Chapter 4

Four

DELA

I 'm kissing a demon. Four words I never in my life expected to string together.

Raz's body tenses as I press my lips to his, and for a second, I almost pull back and apologize. Muscle memory is a long-lasting bitch.

Then his grip on me tightens, and the blunt ends of his dark fingernails press firmly against my leg. Not enough to hurt me—I know he'd never allow that to happen. Just enough that I feel his reaction to the kiss. To me.

Past me can go to hell because present me isn't pulling back from kissing my demon.

He doesn't take control of the kiss, just goes with it, following my lead and giving back in equal measure. I lean in closer, parting my lips and touching the tip of my tongue to his. The inhuman sound he makes vibrates through me, and it's hot—literally hot. My entire body heats as if I'm too close to a fire. Only, the fire is Raz, and all I want is to get closer. To slip my dress off my shoulders and feel his heat directly against my breasts. His arm is firm and warm beneath me, his hand positioned so close to where I want it. If I arched my back and opened my thighs a little, would he take the signal and slide his fingers between my legs?

No, he wouldn't. And I'm not ready to tell him what I want. I won't put him in a position where he has to choose between breaking his word or rejecting me. I'm not sure I'd emotionally survive either thing.

I ease back from the kiss until a hair's breadth separates our mouths. "I haven't kissed anyone that way in a very long time."

"I have not kissed anyone."

"Ever?" I ask, pulling back more, enough to see his full face.

"That is correct."

"You're kidding."

"Vengeance demons do not tell jokes."

"It's an expression, a colloquialism." I bite the inside of my cheek so I don't let my smile become a laugh. "It means ‘you can't be serious.'"

"Vengeance demons are always serious."

A small laugh slips free, but only a quick one that tapers into a sigh.

His strong brow descends over demon-serious eyes. "I frustrate you."

"Sometimes, yes. But not right now. In this moment, I'm thoroughly enjoying how ‘you' you are."

Raz's stoic facial expression isn't prone to much variation, and this moment is no exception. "I am incapable of being anything else," he says, looking into my eyes with unflinching intensity.

"I like you the way you are, Raz. Steady, direct, consistent, honest. I need those things in my life."

For the briefest moment, his eyes flicker with something unfamiliar. "I wish to be everything you need. For that reason, I must inform you of inaccurate information I gave yesterday at your workplace."

A knot forms in my stomach at the thought of him lying to me. I can't be with someone who'd deceive me. Not even casually.

"After stating my desire to buy you a beverage at a time outside of your working hours, I told you I wished to return your friendly gesture, to maintain balance. While those things were true, they were not the full reason. I wanted to share personal time with you. Your physiological responses indicated discomfort, so I focused on the aspects you would find tolerable."

I knew it! The butterflies in my stomach weren't wrong. "You were asking me on a date?"

"That is the current human term." The permanently serious, more-than-a-little intimidating hell demon is the eight-foot-tall-plus-horns embodiment of adorable.

"This human would have said yes if you'd asked directly. And since we're admitting things, the physiological responses you noticed weren't negative. Surprise first, but also excitement." I snuggle in closer, watching the glow in his eyes flicker as I slide my hand higher up the horn I'm holding. Interesting. Something to revisit later, when I'm feeling braver. "I've been attracted to you for months, since the first time I saw you, but wasn't sure I should act on it."

"Because I am a demon."

I shake my head. "Because the last time I was drawn to someone, he turned out to be a monster in the most sinister sense."

"Is he responsible for the malice you mentioned?"

"Yes."

Again, Raz's grip on me tightens. "Vengeance is my purpose; I hold no stake in the transactions. But this is…personal. Whatever retribution is due, I will take pleasure meting it out."

A shiver ripples through me as images of Raz physically destroying Doug flood my mind. Flaying him. Setting him on fire. Things I've never imagined, never considered. Now, any one of them could become a reality. "Do you know what I'm thinking now?"

"No. I will only hear if you seek vengeance."

