Chapter Forty

I should feel like a total fool as I leg it from the pub, but I don’t have time for self-flagellation. I’ll give myself a major talking-to later but, at this moment in time, I need to concentrate on putting things right. I’m glad I chose to wear the Converse over the heels as I push my way through the pub doors and sprint along the pavement towards Winden Street. Jed dashed back to Manchester this morning, but Russell is still in town so he can tie up any remaining loose ends before the agency manager arrives on Monday morning.

‘Is Russell here?’ I collapse against the counter after bursting into the chippy, my breath ragged and chest burning after the race over here from the pub.

‘He’s in the back.’ Bridget places a neatly packaged portion of chips on the counter, refusing to make eye contact with me. She’s livid that she hasn’t been given the manager’s position and has somehow piled the blame on me.

‘I’ll just…’ I lift a hand and wave it limply towards the back of the shop.

With supreme effort, I push myself away from the counter and limp to the back room, knocking on the door before stepping in. Russell’s sitting at the table in front of a pile of papers, his eyebrows pulled down low as he concentrates. They lift up in surprise when he looks up and sees me on the threshold. My fingers find the little fish charm around my neck, and I hold it gently between my finger and thumb. Claire and James have been telling me for weeks that I’d be crazy to give up a job I love, but it’s only now that I realise I’ve made a terrible decision for all the wrong reasons. I’ve sacrificed a job I love to try to meet an ideal I set myself in the hope of impressing a bunch of people I don’t even know any more. I adored my job at The Fish & Chip Shop Around The Corner, so why couldn’t that be enough? Not for Paul or Sienna or the others, but for me ?

‘I’ve changed my mind. About the manager position. I don’t want to leave The Fish & Chip Shop Around The Corner. I love working here. I don’t know why I ever thought it was a good idea to find a new job. I’m a fool. A massive fool.’ I’m jabbering, throwing words at Russell at an alarming rate, getting them out there before I change my mind again. ‘If the offer is still there, I’d like to stay and be the manager.’

Russell rises slowly from his chair and edges around the table towards me. ‘Of course the offer is still there.’ He reaches out to place a hand on my arm, but changes his mind and, with a grin spreading across his face, he pulls me into a hug that has me gasping for breath. ‘I’m so pleased you’re staying. The chippy will be in the very best hands.’

‘It isn’t too late? With the agency and everything?’ I can barely get the words out with my chest being crushed, and Russell seems to realise and relaxes his arms so that only one is now loosely draped across my shoulders.

‘We’ll sort it. It’ll be fine, don’t worry.’

‘Don’t you have to discuss this with Jed?’

‘Are you kidding me?’ Russell takes my hand in his, squeezing gently. ‘If he found out that I’d hesitated for even a nanosecond in accepting, he’d have my nuts for breakfast. Not a very pleasant breakfast, admittedly, but you get the gist.’

‘Do I have to give the necklace back?’ I pinch the little fish between my finger and thumb again. ‘Because I won’t give it up without a fight.’

‘It’s yours, forever.’ Russell takes my other hand in his and we have a little dance around the back room until I drag myself away from the chippy, because there’s one more thing I need to do tonight before I lose my nerve.

James is back to wearing his usual weekend attire of slim-fit jeans, a slate-grey T-shirt and a pair of brown brogues. He isn’t wearing a blazer, but I know there’ll be one knocking about, ready to slip on should he need to leave the house. I’m not disappointed though, because although the gold-and-pink-clad James was exciting and dynamic, the regular James isn’t so bad either. He’s fun and kind and bizarrely giving me butterflies as he stands at the front door of my gran’s house.

‘Hi.’ I look down at the doorstep, willing my cheeks to cool down as I feel them start to blaze like a pair of glow sticks. ‘Can I come in?’

‘Yes.’ The word is elongated, and when I sneak a peek at James, his face is scrunched up in bemusement. ‘Of course you can.’ He moves aside and I step into the house, turning to shuffle sideways along the hallway.

