly.

I looked at his golden eyes, his effortlessly styled hair, and his collared shirt which was again unbuttoned and untucked. I looked at his pants and noticed he was wearing jeans, and I looked back at his face with surprise.

He gave me a knowing smirk. "I know, very surprising," he chuckled, patting his leg.

"You're wearing jeans ," I said in a whisper.

"Yes, it would seem you make me rethink my outfit choices."

"I like what you wear."

"I know, and believe me, I appreciate it. Trying something new for once isn't a bad thing; however, I really think I prefer slacks to jeans."

I laughed, and suddenly I also wanted to cry for the pure elation the laugh brought to me. Only an hour earlier, I wanted life to be over, and there I was, standing in the hallway, laughing with a very casual Shad in blue jeans and a white, button-down shirt, that was untucked.

How can he look so effortlessly perfect no matter what he wears? I wish I could pull that off.

"Good," I said with a smirk as I touched his collar, smoothing it down. "But this is, indeed, a drastic transformation."

"My mother would be a little freaked out right now, I can tell you that. But she would be confused about how everything worked here, anyway, so I guess it's time I adapted again."

"Adapted? Public school is that different?"

"I mean, the lack of formal–I mean, uniforms are a big difference, and the parental involvement at my old school was insane. My father–he was very much involved."

"I see, well, nice to meet you, Relaxed Shad. I like you both ways."

"Now that we have my clothes figured out, which always seems to draw your attention—" He paused and pulled me closer with his hand that was still intertwined with mine. He was leaning against the brick wall, and I crashed into him, as his hand let go of mine to hold me closer, my hands rested on the hard planes of his chest, his hands at my waist. He smiled playfully. I loved that smile.

I gulped.

"That's better. Now, tell me—what is bothering you?" he asked, while moving one hand from my waist to touch my cheek. The long outdoor hallways leading to the classrooms and lockers were so silent, making it feel as if we were secluded, even there in the open. It was silent, other than his song playing inside of me. His closeness and his touch were healing my insides, and it was hard to hear my own thoughts.

"I have nightmares," I blurted out as I looked into his eyes.

"Nightmares?"

"Of the night my parents died, of their car crash." The words just flew out of me, as if talking to him about the worst thing that had ever happened to me was as easy as talking about the weather.

Glamor. Fey magic—stop!

"You were there?"

"I was in the backseat of the car. And I saw them die. I was pulled out of the car by someone, and I guess I repressed that memory–until this past weekend, that is, and I think I remember the man who crashed into us."

"What happened to him? Is he in jail?" Shad looked back and forth into my eyes.

"It was a hit-and-run, but now, I am thinking that he was the one who called 911. He was there with me. He gave me his jacket, but just before the police got there, he fled. He was guilty." A tear left my eye, and Shad wiped it away.

"Oh, Emma, I am so sorry," he said tenderly, as if my pain was his own.

"Ryker is working on trying to find this guy. He thinks this man—that he—he murdered them—wanted them to die."

" Ryker is?"

"Yes, he is trying to hire a private investigator."

He looked away for a moment. "He was talking to Keil the other day. We, the family business, are good at finding people. Earlier, he told me he needed my help, but he never talked to me about all the details."

"Really?"

"Yes, I can assure you that if he is out there to be found, we can find him." He looked at me with such determination.

"I just want to forget about it all. I just want to have a normal life," I said, wanting desperately to lay my head against his chest. I need to melt into him, be in his arms always, to kiss him.

"Well, let's think about something else then," he suggested, clearing his throat.

"What else is there?" I sniffled, not realizing that a few tears had escaped, and then my stomach decided to growl.

That is embarrassing, maybe he did not notice?

"How about lunch?" he asked, and I looked up at his face. The hall was still silent. The students were probably already eating. "Food can fix that stomach of yours, which is growling like a tiger."

"You heard that?" I said, moving away from him.

"I think the whole world heard that," he laughed, and I playfully pushed at his shoulder. "Come on, let's get you some food there, little tiger."

I tried to swat at him again, but he caught my hand, drew me in closer to him, and I thought the current of electricity flowing between us could have lit up a skyscraper.

"Thank you for talking with me," he said, his voice void of all playfulness. His thumb caressed the knuckles of my hand, which he held between us. I thought there was nothing better in all the world than being touched by Shad.

I nodded.

He took my hand and led me into the cafeteria where he loaded up my plate with the food that, according to him, "a tiger would love."