"I don't want vengeance. If one of the things that just flashed in my mind happens to leak out, it's an accident—I don't want you to act on it. As horrible as he was to me, I don't want you to do anything, okay?" When Raz's response is to clench his jaw and stare a hole through me, I place one hand on his cheek and give him the best smile I can call up with all this heavy stuff going through my head. "Believe me when I say that by living, I'm personally meting out the best possible revenge."

"Your life is a precious gift."

"Help me make the most of it by taking me up the escarpment for that special view of the waterfall," I say, sliding my hand to the back of his neck for the firm hold he advised. "And after that, I'm free all day, if you want to continue our date…"

"This is a date?"

The smile on my face now is as big and real as they come. "I kissed you, and you kissed me back. Unless you turn away or tell me I have bad breath, there's going to be more kissing at the top of the waterfall. So, yes, Raz, this is a date."

"Your breath is the sweetest thing I have tasted." His lips curve up—not a lot, but enough to label it a smile. "So far."

Did he just flirt with me? I think he did. But it's Raz, so maybe not? "Are you talking about food or drinks we might have later?"

His mouth returns to its standard, straight line. "No."

"Good," I say, as heat floods my cheeks and butterflies take flight in my stomach.

"I can be specific to prevent confusion."

I choke on a laugh, then let it run free, giggling against his warm skin. "Let's save that for the next date."

RAZBUNARE

I do not possess a heart. My liege created me to fulfill a singular purpose, and did not burden me with unnecessary physical attributes.

This morning spent with Dela confirms I do not require a beating heart to experience emotions. Sensations that sparked inside me the moment I looked upon her face seven months ago, and have grown every time since. There is more to my attraction than a desire to enjoy the pleasure of her soft flesh connected with mine. I care about her. For her.

Emotions are humans' greatest weakness, the reason I am able to contract their souls to my liege's hell realm. They are ruled by their feelings. I have never wished to experience life as they do. I could not, as wishing is an emotional response.

Now, with Dela, I am filled with wishes. How, after eons, did this single, fragile human elicit changes to the very makeup of my being? I have no directive to follow for such an occurrence. No knowledge of how to repair what has broken inside me.

Knowing I should not be this way does not motivate me to seek a solution. I would sooner cease to exist than be rid of these feelings. An irony, as that is the precise thing I had determined to do before she found me at the waterfall.

As I instructed her to do, she clung tightly to me while I climbed the rough escarpment to reach the crest of the waterfall. Having her soft body pressed close to mine and her hand wrapped around my horn were too strong a stimulation to ignore, and my cock remained hard throughout the trek. Releasing her did little to assuage the condition. The moment I returned her feet to the ground, she took my hand, and did not let go for a single second. It is difficult to keep my arousal under control in her presence. Seemingly impossible while we are in direct contact.

Dela drove to the woods this morning. My height prohibits me from riding in any vehicle with a closed top, and Dela's is exceptionally small. After another kiss that left me aching for further exploration of her body, she moved to her car, waved from inside, then left me to walk to town. An action which caused her guilt until I assured her I am incapable of experiencing pain or fatigue. I did not tell her the solitary journey would be a reprieve, an opportunity for my cock to stand down. I have no expectation of sexual contact with my sweet Dela, and she does not need to know the full extent of my desire.

It did not take as long as expected for my cock to lose its rigidity. Without Dela's presence to consume my mind, wishes for revenge bombarded me. I heard none during the hours spent in her company. After eons of constant inundation, I should have noticed the lull.

These wishes are my reason for being. I have ignored the voices before, but only briefly. Since the day I was drawn to the coffee shop, the first time I saw Dela, I have been more selective of the revenge I fulfill. Weighing the validity of wishes, considering the consequences to all involved—actions I am not meant to take. My liege requires souls in his realm, and delivering as many as possible is my duty.

Yet, I have not done so in the past seven months. I have satisfied enough vengeful wishes that I have not been recalled to hell. But I have contracted no souls today. Meeting Dela and sharing more time with her is my priority. My duties as a vengeance demon will wait.

