Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

For the next two days, Josh immersed himself in getting the collection just right. He was also working with Helga to fill the boutique with brand-new lines to complement Cut.

They did a deal with a stockist over the river who bought their old stock in bulk. It allowed them to perform a complete refresh in no time.

High stock turnover maintained their cutting-edge brand. He'd forgotten how much energy it took to get something like this off the ground. He was glad in many ways that this would be his last time too.

Suzanne, on the other hand, seemed to be in her element. Released from the shackles of wanting to please Josh, she was taking risks that were paying off. He remained convinced he had made the right decision letting her take the lead.

"I'm jealous of all the fun you'll get hanging out with drag queens," Suzanne said.

"Am I up to it?" Josh replied. "They are quite a handful."

Suzanne looked up and caught his eye.

"You are disgusting," he said.

They both burst into laughter.

"He is though."

"Hey now," Suzanne said, holding her hands up. "You've got Madeline for that. Bleurgh."

Downstairs, Jean-Paul could be heard cackling about something or other. Helga had agreed with Josh about giving Jean-Paul a pay rise. Once they'd told him, he was like the cat that had got the cream.

Josh glanced at his watch.

"I'd better go," he said. "I promised Hugh I'd call in on rehearsals."

"Where at?"

"They've hired a space on the high street."

Suzanne frowned. "That will be pricey."

Josh nodded. Everything in their area was expensive. Most of the residents, including Josh, rarely thought anything of it. Things were very different through Hugh's eyes.

"Can I leave you with this?" Josh asked.

"Sure thing."

He grabbed his coat and after kissing her on the cheek, made his way downstairs.

"Here he is, the best boss in the land," Jean-Paul said. "And so handsome too."

Josh glanced at Helga and rolled his eyes. "Are you coping?"

"Just," she replied with a giggle.

Jean-Paul squeezed Josh's arm. "I mean it. Thank you, again."

Ultimately, Josh would love Tuck to have its own boutique and he had Jean-Paul in his sights to run it. He would be amazing. That was a little way down the road and he had no intention of letting the excitable shop assistant know what his plans were. He would never stop nagging Josh.

"I'm late," he said. "You can kiss my arse another time or should I outsource that to Sidney too?"

Instantly, Jean-Paul went crimson.

"Haha, you do fancy him," Josh said.

"I do not. Don't be so ridiculous."

"Sure. Tell your face that."

Josh pinched his cheek before dashing out of the door and up the little street of shops. Winter was almost upon them. It wouldn't be long until all the windows were full of Christmas spirit.

Winston had never been a fan of the holidays. He'd always insisted on going away to the Caribbean. Josh hadn't asked Hugh what his plans were. It might be nice to spend his first London Christmas for a while with Hugh.

There was something about being cold at this time of year that felt right. Although with Hugh being Australian, it was probably completely different for him.

Perhaps he would design something for Hugh as a Christmas present. Josh itched to make another drag outfit so that would be the perfect excuse. Maybe not a Mrs Wimpole suit. He wanted to flex his muscles. Bring some of his edginess of Cut into the mix.

As he walked to the rehearsal space, he stared in shop windows for inspiration. By the time he reached the nondescript door he was torn between a Madeline-style maxi dress or a full-on corseted gown. He would discreetly sound Hugh out.

To be fair, I'll probably make both.

He pulled the black door open and made his way up the stairs. The whole place had seen better days, that was for sure.

The dull sound of muffled piano playing came from a room above him. Hugh had mentioned they were getting one of his friends over to run through some potential new numbers.

He pushed the next door open and went into the main room. It was in the eaves of the building and huge. They were above an estate agents. Luckily they had a floor between them. Hugh had told him this was used for storage so there was no danger of disturbing the customers.

Hugh and Michael stood at the piano manned by a pleasant-looking chap. Hugh beamed when he saw Josh come in.

"Take a seat," he said, pointing at a threadbare old sofa in the corner. "We'll take it from the top and you can tell us what you think."

Michael gave him a wave as did the pianist. Josh threw his coat off and flopped down on the sofa.

