9. Aleks

ALEKS

"That many, huh?"

"Yep."

I tried to picture it. "All at once?"

"Yes! Of course." Hazel seemed quite put out that I was questioning her. "Is there another way I should be doing it?"

"No, no, I guess not," I quickly reassured her. "It does seem a tad excessive, though," I added after a beat.

"It is not excessive."

"How does it all fit?"

"I'll make it fit."

Hazel held up the papadum she had managed to load up with every single chutney and raita we had been served. Then she opened her mouth so wide I was convinced she was part pelican and shoved the whole thing inside.

It was…something.

"I-pftold yoom," she said triumphantly. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she made a noise that gave me a funny feeling in my gut as she chewed. "So good."

She immediately got to work loading up another one and held it out to me. I couldn't bring myself to disappoint her so I let her messily squash the whole thing in my mouth.

"Good, right?"

My mouth was an explosion of flavour.

Destructive.

Searing.

Shockwave-producing.

I managed a feeble thumbs-up in response.

Hazel's laugh was bright and silvery. "Ok, ok. Just me then."

I was still learning new things about Hazel despite all the times we'd crossed paths in that gleaming lobby over the last few months. A serial over-orderer and was not aware she hummed a little tune after each sip of her drink.

She was also an avid gym rat, but went in the early morning which was why I had never seen her. I respected the discipline needed to carve her naturally softer omega physique into toned muscle. Building endurance and strength so she would look good when the cameras were—

Do not fucking go there, Aleks.

"Is nursing your first degree?" Another chutney-laden monstrosity found its way into Hazel's mouth.

"Yeah." It was a fair question. Not many people were still studying their first at 25.

"I never got a degree so you're one-up on me." Hazel shrugged, with no trace of judgement for my slower start to life.

My head tilted. "Why didn't you get one?"

"Reasons." Her smile tightened. "Why has it taken you this long?"

"Reasons."

To my surprise she laughed, pointing between us. "Look at us. Clenched up tighter than a butthole in church."

The visual was disturbing and unwanted.

"Tell you what, Aleks. I'll give you one if you give me one." Before I could answer, she took a courage-enhancing sip of her drink. "I chose my university course shortlist at 18 based on their proximity to an alpha."

A million questions sprung to mind.

Where was this alpha now?

What happened after choosing her courses to stop her from going?

How did she end up doing OmegaFans?

I blinked and realised she was waiting for me to answer.

The robust spices emanating from the kitchen somehow faded away as Hazel's soft, sweet scent wove its graceful spell around me. Summer and spring, new growth and hope.

"I spent too long trying to be who my father wanted before realising it would never be enough."

Oh.

I had heard being around an omega could make you open up. She'd done it earlier in the lobby. Now she was two for two.

Maybe I needed to reevaluate this friendship.

Hazel seemed to realise exactly how hideous I found my accidental vulnerability and kept her word. One confession exchanged. No more, no less.

"Well, I think you'll make a great nurse. About the only time I can stand you is when you have your nose in an anatomy book." She grinned.

The knot in my chest loosened considerably.

"I'm just learning all the ways to murder you without anyone finding out."

Yes, make a joke about killing your unbonded omega friend who lives alone.

Very sane, Aleks.

Hazel laughed, crooking her finger at me menacingly. "They would find your skin cells under my fingernails, you prick. And my hair would be all over your clothes. Do you know how much I shed?" Long dark hair flipped over her shoulder like a shampoo commercial. "Good fucking luck."

I crossed my arms. "Watch less Autopsy Investigations."

"You literally bug me when I'm not caught up on the latest episode."

She had a point.

"Now tell me what hospital you're doing your placement at again? Just so I can make sure the paramedics take me to a different one to get some proper medical attention when you fumble your attempt to murder me."

I held her gaze as I picked up the little container of toothpicks on the side of the table.

"Don't you fucking dare."

Carefully extricated one.

"Swear to god, Aleks, I will—"

And jabbed it (lightly) into the fleshy muscle of her forearm.

"I beg your pardon!" The waitress had chosen that moment to appear with our mains. "Please don't use our toothpicks to stab your girlfriend."

I was horrified when Hazel sniffled up at her. "He does this all the time."