Despite having the faster method of travel, Dela is not in sight when I reach our agreed-upon meeting place in town. The central downtown square is more populated than the times I have passed it on my way to Dela's workplace. Most days, there are two or three residents present, sitting on the immaculate parkette's benches or on the edge of the decorative, bubbling fountain.

Today, there are over a dozen people crowding the area. Though I rarely interact with the other residents of Fate's Falls, I recognize most who are in attendance. Normally, I would not spend more time on people than it takes to be aware of my surroundings. But two romantic pairings hold my attention.

Dakgorim, the orc who built many of the structures in Fate's Falls, including my cabin, stands at the bottom of five stairs leading to a raised gazebo. Behind him, and a couple of steps up, a human female has her arms wrapped around the sizable orc. The smile she wears never falters. Her chin rests on his shoulder and she presses kisses to his cheek at regular intervals. Much like me, orcs are not given to smiling, as humans do. But his affection is obvious, nonetheless. One of the orc's large hands spans both her forearms, his fingers curled possessively around them.

The Minotaur who employs Dela stands a couple of feet from the orc. At Constantine's side, a human woman is tucked under one of the Minotaur's thick arms. His substantially sized hand rests near the top of her breast, with her much smaller one absentmindedly stroking his fingers. Like the female hugging Dakgorim, the woman with Constantine appears happy and comfortable.

The orc and the Minotaur share similar stature with me. Their women are significantly smaller, much like Dela. I have anatomical knowledge of all sentient species in this realm. Like mine, orc and Minotaur cocks are double, if not more, than those of human males. Perhaps Dakgorim and Constantine are abstaining from sexual penetration with their women.

"Hi, I'm here, finally." Dela's voice at my back pulls my attention from the gathering near the gazebo. "I always call my mother on Saturday mornings. I did that when I got home to drop off my car because I didn't want her to worry, and the conversation ran longer than usual. Sorry I kept you waiting."

"An apology for dedication to those you care about is unnecessary," I say, when she reaches my side. "And you are worth any wait." The vengeful wishes retreat to the back of my mind, and, yet again, my cock tests the confines of my pants. As it does every time she is in view, and more so, now that I have tasted her mouth and felt her softness against me.

She slips her hand against mine, smiling when I fold my fingers to encompass all of hers. This lovely creature is not only touching me, she is doing so where anyone may see.

I did not think it possible for her to desire my company. My touch. My kiss. Nor did I think my response possible. These sensations of lightness, anticipation, and contentment. Never have I experienced any of the three. To have them all at once, woven together inside me, should be concerning enough to have me returning to hell for guidance. For extermination. But I do not wish them gone, these emotional responses. Only for them to grow stronger. With her.

"They must be going over the plans for Dak and Rosetta's wedding in the square next weekend." She nods toward the assembly of creatures socializing near the gazebo. "Are you going?"

"I have no knowledge of a wedding."

"Oh. I noticed you watching them; you were staring at them the whole time I was coming up the street. I thought you must be friends with Dak or Constantine, or both."

"Vengeance demons do not have friends."

"You know, I've heard a lot about what vengeance demons don't do and don't have, but… it seems like you're at a place in life where you're ready for some changes."

"Vengeance demons do not—" I snap my mouth closed. "You are correct."

"Do you mean that?" she asks, then immediately holds up her other hand. "I already know the ‘statement of fact' answer—vengeance demons do not lie. What I mean is, how do you feel about the changes?"

"I would tell you that vengeance demons do not feel things, that we are not burdened by emotions, and until recently, the statement would have been true. I have no explanation for this change you brought about, but this is the first day of my existence when I understand what it means to be happy. And if that is a burden, it is one I wish to continue bearing."

Dela always shines, but as she wraps her arms around me, the light within her practically glows. The top of her head barely reaches my chest. Despite my higher-than-human body temperature, the warmth of her cheek pressed against me seeps into my skin. She, too, is happy. And I am part of her happiness.

