8. Judd

Judd

I’ve been a mess all week. Not the kind of mess people notice—not the disheveled, falling-apart kind. On the surface, I’ve got it together. I’m still getting my work done, taking care of Stevie, keeping the house clean. But inside? Inside, I’m all over the place. Ever since I ran into Nakul at Riocen Chemicals, something in me has been off.

It’s not just the awkwardness of seeing him there, shaking his hand while my mother and my sister looked on like it was the most normal thing in the world. It’s not just the weird coincidence of bumping into him three times in a week after years of not seeing him once. No, it’s something deeper than that.

Something I don’t even want to admit to myself.

I catch myself thinking about him too much. Not just in passing, not just in the way you think about someone you ran into at work.

It’s different.

He’s in my head when I’m making Stevie’s lunch, when I’m brushing my teeth, when I’m going over reports. I keep replaying the way his hand felt when I shook it, how solid and warm his grip was. The way he looked in that casual jacket and jeans, completely out of place in Riocen’s polished corporate setting but somehow still fitting in.

And it’s not normal. It’s not me. I’ve never thought about a man this way. I’ve never wanted to. I’ve dated women, loved women, had a daughter with a woman. This—whatever this is—doesn’t make sense.

But here I am, sitting at home with Stevie playing on the floor, staring at my phone like an idiot. The message I sent Nakul is still sitting there, waiting for a reply.

Is the bar okay Friday?

I sent it because after mumbling through a call yesterday, asking him to have dinner together, it felt too much like a date. But, now that it’s out there, it feels like more. Like I’m asking him for… fuck, I'm not saying it.

“Daddy, juice!” Stevie’s voice cuts through my spiraling thoughts. I put down my phone and grab her sippy cup from the counter, handing it to her with a smile.

“Here you go, sweetie. Don’t spill it, okay?”

She grins at me and my heart melts a bit. But even she can’t distract me completely today. When my phone buzzes with a reply from Nakul, my stomach flips.

Sure. Let’s do it. What time?

I quickly type out a response, agreeing on 7:30, and then stare at the screen like it’s going to give me answers. Is this a date? No. It can’t be. It’s just two guys hanging out, right?

***

By Friday night, I’m a wreck. Athena and Jess have come over to watch Stevie, turning it into some kind of girls’ night complete with wine—peach apple juice for Stevie—and awful kid movies. Stevie is thrilled to have her aunts doting on her, which means I’m out of excuses to stay home.

“You’re nervous,” Jess teases as I grab my coat. “It’s cute.”

“I’m not nervous,” I lie, trying to sound casual. “It’s just a guy from work.”

Athena smirks as she rumbles through the kitchen drawers for a bottle opener. “Sure, Judd. Just a guy from work you’ve been texting nonstop all week.”

I roll my eyes and leave before they can say anything else.

***

The bar is crowded, noisy, and dimly lit. It’s a place I fell in love with growing up but now, it’s just a little too chaotic. Even so, it feels less intimidating being here than anywhere else with Nakul. When I spot him sitting at the bar, I hesitate. He’s got a casual confidence about him, his posture relaxed, his smile easy. He looks good— too good—and that only makes me more nervous.

“Hey,” I say as I slide onto the stool next to him.

“Hey,” he replies, turning to me with a grin. “Glad you made it.”

We order drinks and I down half my beer in one go, hoping it’ll settle my nerves. It doesn’t.

“How was your week?” Nakul asks, his voice warm and friendly. Too friendly . It’s making me feel things I don’t want to feel.

“It was fine,” I say quickly, avoiding his gaze. “Worked from home, spent time with Stevie. Nothing exciting.” What are we even supposed to talk about? Why did I think inviting this man out on Friday night was a good idea? The only things we have in common are attending the same high school and our ex, Ava.

Nakul nods, taking a sip of his drink before staring at my near-empty one. He must know that I’m nervous while he’s a bundle of calm. “That sounds nice. How’s Stevie doing?”

“She’s good,” I say, smiling despite myself. “My sisters are watching her tonight. They turned it into a girls’ night.”

“That’s sweet. You’re lucky to have family close by.”

I silently agree, but my mind is spinning. This is just a normal conversation, but I’m focused on everything else. I’m hyperaware of how close we’re sitting, of the warmth radiating from his body. My thoughts are all over the place. Is this a date? Am I reading too much into it? What if I’m not?

No, I asked him out. Fuck, did I ask him out on a date?

“You okay?” Nakul asks, his brow furrowing slightly. “You seem… uncomfortable.”

I shake my head, forcing a laugh. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just not used to this kind of thing.”

“This kind of thing?” he teases. “You mean hanging out? Talking to people?”

“Something like that,” I mutter, finishing the rest of my beer.

Nakul studies me for a moment, then smiles. “You know, if this place is too much, we could go somewhere quieter. My motel’s not far. We could grab some food and just talk.”

The idea of leaving the crowded bar and being somewhere quieter is a relief. I nod quickly. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

By the time we reach the motel, I’m feeling a little more relaxed. The lobby is quiet, a stark contrast to the chaos of the bar. Nakul orders a plate of nachos and a couple of drinks from the small café counter as we settle into a booth near the corner.

When the nachos arrive topped with an impossible amount of cheese and no other toppings, I can’t help but laugh. “You eat like my four-year-old.”

Nakul grins, popping a chip into his mouth. “Hey, nachos are a universal food. Doesn’t matter how old you are.”

His easy humor puts me at ease, and for the first time all night, I feel like I can breathe. Maybe this isn’t so complicated after all. Maybe it’s just two people hanging out, getting to know each other. And maybe—just maybe—that’s exactly what I need.