45. Hazel

HAZEL

We didn't end up using the photos. I decided to keep them though. My period arrived the next day, along with a hormonal pimple on my chin that could've been categorised as a new volcano. To make myself feel better and fish for compliments, I sent the nudes to the group chat with no preamble, no warning and no explanation.

Remy

Round two?

Ben

Next time call Aleks or I and we'll make sure your pussy gets the same treatment

I'm sad tell me I'm pretty

Remy

YOU'RE PRETTY

SO PRETTY

THE PRETTIEST

Ben

You're very pretty but those pictures are filthy

Not complaining. Definitely not complaining.

I have more!

Aleks

HAZEL I'M AT THE HOSPITAL

Whoops.

Remy spent the next couple of days fussing over the edit and feeding me chocolate. Apparently we said our real names a lot. All the more reason to continue until we got the process perfect.

We eventually decided on a tasteful black and white nude photograph of our bodies pressed against each other to accompany his finished masterpiece. We uploaded it to his account as he had more female fans and waited nervously.

The response was mixed, as we thought it might be. But the women overwhelmingly loved it. Said his dirty talk was on another level this time (it really was) and that they found the whole experience way more immersive than watching porn.

But the best part was that it was something I could see myself doing again. I was excited to plan new scenes with Remy and experiment with different ways to get the best content. When my period finished, I was surprised I felt relieved that I didn't have to furiously bank up videos for my upcoming heat.

I was sure my mum would be delighted if she knew her antics had helped set me on a new, happier career direction. The account I had restricted — who had to be the alpha my mum had asked for help — hadn't caused any more trouble. But I assumed they both knew I hadn't stopped posting.

I hoped they invested in some good headphones.

I lay curled in my nest one night with all three of them. Aleks snoring behind me after a long shift, Remy reading a book and Ben squeezing in a cuddle before he had night duty.

Despite the cosiness of our embrace, anxiety stole the warmth of it away. I could sense its churning energy woven through us, most of it emanating from Ben.

"You're worried," I said, skimming his cheek with the lightest touch. His chocolate scent was brittle, bitter. The right amount of pressure and it would snap.

"Of course I'm worried," Ben said heavily. "All we have to go off is second hand information from your dad. Not enough to go to the authorities. But enough to feel like we always have to look over our shoulder and always have one of us with you."

"I don't mind that, you know. I understand why." I had to lift his chin so he would look at me. "I won't do anything stupid like run off on my own."

I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. He didn"t return it.

"I'm sorry," I said in a small voice.

Thatlit a fire under him. "Don't you dare," he said fiercely. "None of this is your fault, Hazel."

Remy put his bookmark in with a heavy sigh. "Is she blaming herself for the actions of some very shitty people?"

"Yep," Ben confirmed.

I don't know what I was expecting him to do but rolling over and booping me on the nose with the corner of his book wasn't on the list. "That's silly, pumpkin."

"You know, I'm actually looking forward to therapy with Kerry tomorrow," I said suddenly.

Remy blinked. "Wow, I didn't realise you would hate ‘pumpkin' that much."

"She is clearly not referring to that." Ben elbowed him before turning to me. "That's great, Hazel."

Ben probably thought I wanted to talk about everything going on with my mum.

But I had another topic in mind.

Aleks and Ben dropped me off at my 4pm appointment on the way into the hospital. "Remy will pick you up," Ben said, kissing me goodbye.

I smiled at him. "Have a good shift."

Then I was back with the bowl of polished rocks. I didn't feel as annoyed with them today for some reason.

"Hazel, it's wonderful to see you," Kerry greeted me. "How are Ben, Remy and Aleks going? Did Ben and Remy finally settle their alphas?"

I blushed remembering how that particular issue got resolved. "Um, yes. They did." My ears were unbearably hot. "Ben is prime."

"Very interesting." Kerry's pen scribbled away. "Do you agree? What do your instincts tell you?"

I mulled it over briefly. "It was up to them to figure out and I'm glad they did. My omega is definitely happy that the four of us feel more stable now."

"That's wonderful. And how do you feel about them? I'd also love to find out if Aleks is fitting in well with the others too."

I'd been opening up more about the guys in the last couple of sessions. Keeping details tight-fisted and surface-level as a protective mechanism.

But today I needed Kerry to know about them the way I knew about them.