The people looking at us are unaware of this new mutual state. Their straight-faced expressions and narrowed gazes indicate concern. A hell-born demon who has lived among them for two years, yet had minimal interaction with anyone, is embracing a gentle, pure, human female. Their concern is understandable.

"I'm sorry," she says, easing back from me. "I shouldn't have thrown myself at you in public. Not without discussing the boundaries of our relationship. I shouldn't even assume that's what it is. I'm doing it again."

"Doing what?"

In front of me, she twists her hands together, her lips losing their pretty smile. "Wanting something to be a certain way so much, I convince myself that it is that way, even if it means ignoring signs to the contrary."

"Though I speak every language in this realm and in hell, I do not understand ambiguousness."

She sighs. "After the time we spent together at the waterfall, I thought… I thought it was the beginning of something between us. A relationship. Then I felt you tense up while I was hugging you, and I realized I had overstepped, made assumptions about what you want."

"Assumption is unnecessary. I have been direct with you, and I will continue to be, as that is what I know. I desire to be with you in all ways that please you. That will not change. Only at your request will I leave you. The increased muscular tightness you sensed occurred because others were observing our embrace. I noted the apprehension on their faces. I am vengeance, a creature created for darkness, and you are sunshine. We do not belong together."

The tension in her expression and posture fades, but the smile does not return to her face. "Is that what you really think? That we don't belong together?"

"Yes. But it is not how I feel , my sweet Dela."

The light returns to her eyes. To her skin. "So… it's okay with you if I show affection in public?"

"I welcome your touch in any location or manner you wish. And I would never tell you how to conduct yourself, not in public or in private."

"You have no idea how much that means to me," she says, placing her palms and chin on my chest, her face tipped up to look at mine. "I'd kiss you right now if I could."

"Then I will make an adjustment to accommodate your desire." I lower to one knee, bringing us face-to-face. The attention of anyone other than Dela means nothing to me. That does not mean I am unaware of it. "Everyone is watching. Many will have questions if you kiss me."

"Let them ask." She wraps her arms behind my neck, grips one of my horns, and presses her soft lips to my mouth.

It has only been an hour since she last kissed me, but having this contact again makes me crave more. When she breaks away, it is difficult to let her put space between us. I want the opposite. If I could, I would carry her to my cabin in the woods and keep her with me always.

"I have a question for you ," she says, as I rise. "And I don't want you to feel pressured to answer a certain way."

Vengeance demons do not feel pressure from humans, though many have tried through the centuries. This is not what she needs to hear. Also, it is possible that Dela could pressure me, as she has affected me in other impossible ways. "I will answer you honestly."

Nodding, she draws a deep breath. "Would you like to be my date for the wedding next Saturday? It'll be here in the square, just before sunset, then there's a drop-in reception at The Brew afterward. Open bar courtesy of Constantine, and delicious finger foods. We can make a brief appearance or stay as long as you like."

"You need not use food or beverages as enticement. If you want me by your side, I will be there."

"Perfect." She weaves the fingers on one small hand with mine. "This whole day is perfect. So much so, I'm afraid I might be dreaming the whole thing."

"You have dreamed of me before?" I say, as she leads me away, toward the shops lining one side of the square.

"Yes." The smile on her face when she looks at me is one of a different kind. "They were good dreams too, but in a different way."

"They were sexual dreams."

"A bold assumption," she nudges me with her shoulder, "but yes, they were."

The knowledge that her sleeping hours have included sexual fantasies about us has my cock standing at the ready. "You did not fear my cock in the dreams, as you did at the waterfall?"

"I'm not actually afraid of it," she says, choking back laughter. "Nervous, sure, but I was flirting when I said I may be a little afraid of it. It was flattery."

"Humans express adulation by falsely claiming fear?"

"Sometimes? Humans are rarely as straightforward as you." She stops in front of one of the many shops I have never entered and faces me. Smiles at me with warmth and affection. "But I'll work on it, so my words are more accurate to my thoughts. To what I want."

