33. Hazel

HAZEL

Ben was carefully cleaning my injuries. I think I would've preferred if he made tutting sounds or hissed in sympathy as he worked.

Instead, he was methodical and steady. Silent. The storm in his eyes was merely brewing into something greater.

Remy sat off to one side, his leg bouncing restlessly as he watched us.

Our heads all swung towards the door as it slammed open. Aleks burst through, looking windblown and in disarray. His eyes locked directly on me as he strode over, determined to close the distance between us as rapidly as possible.

"I'm ok," I assured him quickly.

Aleks stilled, his eyes darting as he took in Ben and Remy next to me. Self-consciousness seemed to swallow him, slowing his footsteps. His hand spasmed as if it itched to touch me.

"You scared me," Aleks said in a low voice.

"I'm sorry," I apologised automatically.

He shook his head. "Don't be sorry. Stay out of danger."

The intensity of his stare gave the blue in his eyes an almost silver sheen. It was impossible to stare at too long. I tore my gaze away, forcing out a half-hearted scoff. "You just don't want to lose your sweet, matchbox-sized bedroom."

That made things so much worse.

Aleks was in front of me in the space of a heartbeat, cradling my cheek in his hand. "That has absolutely nothing to do with me needing you to be safe," he said fiercely.

Then he blinked, as if realising what he'd just done, and drew back.

Ben was watching him almost…approvingly. He finished up the final bandage and took my hand in both of his. "How are you feeling now that the shock has worn off a little?"

I thought of the uneasiness I felt whenever I left the apartment lately. The two encounters with Damien, while irritating, weren't hugely different from the others I had had from interested men in the past. The fact that he didn't escalate and call me a bitch was actually an improvement.

Truthfully, I had felt more uncomfortable when I overheard an older alpha berating his much younger bonded omega the other day when I'd left the gym. It had been a reminder of how vulnerable my designation made me.

"What is it?"

"It's stupid."

"Your feelings are never stupid, Hazel."

"It was probably just a freak accident," I said, not wanting to sound paranoid. "But sometimes I feel unsafe when I go out and it makes me wonder if it could be something more."

All three of them stiffened, closing in on me like wolves thirsting for blood.

"Who?" Ben asked dangerously.

I almost laughed. They just didn't get it. "I don't know what you want me to say," I shrugged. They seemed taken aback by my casual tone. "I'm an omega and my safety is dependent on how the tide of public opinion is swinging that particular day. It's not just about the graffiti I see around the city, or the unchanging biological fact that I am susceptible to an alpha's compulsion. It's feeling unsure if doing something as simple as going to the post office or to my therapist will get me harassed. So I douse myself in scent neutralising spray everywhere I go and pray that it'll be enough." I lifted my chin, looking at each of them squarely. "Have I actually been harassed? Not really. But I can't lie and say it's something I don't worry about."

They all seemed shocked by this. Shocked by my daily, accepted reality.

"Hazel," Remy breathed.

"It is what it is," I said, my words clipped.

Ben pressed his fingertips into the space between his eyes. "I think…you being in your nest will help. You for your recovery, and for us to know you are somewhere comforting."

The steel in my spine disappeared instantly. My voice wavered. "No."

He misunderstood my refusal. "Oh, I wasn't asking to be invited in," Ben corrected himself quickly. "I mean, I wouldn't say no, but I was more referring to the way nest environments aid an omega's wellbeing." He stood up. "I can carry you if you're still a bit too wobbly to walk."

"No!" I said shrilly. They couldn't see. They couldn't know. They would have questions. Or worse they would realise. Realise the damage, the ruin that lived inside me.

"What's wrong with your nest, Hazel?" Aleks asked me shrewdly.

Of course he would be the one who suspected.

I let him get a little too close and this is the consequence.

"Breathe."

I was being cradled into the curve of Ben's neck, his hand threading through my hair. I instinctively took a huge gulp of his scent — intense, bracing and…

A fractured sob slipped out.

Mine. He smelled like mine.

"I don't want you to see it," I crumbled.