Just as they had launched into an up-tempo ditty that appeared to be called Dick Ins, Josh's phone began to vibrate. When he fished it out of his pocket, his heart raced. It was Winston.

Fuck.

He hadn't heard anything from him since the studio ambush. Josh had dared to hope that he'd given up and fucked off to Nice. Evidently, Josh wasn't that lucky. He let it go to answer machine and pocketed the phone again. He had nothing to say and certainly wouldn't be engaging with Winston when Hugh was in the vicinity.

The song came to an end. Josh stood up and clapped. They had managed to fit in a whole host of Dickens references. The Professor would be tickled pink.

"Very good," he said.

He walked over to Hugh and kissed him on the cheek.

"Do you really think so?" Hugh asked.

His face lit up like a child on Christmas morning.

"I do," Josh replied. "This is going to be a wonderful show. How long now?"

"Two weeks until previews," Michael said. "Time's ticking."

"We always fly by the seat of our pants. We'll do it," Hugh replied.

They were opening in Newcastle in the run-up to Christmas. Josh had to admit to himself that it would be sad to lose Hugh from next door. It had been nice and handy. They hadn't even spoken about where Hugh would live on his return from tour. That was months away. They had plenty of time for those kinds of discussions.

"Can I buy you all dinner?" Josh asked.

The pianist shook his head. "Thank you but no can do. I've got a gig at a jazz bar in Shoreditch. In fact, I need to get moving."

"I'm hitting the town," Michael added. "Looks like it will be you two lovebirds tonight."

Hugh stuck his tongue out.

"I'll be glad to get out of this shithole," Michael said. "Did you see the damp in the toilets? It will be a miracle if we don't get some disease or other."

Hugh sighed and rested his head on Josh's shoulder. "It's not that bad."

"It's a bloody fortune is what it is," Michael fired back. "That we wouldn't have to pay if you would be sensible."

Josh frowned. He had no idea what Michael was alluding to.

"Let me grab my things and I'll be with you," Hugh said, shooting a death stare at Michael.

Josh wandered over to the window. The view of the high street was limited. Still, London was his favourite place in the whole world. No matter which angle he viewed it from.

He could hear a whispered conversation going on between Hugh and Michael. There was definite tension there. Although that seemed to be a semi-permanent fixture in their relationship.

Good job Suzanne and I aren't like that. I think I would go crazy.

"Ready," Hugh said, eventually.

Josh crossed the room and took his outstretched hand. Another evening with this gorgeous man lay before him. It was a very appealing prospect.

They said their goodbyes and went down onto the street.

"Can we skip dinner?" Hugh asked. "I'm knackered."

"Fine," Josh replied. "You can have a long soak in the bath and I'll cook. Pasta okay?"

"Perfect."

They walked in a happy silence for a little while.

"What did Michael mean about the rehearsal space?" Josh ventured.

Hugh groaned. "Ignore him."

"I'd like to know."

Josh sensed a distance from Hugh. It had been there since Winston had appeared out of the blue. Josh had done his best to reassure Hugh. He hadn't really convinced either of them by the looks of it.

"The venue where we're opening have offered us some rehearsal space for two weeks. Dirt cheap."

Josh frowned. "Why aren't you taking it?"

"It's in Newcastle," Hugh said.

"And?"

"I don't want to go right now."

Josh stopped. "Because of Winston?"

Other Londoners tutted and walked around them. Josh didn't care. He only had eyes for Hugh right now.

Shifting uncomfortably, Hugh met Josh's gaze. "I don't think it's a good idea to be at other ends of the country to each other right now."

"Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do. I don't trust him."

The idea that Winston had impacted Hugh's professional decisions was too much for Josh.

"Right. This shit is going to get sorted out once and for all."

He sat in the lobby of The Nickleby Hotel. A beautiful art deco building with lots of artwork dotted around. It managed to have a Dickens vibe without being a tacky theme hotel. There were plenty of those in the city.

Josh had been here a few times over the years to functions. The restaurant was worth a visit too. He and Winston had spent their last anniversary there.