"That will make giving it to you more efficient."

"The giving shouldn't be one-sided, Raz. If I'm going to be direct about what I want, then you should do the same. Tell me what you want."

"I have already done so."

"Yes, you have, but I meant it as in, specifically. You know… when the time comes that we're alone together in private."

"You wish to know my preferred sexual activities."

The color rises on her cheeks again. "Yes, that would be helpful. Because you're not human, and also, because in my last relationship, I—" She closes her eyes longer than a normal blink, drawing a deep breath.

Patience is part of my nature, yet waiting for her to continue requires conscious effort. The more I know, the better I can care for her.

She exhales slowly, then meets my gaze again. "I wasn't good in the sex department, and my ex was human. If I couldn't get it right with someone in my species…" Her next exhalation is a sigh, her shoulders visibly dropping. "I don't want to disappoint you."

"That is impossible." I have much to learn about interpreting her expressions and reactions, but my declaration does not appear to assure her. "Tell me why the smile has not returned to your face."

"There's a question in my head, and I want to ask it, but I'm not sure I want to hear the answer."

"Humans are a very conflicted species."

"Aren't we just?" Her words ride a self-deprecating laugh. "Okay, I'm going to ask, and find a way to deal with the answer, whatever it is." After releasing my hand, she takes another deep breath, but appears no more relaxed upon exhaling.

Unease is another new sensation for me. This one is not pleasurable.

"Have you—" A small rumble rises from her throat as she shakes her hands where they hang at her sides. "Have you had sex with a lot of humans?"

"That is the question causing you distress?"

"Yes," she says. "And the fact that you didn't give me your usual straightforward answer and a distinct number isn't helping alleviate the feeling."

"I will supply the information you requested, but it has no relevance."

"Oh, great, it's a big number. And because I said I'd try to be more direct, by ‘great,' I mean not great at all. Because it's a human thing to say the opposite of what we mean."

Breathing is not necessary for me, but at this moment, I mimic the deep intake and release of air I have watched Dela do. It has no effect on me. Why I thought it might when it does little for her, I do not know. Perhaps the combination of new emotions and the renewed push of voices seeking fulfilment of revenge have affected my logic.

"I have had no human sexual partners."

Her eyes open wide, then reduce to narrow slits. "This morning, you said many humans have been curious about having sex."

"That does not mean I satisfied their curiosity."

Brightness returns to her eyes, only to be clouded again within seconds. "But you've had sex with non-humans?"

"Yes. With other demons in hell."

"That might be even worse," she says, turning her attention toward the street.

"I do not understand why this information is causing you discomfort." When she responds with a slight shake of her head, I gather her chin in my hand and gently direct her face to meet mine. "I have existed for as long as humans have inhabited the earth, and in that time, have engaged in activities normal for my kind."

"I know. Of course. I'm being oversensitive, worrying about things that are none of my business, making things about me when they're not, like I always do. I'm sorry, I know it's annoying."

"Vengeance demons do not get annoyed." I wait for her to laugh or smile, as she has the other times I've made such comments, but it does not happen. "As you have expressed an intent to be more direct, I will try to communicate in a way that is less ‘statement of fact,' while remaining truthful. For eons, I have existed. With you, I am living. I have engaged in activities normal for my kind. For you, I feel desire. I wish to please you, to see you smile, to hear you laugh. I wish to protect you from all that could cause you harm or unhappiness. I had no wishes for these things—no wishes of any kind—until you. There is no comparison between the time before you and this time with you."

A choked gasp leaves her parted lips. "Raz," she whispers, beaming up at me.

"Are you at ease now?" I ask, lowering my hands and clasping one of hers.

"How could I not be after that? Thank you for being patient with me. I didn't mean to unpack all my emotional baggage." She looks up at me as we resume walking. "I'm probably the worst first date ever."

"I am not dissatisfied."

The sound of her laughter is lighter than the air it inhabits. "I'm lucky you haven't had any other first dates."