Aleks and the ocean.

Remy and our new career direction.

Ben and the way he led us.

I took a gulp of water after, not used to talking so much.

"It certainly sounds like you're all coming together beautifully as a pack." Kerry couldn't temper the pride in her voice.

Pack.Calling us that didn't scare me anymore.

"Kerry."

"Yes, Hazel?"

"I think I love them." I snuck a quick look at Kerry to make sure her brain hadn't imploded. Nope. She was a professional through and through. "I…haven't told them yet," I added.

"What's holding you back?"

I glanced at the clock. "How long do we have?" I joked. But Kerry's expression remained stoic. She would've read my file from the bond dissolution team. She knew what I'd been through even if I didn't tell her in so many words.

"It's scary, isn't it? The thought of being vulnerable again to losing someone we love."

"Not just one person this time," I said, fiddling with the edging on the cushion I was holding. "Three."

"You have come so far, Hazel. And you have worked so hard. Love would not be such a force if it wasn't also deeply painful and frightening at the same time. You already have these feelings for them. Wouldn't it be nice to embrace it fully? You cannot know what the future holds for any of you. But you can be certain of your love for each other."

I looked at her through narrowed eyes. "It's like you're a therapist or something," I said accusingly.

Kerry laughed warmly. "It's my absolute pleasure to be able to help you with this."

"I-I'm going to do it." My voice grew stronger as I continued. "I'm going to tell them I love them. Tonight."

"I am unbelievably excited for you, Hazel."

Remy wasn't outside when I finished up. I checked my phone and noticed a slew of messages waiting for me. I called him immediately.

"Remy, is everything ok? I just got out."

He sounded stressed. "There's an Alpha Brotherhood protest in the city. They've shut down entire blocks. I have to take the long way around to try to get to you along with every other fucker in this peak hour traffic!"

"It's ok," I reassured him. "I can wait here for you."

"Fuck, I'm sorry, Hazel. I'll be as quick as I can."

"How is this your fault? I'll see you soon, ok?" I said, feigning optimism. My face fell when I hung up. I had been Kerry's last appointment of the day. She and her PA might have some paperwork to do before finishing up but I was sure I was going to be left alone pretty soon.

Fifteen minutes later, Kerry almost fell over my seated form on the front step.

"Hazel! I thought you left ages ago," she said, readjusting her coat all flustered.

"Remy is stuck in some traffic," I explained.

We both looked up at the sky, reaching the same conclusion. Night was creeping on fast.

"Are you going to be ok out here by yourself?" Kerry asked me, looking concerned. "I would stay but my husband—"

I held up a hand. "Please, that's not necessary. I'll call an omega car service."

She looked relieved. "Excellent idea. I've heard positive things about them. Have a good night, Hazel."

Before I opened the app I dialled Remy again.

"Baby?"

I could hear aggressive beeping in the background. It didn't sound like he was having much luck.

"It's, um, getting kind of dark and the office is closed now." I kept going before he could interrupt. "I'm going to call the omega car service. I've used them a lot and they vet their drivers. You can follow my location, ok?"

Remy sighed heavily. "I think you're going to have to. I don't like the idea of you waiting there in the open."

"Just turn around and meet me back home. I mean, I have to go the long way around myself so it might be a while," I said, trying to keep my tone light.

"Goddamn knotheads. Alright. I'll be watching you like a hawk."

My offhand response was automatic at this point. "Aww, I didn't know you cared."

"Hazel," Remy said, his seriousness dropping his voice deeper. "If you are at all confused about how I feel about you then you have been paying less attention than I thought."

"Remy…"

"Call the service. I'll see you soon. Ok, babe?"

I felt a bit gooey once he hung up.

Get yourself home and you can tell them all.

I opened the app, hoping there would be available drivers despite the protest. There was one two minutes away and I breathed a sigh of relief when they accepted my ride straight away. Their smiling profile showed that they were a bonded beta male. That was usually the norm. I would've liked a female driver but they were unfortunately rare.

The windows were tinted but I triple checked the licence plate before sliding into the backseat.

The door locked.

The acrid scent of the definitively not beta driver hit me.

And my mother turned to look at me from the passenger seat.

"Finally. There you are, Hazel."

Oh fuck.

Clearly the app didn't vet drivers well enough.