9. Judd

Judd

I’m not sure how we got here. One moment, we were sitting in the booth at the motel’s little café, joking over nachos and drinks. Now, I’m standing in Nakul’s motel room, staring at him like I’ve never seen another human being before. My heart is racing, my head foggy from the beer and whatever else is coursing through my veins.

It’s not just the alcohol, though. It’s Nakul. The way he leans against the small desk in the corner of the room, his dark hair loose over his shoulders, his brown eyes catching the faint glow of the lamp. There’s something effortless about the way he looks at me—like he’s not trying to seduce me, but he doesn’t have to.

I take a shaky breath and try to laugh it off. “So, uh, this is your room?” I feel like a teenage boy in a girl’s room for the first time, trying not to show that I’m attracted to a man I barely know. Which is impossible because I’ve never thought of a man like that. I blame all of this on the alcohol.

“Yeah. It’s temporary until the house gets sold.”

Of course. I keep forgetting that he had been planning a life with Ava. Of course, there had been property and other things involved. I’d be dumb to think otherwise. My head bobs as I tuck my bottom lip between my teeth, not trusting myself to say anything more. The air between us feels heavier than it should.

I should leave. I know I should but my feet stay rooted to the spot.

“You’re quiet,” Nakul says, stepping closer. His eyes search mine, curiosity taking over his expression. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I manage, my voice cracking. “I’m fine. Just… thinking.”

“About what?” he teases but there’s a breathiness to his voice this time. “About how much you like nachos?”

“Something like that.”

He steps closer and now he’s just a foot away. Close enough that I can see the way his dark skin gleams under the soft light, the curve of his jaw, the slight smirk playing on his lips. My throat is dry, my heart pounding in my chest.

I don’t know who moves first—maybe it’s him, maybe it’s me—but suddenly his hand is on my arm, gentle but firm. His touch sends a jolt through me, like static electricity, and I don’t pull away. I can’t.

“You’ve been looking at me all night,” he murmurs, his voice suddenly dripping with honey and desire. “Do you want me to stop?”

It takes me a second to process the question but when I do, I shake my head. “No,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “Don’t stop.”

And then his lips are on mine, my hands tangled in his hair as he backs me against the wall. It’s not supposed to feel like this. It’s not supposed to feel good. I can’t stop, though, not even when he presses himself against me, every hard ridge of his body plastered against mine. His cock thickens against my lower belly, mine reciprocating the same desire.

He gently wraps a hand around the back of my neck, tugging me closer as he devours my mouth. His tongue tangles with mine, both of us dueling for something more—dominance, connection—I don’t fucking know but Nakul feels amazing.

My hips thrust against his without my permission, one of his hands moving to settle on my waist. A slow rhythm starts between us as we rock against each other, Nakul taking charge as I let myself be swallowed up by him. When a garbled moan tears from my throat, I freeze, confused by my own body.

My heart is nearly beating out of my chest, my breath coming out in pants as Nakul ends the kiss. His eyes are half-lidded, his nostrils slightly flared as he steps back.

The weight of what just happened hangs in the air, and for a moment, I don’t know what to say. The warmth between us feels fragile like it could shatter at any second. I have no idea what just happened but I’m not mad… just confused. Very confused.

“I should go,” I say suddenly, the words spilling out before I can stop them. This feels like the end of something that just started but I have no idea how to explain what just happened. My throat is suddenly dry as I search for the right words, wondering if there are right words to even say. “Stevie’s probably asleep but I should relieve my sisters.”

Nakul doesn’t look like he believes me but I rush out of the room anyway, hating myself every second as I call an Uber. I’m glad for the little reprieve that comes knowing he didn’t follow me into the lobby but tomorrow is going to be beyond awkward.

The entire ride home, I’m touching my lips, remembering the way he held me, the way he felt against me. And I don’t hate it.

In fact, I think I like it.

Really like it.

Unfortunately, I can’t dwell on it as I enter my house, Athena and Jess giggling like two idiots on my couch. I admire how close they’ve gotten over the last few years as Athena opened up about her own struggles with her now husband, Lars. My sisters are peas in a pod, both of them looking up and grinning at my disheveled state.

Normally, I’d play into their teasing but not tonight. My head is too much of a mess. “Hey,” I say, trying to sound normal as I kick off my shoes. “Thanks for watching her. I had a great night. Took an Uber back, so… yeah.”

Jess looks at me curiously, her brow furrowed. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.” I force a smile. “I’m gonna crash.”

Athena gives me a look, one of those piercing sibling looks that says she knows I’m lying but won’t press me on it. “Okay,” she says. “Good night, Judd.”

I help them clean the living room a bit, hugging them tight as they leave. Neither one asks any questions, of which I’m thankful. Stumbling toward my room, I strip off my clothes the moment the bedroom door is closed and stuff myself in the shower.

My mind is racing, a mess of emotions I don’t know how to deal with. I keep telling myself it was just the alcohol, that it didn’t mean anything. But that’s a lie. My heart is still pounding, and I can still feel Nakul’s lips on mine, his hands on my skin. The memory is vivid, too vivid, and it sends a fresh wave of confusion crashing over me.

What the hell am I doing?

I find my hand on my cock, still stiff and crying out for release. It twitches against my palm as I give it a languid stroke, my mind filling with Nakul’s dark brown eyes. The ghost of his touch lingers as I continue to stroke myself, my head thrown back as I imagine his lips around my length.

This is no longer the alcohol.

I can’t blame this desire on anyone other than myself as I come with Nakul’s name on my lips.

I’m not sure I’m ready to face that yet. Not after everything with Ava. Not after the mess my life has been.

For now, I’ll let the water drown out the noise, at least for a little while.