10. Stairway to Heaven

Stairway to Heaven

I don't know how long I climb. I don't know how many times I stop.

Sometimes, it's to look back, sometimes to rest. Sometimes to cry.

Hell always tugs at me. Or maybe it's my demon.

I can't go back to him now. I made my choice. I doubt he'll welcome me back once I've made my trade.

Eventually, hell disappears and I trade the red and black clouds above for bright white below.

When the stairs end, I fall in a crumpled heap at the pearly gates.

My body leaves smudges on the polished ground and I ache so badly, I can't stand.

I don't know how long I lay there. I don't know how long I weep.

I have to hurl myself through the pearly gates.

Instead of that polished floor, I land on fluffy, cloud-like cushions.

The collar and rags my demon gave me are gone, but I don't have the capacity to be ashamed of my nakedness.

There's too much to see.

It is so beautiful, I want to cry again.

Nothing hurts anymore… not the new wounds or the old scars.

But that beauty starts to sear at my skin.

Winged creatures look at me with so many eyes, my skin feels hot under their gaze.

I am a stain on this place.

And I am alone, despite the multitude of winged beings.

There are no other people. Just angels. The heavenly hosts gather around a blindingly bright light that makes its way toward me.

Where is everyone ?

I lick my lips, startled that they are not chapped and broken anymore. And I shrink away from the light as it reaches me.

"No one has climbed that staircase in a millennium."

The woman who forms out of the blinding light is painfully beautiful.

"God?"

She smiles and reaches out, but she doesn't cup my cheek. She only pretends to. "You came to give me something, child."

Her smile is pained, too.

Something isn't right.

My demon's words ring in my ears.

I hold up the halo, but as the hosts around her gasp, I don't offer it to her.

She looks at it, greedily. "You could only have made me happier if you had dragged my errant child back to me whole, halo and all."

"I want you to cure my sister," I say and her smile vanishes, but only for a second before it returns, still false.

"So it's not a gift?"

I grip the broken circle tighter. "Where are all of the other people?"

"What other people?" she asks.

No one has climbed that staircase in a millennium.

God smiles down at me like she is the benevolent creator, not the wrathful creature the oldest stories tell.

"No one gets to heaven."

"This is not the place for humans."

Then what's the fucking point?

I shove the anger and frustration back down inside of myself, packing it tight. It doesn't matter right now. Skye is all that matters.

"I've come to trade the Devil's halo for my sister's health."

"I am God. I don't do things simply because humans beg."

"I'm not begging. I came to buy her life, no matter the cost."

"You were the cost… and you are spoiled." She sneers down at me. "You've defiled yourself too greatly, Iona."

"Thief," one of the angels hisses.

"Fornicator," says another.

"You have willingly lain with the Nameless." She looks behind me. "Your soul is still connected to that foul creature."

I look behind me and see the faint glimmer, like a strand of silver thread unraveling from me like I'm made of fabric.

"You won't save my sister, because I was too weak to withstand temptation?"

" She has to prove herself. You can't do it for her."

"She can barely stand!" I look past God, to the heavenly hosts. They all seem bored.

I'm not wanted here.

"I came here for a miracle." I clench my jaw so tight, it should hurt, but it doesn't. "You're supposed to be love. How can you do this?"

"Who told you that?"

A chorus of laughter echoes around us as the heavenly host titter as if it's the first joke they've heard in a millennium too.

God holds out her hand. "I will accept your gift. But I can give you nothing in exchange for it."

A hollow pit opens in my gut and threatens to pull me down into it.

I didn't fail, but my demon was right.

I had thought I hated him. I had thought I hated myself.

Until this moment, I hadn't known what hate was.

I grip the halo tighter, squeezing until I finally do feel pain.

Everything was a lie.

I look down at the halo. The burning sickle shape…

Maybe it's time for someone else to do the reaping.

"Fuck you." I breathe the words and swing my arm with as much force as I can manage and when the halo touches her neck, the air fills with screams.

The heavenly hosts lurch for me, but when God's head falls from her body, a shockwave leaves her, pushing me away from them, away from her. I fly backward, past the gates and out of heaven.

And when the pushing stops, the tug of gravity takes its place.

I failed.

All my pain has returned. The heat below me is sharp, the air biting trough me as I descend feels as though it's full of needles.

Still holding onto the halo, I accept my fate—my failure—and close my eyes. Warm tears slick beneath my lids, and I screw them more tightly shut.

I fall forever, but I don't hit the ground.

Something barrels into me from the side and together we go tumbling.

My demon pulls me close to his chest and I bury my face in it as rocks and detritus fly.

I don't think I can die here… but I've just killed God. My fate could be so much worse.