I smacked him again, playfully in the shoulder.

He chuckled.

Life fell into a comfortable rhythm after that day. A rhythm that was made up of school, the Rose Village, home, talking with Shad, eating lunch with Shad, Ash, and sometimes Sam—who seemed to be crushing hard on Ash. Ryker wasn't around at lunch anymore, and I wondered if that had to do with Shad, but even if that was the case, I couldn't bring myself to uninvite Shad to our table, because he always held my hand under the table, and that made me feel alive, free, and happy, and I couldn't give that up. I couldn't be without him. He saved me from the snake—the misery.

Although things in my life were flowing nicely—with my friends, my work, my home life—and everything seemed fine, I still found myself wanting—no needing—to be around Shad more and more. When he was away from me, I missed his sparkling eyes when he laughed, the smirk he gave me when I started thinking about something. I missed the way he smelled of leather and mint, and I wanted to have him around me always. I tried to hint during our conversations that I would make myself available if he wanted to do something or that I didn't have to work. He didn't ever say anything, though. He didn't text me, didn't call me. He had not invited me back to his house, or anywhere else. He often commented that he had to work everyday after school, and I was starting to feel a little sad.

Even my attempts to see Ryker went badly. He always had football games or practices. Ash was also busy. Her home life, she said, was demanding, and although I didn't exactly know what that meant, she seemed embarrassed about it when she told me, and I didn't want to pressure her. Maybe she needed to help more around her house or something.

So two weeks passed, and I felt more alone than ever. That is what brought me to Ryker's porch. I didn't want to see his dad again, since that night when he had found me and Ryker asleep together, because I felt extremely uncomfortable, but I was tired of being alone.

"Hello, Mr. Dall. Is Ryker home?" I asked, surprised to see his Dad home so early in the day.

"Sorry, honey, he isn't." He shut the door, and I turned and walked back down the steps, a little numb and confused. Why do things in life always have to change?

Ryker was completely engrossed in his research and talking to his friends, who I understood to be Shad's family's business to gather more intel . I usually could find Ryker before school near his locker, so I hurried to his locker the next morning.

"Ry, where have you been?" I asked, out of breath as I reached him. I ran all the way from the end of the hall.

"Hey, Em, sorry. I have been so busy. Dad said you came by last night," he said, closing his locker.

"Yeah, it's so weird how busy you have been. I mean, you've always done football and sports, and we still hung out, right?"

"Well, I have other things, too, you know," he remarked, picking up his football bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

"Have you found out anything new?" I asked with a gulp, not sure if I really wanted to know.

"Not yet, but they are working on it."

"Your friends?"

He nodded, shaking his curls from his face and looking past me, not at me.

"Shad told me you are using his family's company."

"Wow, he really doesn't care about the confidentiality agreement," he snapped.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think it really mattered." He shrugged, looking at me for only a moment before looking anywhere but at me.

"Shad said his family's company is really good at finding people," I added. I may have looked into his company and at least from the online reviews, there were mostly five stars.

"Not so far—it's been two weeks."

"Ry, we should do something together. I miss you."

He touched my shoulder, and I was instantly cold.

I moved his hand away.

He looked strangely at me, and then cleared his throat.

"Maybe next week, Em. I will let you know." Then without another word, he turned and walked away.

After our conversation by his locker,I saw Ryker at school more often, but only for half of lunch, and we were always surrounded by our friends and could not talk about private stuff. I texted him plenty of times, asking how he was doing, telling him that I missed him, and he always responded by telling me that he was sorry and that he missed me, too, and that things would be less crazy soon, and that I should be patient. I didn't really know what to think about all of that.

With my attempt to hang out with Ash being a bust, and then Ryker being too busy for anything—I needed to make another attempt at Shad. I assumed it was up to me to make a gesture. He, after all, had invited me to his house, and I had not once invited him anywhere, well other than that pool party. That realization made me feel like an idiot.

Maybe he is pulling away a bit because he thinks that I am not interested? But, oh man, I am completely and utterly interested in him. Didn't I hold his hand at lunch? Didn't I hug him and let him hug me? What does he think that was? I thought about the orange rose on my nightstand and smiled. It had not moved at all, unlike the lavender rose. And after taping the lavender rose to the wall in the bathroom, it hadn't moved either. That proved to me that I had been walking in my sleep or something before and had moved it myself. Pushing my random rose thoughts aside, I thought back to Shad. If there was to be any hope of having a relationship with him. I needed to make a move.