‘Is this a bad time?’ The hallway is filled with boxes so there’s only just enough room to move down to the kitchen.

‘The kids have gone to Cyprus with Carla and her parents and Cordy’s at Gwen’s, so I thought it’d be the perfect opportunity to get some packing done. I should be getting the keys to my new place on Monday. Big day, eh? You’re starting your new job and I’m finally getting out of your gran’s hair.’

‘I’ve actually asked for my old job back.’ My fingers find the little fish charm, and I move it gently up and down the chain. ‘So I won’t be starting my new job after all.’ I push the thought of Nigel Wolfenden and the phone call we’re going to have to have away. ‘And it’s all down to you.’

‘Me?’ James pulls back his chin, and his cheeks shimmer with a few flecks of stubborn glitter from last night. ‘How did I do that?’ He grabs a couple of mugs from the cupboard, none of which are his usual David Bowie one, which I assume is now wrapped in newspaper and sitting in one of the boxes in the hallway.

‘By being up on that stage last night, doing something you clearly love and not even caring that you were wearing a pair of shiny gold trousers and a pink shirt.’

James takes a small step back and opens his arms wide. ‘You didn’t like my new look?’

I try not to think about James up on the stage in that outfit, because it’s making my cheeks flush again and my palms are prickling with sweat. If I think about James in that outfit, I’ll replay his sultry, highly charged ‘Dreamy Lady’ performance and my insides will jumble themselves up all over again.

‘My point is, you looked like you were having the time of your life up there. You looked so happy, and I want that for myself, but I know that if I really did leave The Fish & Chip Shop Around The Corner and start working at that Butter Rose place, I’d be miserable. So yes, you inspired me to do what makes me happy.’

‘I’m glad. You should be happy. You deserve it.’ He reaches into the cupboard and holds out a coffee pod in each hand for me to choose from. I step forward and tap the vanilla latte pod. Being closer to James causes a weird sensation in my stomach, as though there’s an octopus in there that’s decided to have a good stretch of all its tentacles, in a not entirely unpleasant way.

‘ You make me happy.’

My cheeks feel as though they’re actually on fire right now, and I expect the smoke alarm to shriek into life at any moment. I can no longer allow my gaze to rest on James and am currently appraising the worktop to his left, where the kettle sits. I don’t know if James feels the same way about me – I could just be the annoying granddaughter of his landlady, but I hope not because these last few weeks have been wonderful. I had thought it was the idea of meeting up with Paul that brought me back to life, but it wasn’t. It was James. Spending time with him, getting to know him, falling in love.

‘I do?’

I still can’t quite look at James, and I can’t gauge his reaction from those two tiny words, but I decide to plough on anyway, to get everything out in the open before I chicken out. I never told Paul how I felt and look how that turned out. I pined for the man for almost a decade, and for nothing, because he didn’t feel the same way. Isn’t it better to take a risk, to find out one way or another?

‘Yes, you do. Even though you’re always so much better at everything than I am. Crochet, arcade games. Even the dance machine .’

‘You won the sword fight in the park.’

‘See, you’re even better at keeping score than I am.’

‘I can’t help being so perfect. It’s a curse.’

‘But you’re not so perfect, are you?’ I brave a glance at James to raise my eyebrows at him. ‘What about your terrible handwriting?’

‘Ouch.’ James clutches his stomach. ‘Hit me where it hurts, why don’t you? I should never have revealed my flaw.’

‘Is that really your only flaw?’

James places the coffee pods on the worktop and shakes his head. ‘Can you keep a secret?’

‘Yes.’ As long as keeping a secret involves sharing it with Claire, because best friends don’t count, do they?

‘I’m a terrible kisser.’

Disappointment thuds heavily in my stomach. ‘Really?’

‘Let’s find out.’

In one seamless motion, James has closed the gap between us, pulled me towards him and is kissing me. And I instantly discover his flaw, right there in my gran’s kitchen: James Merchant is a great big fibber, because there is nothing terrible about this. Nothing. At. All.