Chapter 18

CHAPTER18

Gerald retreated from Katherine’s room with heavy steps, each one echoing the turmoil within his heart. He couldn’t shake off the image of her tear-stained face, her anguished cries reverberating in his mind. As he descended the staircase, he found himself grappling with conflicting emotions, torn between his desire to protect her and the ache of denying himself the connection they shared.

Entering the deserted drawing room, he sank into an armchair, his thoughts swirling like a tempestuous sea. He rubbed his temples wearily, grappling with the weight of his decisions. Despite his resolve to keep his distance, he couldn’t silence the nagging voice that whispered of regret and longing.

Lost in his reverie, Gerald was startled by the sound of approaching footsteps. He looked up to see Anne, her features etched with concern as she regarded him.

“Your Grace, are you quite all right?” she asked softly, her eyes searching his troubled countenance.

Gerald offered a wan smile, masking his inner turmoil. “I’m fine, Anne. Just… contemplating a few matters."

Anne studied him for a moment, her perceptive eyes betraying her understanding. “If there’s anything I can do to assist you, Your Grace, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

Gerald appreciated her offer but knew that this was a burden he must bear alone. “Thank you, Anne. I’ll manage,” he replied, mustering a semblance of composure.

As Anne departed, Gerald found himself enveloped in a suffocating silence, the weight of his decisions pressing down upon him. He couldn’t shake off the guilt that gnawed at his conscience, knowing he had inflicted pain on Katherine, the one person who had managed to breach the walls around his heart.

With a heavy heart, he retreated to his chambers, seeking solace in solitude. The hours passed in a blur, each moment punctuated by the echo of Katherine’s tearful plea in his mind.

* * *

As dawn broke, casting a pale light through the window, Gerald found himself unable to evade the turmoil that gripped his soul. He knew that he couldn’t continue to avoid Katherine indefinitely, that he owed her an explanation for his actions.

Summoning his resolve, he made his way to Katherine’s quarters, his footsteps echoing in the silent corridor. He paused in front of her door, steeling himself for the confrontation that lay ahead.

With a steadying breath, Gerald raised his hand to knock, the sound echoing in the stillness of dawn. “Katherine,” he called softly, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

There was no response from within, and Gerald’s heart sank with a sense of foreboding. He tried the doorknob, and when it turned, he slowly pushed open the door.

The sight that greeted him stole the breath from his lungs.

Katherine lay on her bed, her features softened in sleep—a solitary figure amidst a sea of rumpled blankets. Gerald’s heart clenched at the sight, longing mingling with the weight of his guilt.

Approaching her bedside, he gazed down at her, his heart heavy with remorse. He longed to reach out, to brush away the strands of hair that clung to her tear-stained cheeks, but he dared not disturb her slumber.

Just as he started to walk away, he heard a faint voice.

“Anne,” Katherine croaked, the blankets on her bed shifting as she turned toward the door.

Gerald looked over at her, his heart sinking. He tried his best to maintain his composure. “I have come to apologize about last night,” he said quickly.

He watched as Katherine brushed the hair from her cheeks, then continued to stare up at him. He couldn’t tell if her expression was one of anger, disappointment, or sadness. Perhaps a mix of all three.

“Are you apologizing for kissing me or breaking the kiss?” Katherine asked, her voice hoarse from sleep.

Gerald desperately wanted to smile at the sound, but he pushed that thought away. He couldn’t find more reasons to get lost in her beauty even more—it would ruin his attempt to keep some distance between them.

He contemplated her question for a moment. “I am sorry that I kissed you,” he said, though he was unsure if he really meant it. A part of him wanted to lean in and kiss her again.

“Then I don’t want to hear it,” Katherine grumbled, pulling her bedsheets back over her shoulders and turning away from him.

“I truly didn’t want to give you the wrong impression,” Gerald continued, his voice cracking a bit. He paused to take a deep breath. “You are a very beautiful woman and a very kind soul. But if I am to engage with you in a romantic manner, I will eventually hurt you.”

Katherine lay motionless, not even lifting her head to look at him. Not a word slipped past her lips. Gerald continued to stand there, not wanting to leave on such bad terms.

“Look at Simon and my mother. They loathe me, and I don’t want you to start loathing me as well if I hurt you,” he added softly, starting to rethink everything himself.

Katherine looked up from her position on the bed, her mind reeling with his words.

“I am your wife,” she murmured. “And I find it offensive that you had put me in the same category as your mother and your brother. I am not like them, and I highly doubt you to be the man you tell me you are.”

Gerald looked down at his feet, his shoes still shining in the darkness of her room. He was unsure of what he could say, her words having trapped him into a corner. He could merely let out a sigh. Brief and heartfelt.

“I hope to see you during the day, Duchess,” he said at last. “I would ask the kitchen maids to prepare the finest of delicacies if that might persuade you to have tea with me this afternoon.”

Katherine continued to stare at him.

For a brief second, Gerald noticed the corners of her mouth quirk up into a smile, which she quickly hid. She then fixed him with a stern look. “I will see you for tea,” she said, her voice still a bit hoarse.

Gerald nodded at her with a smile, before walking out of her room and heading down the stairs.

That smile remained on his face, but it dragged a sadness along with it that he couldn’t ignore. He had feelings for her, and he could no longer deny the fact, no matter how hard he tried.

“Your Grace.” the butler’s voice knocked him out of his daze. “An envelope has arrived for you and Her Grace.”

“Thank you,” Gerald said curtly, taking the envelope from the butler.

He waited a couple of seconds until the butler had disappeared out of sight, allowing him complete privacy to investigate the mysterious envelope.

As he pulled out a neat piece of parchment, he sighed. An invitation to a garden party for the Duke of Powell and the new Duchess.