"We're not even dating!" I protested. "Hazel, tell her we're not dating!"

Instead, her eyes filled with some incredibly realistic tears. "He won't even define the relationship!"

The waitress eyed me like she was memorising my features for a police sketch later before rattling off the names of our dishes.

"I hope you're happy," I muttered.

"Ecstatic," Hazel gloated.

We had opted for a chef's choice sharing menu and had very different reactions as we stared at the spread in front of us.

"How is this for two people?" I said incredulously.

"I am going to eat…everything." Her eyes shone like a goddamn cartoon character.

There was something about eating with Hazel that felt different. She was so enthusiastic. Asking what I thought of her favourites, offering me bites off her plate even though we were eating the same thing.

When she casually spooned the last of the aloo baingan on my plate because I'd told her I could eat a swimming pool's worth of the stuff, it struck me.

It was care.

She was considering me in every little thing she did.

"Are you ok?" Hazel's question cut through the buzzing static in my head. We both stared down at my plate. "Sorry, habit. Juno and I do it to each other all the time, we're like a pair of pushy Asian grandmothers feeding each other. You don't have to eat it if you don't want it."

"No, I don't mind. Thanks," I replied, pushing it around on my plate.

I wanted to eat it, but I also didn't.

I needed a way to remind myself that this feeling in my chest was real.

The chill of my home instantly bit into my flesh as soon as I crossed the threshold. I could sense my father inside. Off his leash and starving for a fight.

"Where were you?"

His robust form was fused with "his" recliner that my grandma and I were not allowed to touch. Empty beer cans littered the carpet around him.

"Having dinner with a friend." I quickened my steps past the living room, trying to end the conversation before it could even begin.

"Stop."

I wasn't an omega.

His bark should've had no bite.

But I obeyed anyway.

Well-trained.

Dad heaved himself out of the recliner, leaving behind a discoloured imprint on the sunken cushions. He belched on his third step towards me.

"Do you think because your babulya isn't here, you don't have to be home?"

He said it like she was on a leisurely trip. Instead of in a lonely ward with not enough darkness and not enough light and the constant murmur of sound.

"There was leftover plov in the fr—"

His hand closed around my throat.

"Don't forget that you are only here because I let you stay here."

He was right.

I couldn't leave my grandma alone with him for any longer than I already did.

I couldn't afford to take my grandma with me.

We were three corners of an uneven triangle, my point growing narrower and narrower with each passing day.

"Tell me what you need me to do," I forced out, my voice constricted by his fingers.

He released me and I fell back coughing.

"Nothing. I ordered in."

With money we did not have to spend.

I didn't even know how to dignify any of this with a response. "Can I go now?" I asked him simply.

Dad grunted, returning to his throne. "Don't make too much noise."

I lay awake in bed until I heard the creak of footsteps in the corridor outside. The whump of a body collapsing into bed. He would be snoring and dead to the world within minutes.

I slowly made my way out of the house, making sure to turn the knob at the same time as the key to minimise the sound. I risked the engine roaring to life and reversed with the headlights off so it wouldn't shine through the cheap curtains hanging from our windows.

I'd top off the petrol on the way home like I always did, so Dad wouldn't realise I'd taken his car.

The roads were quiet and I could let my mind empty as I drove along the familiar route. I pulled into the deserted car park. It was illuminated only by a single street lamp, spilling its harsh white light onto the asphalt.

My breath deepened and the tightness in my chest loosened as I heard the first crashing wave against the shore. The tension rolled off my limbs the further I walked along the sand. I buried the bitter, caustic emotions and tried to focus on the fact that I was finally going to be starting my placement soon.

I had a future. I was working on it.

I continued to meander until it felt right and I sat down, staring out into the dark water.

This was one place I could come when it all got too much. Sometimes it was a winding hike up the mountains. A trek along a forest trail.

It was all I could afford to give myself — the sea, the earth and the quiet.

It usually worked, but something felt off today.

I got a fleeting memory of sultry sunshine and a free-falling sensation. Bold brown eyes and an impudent smile.

A quick blink and the bleak surroundings rematerialised.

Don't even think about it, Aleks.

She doesn't belong here.