21. Ben

BEN

My omega was in heat.

I didn't know why I assumed she was on suppressants just because almost every other unbonded omega was.

Hazel's last messages were burned into my retinas.

Hazel

You might not hear from me for a few days. My heat is coming.

I'm sorry, Ben.

Instead of chasing after her, courting her, being with her, I had decided to exchange harebrained texts with her!

I was the biggest fucking idiot in the world.

"What's wrong with you?"

I looked up from where I had my head buried in my arms on the counter of the nurses station. Aleks was eyeing me like he was fighting the urge to sweep my depressed form away with his notebook.

"My scent matched omega is in heat," I said miserably.

"Why are you here then?" he asked.

"Because I wanted to get to know her. As a person."

Aleks looked at me warily. "I don't…know how to talk to you right now," he said with a shrug.

I'd gotten to know the beta a bit better over the course of the last couple weeks since we attended our first emergency call together. He did not keep his distance from me simply because I was a doctor and he was a nurse. I think it was because he could tell I was flying by the seat of my pants just like he was. I wasn't sure if we were so much friends or side by side in our own trenches together but I liked him.

I pulled out my phone. "How…long…is…a…typical…omega….heat," I recited as I typed.

"Shouldn't you already know that, doctor."

I shushed him as I waited for the page to load. I technically already knew but maybe googling it would make the information in my brain change somehow. "Anywhere from 5 to 7 days," I groaned. At least 4 more days of waiting minimum.

"Who is tending to her, anyway?"

"I don't know!" I put my head back in my hands. Moments later I felt myself being patted awkwardly by a clipboard.

Aleks spoke to me slowly, like I was a child. "Well, you know omegas are people, too. Just like you and I. I would think getting to know them is a pretty good way to go about making sure you tend future heats for them."

I snapped my fingers at him. "You. You are very smart."

He looked bewildered. "I think you have some sort of alpha brain rot, Ben. Nothing I am saying is groundbreaking in any way."

I was afraid of that.

In my defence, I did listen to Aleks.

Apart from a text to Juno asking how long Hazel's heats typically were (and got a waspish "I'm not fucking answering that" in reply), I did not text Hazel and continued to focus on work, purposefully taking on more hours at the hospital. I was right on the cusp of what was legally acceptable. Work, go home, sleep, go back to work. Hit the gym when my alpha got riled up. Rinse repeat. Partly to distract myself, partly to build up my quota for the fortnight in preparation for what I had planned.

Because after those 4 days were up, I stopped listening to Aleks. I stopped denying my alpha instincts and went into full stalker mode.

If the universe had decided I was going to be an alpha then I was going to fucking be an alpha.

Even though I had not heard from Hazel since the panicked messages I sent to her five days ago, I went to our gym. Ignored my routine entirely so I could use every single machine and see if I could pick up traces of her scent.

There was nothing for two days. And goddamn were my nostrils pissed the fuck off with me. I would get home and stuff my head in my instant coffee jar to try and deodorise what I'd put them through.

On the upside, Hazel did finally reply to my texts though.

Hazel

Hey Ben. It's over now. I was looked after and I'm alright. Just tired.

Take it slow, ok? Is there anything I can do?

No, I'm fine. Thanks though.

I knew what ‘I'm fine' meant.

It meant I had to continue my diligent gym scenting routine until I found her because she was not fine.

I picked up her sweet, fresh coconut on the handles of the row machine a day later and my alpha almost had me howling to some invisible moon. I had to remind him that there were security cameras everywhere and I was not about to get my membership terminated for some truly insane behaviour.

It became clear to me that she went early in the morning. The lemon scented disinfectant the cleaners used would always sit muddled on top of where they had tried to remove her. My alpha was extremely put out by this manufactured, chemical citrus instead of Hazel's vibrant lime. I went at 6am and realised the cleaners had already been through. Tried 5am the next day and second guessed myself when she wasn't there.

The next day, I dragged myself out of bed at 4am and made my way downstairs. Surely not. But nothing else made sense.

I had to brace myself on the brick wall when I saw her through the window. It had been so fucking long since I'd seen her in person that no amount of shitty fluorescent lighting could dampen how achingly beautiful she was.

She turned and I saw the mottled yellowing teeth-shaped bruises on her neck.

Everything.

Went.

Red.

It was screaming sirens, flashing lights and an absolute bloodbath of mayhem in my skull. I was moving of my own accord. Testosterone, adrenaline pumping through me as I pushed open the door.

"Ben!"

A small gasp and a dust bomb of her heady, dreamy scent.

"Who did this to you?" I snarled. Had to touch her, make sure she was real, she was here. My fingers caressed the soft, injured flesh of her throat before I pulled her toward me.

I was never fucking letting her go.

"I'm fine, Ben. It's fine. I'm fine."

Nothing about this was fucking fine.

A small hand slid up the back of my head and fingers tangled in my hair.

"Me and…the alpha who helped me through my heat," she sighed. "It was intense, both of us fighting the urge to bond."

Was I too fucking late?The gentle circles she was tracing to soothe me didn't feel like I was too fucking late.

"Do you want to bond him now that you're thinking clearly?" I asked hoarsely.

Am I losing you before I've even had a chance?

"I haven't even processed any of it properly yet," she whispered.

"Do you want to stop talking to me while you figure it out?"

"No. Never." She shook her head and averted her eyes. Her emphaticness lit a fire in my gut. "I…like our little chats."

She still looked so defeated. "Are you sure he didn't hurt you?" I asked, unable to look away from her neck.

"I know it looks bad but there's not really any physical pain," Hazel assured me. "But for my omega, it's like there's this…ache."

Hearing that her omega was drawn to this other alpha should've made me jealous. But it didn't. Instead, I got the strangest sensation from my instincts. Of warmth and belonging and togetherness.

Find your pack.

Dizziness struck me momentarily.

"Wait, how did you know I was here?" Hazel's head jerked back abruptly.

"I, er, may have…"

"Ben," she demanded sternly.

"I live in this building and I scented you here the first day I joined, weeks almost months ago, but I kept my distance while I got a handle on my alpha. But once I found out you were in heat I couldn't stop myself trying to find you," I explained in a rush.

"You live in this building?"

It had to bode well that that was what she had gleaned from my word vomit.

"Yeah."

"I'm just across the road."

I wasn't sure how many other stars of ours were meant to align before we called it what it was — fated.

I took a good look at her, curling an errant lock of hair behind her ear. The rest of it was pulled up into a tight ponytail, little wisps escaping around her hairline. Her face was bare, flushed pink and a thin layer of sweat had dried on her skin.

"You've been here a while." I stated, concerned. "Why are you here so early?"

There was a caught look in Hazel's eyes before her shoulders sagged. "I…don't sleep very well, Ben," she admitted.

"Define very well," I asked her, trying to keep the dangerous edge out of my voice and only barely succeeding.

"I wake up anywhere between 2:30am and 4am every day and can't get back to sleep."

My hackles immediately rose as my brain immediately cycled through the cumulative long-term effects of insomnia and sleep disorders. Increased risk of depression, high blood pressure, heart disease, memory loss and—

"How long has this been going on?" I demanded.

She averted her gaze but I somehow knew.

Years. Fucking years.

"I work from home which allows me to nap in the afternoon and catch up on sleep if that's of any consolation."

Not fucking good enough.

"Hazel." I was desperate. "Come back to mine. Let, let me just—"

Hold you and never let go.

"—see if I can help you."

I held my breath as she searched my face. I didn't know what she was looking for but I sure as hell hoped she would find it.