"Nor will I have any other."

"You believe that?"

"Yes." Simple and straightforward is not the type of answer she wants. Humans prefer more words. Only for her am I willing to use them. "I never sought human companionship. I did not give thought to humans at all, beyond answering their need for revenge and fulfilling my purpose. One day, I was drawn to town, to the coffee shop. I had never been inside and could think of no explanation for my urge to enter. Vengeance demons do not act impulsively. Then I saw you and experienced a sense of lightness. Vengeance demons do not feel things, and I did not realize then that the sensation you invoked was an emotion, as I do now. But I knew you were the reason I had been drawn there. Though I could find no logical reason for it, I continued to visit, to have those few minutes with you."

"Maybe I'm just the beginning of a change within you. It's possible you'll be drawn to someone else. It happens. I hope it won't, but it might, since it happened with me."

"It will not. I cannot give you factual proof, only that I know."

"That's good enough for me," she says, leaning her head against my arm as we continue down the street. She halts our movement in front of a bakery and points to its large, protruding window showcasing shining trays of small edible items of varying sizes and appearances. "Have you ever had the spicy scones Amazra makes? They're made with Carolina reaper peppers and cinnamon. Way too high on the Scoville scale for me, but I always think of you when I see them."

She thinks of me while shopping. Dreams of me. Touches and kisses me without caring who sees. This delicate, perfect woman chooses me when she could have any other. It makes no sense. However long or short a time this lasts, I will do all that is possible to make her happy. Revealing another simple truth will do that, as it provides an opportunity for her to share her enthusiasm with me.

"I have not been inside this establishment."

As expected, her lovely mouth forms a wide O. "You've been in town two years and you haven't set one red foot in Just Baked?" She tugs on my hand while turning toward the door.

I would follow her anywhere, at any time, but the voices I have been ignoring choose this moment to push through, rendering me motionless and immovable. Bound to my purpose, a servant to my singular duty. I have no choice but to process the onslaught of revenge-seeking wishes, right here on the sidewalk, in Dela's presence.

"Are you okay?" Standing in front of me, her soft voice penetrates the din.

I see her. Hear her. Feel her hands squeezing mine. But I cannot answer. Not until I select the soul I will acquire for my liege's dominion.

"Raz?" The warm mouth I wish to feel against mine is down-turned. Above her seeking gaze, her brow is furrowed. "Is something wrong?"

With so many voices crowding my mind, choosing one should be immediate. But it is no longer simple. No action I take will directly involve or affect Dela, but I do not wish return to her side with blood on my hands.

There. An older male with petty demands against a deceptive partner. He will get his wish.

Locked on to my immediate destination, the other voices subside. For now. With so many seeking revenge, the respite will not last long.

"There is nothing to worry about," I say, focusing on Dela. "But I will have to delay the rest of our date and attend to my duties."

"You mean revenge? You have to go grant someone's revenge wish? Now?"

"It is my purpose. Ignoring it brings consequences, as you just witnessed. Fulfilling my purpose also brings consequences, because it requires I disappoint you. If what I am and the reality of what I must do changes your decision to spend time with me?—"

"It doesn't," she cuts me off, reaching up to graze my face with her soft fingers. "Just…be careful at work, okay? I know firsthand how evil some humans can be." She is worried for the safety of a hell-born demon who has committed acts that would terrify and disgust her.

I do not deserve her sunshine. "No harm will come to me." I capture her hand where it rests against my cheek and turn it, pressing my lips to her palm. "I will see you soon."

Walking away from another creature, in hell or in this realm, has never registered as anything other than an automatic action. Solitude is my existence. Was my existence, until today. Leaving Dela standing on the sidewalk is not merely a physical movement. Doing so creates an unwelcome tightness inside me.

On the opposite side of the town square, I cannot resist looking back. When I do, she is not there, nor anywhere within the scope of my vision. The tightness increases, pulling all the emotions of this day into a knot only she has the power to undo.