2. Isabella

Ihave never held a gun in my life. That shouldn't be a surprising fact. Lots of people have never held a firearm before—probably because they didn't need to, or they didn't have access to one. But that's not the case for me. I've been around guns since the day I was born. I've been around people who constantly made use of them, who wouldn't hesitate to shoot or kill someone. And yet I have never held a gun before.

Not by choice, though. At least, growing up, it wasn't my choice. No one placed a gun in my hand when I was little, not because it wasn't ethically right but because I was a woman in the Cosa Nostra. And I've had it ingrained in my mind by my father and the other men in my life that, as a woman, my only duty was to my family. All I had to do was smile and look pretty. Marry the man chosen for me, be a good mother.

All of that was bullshit. But it wasn't until my father died that I realized how stupid it was. My father's death was the single best moment of my entire life. The only thing being his daughter taught me was endless trauma, susceptibility to death, and constant exposure to it.

His death unfortunately didn't stop me from being his daughter. From having his last name and all the responsibility that came with me doing so. I don't believe in the ideals he put in my mind anymore, but the fact remains that some of them still stand. Our society isn't very progressive. And even the best men have a tendency to be unreasonable.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" my cousin shouts.

Enzo Russo is the Don of the Russo family. That makes him the head of the family, the boss. He controls everything around here. And I'm starting to realize he also thinks he can control me.

"Would you stop yelling? I'm right in front of you," I say, bored.

I'm seated on the couch while he paces the length of the living room in front of me. His wife is also in here. Rosa has an annoyed expression on her face as she looks at her husband, hand on her hips. I appreciate the solidarity. But if Enzo yells at me one more time I'm yelling back.

"You could have dated anyone. Literally fucking anyone, and you chose Jason?" Enzo asks through clenched teeth.

I shrug. "What's wrong with him?"

His jaw twitches. I've actually never seen him this angry before. He's usually so calm and collected, never fazed. It's nice watching him lose his shit.

"You're on thin ice, Isabella. This isn't funny."

"I don't understand why you're yelling at me."

"You don't understand?" he asks in frustration, running his hand through his reddish brown hair. "You could have dated anyone you wanted, Isa. Anyone apart from my capos. And I really fucking thought you'd be smart enough to stay away from my second-in-command. Do you think it's easy controlling all those men? Most of them are cold-blooded murderers without any respect for women. And now they don't see you as an untouchable woman in the family, they see you as someone they can have."

"Surely, they're not that stupid. And if you can't control the men under you, then why are you even Don, cugino?"

"You're right. I fucked up. I should have controlled them better. I should have controlled him better. And now that he's broken the rules, what do you think I'm going to do to him?"

My fists clench and I look him straight in the eye. "Enzo," I grit out.

"If you care about him, you'll let him go."

"I'm not going to stay away from him just because you command it," I retort.

His expression darkens. "Do you want me to kill him, Isa?"

I level him with a hard stare. "You wouldn't."

"Don't try me," he snaps. "The only reason Jason is still alive is because he's a close friend and I owe him a lot. If it was anyone else, they would have lost their life. I'm showing mercy, Isabella. But if I catch you two together again, all bets are off. Do you understand?"

I cross my arms and stare at him defiantly, refusing to reply. My cousin pinches the bridge of his nose. He looks toward his wife.

"Talk to her."

Rosa arches a dark eyebrow. "That's kind of hard to do, amore, considering I agree with her. You can't stop her if she wants to be with Jason."

The look on Enzo's face would be comical if I wasn't still so pissed.

"And it's laughable that you think she would be able to convince me in the first place," I point out. Rosa and I aren't exactly close.

Enzo groans, looking at me. "I don't know why you're fighting this hard. Jason already agreed to stay away from you."

That gives me pause. "He did what?"

I haven't seen Jason in days. I figured he was being held somewhere by my brother, but for some reason, I thought he'd be fighting for us. Now I'm starting to realize that was a mistake.

"He was smart enough to understand that the two of you couldn't have a relationship. You're a Russo, Isabella," Enzo states.

"You say that like it's a good thing," I mutter, still in shock.

"Maybe not to you. But it's my responsibility to ensure you end up with a good man."

"Isn't Jason supposed to be your best friend?"

"He is, and I care about him. But he doesn't deserve you," my cousin states.

He sighs, walking closer to place a hand on my shoulder. I stare into his brown eyes, trying to convey all the rage I'm currently feeling.

"I gave him a choice, Rosa. If he left the family for you, then I would have understood how important it was. You know me, I'm a sucker for true love," he says with a small smile, looking at his wife briefly. "But what you two had wasn't true love."

It might not have been. But I thought it was something.

It stings. More than I care to admit. It stings that he just gave up. This is why I don't give my heart to people. They always inevitably crush it.

"I'm sorry, cugina," Enzo says softly.

He walks out of the living room soon after. Once he's gone, Rosa steps forward.

"Are you okay, Isa?"

"Leave me alone," I say irritated.

Before she can say anything else, I'm getting to my feet and walking out of the room. It's not like I don't like her, I do. Most of the time. Rosa's nice enough, but sometimes it's hard to watch her and Enzo and their disgustingly perfect life. They're a perfect couple in love, and I wonder if I'll ever find that one day.

Jason appears in front of me a week later. It's late at night and I had been on my way to get a drink from the bar in the house when he calls my name. I turn around in surprise. I hadn't even heard him approach. But he's always been very light footed. I always used to tell him he'd make a great spy.

"Isabella," he says slowly in that deep sexy voice of his. "I know you're angry."

"Angry? Anger's an emotion reserved for people I care about. As of a week ago, you've fallen off of that list."