Now he nervously tapped his foot and fiddled with his fingers as he glanced around.

Hugh had wanted to come with him but Josh put his foot down. It wasn't fair to ambush Winston with his new lover. No matter how much of a louse Winston was.

After much persuasion, he'd given his key to Hugh and told him to take as long as he needed in the bath. Whatever happened, they wouldn't be spending any more time with this spectre looming over them.

The man himself walked out of the lift. He scanned the area until his gaze rested on Josh. Instantly his face lit up and he wandered over. Josh ignored the pang of guilt that speared his heart.

It's over. There's nothing you can do now. Stay on track.

Winston sat in the chair opposite Josh.

"Good to see you," Winston said. "I knew you'd change your mind."

This wasn't going to be easy but it needed to be done.

"Winston," he began. "I need you to stop this. I haven't changed my mind and I'm not going to."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"There's something you don't know and I think it's time you did."

Winston's face hardened. He sat in his chair, giving off the impression of being totally relaxed and in control. Except, the little vein on his temple was pulsing. A tell he didn't even know he had.

"Go on then. I'm all ears."

"I can't come back to you for two reasons. One, I don't want to. We weren't good together. You probably did me a favour walking out. Not that I would have said that at the time."

Winston rubbed his bottom lip with the tip of his finger. "And the other?"

"I'm seeing someone else."

There. He'd said it.

Winston nodded slowly. "You mean that washed-up drag act you were photographed in Milan with?"

So, he had seen the pictures. It made things a little clearer about the timing of this grand gesture.

"I'm not replying to that," Josh said. "Hugh and I are happy together. That's all you need to know."

Winston sat forward, his eyes flashing.

"You are my husband."

"Estranged husband. Are you trying to tell me that you've been in Nice all by yourself thinking deep thoughts? We both know that's a lie."

The temple vein pulsed at an alarming rate now. Usually, Josh would accept whatever issue Winston had found to complain about to keep the peace. It had to be different now.

"I don't have any feelings for them," Winston snarled. "Sounds to me like that's not the case for you."

Josh stared his straight in the eyes. "I do have feelings for Hugh. Very strong ones."

"It's classic rebound."

"It's not. We've not loved each other for a long time. You can't deny that."

"I…"

Even Winston must have known there was no point in arguing the point. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. Josh watched him closely. Gone was the young filmmaker that Josh had fallen so hard for. He'd been replaced by a middle-aged man who had caught himself up in his own foolhardy behaviour.

"Let's part friends," Josh suggested.

Winston shook his head. "I can't be your friend. I still love you."

Josh winced at those words. Only a few short weeks before, he'd craved hearing something like that. Now they were weapons Winston used to ensnare him with.

"I don't love you. Not anymore. I'm sorry to say it."

Winston went to get up when his legs failed under him and he fell against the sofa.

"Are you okay?" Josh asked, leaping forward.

"On top of the world," Winston replied, pushing him away. "You haven't even bothered to ask about my health."

Josh had no idea where this had come from. Winston had been given the all-clear.

"Has something changed?"

"You don't care. You've made that pretty fucking clear."

"Of course I care," Josh replied. "Tell me. Has something happened?"

Winston glared at him. "If it had, I know I can't come to you. Go home to your lover, Josh. Stick to your words and leave me to it."

Josh got to his feet. He held out his hand for Winston, who took it. He pulled him up. They were stood inches apart. The familiar smell of the fruity cologne that Winston wore all year-round filling is nostrils.

"If you need me, I'll always be there," Josh said.

"As a friend?"

Josh nodded.

Winston moved closer to Josh.

Oh fuck, he's going in for a kiss.

Like lightning, Josh turned his head so that Winston connected with his cheek. Even so, the connection was so familiar and reminded him of a time when he'd truly hoped that he was going to make a life for himself with someone.

He missed that feeling.

Then it was gone. Winston stepped away.

"I'll see you around then."

Josh remained silent as Winston made his way towards the lifts again.

I really fucking hope not.