Ben kissed me. One set of eyelashes then the other. "Why not, sweetness?" he asked, exceedingly gentle.

This was Ben.

Telling him because you won't want me didn't make sense. Didn't align with the alpha who had done nothing but care for me.

"J-just you, ok?" I trembled as I looked up at him.

Ben continued to stroke my hair. "They wouldn't reject you, you know." I flinched. How does he always seem to fucking know? "But I understand that it's easier with only me."

I couldn't shake the sense of doom as we made our way down the corridor to my nest. I didn't even know what to say to him. My hand gripped the handle for a long moment before I finally pushed the door open.

Devastation ravaged his face as he took in my bare mattress on the cold floor. Then it was gone, replaced by a quiet calm. "Thank you for showing me." Ben kissed me. The way he held my face a little too tightly betrayed him. "I know what that took. I'm going to fix it, ok?"

"Ok," I agreed in a small voice.

If only it were that simple to fix me.

Ben led me back to the others. I felt flayed, raw and exposed.

"Remy. We're going to Haven + Nest and getting our girl everything we think she deserves. You with me?"

Remy leapt up. "Fuck yeah."

Ben guided me towards Aleks. His hand stretched towards mine and I took it, letting him settle me into his lap, my legs bracketing his waist. "Take care of her," Ben ordered.

"Always," Aleks promised.

The alphas left, leaving me alone with him. We'd been alone in the apartment together for a while now but it had never felt like this. Then again, it wasn't like I had spent the time draped over him like this. Having his hands wrapped around my waist, thumbs sliding up and down the contours of my stomach. We breathed each other in as our bodies made minuscule slow adjustments — my thighs squeezing tighter around him, his arms pulling inward — until there was no space between us.

"I want what they have with you," Aleks said resolutely.

I spoke without thinking, hiding myself instinctively. "What, you want to be my fuck buddy?"

He refused to let me look away. I was falling into a great blue unknown. "No. I want to worry that you're not sleeping. Hold your hand if you feel unsafe when you're out. Let me care for you the way you've been doing for me." The certainty in him flickered slightly. "But…do I have a place here? Even though I'm not an alph—"

My mouth was on his, smothering his harsh words away. They didn't belong there, on those plush, full lips. Almost always flat and hardened, holding away the weight of all he carried. Soft in rare moments only for me and I wanted more of it, everything he was willing to give me.

"Does it feel like I care about that?" My kisses grew hungrier, craving more of the low noises escaping his throat. The way he gripped me like it was impossible to let go. My scent didn't care what his designation was, perfuming vibrant and heady consuming us both.

"Hazel."

I wriggled until my pussy sat perfectly on top of the thick bulge in his jeans.

"Y-you have to—"

I found the spot along his neck that made his fingers dig into my thighs.

"Fuck I can't believe I'm saying this, we can't do this right now while you're hurt!"

He was panting from the effort of saying something so incongruous from what he obviously wanted.

"I just had a little fall, Aleks," I said, even though I knew he was right.

His head fell back on the couch and his lips moved soundlessly like he was uttering a prayer.

"Please, Hazel."

I wondered what it would be like when he finally gave himself permission to let go of all that control.

Aleks relaxed visibly when I swung my leg off him, kissing his cheek chastely. "Ok," I conceded. "Not right now."

"Thank you."

I trailed my fingers up his arm, across his shoulder and buried them in his hair. "But when we do…can I take you bare?"

Goosebumps peaked visibly across his skin.

"Fuck."

If he wasn't so beautiful teetering on the edge of ruin I wouldn't have the urge to keep doing it.

"Yes, Hazel. I-I'm negative." Aleks inhaled deeply before continuing. "I…haven't really had the time to be with anyone in a long time."

The overwhelming possessiveness from my omega was staggering. My eyes went straight to the beating pulse point in his neck.

Mine.

No one else is allowed to touch him.

Aleks was oblivious to my sudden vampiric urges. "Come on, let's just watch some TV or something until the others get back."

I let him nestle me against his side and tried not to think about how badly I wanted him.