He runs a hand through his blonde hair. "Don't do that. Don't be an ice queen when I know you actually do care."

My eyes narrow. "Now you're going to tell me how to feel? After you abandoned me?"

"Shh. Are you trying to wake everyone up? I'm not even supposed to be here. But I had to talk to you. Why haven't you been returning my calls or texts?"

"I blocked you."

He gives me a look. "Real mature, Isa."

"Is there any point to this conversation?"

"I'm trying to apologize. I'm trying to explain."

"Why the hell should I accept your bullshit apology? Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to start going out with you? I knew it was a bad idea, you knew it was a bad idea, and yet you convinced me anyway. You made me laugh; you made me feel happy. You said you wanted me. And I believed you. I was dumb enough to believe you, and now what? All those feelings simply went away?"

A muscle ticks in his jaw.

"Do you know where I'm from, Isabella?" he continues without waiting for an answer. "The first time Enzo and I met, I was a starving kid on the streets. I had to survive on my own for a long fucking time. I had nothing—no family, no home, absolutely fucking nothing until I met Enzo. So, yeah, you can blame me for choosing him, for choosing my position in this family over you. But if I hadn't, then what would I have had left?"

It takes a second before I reply.

"I'm sorry, are you waiting for me to say you would have had me? Because that was never going to happen. We were a mistake from the start. That much is clear to me now."

"You're still angry," he grits out.

"I told you I don't give a fuck. Have a nice life, Jason. And stay the hell away from me."

"Isa," he says, trying to grab my arm. I lean away from his touch.

"No, I'm done. You made your choice, Jason. You'd better leave before my cousin catches you. After all, he's all you care about. Your loyalty is truly inspiring. I would say you should fuck him in the ass to truly show him just how much you love him, but I'm sure his wife does enough of that already."

His eyes flash with murderous rage and he makes a low growl in the back of his throat. I'm not interested in listening to him any longer.

"Bye, Jason," I tell him before walking away.

Honestly, that felt good. Something I learned being a part of this family? It's always good to tear down the things that threaten to hurt you. Before they actually do succeed.

Unfortunately, Jason already did succeed. But at least now he doesn't know just how much he did.

I'm lying on my bed and reading a book when I hear two sets of feet approaching my bed.

"Isa, you've been sad for a while now. We're officially worried," Matthew says, crossing his arms over my chest.

I arch an eyebrow, slightly amused. "Officially, huh?" I ask my cousin. "How can I alleviate these official worries?"

The twins share a look. Matthew and Maria are eleven years old, the children of one of my uncles who passed away a couple of years ago. Since their father died, I've been in charge of their care. I love them like they're my own children and I would do anything for them.

"Be happy," Maria states, like happiness is a switch I can turn on and off.

"Okay," I say, closing my eyes for a second. I pop them open immediately after. "There, I'm happy again."

I even add in a big smile. They share another look, identical frowns on their faces. They've grown up so much. Sometimes, my heart aches at the thought. Soon enough, they'll be adults and they won't need me anymore. They're already so big and mature.

Matthew crosses his arms over his chest. "We're not stupid, Isa."

"I never said you were," I state, swinging my legs out of bed so I'm seated in front of them.

I look at them both in turn, taking in their faces. They're twins but they're not exactly identical. Maria has long silky black hair and light blue eyes. She's a beautiful little girl. Matthew still has most of his baby fat, chubby cheeks, and curly brown hair. He and his sister are roughly the same height.

They might not share a lot of facial characteristics, but they're inseparable, the way most twins are. Sometimes I think they even have some weird type of telepathy going on.

"My loves, I promise I'm fine," I say in Italian.

It's clear they both don't believe me.

"We know something happened with Jason," Matthew states in English.

Maria nods in agreement. "He used to live here with us before but he doesn't anymore. We barely see him now."

She looks a little sad at that and I immediately feel bad.

"It's not my fault Jason doesn't come around anymore. Blame Enzo."

"We know you and Jason were together," Maria states.

My eyes widen. "What do you mean by that?"

"We saw you kissing one day. But we didn't tell anyone, promise," she quickly assures me.

I frown. Jason and I were really terrible at keeping our relationship a secret.

"It's alright, Maria. I'm not angry. Also, you don't need to worry about me or Jason."

"But we do worry. We want you to be happy, Isa," Matthew insists.

I sigh. I never should have let them pick up on my bad mood at all. It was my mistake.

"Okay, fine. Yes, I've been a little sad. And yes, something happened between Jason and me. But everything's okay now. And I promise I won't be sad anymore."

"Maybe you need a vacation," Maria suggests.

Matthews nods. "Like our mama. She goes on vacations anytime she's feeling sad."

Actually, their mother takes frequent trips to a psychiatric ward because she's ill. No one has had the heart to tell the twins the truth and their mother has done a good job of hiding her condition from them. Apart from an incident a couple years back, they're mostly oblivious to her sickness.

"You should go on a trip too, Isa. Just for a couple of days."

"Do you guys want to go on a trip?"

"No, it's for you silly," Maria says on a laugh. "You spend all your time taking care of us. You should have some fun on your own."

I smile. They really have grown up. I run my hand through her hair, looking at her brother.

"I've heard you both and I'll consider it, I promise."

The truth is, I'm in dire need of some kind of pick-me-up. Something to make me feel okay again. So when I get a call from an old friend from college, inviting me to Colorado for a party and a night of fun, I decide to take it.

It's completely uncharacteristic. Even in college I never partook in such activities. I didn't want to give my family a reason to rescind what little freedom I had. I never let myself have any fun.

But maybe it's time for me to take a chance and let loose. And have some fun while I'm at it.